Walking the Camino as a shy person

[emmarosegardner]

Has anyone walked the Camino while "shy" or introverted?

I (26 f, USA) am walking the Camino Frances in May 2025 mostly excited but also a bit nervous about the social aspect of the journey. I really want to meet and walk with new people during my time on the Camino, but I don't feel confident in my people skills/knowing how and when to approach people I meet. I worry that I will wait for others to approach me and will miss out on meeting cool people as a result.

I wouldn't describe myself as an introvert - more "shy," in that I love being around people once I am comfortable with them, but don't feel like I'm good at meeting new people or initiating interactions with strangers. I feel I lost a lot of my 'instincts' for approaching and meeting new people when I started working from home during COVID. I also have lost a lot of my self-confidence due to gaining ~50 lbs over the past few years due to a pelvic fracture, and find that strangers often treat me differently/poorly now that I am on the heavier side. Additionally, I have had a handful of bad experiences with dishonest people who I thought were friends, but actually turned out that they didn't like me (they just felt bad and were people-pleasing, I guess?) I am genuinely garbage at small talk and feel like I have a really hard time gauging whether new people I meet like me/are genuinely interested in getting to know me or not. I am very smart and that can be somewhat off-putting to some people, which I understand.

There are many reasons I'm doing this walk, but mainly I am hoping to a) spend some dedicated time to nurture my body and work towards my body feeling better, b) reconnect with my self-confidence (the two are not related - I want to love myself regardless of what my body looks like), and c) meet some cool people along the way.

Can anyone speak to their experiences of meeting new people on the Camino? If any of this resonates with you, I'd really love to hear your perspective, experiences, and any advice you might be able to offer. And if anybody knows what I can do to put off a "please, approach me!" energy so that I don't have to worry about initiating, please let me know!

Cheers!

Emma

 

[James van Hemert]

Has anyone walked the Camino while "shy" or introverted?

I (26 f, USA) am walking the Camino Frances in May 2025 mostly excited but also a bit nervous about the social aspect of the journey. I really want to meet and walk with new people during my time on the Camino, but I don't feel confident in my people skills/knowing how and when to approach people I meet. I worry that I will wait for others to approach me and will miss out on meeting cool people as a result.

I wouldn't describe myself as an introvert - more "shy," in that I love being around people once I am comfortable with them, but don't feel like I'm good at meeting new people or initiating interactions with strangers. I feel I lost a lot of my 'instincts' for approaching and meeting new people when I started working from home during COVID. I also have lost a lot of my self-confidence due to gaining ~50 lbs over the past few years due to a pelvic fracture, and find that strangers often treat me differently/poorly now that I am on the heavier side. Additionally, I have had a handful of bad experiences with dishonest people who I thought were friends, but actually turned out that they didn't like me (they just felt bad and were people-pleasing, I guess?) I am genuinely garbage at small talk and feel like I have a really hard time gauging whether new people I meet like me/are genuinely interested in getting to know me or not. I am very smart and that can be somewhat off-putting to some people, which I understand.

There are many reasons I'm doing this walk, but mainly I am hoping to a) spend some dedicated time to nurture my body and work towards my body feeling better, b) reconnect with my self-confidence (the two are not related - I want to love myself regardless of what my body looks like), and c) meet some cool people along the way.

Can anyone speak to their experiences of meeting new people on the Camino? If any of this resonates with you, I'd really love to hear your perspective, experiences, and any advice you might be able to offer. And if anybody knows what I can do to put off a "please, approach me!" energy so that I don't have to worry about initiating, please let me know!

Cheers!

Emma

Emma
You sound like someone I would love to meet on the camino!
In my experience most people will respond positively to a smile, a "hola" , or a helping hand with something. On the camino people enjoy meeting strangers. Simply introducing yourself may be enough to start a great conversation. You will make camino friends. As you walk you will gain confidence.
Buen Camino!

 

[J Willhaus]

@emmarosegardner, do you have your first few nights booked? Some albergues those first nights have a communal dinner where everyone introduces themselves. You'll probably see a lot of these same people a lot on your Camino so it is a good way to "break the ice".

Both Borda and Orrison have a communal dinner. In St Jean, I can recommend Bellari. Make reservations in advance as these are popular places. Best wishes!

