Walking Camino Frances as a couple

[MaggieQYogini]

I’ve been training and planning for my first Camino since 2019. Finally, it’s so close, only 70 days away. My partner just asked if he could join me. Lots happening in our lives……could you please share your highlights and challenges walking the Camino Frances as a couple??? I know it’s so close to my start, but it can be so positive for the both of us! Truly appreciate your advice!

 

[andycohn]

You might enjoy the attached, entitled "How to Not Kill Your Spouse" (on the Camino):

"https://www.dropbox.com/s/fo7kxnrldslxl78/How to not kill your spouse.docx?dl=0

 

[stevepjq]

Do it! My wife and I did the Camino back in 2013. One of the greatest times we ever spent together!!

 

[Grousedoctor]

Hi Maggie. I walked my first camino solo. It was a magnificent experience. I then did my second and third caminos with my wife. They were equally magnificent. We now head back to Portugal in less than a month to walk together again. Really looking forward to it. But, to compare the two types of experiences is like comparing apples and oranges. Best put, you can or will have very different experiences and challenges. One is not better or worse than the other. As for my personality, I can enjoy walking or cycling a camino solo. I can also value what I gain by sharing this experience with or along side my partner. The lifelong memories that my wife and I now share from our Caminos is something that I cherish greatly! Why are you walking the Camino? That may help you answer your question. Buen Camino!

 

[Mikel Olivares]

Hola Maggie.
I did all my Caminos alone.
Except one that I did together with my daughter. It was Hell.

 

[Vacajoe]

Walked multiple times with my wife - great experience, but not without challenges.

Single walkers and “friend groups” are more common then walking couples, but we exist out there. It’s nice to have someone to not only have those experiences with, but also to remember them better afterwards. We made some couple friends and single friends, though I am sure we missed out on some experiences since we walked and ate together and didn’t have to seek out others for company.

Here are the questions you need to honestly answer:
- Do you walk the same speed? If not, will both of you be okay walking separately?
- Do you want to sleep in the same type of accommodations? (Bunks vs private rooms vs hotels)
- Do you enjoy the same foods? Will you be comfortable eating separately, if necessary?
- Do you have the same rest/sleep requirements?
- Are you both physically capable of walking the distance you have planned?
- Will the way you handle conflict with each other work on the Camino?
- Do you have anger that your spouse is joining you “last minute”? Such feelings will definitely take you away from experiencing the full experience of the Camino.

In short, really REALLY dive deeply into what you want this experience to be. Regardless if all the answers to the questions above are yes or no or ???, the important thing is to have these discussions prior to moving forward. My wife and I are very different, but we made the adjustments to be able to walk together. It worked for us and others, but I’ve seen it be disastrous for some.

 

[David with new Kit!]

I have the longest legs and prone to stretching ahead. But, I solved that by always walking behind my wife. (That was a hard discipline for me, but it worked beautifully)) Fortunately, she is a quick walker herself.

But, as above, if your walking speed is not compatible with your partner, then there will surely be a fallout unless you agree to walk at your own speed and meet up later.

For the same reason, don't feel tied to people you meet on the Camino if their pace does not match yours

 

[C clearly]

Some good comments above. I would say that first of all, you should make sure that your partner wants to walk the camino, and is not just volunteering to accompany you because if is somehow appropriate.

I would not want to walk with my husband because I know that he doesn't have that urge, and we'll both be happier if we do our separate things for a month.

This thread is now tagged with "companions/family/friends". If you click on that tag at the top of the thread under the title, you might find some interesting threads.

 

[Rick M]

But, as above, if your walking speed is not compatible with your partner, then there will surely be a fallout unless you agree to walk at your own speed and meet up later.

Absolutely right! I have walked with my wife several times. We figured this one out the hard way the first time out, now its an article of faith for walking Camino with my wife.

 

[Former member 92300]

Hola Maggie.
I did all my Caminos alone.
Except one that I did together with my daughter. It was Hell.

LMAO... I don't want to hear that! My 18 year old daughter is coming with me this summer lol


To the Original Poster - I think a solo Camino is amazing and should be done. Perhaps not now, but eventually. I loved my solo Camino. That said, nothing wrong with doing it as a couple. While most people go solo, there are always couples as well. Just talk about your walking plan options ahead of time. Do you walk the same speed? Does one of you hike further and faster than the other? Will one of you get upset if the other doesn't go the same pace? I suggest making sure that you are willing to walk together when you want to be together - but separately when you either need time to yourself or one is walking a different pace than the other. The night before - plan where you want your next stop to be - and have a plan for meeting up when you get there if you become separated (accidentally or on purpose). Also - if one is faster but plans to stop and wait for the other at bars/rest stops - make sure the fast person allows the slow person to rest before resuming their walk. Do you both want to sleep in albergues? or Private rooms?

