- Time of past OR future Camino
- Sep 2024 Camino Frances
I have a friend who asked everyone he met along the way why they walked the Camino. Another friend said it was a private thing and would have considered the question intrusive. Thoughts?
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Thanks for your response. I think my friend may have found it easy to have that question on the tip of his tongue for ease of conversing.As we say back home, I like to "read the room". I feel it's important to get a sense of the person or conversation before charging forward. However, many folks aren't wired to read and pick up social cues. I have pretty deep and involved reasons for walking my caminos, and quite frankly, not everyone deserves to hear my story.
An adjacent (and maybe not the best) example: I no longer automatically ask my fellow women "do you have children" or "are you married" while I'm on the camino...or for that matter, anywhere. Simple questions but often the answers ("yes, but my husband/partner died" or "a son, but they passed away") left me with the sense they may have divulged a painful memory they weren't necessarily ready to share with an overeager stranger. So I let folks open up to me and then go from there.
I'm not married, never wanted children, so I think it was just a rote question I automatically asked without thinking about it. Also...there are about a 1,000 other questions I could ask women besides babies and marital status
I might have to plan a future Camino around your next hospitalero gig . From your thoughtful and often humorous posts, you sound like such lovely peopleIf someone wants you to know they will share when they are ready. Listen more than you talk and you will learn a lot about fellow pilgrims. My husband, Phil, has this gift of listening and pilgrims tell him all kinds of things. I am worried about taking care of their physical needs for clean rooms, food, hot showers, but he nutures their emotional needs.
I agree with others that it is natural to ask after you have been walking a camino with others for awhile or sharing communal dinners. In many cases, it will be offered without asking.I have a friend who asked everyone he met along the way why they walked the Camino. Another friend said it was a private thing and would have considered the question intrusive. Thoughts?
After my husband died - Are you married was a very difficult question to answer. And it always took me by surprise. Sometimes I would say something like - not any more - to avoid talking about it.As we say back home, I like to "read the room". I feel it's important to get a sense of the person or conversation before charging forward. However, many folks aren't wired to read and pick up social cues. I have pretty deep and involved reasons for walking my caminos, and quite frankly, not everyone deserves to hear my story.
An adjacent (and maybe not the best) example: I no longer automatically ask my fellow women "do you have children" or "are you married" while I'm on the camino...or for that matter, anywhere. Simple questions but often the answers ("yes, but my husband/partner died" or "a son, but they passed away") left me with the sense they may have divulged a painful memory they weren't necessarily ready to share with an overeager stranger. So I let folks open up to me and then go from there.
It's not rude to ask and it's not rude to not answer the question.I have a friend who asked everyone he met along the way why they walked the Camino. Another friend said it was a private thing and would have considered the question intrusive. Thoughts?
Hi Lisa, if your friend would start by telling why they are walking, then it is likely the other would volunteer the information they are happy to share without being asked.I have a friend who asked everyone he met along the way why they walked the Camino. Another friend said it was a private thing and would have considered the question intrusive. Thoughts?
If you are only showing people who are happy to be filmed and have their faces and words posted for the world to see then perhaps the sample is not entirely random!I would say that as a consumer of copious amounts of Camino content over the past couple years, the impression I’ve had is that a large percentage of the pilgrims are happy to open up and bare their hearts to strangers, often shortly after meeting.
A really interesting thread, and great to hear the varying perspectives. I would say that as a consumer of copious amounts of Camino content over the past couple years, the impression I’ve had is that a large percentage of the pilgrims are happy to open up and bare their hearts to strangers, often shortly after meeting. After reading through the comments it’s clear that the percentage of people that are keen to discuss their motivations is probably smaller than the blogs and podcasts might lead you to believe. This is a good reality check.
I would say not at all, if someone doesn’t want to answer in full “for personal reasons or it’s private ” suffices and no one should ever take offence to that.I have a friend who asked everyone he met along the way why they walked the Camino. Another friend said it was a private thing and would have considered the question intrusive. Thoughts?
Not to derail and get into discussion, but I'm not sure this is true, especially for a blog, which is written and can be done with virtually no direct human-human interaction. Appearing in a video is a different story.I do think , though not scientifically proven of course, that those who blog and make podcasts are on the extravert side.
Not to derail and get into discussion, but I'm not sure this is true, especially for a blog, which is written and can be done with virtually no direct human-human interaction. Appearing in a video is a different story.