 

[AK2112]

Emma
You sound like someone I would love to meet on the camino!
In my experience most people will respond positively to a smile, a "hola" , or a helping hand with something. On the camino people enjoy meeting strangers. Simply introducing yourself may be enough to start a great conversation. You will make camino friends. As you walk you will gain confidence.
Buen Camino!

I can only second what @James van Hemert writes. You will be fine.

 

[Jharris]

I have to agree with joining the albergue communal meals. I did this all along the Frances. It's a great way to meet people. Also at the albergue if I see a group of people visiting in a common area I'll ask to join them. I'm never refused. Walking by myself is my preference.
I've walked the Frances solo twice.

 

[Juspassinthru]

Hi, I’m Emma from fill in the blank, where are you from? Where’d you start? Further on, add when did you start? or when do you think you’ll arrive in Santiago? On the CF, you just broke the ice. Especially on the CF, most people are eager to talk and meet new people. The other nice thing about the Camino, most people respect the need space. If you need some space, slow down or re-tie your boots.

Emma from wherever, I’m Keith from Texas, I think you’ll do fine.

 

[David]

I do so love an honest post, how brave you are, to be so open - good for you! - Emma, I think you will find that many pilgrims have similar feelings to you. To add to that tension (anxiety?) starting Camino is very much the same feeling as the first day at a new school - but you will be surprised at how soon you understand how it all works and how quickly you relax into daily life.

A point - on Camino no one knows who you are, your history, background, even where you are from .. you are - for once in your life - free of all that, as are they .. so we all meet each other that way ... which is quite marvellous if you think about it.
As for being temporarily heavy now - plenty of heavy pilgrims out there - and it isn't a race.

Smile of course ... even a shy person can smile at others - the smile that is returned will feed you
Agree re communal meals - absolutely, join in to all of them!! High point of Camino!!
When entering an evening bar/cafe for the pilgrim meal look to see if there is a table full of cheerful pilgrims and (yes, I know it is hard at first!) and if there is a spare chair then take a deep breath and ask if you can join them .. in 18 years I have not once been turned away and have met countless lovely humans.
Lastly - offer to help ... someone putting on or taking off a heavy pack? Putting a plaster on their feet? Hanging washing? Sitting on a rock on Camino looking unhappy?

The last Buddha is quoted as saying "Strive for personal happiness, result misery. Strive for happiness in others, result happiness."
So when we self focus those anxieties can increase, but when we 'others' focus we forget them.

All in all - I hope that you have a Wonderful Camino xx

 

[Bob Howard]

@emmarosegardner, do you have your first few nights booked? Some albergues those first nights have a communal dinner where everyone introduces themselves. You'll probably see a lot of these same people a lot on your Camino so it is a good way to "break the ice".

Both Borda and Orrison have a communal dinner. In St Jean, I can recommend Bellari. Make reservations in advance as these are popular places. Best wishes!

El Palo Avellano in Zubiri also has a popular communal dinner.

 

[trecile]

When entering an evening bar/cafe for the pilgrim meal look to see if there is a table full of cheerful pilgrims and (yes, I know it is hard at first!) and ask if you can join them

Or ask another solo pilgrim if they would like company. They could also be a shy person who would like to connect. But don't take it personally if they say no, some people are one the Camino precisely to be alone - that's the hard part of approaching someone, but with practice it gets easier.

 

[SabsP]

I do not want to be too negative about the concept of communal meals but they can be sometimes tiring and intimidating. Something to take into consideration.
As an introvert I cringe at the idea of those meals where you have to introduce yourself.

My advise to the OP : be true to yourself, follow your gut instinct like you would do at home.
I always preferred the contacts and meetings with one other person / pilgrim.

 

[Peterexpatkiwi]

Emma, welcome to the forum. There are many similar threads on this forum, this subject or variants of it come up frequently. Which would suggest to me that you are far from alone. The camino attracts people of all nationalities, ages, fitness levels and body types. You've already shown the courage to reach out to us - you will do well.
As others have said a simple smile or a 'Buen camino' is often enough to break the ice. Certainly if you are starting from earlier on on the trail i.e SJPDP. (I believe it can be a little harder if you're just walking the last 100 kilometers).

I do not want to be too negative about the concept of communal meals but they can be sometimes tiring and intimidating. Something to take into consideration.
As an introvert I cringe at the idea of those meals where you have to introduce yourself.