I don't know - my husband would be a disaster to bring with haha. With my daughter, it can be really great - OR she can make me miserable. I am setting up the expectation now that we don't have to always be together and she can walk her own pace and walk with her own new friends. I don't need her at my heels all the time. But I do think this will be a great experience for her as long as we give each other the space we need.

Oh - and be sure each of you carries your own passport and some cash and a spare credit card. We will have a photo copy of each others passport - but I want to be sure that if we are separated my daughter can check into an albergue and get food and necessary supplies without me.

 

[Anamiri]

In September 2019 I walked with my husband and grandson, and it was great, although I did feel like a tour guide/event manager at times.
Its very different when you're responsible for others - I felt responsible as I persuaded them to come. Grandson leaped at the chance, husband took a while to come round to the idea. Once we were there and walking my husband loved it, but he was quite anxious beforehand as he is not intrepid in the slightest.
(I did all the planning and budgeting). Grandson did a couple of terms of Spanish at school which was useful, and was also great at finding arrows. I had to order all husbands food etc, as he wasn't confident to try Spanish. And he is coeliac, which adds to the challenge. In supermarkets I would be scrutinising the listed ingredients to find out what was safe for him to eat. Plus he needs a CPAP, and rooms have to have plugs etc.

We are walking next year from SJPDP, and then from Ferrol, as a couple (no kids this time). I was going on my own but he really wants to come this time. He is really enthusiastic and now knows what to expect, and I've explained that this time I expect him to contribute to the planning and help more, (especially with the food ingredient issues) which he has agreed to.

He actually watched a real time video of walking from SJPDP to Orrison, so he could see what the Pyrenees part was like - and enjoyed the video. You can imagine it was very long. I was going to fast forward and no , he was happy to watch it all step by step.
Before we reached Santiago last time, he swore that he wouldn't do it again, but now he's so pleased our borders are opening again and we can go back to Spain.

(I keep trying to get him to learn some Spanish but it is an uphill battle).

.

 

[Former member 92300]

(I keep trying to get him to learn some Spanish but it is an uphill battle).

.

I keep trying to learn Spanish and it just doesn't stick. I mean - I can fumble around with it a little bit, but not enough for my liking. In case he doesn't learn a little Spanish - introduce him to google translate! You can even use it to take photos of menus or ingredient lists and it will translate for you (ingredient lists might be tricky though). I was also trying to converse with a lovely hostess who knew less English than I knew Spanish.... I ended up grabbing my phone and typing what I wanted to tell her. I think she appreciated the effort!

 

[Anamiri]

I keep trying to learn Spanish and it just doesn't stick. I mean - I can fumble around with it a little bit, but not enough for my liking. In case he doesn't learn a little Spanish - introduce him to google translate! You can even use it to take photos of menus or ingredient lists and it will translate for you (ingredient lists might be tricky though). I was also trying to converse with a lovely hostess who knew less English than I knew Spanish.... I ended up grabbing my phone and typing what I wanted to tell her. I think she appreciated the effort!

We got to the point where he can say greetings, thank you etc - but I would like him to be able to at least buy his own food. And to take responsibility for what he orders.

 

[Kanga]

I learnt Spanish as a child, and although I spoke none for 45 years, some of it stuck. But when it comes to menus, I'm hopeless. There seem to be multiple ways of describing food, and even a translation app doesn't always help.

 

[CdnDreamer]

I am single, but on every camino I have done I have eaten dinner a few times with couples who are walking together. And every couple has been thankful to have someone else to talk to. They seem to have gotten stuck in their own bubble and haven't realized they are missing out on meeting other people. So my recommendation to you is if you do go together, still reach out to other pilgrims. Single pilgrims just naturally find other people to walk with, and to have meals with but couples don't think they need to do that. But a month is a long time to spend together without socializing with others.

 

[dougfitz]

I’ve been training and planning for my first Camino since 2019. Finally, it’s so close, only 70 days away. My partner just asked if he could join me. Lots happening in our lives……could you please share your highlights and challenges walking the Camino Frances as a couple??? I know it’s so close to my start, but it can be so positive for the both of us! Truly appreciate your advice!

I showed your post to my wife today. We walked a large part of the CF together not that many years ago. Her response was 'she should go for it'. I agree.

