Is it rude to ask people why they walk

[Smash123]

Just my opinion, but if I were asked in a reasonably curious or polite manner, I would not be offended by the question. I mean I haven't left yet and people are asking me why.

Oh yeah! People at home are asking why all the time. I have some stock responses: I have a fascination for pilgrimage routes, I need some time for reflection, I like the challenge, the countryside is beautiful and I will pass through some of the prettiest little towns. One or two of those phrases is typically enough to satisfy people. The real reason I am going is, well, all of the above, and I am thinking about leaving my relationship and need the time and space away to think it over. I can't say this to those at home.

 

[Mananath]

I don't find it a rude question. I think it is a very natural question and an easy icebreaker, since you are both engaging in the same activity.

That being said, I wouldn't expect an accurate answer. For me, if you were to ask me that question within 10 minutes of meeting me my answer would be a lot different than if you asked me after walking together for a week and we had had a chance to build up trust. Also, I am pretty sure my reasons for walking changed throughout the journey and my real reasons didn't become apparent until weeks/months after finishing.

Personally I would hesitate to ask someone that question if I wasn't prepared for a heavy answer. I am very aware that people use The Way as a means to process/get over trauma etc so unless I am ready for that I would keep it light.

 

[april_pdx]

I wonder if the difference is that, when the questions are asked by a fellow traveller it is an exchange of information. When they are asked by a local the information flow is one way.

That's a very good point!

A lot of it is also that other bicycle tourists just have a mental reference for the answers--if you're on a bicycle loaded with camping gear every day for weeks on end, a fifty mile day is short, for instance; and if you haven't done it you might not know if that's considered short or long or what. We used to get non-cyclists who thought we were obviously doing something amazing and groundbreaking, when in reality there's an entire non-profit (the Adventure Cycling Association), small local clubs and groups all over, social media sites, companies devoted to making bicycles and saddlebags for bicycle tourists, glossy guide books and maps of well-known and loved routes...the one that really cracked me up was the guy who thought we were clearly out of our minds to be bicycling the Icefields Parkway, in the Canadian Rockies. When he walked up to us, we were talking to a couple of other bicycle tourists we'd just met (outside a grocery store in Lake Louise, for those who've been there).

The Icefields Parkway is popular among bicycle tourists (with good reason!!) and is often listed in click-bait-y "50 places to ride your bicycle before you die" and "10 best bicycle routes on earth" kinds of things. We ran into the same dozen or so people in the hostels most nights. I always wonder what that dude thought when he actually started driving to Jasper and passed cyclists on the shoulder all day, lol

My fave interaction was when we were climbing the steepest part of the whole dang thing, and someone going downhill the other way on a race-y road bicycle (like, he'd clearly driven there just to bicycle that bit) rang his bell and yelled "You're almost to the pass!" He was right!

("Why is it popular?" The shoulder is very wide and well-maintained for most of it, the views are spectacular, there are hostels and campgrounds every thirty to forty miles so you can do short days with lots of stops to admire the scenery, many of the cool things to see are pretty close to the road, and while it *is* hilly it's sort of between two ridges, so it's not nearly as difficult as you'd expect from the words "Canadian Rockies"! That 140-mile stretch was my favorite part of a 4.5 month, 3,800 mile trip, and I really want to do it again at some point; along with doing the road through Glacier National Park in Montana. ANYWAY, this was more info than anyone wanted.)

 

[Katykay]

As we say back home, I like to "read the room". I feel it's important to get a sense of the person or conversation before charging forward. However, many folks aren't wired to read and pick up social cues. I have pretty deep and involved reasons for walking my caminos, and quite frankly, not everyone deserves to hear my story.

An adjacent (and maybe not the best) example: I no longer automatically ask my fellow women "do you have children" or "are you married" while I'm on the camino...or for that matter, anywhere. Simple questions but often the answers ("yes, but my husband/partner died" or "a son, but they passed away") left me with the sense they may have divulged a painful memory they weren't necessarily ready to share with an overeager stranger. So I let folks open up to me and then go from there.

Beautiful response.

 

[LisaWalker]

Just my opinion, but if I were asked in a reasonably curious or polite manner, I would not be offended by the question. I mean I haven't left yet and people are asking me why.