My advise to the OP : be true to yourself, follow your gut instinct like you would do at home.
I always preferred the contacts and meetings with one other person / pilgrim.

I couldn't agree more. Be true to yourself, the rest will follow.

 

[stewinyvr]

@emmarosegardner, do you have your first few nights booked? Some albergues those first nights have a communal dinner where everyone introduces themselves. You'll probably see a lot of these same people a lot on your Camino so it is a good way to "break the ice".

Both Borda and Orrison have a communal dinner. In St Jean, I can recommend Bellari. Make reservations in advance as these are popular places. Best wishes!

I can second Bellari in St Jean. The community meal there was a great way to start off the Camino, and meet a few pilgrims that you will inevitable see along the way. Some of the people I was there with I saw for the first few days, and then never again, some popped up almost midway through the walk, and one I didn't see until I got to Santiago..

 

[David Tallan]

Has anyone walked the Camino while "shy" or introverted?

I (26 f, USA) am walking the Camino Frances in May 2025 mostly excited but also a bit nervous about the social aspect of the journey. I really want to meet and walk with new people during my time on the Camino, but I don't feel confident in my people skills/knowing how and when to approach people I meet. I worry that I will wait for others to approach me and will miss out on meeting cool people as a result.

I wouldn't describe myself as an introvert - more "shy," in that I love being around people once I am comfortable with them, but don't feel like I'm good at meeting new people or initiating interactions with strangers. I feel I lost a lot of my 'instincts' for approaching and meeting new people when I started working from home during COVID. I also have lost a lot of my self-confidence due to gaining ~50 lbs over the past few years due to a pelvic fracture, and find that strangers often treat me differently/poorly now that I am on the heavier side. Additionally, I have had a handful of bad experiences with dishonest people who I thought were friends, but actually turned out that they didn't like me (they just felt bad and were people-pleasing, I guess?) I am genuinely garbage at small talk and feel like I have a really hard time gauging whether new people I meet like me/are genuinely interested in getting to know me or not. I am very smart and that can be somewhat off-putting to some people, which I understand.

There are many reasons I'm doing this walk, but mainly I am hoping to a) spend some dedicated time to nurture my body and work towards my body feeling better, b) reconnect with my self-confidence (the two are not related - I want to love myself regardless of what my body looks like), and c) meet some cool people along the way.

Can anyone speak to their experiences of meeting new people on the Camino? If any of this resonates with you, I'd really love to hear your perspective, experiences, and any advice you might be able to offer. And if anybody knows what I can do to put off a "please, approach me!" energy so that I don't have to worry about initiating, please let me know!

Cheers!

Emma

You might find this thread for introverted and crowd-averse pilgrims interesting.

 

[bestfootforward]

Hi @emmarosegardner, welcome! The beauty of the Camino, any Camino is that it can be as connected or independant as you want it to be. And I agree with the idea of say Bellari and/or Orisson as a 'first night on the trail'. As small venues, you meet other pilgrims just starting out as you are, in a lovely casual environment. There's a bond in that alone, giving you some friendly faces to engage with from the outset if you want to - and that doesn't include people you'll meet along the way. It's your Camino to enjoy as you wish. You'll be fine, totally fine. Buen Camino!

 

[Rick of Rick and Peg]

if anybody knows what I can do to put off a "please, approach me!" energy so that I don't have to worry about initiating, please let me know!

I have a few suggestions that may work. Make yourself known the easy way, with your pack or clothing. Here are a few ideas to start a brainstorm.

Have a kiddie seat or papoose on your pack facing backward with a cute doll in it holding a rose. Maybe have a scarf with a rose motif hanging there too. People passing you are likely to comment on your doll. Say “That’s Emma Rose Junior. Hi, I'm Emma Rose Senior. How are you?" Wear the scarf when not walking and you’ll have your new friends (and even strangers who heard of you) invite you to eat with them. At any rate folks will remember your name.

Brainstorming off the scarf: have one with a big smiley face with a "Emma says” at the top. Wear an identical button. Have a sello stamp made (or have a large supply of stickers) and offer commenters one for their credentials. Word will get around.

Get a gaudy pack and clothes to match.

Now come up with something else that matches your personality.