I can see introverts being more comfortable creating videos and podcasts than they are about talking about themselves in person.Yes, I see that there is a difference between a blog and a video/podcast.
I agree that this is a better conversation starter.I changed it to “how did you first hear about the Camino?” … safer ground for a conversation starter.
BTW, stayed there twice. Once with my mom and then later with my sister. I got in trouble though, because we were a little too loud with two friends met from Canada on my second trip. I remember my mother being so in love with that place. I always stay at rabanal whenever on the Frances, but that place hasn't been open for a while... Vespas a trip at the church. i have two stories, but I'll spare you.This was a question I sometimes asked pilgrims when I was an hospitalera at Refugio Gaucelmo at Rabanal when talking with everyone at the afternoon teas we served. It could be a good conversation starter but I saw that not everyone was comfortable with the question so I changed it to “how did you first hear about the Camino?” … safer ground for a conversation starter. I’ve used this enquiry for years now and the range of answers has been broad and always interesting.
Cheers from Oz -
Jenny
True. I certainly didn’t ask everyone when I was walking but sometimes conversations developed. I was surprised to hear my friend say he asked everyone and therefore prompted my question for everyone here.Hi Lisa, if your friend would start by telling why they are walking, then it is likely the other would volunteer the information they are happy to share without being asked.
I have been puzzling over how to make this point, but when someone does share their story, that does not make it yours to pass on and share with others.
Some people can't wait to tell you why they are on the Camino while others find the question intrusive and too personal. The problem is knowing which kind of person they are in advance.
Safest not to ask - let people volunteer their reasons if they are so inclined.
I think people want to legitimately want to connect with others on this journey. If you feel it is intrusive, you can say your reasons are private, as many of ours are.I have a friend who asked everyone he met along the way why they walked the Camino. Another friend said it was a private thing and would have considered the question intrusive. Thoughts?
If you’re not prepared for the response, I would tend to agree.I once walked with a peregrina who had attached to the back of her pack a pink teddy bear and a pair of hand cuffs. She was walking for a cause which I most ironically do not remember, but those two objects very much invited others to ask her questions.
I know another that will walk with a rosary in hand to send the opposite signal.
It’s not always that obvious but you learn quick.
I have asked this question hundreds of times to pilgrims as part of another project that I am working on and I will warn you that if you are going to ask the question you should be prepared to respond appropriately to any number of answers; as they may well contain enough tragedy for a lifetime.
I would personally not want to be asked that until I got to know a person for a while. I would rather start with "Where are you from?" or "Where did you start?" or "Have you hiked this route before?", as these questions would naturally lead to a person's reason for hiking the Camino if they would like to share more. That way, they volunteer their reasons without being asked.I have a friend who asked everyone he met along the way why they walked the Camino. Another friend said it was a private thing and would have considered the question intrusive. Thoughts?
It’s fabulous isn’t Damien! Lovely albergue with the beautiful garden and the afternoon tea! Fantastic if they serve a homemade baked treat, which often happens.BTW, stayed there twice. Once with my mom and then later with my sister. I got in trouble though, because we were a little too loud with two friends met from Canada on my second trip. I remember my mother being so in love with that place. I always stay at rabanal whenever on the Frances, but that place hasn't been open for a while... Vespas a trip at the church. i have two stories, but I'll spare you.
I think people want to legitimately want to connect with others on this journey.
I understand this. It is true and I hope to always be considered and respectful.it happened only once that someone asked me on CF why I did walk the Way and honestly I found the question intrusive. On the other hand several people told me their reasons spontaneously after some chat. I presumed they wanted to tell me as part of healing of non digested grief. So please be respectful because some questions can hurt.
Spot on, fellow Washingtonian, Lmccue!I would personally not want to be asked that until I got to know a person for a while. I would rather start with "Where are you from?" or "Where did you start?" or "Have you hiked this route before?", as these questions would naturally lead to a person's reason for hiking the Camino if they would like to share more. That way, they volunteer their reasons without being asked.
Wow! I’d never expect that question either.I can answer the "Why are you walking the Camino" question in a polite yet ambiguous fashion (which I have always done). I walk in solitude generally and use the time for introspection. And that is just me. The question that disturbs me when posed by perigrinos that I have just met is: "Do you believe in God?" I have been posed that question many, many times and I generally excuse myself from the discussion, shake their hands and say "Buen Camino." I have often wondered why an individual who does not have the slightest idea of who & what I am, would ask me such a personal and profound question.