I know the feeling. People can’t fathom why you’d want to walk that far every day. My friend says why would you when it’s not the most beautiful scenery in the world. What I’ve learnt from my hiking group is everyone’s reasons to hike are different. Some just want to do hard hikes to lose weight, some only to see nice scenery, some like a full pack carry to get away from people, some like bagging peaks and ticking off the great hikes of the world. Not many are drawn to a pilgrimage. I have to explain that it’s not a hike as such and the reasons I’m drawn are not to do with scenery, fitness or tourism, but a personal calling for space and reflection, inspiration and possibly clarifying future direction. Not that interesting to many of my hiker friends..

 

[lettinggo]

Some people can't wait to tell you why they are on the Camino while others find the question intrusive and too personal. The problem is knowing which kind of person they are in advance.
Safest not to ask - let people volunteer their reasons if they are so inclined.

This is the answer of a veteran pilgrim
I like it a lot.

 

[lettinggo]

I have a friend who asked everyone he met along the way why they walked the Camino. Another friend said it was a private thing and would have considered the question intrusive. Thoughts?

A lot of very good answers has been given to this question in this thread.

For me it will be a question about how I feel the day/moment I am given the question and by whom.
Sometimes I would given my reason, other times not.

But I think that when I give my reason, having walked many Caminos, I am focusing on the positive effect it has had on my life and the impact a Camino can have on any life.
To generalise walking a Camino to include people in the past as well as any human now, gives a more interesting answer than my own personal one.
And that may be an important part of my experiences on the Camino - the change of Ego and understanding of myself.
Seeing myself as a part of a stream that have flowed for 1000 years.

Lettinggo

 

[Dani7]

I don’t need to ask because I don’t need to know. If someone is comfortable in my company they may choose to open up to me.

I have a lot of weight on my shoulders right now, greater than the weight my pack could ever be. If someone were to ask me now all I would do is cry. How comfortable would that be for the asker and myself?

I’m not sure how I would answer and part of me is dreading it. I’ll need to think about this as I walk.

 

[Sirron]

I can answer the "Why are you walking the Camino" question in a polite yet ambiguous fashion (which I have always done). I walk in solitude generally and use the time for introspection. And that is just me. The question that disturbs me when posed by perigrinos that I have just met is: "Do you believe in God?" I have been posed that question many, many times and I generally excuse myself from the discussion, shake their hands and say "Buen Camino." I have often wondered why an individual who does not have the slightest idea of who & what I am, would ask me such a personal and profound question.

This will be me in many ways. I'm walking for a reason but I'll give a superficial albeit simple answer to satisfy a person for asking. I assure you the reason is deeper. Just depends on what mood I'm in but if I do share it with someone, it's because I've gotten comfortable with them.

And I totally agree with your response to the "Do you believe in God?" question. No matter their intent it ALWAYS comes across they are waiting to judge or critique. Spirituality is very personal with me.

 

[Anhalter]

It might be a bit of a cliche but it also might be a bit of truth. Cultures are different. For myself, it never crossed my mind that people might be taken aback by me asking "what brings you here" or "why are you walking". If they told me fine, if they told my it's none of my business, also fine. Courtesy, as to my understanding, was not pushing the subject.
Guess I'll have to think about that a little more, since apparently, the question alone is difficult for some people but on the other hand, i don't feel comfortable walking on eggshells around everyone.

 

[Bradypus]

In the not-so-distant past pilgrims were expected to be able to explain their reasons for walking before they would be given a Compostela. The Confraternity of St James guide I carried on my first Camino stated that "You may be asked for the reasons why you made your pilgrimage as the Cathedral authorities want to ensure that 'compostelas' are not granted indiscriminately." In my case that took the form of a 20 minute conversation with the cathedral priest who had prime responsibility for welcoming pilgrims. I wonder if it would make a significant dent in the number of Compostelas requested these days if people still had to be prepared to give a personal account of their motives and experience on the journey rather than simply ticking a box?

 

[april_pdx]

And I totally agree with your response to the "Do you believe in God?" question.

I'm walking in part for religious reasons and I would still find that question really personal unless we'd been talking for a while and/or religious topics had already come up. I think my knee-jerk (and honest) answer would either be "Sometimes?" and/or "depends on how you define 'God?'"

I suppose context is everything; I can definitely imagine situations where I wouldn't mind the question at all. But you gotta walk carefully (pun intended) around that one.

 

[LisaWalker]

A lot of very good answers has been given to this question in this thread.

For me it will be a question about how I feel the day/moment I am given the question and by whom.
Sometimes I would given my reason, other times not.

But I think that when I give my reason, having walked many Caminos, I am focusing on the positive effect it has had on my life and the impact a Camino can have on any life.
To generalise walking a Camino to include people in the past as well as any human now, gives a more interesting answer than my own personal one.
And that may be an important part of my experiences on the Camino - the change of Ego and understanding of myself.
Seeing myself as a part of a stream that have flowed for 1000 years.