If you do do () something like this and get people talking to you can insert a comment into the conversation that you're shy and trying to meet folks. That will help get the conversation going (at least until you bring up the subject of new discoveries in quantum physics so don't be a smarty-pants ).

 

[slee92630]

Has anyone walked the Camino while "shy" or introverted?

I (26 f, USA) am walking the Camino Frances in May 2025 mostly excited but also a bit nervous about the social aspect of the journey. I really want to meet and walk with new people during my time on the Camino, but I don't feel confident in my people skills/knowing how and when to approach people I meet. I worry that I will wait for others to approach me and will miss out on meeting cool people as a result.

I wouldn't describe myself as an introvert - more "shy," in that I love being around people once I am comfortable with them, but don't feel like I'm good at meeting new people or initiating interactions with strangers. I feel I lost a lot of my 'instincts' for approaching and meeting new people when I started working from home during COVID. I also have lost a lot of my self-confidence due to gaining ~50 lbs over the past few years due to a pelvic fracture, and find that strangers often treat me differently/poorly now that I am on the heavier side. Additionally, I have had a handful of bad experiences with dishonest people who I thought were friends, but actually turned out that they didn't like me (they just felt bad and were people-pleasing, I guess?) I am genuinely garbage at small talk and feel like I have a really hard time gauging whether new people I meet like me/are genuinely interested in getting to know me or not. I am very smart and that can be somewhat off-putting to some people, which I understand.

There are many reasons I'm doing this walk, but mainly I am hoping to a) spend some dedicated time to nurture my body and work towards my body feeling better, b) reconnect with my self-confidence (the two are not related - I want to love myself regardless of what my body looks like), and c) meet some cool people along the way.

Can anyone speak to their experiences of meeting new people on the Camino? If any of this resonates with you, I'd really love to hear your perspective, experiences, and any advice you might be able to offer. And if anybody knows what I can do to put off a "please, approach me!" energy so that I don't have to worry about initiating, please let me know!

Cheers!

Emma

Hi Emma, I totally understand where you're coming from. I not shy, but I am a little guarded and I hopefully I can let that guard down, so it doesn't interfere with meeting new people and new experiences. I'm male, 62 from Southern California, so I this old dog is going to have to put some effort into breaking some long-time habits!

 

[Paladina]

On the first morning of my first Camino, the forum member who had persuaded me to join him, broke the polite restraint at the albergue breakfast table by asking, ‘Is everybody nervous?’ Conversation then exploded with admissions of all kinds of doubts and fears. It was a wonderfully cathartic experience for all of us. Few are as confident as they seem to others; many are more capable, physically and socially, than they themselves believe.

 

[Bristle Boy]

Has anyone walked the Camino while "shy" or introverted?

I (26 f, USA) am walking the Camino Frances in May 2025 mostly excited but also a bit nervous about the social aspect of the journey. I really want to meet and walk with new people during my time on the Camino, but I don't feel confident in my people skills/knowing how and when to approach people I meet. I worry that I will wait for others to approach me and will miss out on meeting cool people as a result.

I wouldn't describe myself as an introvert - more "shy," in that I love being around people once I am comfortable with them, but don't feel like I'm good at meeting new people or initiating interactions with strangers. I feel I lost a lot of my 'instincts' for approaching and meeting new people when I started working from home during COVID. I also have lost a lot of my self-confidence due to gaining ~50 lbs over the past few years due to a pelvic fracture, and find that strangers often treat me differently/poorly now that I am on the heavier side. Additionally, I have had a handful of bad experiences with dishonest people who I thought were friends, but actually turned out that they didn't like me (they just felt bad and were people-pleasing, I guess?) I am genuinely garbage at small talk and feel like I have a really hard time gauging whether new people I meet like me/are genuinely interested in getting to know me or not. I am very smart and that can be somewhat off-putting to some people, which I understand.

There are many reasons I'm doing this walk, but mainly I am hoping to a) spend some dedicated time to nurture my body and work towards my body feeling better, b) reconnect with my self-confidence (the two are not related - I want to love myself regardless of what my body looks like), and c) meet some cool people along the way.

Can anyone speak to their experiences of meeting new people on the Camino? If any of this resonates with you, I'd really love to hear your perspective, experiences, and any advice you might be able to offer. And if anybody knows what I can do to put off a "please, approach me!" energy so that I don't have to worry about initiating, please let me know!

Cheers!