Here are some of the things that made it work for us:

• be prepared for one or other of you to need a longer break. My wife took a bus on several occasions and spent a few days in Burgos and again in Leon while I walked. This was partly because she developed a severe hay-fever like reaction to wheat pollen, and it took some time for the medication to reduce her symptoms to a manageable level.
• We didn't see anything wrong with taking the bus or the train, except that my wife was determined to walk from Sarria, and I was going to make sure she could do that.
• When we walked together, I would let her set the pace. We saw others where the stronger walker set the pace and their partner always seemed to be hurrying to catch up. That didn't appeal to us.
• While we did stay in some smaller albergues, we preferred places where we either had our own room or there was only one other couple in the room. It wasn't always possible, but worked most of the time.

Things I think I/we could have done better:

• being too ambitious at the start. Even though we stayed at Valcarlos and Burgette, my wife was both physically and emotionally drained when we got to Zubiri and couldn't find anywhere to stay. We did find a place about five km off the camino route, but I hadn't anticipated how distressing this was for her.
• In the same vein, not being clear with each other about how we would deal with circumstances like this. I had expected there might be issues, but we hadn't really discussed how we would deal with it.
• Not taking more frequent breaks. I am happy to walk for a couple of hours at a time, which I do at home when I am bush-walking. I hadn't really realised that most of my wife's training was around one hour walks with a friend, and she found the extra hour without a break very taxing.
• Which leads to my observation that we didn't do enough training walks together while we were preparing.

For us, walking as a couple was tremendously rewarding. It is quite different to walking with a friend or someone you meet along the way. Even though it might not appear different, after all you will be doing very similar things in both circumstances, I found it to be quite different. I hope you find it similarly rewarding.

 

[BROWNCOUNTYBOB]

My wife and I have walked four CF together and have enjoyed it each time. The only time we struggled was our first camino. She developed blisters, which caused her to walk differently which created knee pain. I unknowingly walked too far ahead several times. In Carrion de los Condes, a camino angel informed us about Jakotrans. Cindi began shipping her backpack ahead each day all the way to Santiago. The second camino we hiked with my brother and his wife. That was fun, but they hike a faster pace and many nights we stayed in "quad rooms" with two bunk beds and a private bath. That was sometimes too much togetherness. The last two caminos we've made advance reservations for private rooms with private bath every night. We gladly pay the higher price to get a great night's sleep every night, and to enjoy our privacy and comfort. Cindi developed a very serious stress fracture during our camino last fall. It is likely I'll hike the CF in 2023 solo. Hiking four caminos together has been some of the best experiences we've had in our marriage (40 years in July). Bob

 

[Shalaw]

My initial plan was to walk the Camino Frances alone, but my partner at the time saw the movie, The Way and wanted to come with. We did go together, and the one rule we had before we left was that we would walk together and that sore or tired trumped everything, meaning if one of us ran out of speed for whatever reason, we would go at that pace. Sometimes one of us was ahead of the other, but always had breaks, etc. together. Not that it's unsafe, but I did feel safer being with him as well. I would say to go on your own though, as I think when you go as a couple, not as many pilgrims socialize with you or approach you, as they can see you're already with someone.

 

[mspath]

Remember
“The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.”
– Henry David Thoreau,
Walden, 1854

and/et

" Jamais je n’ai tant pensé, tant existé, tant vécu, tant été moi-même, si j’ose ainsi dire, que dans les voyages que j’ai faits seul ou à pied. "
Jean Jacques Rousseau
Les Confessions, 1782, livre IV

 

[Vince Rollason]

I’ve been training and planning for my first Camino since 2019. Finally, it’s so close, only 70 days away. My partner just asked if he could join me. Lots happening in our lives……could you please share your highlights and challenges walking the Camino Frances as a couple??? I know it’s so close to my start, but it can be so positive for the both of us! Truly appreciate your advice!

Hi Maggie
It is difficult to comment but i will share my experience. My son was due to walk with me on my first Camino but had to cancel at the last minute so i decided to go alone. when he met me in Santiago at the end, I said to him "don't take this the wrong way but I am glad you couldn't make it". I had met and become friends with so many people and I felt his presence would have changed the dynamic. I have since been three more times by myself. Interestingly I am due to walk from Sarria at the end of May as my two young granddaughters want walk with me but are not able to go the whole way. My son-in-law will accompany us. I am finding it really strange to now be in a position where i need to consider other people. I have never booked to come home as I always feel it will take me as long as it takes but this time, they need to get back for school. Having said that I have met and walked with couples who have had a fabulous time. I am sure whatever you decide you will love the Camino
Buen Camino
Vince

 

[tlandry]

My wife and I did the Portuguese Camino from Porto in 2019, and are all set to do the French way beginning the end of May. Wouldn't have it any other way.