Lettinggo

I love that. ‘Seeing myself as a part of a stream that has flowed for 1000 years’ Somewhat mystical.

 

[Sirron]

I'm walking in part for religious reasons and I would still find that question really personal unless we'd been talking for a while and/or religious topics had already come up. I think my knee-jerk (and honest) answer would either be "Sometimes?" and/or "depends on how you define 'God?'"

I suppose context is everything; I can definitely imagine situations where I wouldn't mind the question at all. But you gotta walk carefully (pun intended) around that one.

sorta like me. I don't mind talking about religion. I just think directly asking someone can come off wrong. But if someone brings up they are walking for religious or spiritual reasons (and I'm one of those) I don't mind chatting but I just find the direct question sometimes comes across as judging. Might not be the intent but it comes across that way.

 

[grumpygit]

It is quite funny I should find this thread only now as it is quite relevant to what I am now going through and a question I am asking myself.
This past decade has been a tough one with plenty of adversity, the worst being the loss of my Mum after having MS for so long and a massive falling out with my Dad and loss of contact and having a relationship end, plenty of other stuff as well .
But I have handled it all and got through it only to find that I hit a wall in my life finally around last Christmas and within a very short period of time three mentions of the Camino came up from different sources and straight away I thought 35 days hiking across Northern Spain felt like something I just needed to do and hopefully find something inside me that I just cannot put my finger on as to what that "something" is.

I have put work on hold because right now I really do not care about finances or money at this time, without sounding too daft it is my soul I feel needs some attention and hopefully a few answers that will get me through the coming years if I am so lucky.

But tonight and for the first time I am feeling a little nervous and edgy about my trip that is now only 9 days away, what if I don't get an answer that I am hoping I get.

 

[LisaWalker]

Hello! Sorry for your losses. I hope you find what you need to heal. Wishing you a wonderful journey. Something is sure to change within you. I found it hard to put my finger on what exactly changed but it was obvious to others upon my return last time. Buen Camino! I am also starting my second Camino on 13th May. (From Burgos this time)

 

[Icacos]

…..I am feeling a little nervous and edgy about my trip that is now only 9 days away, what if I don't get an answer that I am hoping I get.

Every day just go as far as you can see. When you get there, you will see further.

I am wishing you all the best.

 

[JustJack]

It is quite funny I should find this thread only now as it is quite relevant to what I am now going through and a question I am asking myself.
This past decade has been a tough one with plenty of adversity, the worst being the loss of my Mum after having MS for so long and a massive falling out with my Dad and loss of contact and having a relationship end, plenty of other stuff as well .
But I have handled it all and got through it only to find that I hit a wall in my life finally around last Christmas and within a very short period of time three mentions of the Camino came up from different sources and straight away I thought 35 days hiking across Northern Spain felt like something I just needed to do and hopefully find something inside me that I just cannot put my finger on as to what that "something" is.

I have put work on hold because right now I really do not care about finances or money at this time, without sounding too daft it is my soul I feel needs some attention and hopefully a few answers that will get me through the coming years if I am so lucky.

But tonight and for the first time I am feeling a little nervous and edgy about my trip that is now only 9 days away, what if I don't get an answer that I am hoping I get.

Your situation - or rather your mindset - mirrors my own these past few years. I'm 14 days away from my departure date, and I've been asking myself some of the same questions you are. I've come to the personal conclusion that I very likely won't get all the answers I'm hoping for, but I am really hoping that I at least have better insight into the questions, or perhaps just a sense of closure for some of the questions, without knowing the answers. But I'm bracing myself for the possibility that I end my walk more confused about my life and my future than I was when I began . At the very least I'm going to have a hell of an adventure over the coming weeks, and that's pretty great all by itself. Anything more profound on top of the adventure will be a welcome bonus. Most importantly - don't set expectations.

 

[Texas Walker]

I don't know as anyone has ever asked me this question while I was on camino. If they did, and I was in the mood to reply, I think that I might say "God only knows" and not enlarge on my answer.

When we walked in 2014...when the dinosaurs still roamed...it was a standard topic of conversation on the Frances. None of our other pilgrimages had that as a topic. It's a good thought to have a simple answer that doesn't expose your whole psyche in case someone asks.