Emma

Emma,
What you so eloquently say is felt by many so you are not alone.
When you are able to make that first step of introduction and connection the rewards are so beneficial for anyone suffering from shyness. This is difficult to understand by anyone with a gregarious, confident or more outgoing nature. You sound a wonderful person and, as has been said up thread, someone who other people would love to meet and interact with.
That smile and quick "hello" are your best weapons to help you overcome your difficulties. Some will respond and others won't. Shyness is such a difficult barrier to breakdown. I know it is difficult and so much easier said than done.
I can only empathise and wish you all the best and support...the Camino is definitely for you.

 

[Paladina]

Have a kiddie seat or papoose on your pack facing backward with a cute doll in it holding a rose. Maybe have a scarf with a rose motif hanging there too. People passing you are likely to comment on your doll. Say “That’s Emma Rose Junior. Hi, I'm Emma Rose Senior. How are you?" Wear the scarf when not walking and you’ll have your new friends (and even strangers who heard of you) invite you to eat with them. At any rate folks will remember your name.

If you adopted this well-intentioned but schmaltzy strategy, far from emitting ‘please approach me’ energy, I fear it might deter many pilgrims from doing so. I suggest that when you find yourself walking alongside other pilgrims, as you soon will, just ask them how they’re getting on. Don’t take it personally if some replies are terse — some people prefer to be left alone with their thoughts — but many will be only too delighted to tell you. Take it from there.

 

[peregrino_tom]

If you adopted this well-intentioned but schmaltzy strategy, far from emitting ‘please approach me’ energy, I fear it might deter many pilgrims from doing so.

I agree 100%

 

[davejsy]

I thought I was very much like you, until the Camino. My first real Camino buddy was a similarly person dodging introvert so it was ironic that we could not out dodge each other that first day over the Pyrenees! From then on I found that I could strike up conversations with anyone and everyone - the Camino tends to do those things to you, if you are open to letting it.

There are many wonderful places to start talking to people without the awkwardness like it is in normal life. From the Albergues, to the cafes to the people you meet walking. Many will be just like you.

Easier said than done, but it's not something you need to worry about before your Camino, but a very valid feeling nonetheless.

 

[MichelleElynHogan]

Hello Emma,

i usually only pick one post to read per day. Your post was my choice for today. Having said that, I was an introvert, working from home before COVID was a thing, caregiving for my Mom until her passing. The Camino called to us both during that time and I found myself on my first attempt on the CF the year after her passing.

Big mistake.

I was overweight too…detrimentally so. I developed a pain along the side of my upper left leg that was telling me that I was damaging my IT Band, the ligament that goes from our hip to our knee, the largest one in our body. I only got to Zubiri before I had to go home.

So, my initial recommendation is to focus on reducing weight, both body and pack, before you go. The less you have to carry, the better. I have written about pack weight before and still recommend a max of 10 lb. The overweight of my body and my pack caused my injury.

Introversion / shyness is a state of mind. my childhood was rife with being a target for bullies. That changed when I changed and refused to take the abuse anymore. Not only did I found new respect for myself, but it seemed as though everyone around me did so too. So, find that respect for yourself that is essential and those around you, at home or on the Camino, will recognize it and respond in kind.

Greet folks in your neighbourhood. Make opportunities to meet people, even by just walking down the street and greeting them, to start, even with just a nod of acknowledgement. Grow it from there. On the Camino, everyone will give a, :Buen Camino,” to which you respond back in kind. The best of those you will encounter, will analyze your response to see if you are ok. I have seen this a lot too.

Finally, you have six months to learn as much Spanish / French as you can. No matter how good / bad your attempts at communicating with the locals will be, they are so grateful for the trying. THAT is the beauty of intentional communication. It will be another area where confidence can be nurtured.

 

[Liam55]

Emma, I regard myself as shy but I love meeting people!! A bit of a contradiction I know!! The communal meals in the albergues are a great way of meeting people. When I got a bit cheeky when passing people on the way, rather than saying 'Buen Camino' I'd say, "How are you doing" and if they understood English usually we'd chat a bit and if we liked each other we could end up walking for an hour or more. And remeber people will not judge you on the Camino; thats the beauty of it; wealth or weight are irrelevant.
The biggest mistake I ever made on Camino was leting my shyness dictate by opting for private rooms when I could and really should have been thrown myself into an albergue with communal meals. I guess this is a great chance for you to just beat that shyness and you'll love yourself for it. The only reason I'd go back on a Camino is for the people. Go for it and you'll love it. Liam

 

[Issac]

Has anyone walked the Camino while "shy" or introverted?