 

[Elaine Rau]

I’ve been training and planning for my first Camino since 2019. Finally, it’s so close, only 70 days away. My partner just asked if he could join me. Lots happening in our lives……could you please share your highlights and challenges walking the Camino Frances as a couple??? I know it’s so close to my start, but it can be so positive for the both of us! Truly appreciate your advice!

Ha! Wonderful question! My husband and I do a lot of hiking together and I love it. There is a huge difference, however, in both of us. I have a much higher stamina level than my husband, even when we were very young, so my endurance is greater, longer lasting. The other difference is that my husband is very gregarious. He loves to meet folks on the camino, whereas I enjoy very much walking alone and don't tend to chat much with other people, though he and I always have great conversations together on the Camino. I think it just works out. You'll love it one way or the other!

 

[Annabellesjourney]

I’ve been training and planning for my first Camino since 2019. Finally, it’s so close, only 70 days away. My partner just asked if he could join me. Lots happening in our lives……could you please share your highlights and challenges walking the Camino Frances as a couple??? I know it’s so close to my start, but it can be so positive for the both of us! Truly appreciate your advice!

 

[JTCamino]

I’ve been training and planning for my first Camino since 2019. Finally, it’s so close, only 70 days away. My partner just asked if he could join me. Lots happening in our lives……could you please share your highlights and challenges walking the Camino Frances as a couple??? I know it’s so close to my start, but it can be so positive for the both of us! Truly appreciate your advice!

I walked the Frances on 2014 with my wife (of 35 yrs at the time) and it nearly broke that marriage. The context is important though..."my" Camino was supposed to be with my son (who had to bow out basis work issues), then a group of guys from my church (who bailed 1 by 1), and then about a month prior to leaving I was left with 2 options: walk it solo or ask my wife. I did the latter, and while she reluctantly agreed, we both knew it wouldn't end well. My wife is not a hiker and really doesn't enjoy exercise of any sort. It's like taking someone who hates cold & heights on a ski trip...oil & water. Did I mention she walks super slow and needs frequent rest stops while I am mission oriented with laser focus on reaching the set destination? Yeah...you get the picture. It all came to a head on the meseta, and the remainder of the walk was painful in every way. We love each other and have since repatched our relationship, but there are scars. I would say to you that you would be wise to gauge these markers for compatibility...athletic shape, pace of walking, expectations on what you want from "your" Camino, etc. If there are easily identified flags don't ignore them. At the end of the day things happen for a reason and we both believe God put us in that situation to address issues we may have covered up or muted. A boot camp of sort where you're broken down and rebuilt...better, stronger, more in tune to each other. In retrospect am I glad she came along? Yes! Is she? Not really sure. PS - I've gone on to walk 2 more Caminos (Portuguese Coastal solo in '14; Sanabres with some buddies in '19). My bride? Never, ever, again...to each their own pilgrim.

 

[Annabellesjourney]

I have walked it with my husband twice. The first time was a wonderful experience the second time last fall was more challenging and we actually ended up coming home early. The Covid restrictions/challenges really affected my husband as well as other things. I am returning myself in May.

 

[Dawn Gibson]

I’ve been training and planning for my first Camino since 2019. Finally, it’s so close, only 70 days away. My partner just asked if he could join me. Lots happening in our lives……could you please share your highlights and challenges walking the Camino Frances as a couple??? I know it’s so close to my start, but it can be so positive for the both of us! Truly appreciate your advice!

My situation was almost identical to yours Maggie, when I walked the beautiful Camino Frances in spring 2018. My initial, internal, reaction to my partner's request was "no! I want to do this alone!" But after a day or two of thinking about it, I decided that yes, this would be an amazing experience to share and yes, it would be great if he came as I think he perhaps needed time on the Camino as much as I did. Maybe the Camino was providing answers to as- yet-unknown questions because a few things happened subsequently which makes me feel that the universe meant for us to go together, at that particular time.
Firstly, I lost my wallet in the taxi on the way to our hotel in Biarritz the night before we started! So I was reliant on my partner's wallet the entire Camino (which was fine! Lol!).
Secondly, the year after our Camino, he suffered a stroke and a year later was diagnosed with epilepsy. He was an extremely fit (physically and mentally) 56 year old so it was a total shock. I guess you never know what's coming next in life, so I am grateful that we shared the Camino together when we did. Our shared memories of the Camino are gradually leading us towards planning a return to the Frances in a couple of years, once we have become more accustomed to and confident with living with these medical conditions and his cocktail of medications. This gives us something to look forward to, plan and talk about together in what are still sometimes dark times for us. Having shared the Camino together in the past, we both know a little more about what to expect, how it all 'works', what options may be available to us for accommodation, food, transport if necessary, and the fundamental fact that the Camino truly does provide and take care of pilgrims just when you need her to... so we know we can do it And we know we can work it to suit his energy levels which change from day to day, sometimes hour to hour.
The only other point I would make is that it's easier to not mix with other pilgrims when you walk as a couple as opposed to walking solo. We met some wonderful people but I truly believe that we didn't mix as much because we had each other (plus the fact we are both very definitely introverts) and I think we missed out on some fascinating conversations and connections. This is the only thing we would change next time and, weirdly, since his diagnosis, my partner has actually become more interested in chatting with people!