 

[Smash123]

It is quite funny I should find this thread only now as it is quite relevant to what I am now going through and a question I am asking myself.
This past decade has been a tough one with plenty of adversity, the worst being the loss of my Mum after having MS for so long and a massive falling out with my Dad and loss of contact and having a relationship end, plenty of other stuff as well .
But I have handled it all and got through it only to find that I hit a wall in my life finally around last Christmas and within a very short period of time three mentions of the Camino came up from different sources and straight away I thought 35 days hiking across Northern Spain felt like something I just needed to do and hopefully find something inside me that I just cannot put my finger on as to what that "something" is.

I have put work on hold because right now I really do not care about finances or money at this time, without sounding too daft it is my soul I feel needs some attention and hopefully a few answers that will get me through the coming years if I am so lucky.

But tonight and for the first time I am feeling a little nervous and edgy about my trip that is now only 9 days away, what if I don't get an answer that I am hoping I get.

You’re doing the right thing. But rather than « answers’ plan to think about the questions. I am currently on Day 30 of Le Puy and I think about what I need to let go of. Walking alone permits the time and space we never give ourselves at home. Things will happen for you. I noticed in the beginning a desire to cling to people (who clearly had the same desire) It meant I spent a lot of time chatting. But after four days I realized that wasn’t the point and I started walking alone. That’s when my head started clearing. As for the OPs question, very few people are so intrusive to ask. Most are genuinely interested why I came to France to walk as opposed to my reasons for walking.

 

[Texas Walker]

I have been puzzling over how to make this point, but when someone does share their story, that does not make it yours to pass on and share with others. I had this happen to me on my very first camino, when someone to whom I had revealed some sensitive matters took the liberty of talking about me to others. In doing so, they revealed these matters to someone who I don't think I would have shared with at the outset, and was even less less likely to have shared with as we got to know them better.

I know that there has already been some suggestion that people will include such stories in their writings. Let me assume that, if that is their intention, they have already made that clear to their interlocutors beforehand. Much the same as they might seek a release for any photographs they take of people they might want to use.

In short, if you haven't made it clear when you ask others about themselves that you might share their story, respect their privacy about the matters they share with you.

Yes, other people's lives are not free raw material for someone else's blog or video. Those people's lives bel9ng *to them* not to whomever is passing by. (Why my blog almost never discusses other people.)

 

[Texas Walker]

It is quite funny I should find this thread only now as it is quite relevant to what I am now going through and a question I am asking myself.
This past decade has been a tough one with plenty of adversity, the worst being the loss of my Mum after having MS for so long and a massive falling out with my Dad and loss of contact and having a relationship end, plenty of other stuff as well .
But I have handled it all and got through it only to find that I hit a wall in my life finally around last Christmas and within a very short period of time three mentions of the Camino came up from different sources and straight away I thought 35 days hiking across Northern Spain felt like something I just needed to do and hopefully find something inside me that I just cannot put my finger on as to what that "something" is.

I have put work on hold because right now I really do not care about finances or money at this time, without sounding too daft it is my soul I feel needs some attention and hopefully a few answers that will get me through the coming years if I am so lucky.

But tonight and for the first time I am feeling a little nervous and edgy about my trip that is now only 9 days away, what if I don't get an answer that I am hoping I get.

Trust. Walk. You are watched over on the Way. Buen Camino, fellow peregrine.

 

[David Tallan]

But tonight and for the first time I am feeling a little nervous and edgy about my trip that is now only 9 days away, what if I don't get an answer that I am hoping I get.

If you don't get the answer you are looking for on the Camino (and there are certainly no guarantees), you'll just keep putting one foot in front of the other until you get there. That's something you'll have plenty of experience with and you'd be surprised how many places outside of a Camino it is applicable.

Maybe the answers will come on the Camino. Maybe the answers will come some time after you get back as you integrate your Camino experience into your life at home. Maybe they will come from something else. The trick is to keep going until you get to them. If nothing else, the Camino will teach you that.

 

[Felice]

When I walked the Camino Frances in 2014, it was a common question to ask and it was a great ice breaker too.
My standard answer was that my husband had retired the previous year and wanted to give thanks for an amazing working life that he had really enjoyed, and that had taken us to many interesting places.
Considering that another of my stock responses when asked if I was walking alone, was that I had started walking with my husband but he walked too fast and too far each day so I had encouraged him to go on ahead and I was chasing after him, I was always somewhat amused that no one ever asked my reason for walking.