I (26 f, USA) am walking the Camino Frances in May 2025 mostly excited but also a bit nervous about the social aspect of the journey. I really want to meet and walk with new people during my time on the Camino, but I don't feel confident in my people skills/knowing how and when to approach people I meet. I worry that I will wait for others to approach me and will miss out on meeting cool people as a result.

I wouldn't describe myself as an introvert - more "shy," in that I love being around people once I am comfortable with them, but don't feel like I'm good at meeting new people or initiating interactions with strangers. I feel I lost a lot of my 'instincts' for approaching and meeting new people when I started working from home during COVID. I also have lost a lot of my self-confidence due to gaining ~50 lbs over the past few years due to a pelvic fracture, and find that strangers often treat me differently/poorly now that I am on the heavier side. Additionally, I have had a handful of bad experiences with dishonest people who I thought were friends, but actually turned out that they didn't like me (they just felt bad and were people-pleasing, I guess?) I am genuinely garbage at small talk and feel like I have a really hard time gauging whether new people I meet like me/are genuinely interested in getting to know me or not. I am very smart and that can be somewhat off-putting to some people, which I understand.

There are many reasons I'm doing this walk, but mainly I am hoping to a) spend some dedicated time to nurture my body and work towards my body feeling better, b) reconnect with my self-confidence (the two are not related - I want to love myself regardless of what my body looks like), and c) meet some cool people along the way.

Can anyone speak to their experiences of meeting new people on the Camino? If any of this resonates with you, I'd really love to hear your perspective, experiences, and any advice you might be able to offer. And if anybody knows what I can do to put off a "please, approach me!" energy so that I don't have to worry about initiating, please let me know!

Cheers!

Emma

Emma I walked my first Camino last year and had the same initial trepidation towards meeting new people. I do not think you will have any issues if you are yourself. The Camino is not about judgement, but about acceptance. I am
Planning to walk the entire Camino France in May 2025. Bueno Camino.

 

[JerryStroebele]

I treasure the communal meals in small albergues. If someone suggests formal introductions you can say as little or as much as you want or nothing at all. On the Camino body types and shapes simply do not matter. We are all walking for many different reasons but all with a common purpose. Train to walk a lot but don’t put off the opportunity to walk the Camino when you can. You will meet people FROM ALL OVER THE WORLD and you will likely make life long friends. Buen Camino

 

[flewitheagles]

Hi, I’m Emma from fill in the blank, where are you from? Where’d you start? Further on, add when did you start? or when do you think you’ll arrive in Santiago? On the CF, you just broke the ice. Especially on the CF, most people are eager to talk and meet new people. The other nice thing about the Camino, most people respect the need space. If you need some space, slow down or re-tie your boots.

Emma from wherever, I’m Keith from Texas, I think you’ll do fine.

Or, you can do what my friend, John, regularly did when the subject of home came up. He burst into the refrain "Sweet Home Alabama". Contrary to what you might think - they didn't "shy" away - he has a pretty good voice. The ice was broken and everyone enjoyed a bit of laughter!! Just be yourself..

 

[lunna]

Has anyone walked the Camino while "shy" or introverted?

I (26 f, USA) am walking the Camino Frances in May 2025 mostly excited but also a bit nervous about the social aspect of the journey. I really want to meet and walk with new people during my time on the Camino, but I don't feel confident in my people skills/knowing how and when to approach people I meet. I worry that I will wait for others to approach me and will miss out on meeting cool people as a result.

I wouldn't describe myself as an introvert - more "shy," in that I love being around people once I am comfortable with them, but don't feel like I'm good at meeting new people or initiating interactions with strangers. I feel I lost a lot of my 'instincts' for approaching and meeting new people when I started working from home during COVID. I also have lost a lot of my self-confidence due to gaining ~50 lbs over the past few years due to a pelvic fracture, and find that strangers often treat me differently/poorly now that I am on the heavier side. Additionally, I have had a handful of bad experiences with dishonest people who I thought were friends, but actually turned out that they didn't like me (they just felt bad and were people-pleasing, I guess?) I am genuinely garbage at small talk and feel like I have a really hard time gauging whether new people I meet like me/are genuinely interested in getting to know me or not. I am very smart and that can be somewhat off-putting to some people, which I understand.