Gosh, I've waffled on a bit! Sorry! Hope this helps you in some small way though

 

[Rick of Rick and Peg]

I think my recommendation to someone who I know nothing about would be for each to walk it singularly and then to compare the trips to see where you would be compatible or not and how to handle differences in that case.

For us we had 35 years together and lots of camping and backpacking to have a good idea that the CF wouldn't be a problem for us. Still, I figured that the trip would be more impactful to Peg so I made it HER camino.

Along the way we were resting outside an albergue and talking with a woman whose husband was checking in. It was for just a few minutes but she already confessed that her husband invited himself along on her trip and it was not working well for her. We got more information but not from her. Right then the hospitalero was loudly pointing out the camino to the husband at the same time he was throwing the woman's pack out the door. Looking into the incident I don't blame the hospi.

On the other hand, walking a camino can be a cheaper way for a couple to determine their compatibility than building a house together.

 

[John Ferguson]

I’ve been training and planning for my first Camino since 2019. Finally, it’s so close, only 70 days away. My partner just asked if he could join me. Lots happening in our lives……could you please share your highlights and challenges walking the Camino Frances as a couple??? I know it’s so close to my start, but it can be so positive for the both of us! Truly appreciate your advice!

My Wife of 25 years walked the French Way in 2015, and both thought it was a wonderful experience, so much so, I have told my Three Children that it would be a great idea for them to walk with their Life Partners.

 

[MayDaz]

Walked our first Camino in October together as a couple and walking the 2nd in May. Could not really imagine walking it without her but we did meet on a walking group so it has always been a shared passion.
we walk together every weekend so we are used to adjusting our walking pace to accommodate each other.
It is a shared experience that we can look back on together and we remind each other of things that the other person has forgot

 

[Troyvan]

I’ve been training and planning for my first Camino since 2019. Finally, it’s so close, only 70 days away. My partner just asked if he could join me. Lots happening in our lives……could you please share your highlights and challenges walking the Camino Frances as a couple??? I know it’s so close to my start, but it can be so positive for the both of us! Truly appreciate your advice!

Hola Maggie,
My wife and I have walked 4 Caminos together. All great experiences and we are planning to do our 5th Camino starting April 30th from Madrid.
We both really enjoy a Camino adventure, when compared to any other vacation. No planning required, (other than planning the next nights accommodation). Discussions like, “where should we have coffee, what do you want to do today, what restaurant do you want to eat at”, we find just aren’t necessary on a Camino. (The unspoken answers to the above questions by the way are, “the first cafe we see”, “walk … that way… we’ll just follow the arrows” and “at the local Bar Cafe with all the other Pilgrims”).
We never intentionally try to walk side by side, but are usually within eyesight of each other. (I usually lag behind to take pictures). After about 2 hours of walking, the person in front is usually ready for a short break, so stops while the other catches up for a water break and to take the pack off for a few minutes.
We almost always book a private room at an albergue, Hostel, Pension or Casa Rural. For us, we enjoy the quiet of a good nights sleep.
I think that if both people walking a Camino, (whether they be friends or partners), are there because they personally want to take in the Camino experience, their experiences will be positive. In contrast, a few times we have seen where 2 friends have started out, then after a couple weeks, they go their separate ways. This seems to usually happen when one of the friends appears to only be there because their friend was there. They then inevitably become “needy” (ie. “where should we stop, where should we eat, how far should we go, etc”).
I’m sure if your husband wants to join you on the Camino, (note, I said the Camino, not your Camino ), because he is excited about what he has read about the Camino experience, you will both have a wonderful experience.
Best of luck, open minds, positive karma and Buen Camino.
Dusti & Skye

 

[WalkingLester]

So much great advice! I am going to weigh in and say that if you have been planning this, your first Camino, for 3 years and you have a particular quest that you are on it is okay to tell your partner that you want to do this one alone. Do the next one with them. I have gone on four Caminos and each was an amazing transformative learning experience. But I had to be alone for those experiences to occur. Now, I am thinking of walking a Camino with my wife. But, I know how the Camino rolls and I think I could avoid the pitfalls of doing one with someone else. I think we will have a great time. But I know it will be a very different experience with her.