 

[Purple Backpack]

I don’t ask often but there are times you just connect with another pilgrim, usually over a glass of wine..or three. I phrase it a bit differently, “how did you find out about the Camino” and the stories roll out. I’ve only had one person react negatively and it was a person that felt a little sketchy, carrying empty brand new gear. He was pretty aggressive and we walked on quickly, getting that bad vibe one occasionally gets when chatting on a trail. Other than that, I’ve been honored to hear many lovely stories.

 

[WayWalker]

It is quite funny I should find this thread only now as it is quite relevant to what I am now going through and a question I am asking myself.
This past decade has been a tough one with plenty of adversity, the worst being the loss of my Mum after having MS for so long and a massive falling out with my Dad and loss of contact and having a relationship end, plenty of other stuff as well .
But I have handled it all and got through it only to find that I hit a wall in my life finally around last Christmas and within a very short period of time three mentions of the Camino came up from different sources and straight away I thought 35 days hiking across Northern Spain felt like something I just needed to do and hopefully find something inside me that I just cannot put my finger on as to what that "something" is.

I have put work on hold because right now I really do not care about finances or money at this time, without sounding too daft it is my soul I feel needs some attention and hopefully a few answers that will get me through the coming years if I am so lucky.

But tonight and for the first time I am feeling a little nervous and edgy about my trip that is now only 9 days away, what if I don't get an answer that I am hoping I get.

Keep in mind the answer may come in hindsight. After the Camino. Just be open and aware....buen Camino!!

 

[David Tallan]

I don’t ask often but there are times you just connect with another pilgrim, usually over a glass of wine..or three. I phrase it a bit differently, “how did you find out about the Camino” and the stories roll out. I’ve only had one person react negatively and it was a person that felt a little sketchy, carrying empty brand new gear. He was pretty aggressive and we walked on quickly, getting that bad vibe one occasionally gets when chatting on a trail. Other than that, I’ve been honored to hear many lovely stories.

"How did you find out about the Camino" is my standard question, too. I use it on the Camino and off the Camino when gathering with fellow caminantes. Another question I like to ask is "If I could drop you anywhere on any Camino, where would you want me to drop you?"

 

[60LifeChange]

After my husband died - Are you married was a very difficult question to answer. And it always took me by surprise. Sometimes I would say something like - not any more - to avoid talking about it.

I think many ordinary questions can be difficult, so perhaps it's best not to be too inquisitive.

That is a question I don't necessarily look forward to as "yes", "I am still married, but no, she is not alive" just seems to be an odd answer. So will see what response blurts out when someone I don't know asks me that.

 

[trecile]

That is a question I don't necessarily look forward to as "yes", "I am still married, but no, she is not alive" just seems to be an odd answer. So will see what response blurts out when someone I don't know asks me that.

A simple "my wife passed away xx months/years ago" is enough.

I'm sorry for your loss.

 

[60LifeChange]

No sorry necessary, we lived an extraordinary life to be sure.. absolute best years of my life!... best time ever....

 

[Stivandrer]

One of my secrets: I Hate Why Questions !!
On the point of asking about reasons for walking, contemplate for a moment that this is / could be complicated/ painful to reveal/explain, and that this vulnerability comes with a lot of doubt and pain, then it might not be answered by a Why question....
Modern culture has developed into why this and why that and honestly many ask why like a 6 grader!!
If on the other hand you want to learn to know this person you are with, there will a chance that it transpires at some point... that trust has to be established first...
I have read very little of the comments, but this would be a nono for me!!

 

[Camino Chrissy]

The only thing I sometimes ask is "How did you first hear about the Camino?" if they are speaking English.
Or in a tourist city, not necessarily on camino I have said a few times, "You have a lovely and interesting accent. Where are you originally from?" This year two women at different times have answered, Romania, and then they told me on their own why they came to America and share their story, which surprised me.

 

[Jensjaunt]

I have a friend who asked everyone he met along the way why they walked the Camino. Another friend said it was a private thing and would have considered the question intrusive. Thoughts?

For me context would be key - if the person was asking “everyone” and it felt to me as if it was a survey I would not necessarily feel seen or heard and would not be inclined to reply in depth - thus keeping my reasons private. At an opening dinner on my CF in 2023 the host invited everyone to share a bit about themselves if they wished with the option of stating what you hoped the camino experience would bring you…this Q framing was a positive opening recognizing each persons personal power to create their own experience- this Q in this context enabled some of us to connect over a shared purpose. These folks became part of my camino family. As others have shared there was a range of responses- general to very personal and very emotional. All were accepted without judgement as they were true for the person. The host who had done this many times was skilled in framing the Q and the resulting conversations.