When asked, I just say "because it is there", periodI have a friend who asked everyone he met along the way why they walked the Camino. Another friend said it was a private thing and would have considered the question intrusive. Thoughts?
For me it was a profound experience, I will remember each all my life.I understand this. It is true and I hope to always be considered and respectful.
I don't recall asking that question to anyone, unless they asked me first, then I would have been inclined to ask the same of them.I have a friend who asked everyone he met along the way why they walked the Camino. Another friend said it was a private thing and would have considered the question intrusive. Thoughts?
You need to realise that the rules of politeness are not universal. They differ from country to country and community to community. People you meet on camino may not share your views on what makes polite conversation.Normal politeness should cover both, I would have thought.
I consider mself long enough in the tooth to realise that, Molly, but that is life. I believe that we should try not to be offended by, or even slightly put out by, the different cultural approaches of people that we meet. We might even use a tricky situation to enlighten ourselves and the other party about such differences. This especially applies on the Camino, where so many cultures come together, sometimes just for minutes, and sometimes for hours or even days on end. The key, as I suggested above, is surely sensitivity to other people, including those within our own culture who are, after all, almost as various as may be found from culture to culture. Of course, everyone is free to disagree entirely with the views that I express.You need to realise that the rules of politeness are not universal. They differ from country to country and community to community. People you meet on camino may not share your views on what makes polite conversation.
I both ask and answer. However, I let the conversation develop before asking as that way I can judge if the other person wants to answer or not. If by the way, you ever meet me on the trail, do not ask unless you have the time to listen to me talk about it. I will go for it at the drop of a hat and folk will tell you. if talking was an olympic sport, I would win gold for IrelandI have a friend who asked everyone he met along the way why they walked the Camino. Another friend said it was a private thing and would have considered the question intrusive. Thoughts?
On my first camino in 2003, it seemed that every person from a specific country (don't want to get political here) asked me what my profession was - as an introductory remark.
I don't understand how you make that assessment. There's something behind this that I'm not seeing. Would you care to explain.a primary question of asking why others doing it probably means the its coming from a dull existence.
I don't understand how you make that assessment. There's something behind this that I'm not seeing. Would you care to explain.
Thank you. When I walked the camino it was during some very dark days of my life. If someone had asked me that question I would have been hard-pressed to come up with an answer, much less a polite one.Many who walk are struggling with grief , trauma, and loss ( not all ) and are fragile emotionally. The everyday physical exhaustion of walking increases that fragility. If you ask a question, you best be prepared to deal with the response.
I personally feel that it’s not random at all. A path that attracts those that need healing plus those who can listen.Many who walk are struggling with grief , trauma, and loss ( not all ) and are fragile emotionally. The everyday physical exhaustion of walking increases that fragility. If you ask a question, you best be prepared to deal with the response. I believe those who want to share, will, and those who remain in their privacy should be respected. I am both a nurse and psychotherapist. In every one of my camino walks I heard disclosures of life secrets...childhood sexual abuse, rape, incest, murder, suicide, addictions, death, incurable disease diagnosis, etc...all of whom approached me. Unsolicited disclosure. Do I think it was random that they found me? ....a question for another day.
Be careful and thoughtful.
After my husband died - Are you married was a very difficult question to answer. And it always took me by surprise. Sometimes I would say something like - not any more - to avoid talking about it.
I think many ordinary questions can be difficult, so perhaps it's best not to be too
You need to realise that the rules of politeness are not universal. They differ from country to country and community to community. People you meet on camino may not share your views on what makes polite
Thank you everyone for your thoughtful responses to my question. I recognise the need to be sensitive when interacting with others on the Way. Each interaction has the potential to be a positive experience, possibly allowing others to be heard, their stories shared and their burdens lightened a little. Buen Camino.I have a friend who asked everyone he met along the way why they walked the Camino. Another friend said it was a private thing and would have considered the question intrusive. Thoughts?
Many who walk are struggling with grief , trauma, and loss ( not all ) and are fragile emotionally. The everyday physical exhaustion of walking increases that fragility
Yes tiredness brings it all out of us. I hope you found some peaceful moments as well.I can personally attest to this. There were times where exhaustion stirred up my already volatile and fragile emotions. Everything felt invasive. Even a chipper “buen Camino!” could get under my skin if the wind was blowing a certain direction.
To me, if you're prepared to take time out of life to organise what is a relatively complex undertaking of research and commitment, a primary question of asking why others doing it probably means the its coming from a dull existence.