On another note I knew a couple that did separate Caminos. He did the Primitivo and she did the Portuguese. They met at the end in Santiago. He had a great time, she had a not so great time. But they are still together!

 

[bergmannfamily]

I’ve been training and planning for my first Camino since 2019. Finally, it’s so close, only 70 days away. My partner just asked if he could join me. Lots happening in our lives……could you please share your highlights and challenges walking the Camino Frances as a couple??? I know it’s so close to my start, but it can be so positive for the both of us! Truly appreciate your advice!

Do it together! I had the desire to do the Camino since middle school 50 years ago. My wife was not so keen on the idea, but we started walking long distances together and she soon developed almost more of a love for walking than me. We are 8 inches different by height, but she has quite a long stride and we more or less march at the same speed. That made staying together easy. Our comfort zone for the amount of kilometers to cover in a day was also very close. That made choosing stops easy. So my best suggestion for you folks is to train together and see how walking together works over some long days. We met up with a number of couples who had very different views of speed and distance and they were all suffering relationship strain trying to walk together when their bodies were on very different plans.

 

[Former member 99290]

Hi @MaggieQYogini

I have been holding back from posting a reply to your question. Lots of valuable contributions already – from various perspectives - so maybe you don't need another. No one can answer your question for you – but you already know this. It depends on you, your partner and the type of relationship you have and want. And, sorry in advance for the long post.

I’ve walked Caminos solo (twice), with a dear friend (twice) and with my husband many times. And both my dear friend and my husband have also walked Caminos solo. I’ve loved all of these experiences – different each time, and all wonderful.

I think @vacajoe’s list of considerations at post # 6 is very good, and others have echoed some of these suggestions and added more. The logistics of walking pace, when and where you’ll stop, what happens if someone is injured, tired etc, can all be worked out. Maybe you can show your partner this thread, or at least share with him some of the suggestions from others on what matters would be good to consider beforehand.

The two things I would offer a comment on – 1) your ability for you to have your own Camino journey even though you are walking with your partner and 2) your ‘availability’ and openness to others when you are walking as a couple. These are valid concerns. But, in my experience, both can be overcome with awareness and intention.

• When I’ve walked with my dear friend and with my dear husband, we have each been able to be ‘alone’ physically and in our thoughts. We don’t walk joined at the hip. Often we are apart, alone or with others for many hours. We have agreed to ‘split up’ at any time – and for any length of time – if either feels the need. Though that has not happened to date.
• When walking solo, I have befriended and been befriended by solo walkers as well as those walking as friends or as a couple. When I’ve walked with my friend or my husband, we have befriended solo walkers, as well as other friends and couples walking together. If that is your wish and intention, you can make that happen - just be aware of the tendency to be less available to others when walking together and you will be able to overcome it if you want to. One example, is that when we’ve been eating dinner together and see a solo pilgrim dining alone one of us will say ‘You’re probably enjoying your alone time after a long day, but if you’d like to join us for lunch / dinner, you’re very welcome’. Nine times out of 10, the solo pilgrim will say yes, I’d like that.

So, sure, there are potential negatives to consider. On the plus side … Taking a long walk with a friend or loved one can be a wonderful and precious experience. It won’t be all smooth sailing, that’s for sure. There will be rocky days, of course, but what an opportunity to give and receive kindness, understanding, tolerance and forgiveness. And to share a great adventure, laughter and joy. You may even look back on the toughest days as some of the most important and rewarding for yourselves individually and even for your relationship.

If, after reading all these posts, and discussing with your partner, you still feel this in your heart:

I know it’s so close to my start, but it can be so positive for the both of us!

then, I’d say go with it. You have the opportunity now and, as the past two years have shown us, you never know what lies ahead.

Whatever you decide. All the best.

 

[MaggieQYogini]

Hi @MaggieQYogini

I have been holding back from posting a reply to your question. Lots of valuable contributions already – from various perspectives - so maybe you don't need another. No one can answer your question for you – but you already know this. It depends on you, your partner and the type of relationship you have and want. And, sorry in advance for the long post.

I’ve walked Caminos solo (twice), with a dear friend (twice) and with my husband many times. And both my dear friend and my husband have also walked Caminos solo. I’ve loved all of these experiences – different each time, and all wonderful.

I think @vacajoe’s list of considerations at post # 6 is very good, and others have echoed some of these suggestions and added more. The logistics of walking pace, when and where you’ll stop, what happens if someone is injured, tired etc, can all be worked out. Maybe you can show your partner this thread, or at least share with him some of the suggestions from others on what matters would be good to consider beforehand.