There are many reasons I'm doing this walk, but mainly I am hoping to a) spend some dedicated time to nurture my body and work towards my body feeling better, b) reconnect with my self-confidence (the two are not related - I want to love myself regardless of what my body looks like), and c) meet some cool people along the way.

Can anyone speak to their experiences of meeting new people on the Camino? If any of this resonates with you, I'd really love to hear your perspective, experiences, and any advice you might be able to offer. And if anybody knows what I can do to put off a "please, approach me!" energy so that I don't have to worry about initiating, please let me know!

Cheers!

Emma

Meeting people on the camino is easy as anything. You'll inevitably end up walking and talking with people and you won't even have to think twice about it - have a great camino!

 

[CTLawGal]

Hello Emma and welcome to the Forum!

As you've already seen, everyone here is friendly and full of advice and lots of useful information. Pick what resonates best to you and try not to worry too much about it, everything will work out well and I"m sure it will be a meaningful experience.

For what it's worth, I think most of us will remember being nervous before walking our first Camino, there's a lot going on your head before undertaking a pilgrimage such as this. Am I fit enough? Will I get lost? Will I be able to complete it? And for those of us feeling overweight, will that be a problem? All of these fears and doubts can be compounded by feeling shy or introverted, so try to separate them in your own mind and don't let them get all rolled up into one big ball of shyness.

Speaking as someone I think few would consider shy, I think most of us naturally feel somewhat shy deep inside, no matter how we project to others. As some have described above, it takes work and practice to get over it, but maybe that feeling of shyness always remains. I had a long career at a large Manhattan law firm, including teaching at Ivy League law schools, but realized early on that smart is not enough, I had to break out of my shyness. Yeah, it's not easy, but you have to do it. I walked my first Camino in Spring of 2023 at the age of 64, solo for 42 days on a route that went through the Norte/Primitivo/Finisterre/Muxia - for the first week I barely spoke to anyone, and even felt it impossible even to duck into a bar along the route where pilgrims had already congregated - of course this route was much less traveled than the Frances, but it wasn't for lack of opportunity, I just couldn't bring myself do it. And I was surprised that my old shyness had resurfaced in this new undertaking.

I enjoy solitude, but by the end of the first week I started to question if this was really how I wanted to walk the entire way. I started with little steps, squeaked out a "buen Camino" where I could, smiled and said hello, chatted a bit here and there, and then gradually found people to walk with. In my own time. Some of them were the first to make contact, and gradually I was able to initiate contact on my own and make friends - friends I am still in contact with. I was never part of a "Camino family" (that's really not my style), but would walk with people who were all around the same pace, and we would either cross paths at some point during the day, or all end up having meals together, not quite communal meals (that can feel super stressful when you don't know anyone).

One thing I've noticed about my own shyness is that I suspect that deep down I must fear rejection - - that if I say hello or try to start a conversation with someone that maybe they won't want to talk with me. And I think that fear can result in shrinking into yourself to avoid the possibility of rejection. But what I experienced on the Camino was that often I might walk with someone, we would talk for a while and I might realize there was nothing "there" for me that would want me to continue to nurture it into a budding relationship - that is, that I could be the one rejecting the other person. Not in a negative way, I might have enjoyed talking, but if that person wanted to stop to get a coffee, I might just continue. But with others, I might feel something there and no matter whether I wanted a coffee or not, I would stop to spend more time with them to see if there was something there, or to reinforce that budding relationship. I might see them again along the way, we might have a brief exchange, or not - all in a day's walk.

So, I guess what I'm saying is, just give yourself time, allow yourself to open up on your own terms, but do try it in little steps - in the spirit of "Camino-as-Metaphor", that's how you get up the big hills, just take little steps, you'll get there. I met so many wonderful and nice people, I'm sure you will too - just stay open to the possibilities, swallow hard and say hello, it will get easier with time.

And let go of your concerns about your physical appearance, maybe consider bag transfer so you are not carrying even more weight and learn to use trekking poles to help take some pressure off your joints, spend the next months walking as much as possible to try to get fit, and enjoy it! Buen Camino!