What a bleak view of the world you have presented here. I hope that I never become so jaded that I cannot see that even ordinary people have interesting lives, and that others are curious enough to enquire about others lives and motivations. It might be just a conversation starter, or it might be that someone is searching for answers to questions that they have about their own lives. Either way, we have the choice to share our stories, and perhaps we owe it to those who ask not to have already judged their motivations.People have dull lives Doug. Some go on the Camino because they have no friends, some for personal reasons and some sit on computers all day typing when not on the Camino.
Wow.People have dull lives Doug. Some go on the Camino because they have no friends, some for personal reasons and some sit on computers all day typing when not on the Camino.
So cynical!Come on Doug. Lets not play battle of the whits when you can only present a retort and not your opinion.
I don't need to or have experience in psychology to be able to explain why people who feel the need to ask others why they undertake life changing experiences. It should be be obvious it is for their own reasons and not to be questioned.
People have dull lives Doug. Some go on the Camino because they have no friends, some for personal reasons and some sit on computers all day typing when not on the Camino.
Sometimes we have our own reasons without a question to answer.
We ARE all complex. Joking around I may try out ……I’m on a Middle Aged Womens Weightloss Programme. That may serve me. I may seem shallow but at least I wont need to launch into anything deeper if I don’t feel like.I'm on the surface an extrovert and love engaging with people. Generally WYSIWYG. But I'm not a joiner, not a networker, and frequently go off the air; sometimes taking the road less travelled. I intensely dislike cold calling, and if someone out of the blue asks me an intrusive question, I feel embarrassed and uncomfortable.
Because I often get asked to talk about the Camino I've now grown used to the question - in my case it is not so much "why walk" as "why do you keep going back?" - and I've come up with a lengthy rehearsed answer. It serves.
We are all complex.
Yours is a simple sentence that easily solves the question. I think it is unproductive to worry needlessly that we may possibly offend every person we come in contact with on the Camino. General kindness and a bit of sensitivity can go a long way. Just don't be "a bull in the china cabinet".I don't see a problem with asking the question, if the reasons are too personal there is no obligation to answer.
When my then-boyfriend and I bicycled across most of North America, we found that after four and a half months we were tired of answering the exact same questions that every non-cyclist who saw us wanted to ask: Where are you going? Where did you come from? How far are you going today?? (We were polite, as long as the questioner asked politely; because it wasn't their fault they were the fifth person to ask us that day.)His question felt so intrusive to me, and yet I had certainly been asked it by other pilgrims and it didn’t bother me then. My husband barked out some sort reply to him, and we overtook the large group. Not our finest hour, and we should have been more kind, but as I said, it wasn’t a great day for either of us.
I wonder if the difference is that, when the questions are asked by a fellow traveller it is an exchange of information. When they are asked by a local the information flow is one way.When my then-boyfriend and I bicycled across most of North America, we found that after four and a half months we were tired of answering the exact same questions that every non-cyclist who saw us wanted to ask: Where are you going? Where did you come from? How far are you going today?? (We were polite, as long as the questioner asked politely; because it wasn't their fault they were the fifth person to ask us that day.)
But sometimes people weren't polite! There was once we were in a small town in Canada. We'd done eighty miles. We were sweaty and exhausted and in line at the local Subway because we didn't want to bother pulling out our campstoves at 9pm--and some random guy kept interrupting our conversation to ask us intrusive questions. We finally told him we were too tired to talk to him, thanks.
The irony is that when bicycle tourists meet each other on the road, guess what they ask each other? Where are you going? Where are you from? How far are you going today???
We always try to be kind to tourists, but it can be difficult!When my husband and I walked the Frances, we came upon a group of people from a cruise who were doing a day trip to walk a portion of the Camino. At this point, we were about 730 some kilometres in (walking Palas de Rei to Ribadiso this day) and neither of us were having a good day. A man from the tour group stopped us to ask us why we were walking the Camino. I was taken aback by the question, and honestly it bothered me. It was as if it said in the cruise brochure “take a walk along an ancient pilgrimage trail, engage with the people you meet to find out what drives them to walk this spiritual path, stop for a cafe con leche…”
His question felt so intrusive to me, and yet I had certainly been asked it by other pilgrims and it didn’t bother me then. My husband barked out some sort reply to him, and we overtook the large group. Not our finest hour, and we should have been more kind, but as I said, it wasn’t a great day for either of us.