The two things I would offer a comment on – 1) your ability for you to have your own Camino journey even though you are walking with your partner and 2) your ‘availability’ and openness to others when you are walking as a couple. These are valid concerns. But, in my experience, both can be overcome with awareness and intention.

• When I’ve walked with my dear friend and with my dear husband, we have each been able to be ‘alone’ physically and in our thoughts. We don’t walk joined at the hip. Often we are apart, alone or with others for many hours. We have agreed to ‘split up’ at any time – and for any length of time – if either feels the need. Though that has not happened to date.
• When walking solo, I have befriended and been befriended by solo walkers as well as those walking as friends or as a couple. When I’ve walked with my friend or my husband, we have befriended solo walkers, as well as other friends and couples walking together. If that is your wish and intention, you can make that happen - just be aware of the tendency to be less available to others when walking together and you will be able to overcome it if you want to. One example, is that when we’ve been eating dinner together and see a solo pilgrim dining alone one of us will say ‘You’re probably enjoying your alone time after a long day, but if you’d like to join us for lunch / dinner, you’re very welcome’. Nine times out of 10, the solo pilgrim will say yes, I’d like that.

So, sure, there are potential negatives to consider. On the plus side … Taking a long walk with a friend or loved one can be a wonderful and precious experience. It won’t be all smooth sailing, that’s for sure. There will be rocky days, of course, but what an opportunity to give and receive kindness, understanding, tolerance and forgiveness. And to share a great adventure, laughter and joy. You may even look back on the toughest days as some of the most important and rewarding for yourselves individually and even for your relationship.

If, after reading all these posts, and discussing with your partner you still feel this in your heart:



then, I’d say go with it. You have the opportunity now and, as the past two years have shown us, you never know what lies ahead.

Whatever you decide. All the best.

What an inspiring reply I’m just overwhelmed to the point of crying receiving all the Camino love on this thread from so many of you! All the plus and minus of all your combined experiences give us much to ponder and make a decision. As of today, we are aiming to walk the entire Camino Frances together, using all the advice received. Deep in my heart, I know that this will be such a powerful healing pilgrimage for both of us!!!! My user name is my Facebook name. I’ll be sharing our journey soon!!! Thank you from the bottom of my heart!

 

[LesR]

I’ve been training and planning for my first Camino since 2019.

Walked CF 2017 and CP 2019 with my wife, and I can say with complete honesty that I didn't even see any substantive issues arising before we left and with one exception. not during the camino or on the return home - but then we had been married for 25 years, so I guess a lot of the rough edges had been worn off.

We trained together so we knew each others walking style reasonably well.

Yes we had our differences - she wanted breakfast before we left town and I was happy to walk for a couple of hours before even a cup of coffee; she wanted a high-carb lunch and i was happy to eat on the run; she walked slower than I (usually); she was more fastidious about personal hygiene than I (she wanted to wash clothes every day); I was usualy the faster walker but she encouraged me to go on ahead as I wished, anticiating that she woudl catch up eventually; she was more willing to try to engage in conversation with non-english speakers than I (we are both mono-lingual); she needed to cover-up from the sun while I revelled in short sleeves and shorts; I loved tripe dishes while she could barely sit at the same table while I was eating tripe.... You get the picture.

I cannot speak for your situation, although you do seem to have some concerns. I can only suggest that your approach your inter-personable relationship with the same openness that you walk the Camino - every day is a new day, everyone has the same destination even if the means of getting there are different, and recognise that you will depend on each other every day (so no point getting too precious about little things)...

Buen Camino

 

[walkinglover]

I’ve been training and planning for my first Camino since 2019. Finally, it’s so close, only 70 days away. My partner just asked if he could join me. Lots happening in our lives……could you please share your highlights and challenges walking the Camino Frances as a couple??? I know it’s so close to my start, but it can be so positive for the both of us! Truly appreciate your advice!

4 caminos and all with my husband; not an issue

 

[J Walking]

There will be rocky days, of course, but what an opportunity to give and receive kindness, understanding, tolerance and forgiveness. And to share a great adventure, laughter and joy. You may even look back on the toughest days as some of the most important and rewarding for yourselves individually and even for your relationship.

Thank you for the beautiful posting.

 

[MaggieQYogini]

Thank you for the beautiful posting.

Your words of encouragement are so very appreciated!!

 

[jsalt]

As of today, we are aiming to walk the entire Camino Frances together, using all the advice received.

Not a single soul on this forum can tell you if it is a good idea or not.

It works for some, but not for others.

You won’t know until you try it yourselves.

You thought you knew him? He thought he knew you? You are both about to find out, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

It won’t be “your” camino anymore, as you will always be thinking about his needs.

I hope it works out!

If it does , if not, then probably just as well you both work it out now.

Good Luck and a very Buen Camino to you both.

Wishing you well.

 

[Anamiri]

You thought you knew him? He thought he knew you? You are both about to find out, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

It won’t be “your” camino anymore, as you will always be thinking about his needs.

You make a good point there.
In normal life most of us have other activities which keep us apart from our husbands/wives for part of each day - work/university/sport etc.
I remember thinking after our Camino together that it was the most time together we had ever had.

Even in lockdown we had separate walks.

 

[Harlan Sager]

I’ve been training and planning for my first Camino since 2019. Finally, it’s so close, only 70 days away. My partner just asked if he could join me. Lots happening in our lives……could you please share your highlights and challenges walking the Camino Frances as a couple??? I know it’s so close to my start, but it can be so positive for the both of us! Truly appreciate your advice!

My wife and I did Camino Frances and enjoyed a delightful two months of seeing France and Spain. Then two years later we did Portuguese Camino from Lisbon and the coastal route from Porto. It is a remarkable time to share lots of things and learn more about the world and each other.

 

[Cicada]

I’ve been training and planning for my first Camino since 2019. Finally, it’s so close, only 70 days away. My partner just asked if he could join me. Lots happening in our lives……could you please share your highlights and challenges walking the Camino Frances as a couple??? I know it’s so close to my start, but it can be so positive for the both of us! Truly appreciate your advice!

Sharing the wonderful experience the good and the not so good with someone
Buen Camino

 

[Marian Patricia]

I’ve been training and planning for my first Camino since 2019. Finally, it’s so close, only 70 days away. My partner just asked if he could join me. Lots happening in our lives……could you please share your highlights and challenges walking the Camino Frances as a couple??? I know it’s so close to my start, but it can be so positive for the both of us! Truly appreciate your advice!

In 2017 my husband and I walked the Camino Frances. Like you I was worried about how it would go for us but it ended up being a wonderful experience, a highlight of our lives! I would do it again in a heartbeat.

 

[Former member 72918]

Maggie I only walked the CF once and I did it solo which was unreal, best experience ever! I couldn't imagine doing it with anyone else, not even my beloved husband(I was single when I did it) all I can say is, you've been planning since 2019...your partner has decided just now that they would like to join....hmmmm, you of course are the only person that can decide if going together will work for ye! But this is your dream and it's three years in the making, going with someone else is a totally different experience!! have a good think about what each of you want from the Camino and if your wants/expectations are similar! If they aren't then ye may find it tough?
I encountered a few couples on my Camino that were fit to kill each other(seriously!) Also encountered lots of very happy couples too of course!!!
Whatever ye decided Buen Camino and I hope you have a most fantastic experience!

 

[SanJo]

I’ve been training and planning for my first Camino since 2019. Finally, it’s so close, only 70 days away. My partner just asked if he could join me. Lots happening in our lives……could you please share your highlights and challenges walking the Camino Frances as a couple??? I know it’s so close to my start, but it can be so positive for the both of us! Truly appreciate your advice!

I'm from British Columbia originally and it's famous for our West Coast Trail. There's a wee joke that says if you're thinking of spending the rest of your life with someone, hike the West Coast Trail with them. If you get through that successfully, you can get through anything. I say GO GO GO! My wife and I walked El Camino in 2017 and as long as you're both flexible and respectful of each other's limits, you're all good. You can also make an agreement before you commit to say you'll walk a week together and then a week apart and just meet up and continue. Buen Camino!

 

[Marian Patricia]

Maybe it depends on what your reasons are for doing the Camino, what your goals are and what your outlook is as well as that of your partner. Personally, I found an element of peace on the Camino that I've had nowhere else, and it was not what I was seeking. And it is so beautiful! On a daily basis we were so engaged with what we were seeing, where we were going and what we were experiencing that we thought of little else. For me, the Camino represented adventure, accomplishment, spirituality, peace, beauty and a heck of a lot of fun. The whole atmosphere captured us so completely that I don't recall anything particularly negative at all. If you find it's not working well for you, you could walk separately and join up at the end of each day. Maybe agree on this before you go so that the relationship doesn't sustain any damage, to ensure you are getting out of the Camino what you need to. My husband and I may have had our differences in life, and at times can get on each other's nerves, but I found that the Camino brought us together in ways nothing else ever did. It was truly a wonderful experience.

 

[P Rat]

Hubby and I walked together, though many times apart as well for whatever reason. The best thing of doing this journey together though is that after three years we can still share the experience. Little words, a view that looks familiar etc, we quite often at the same time may say ‘oh, remember this time on the Camino?’
Whatever you decide, buen Camino

 

[WGroleau]

I learnt Spanish as a child, and although I spoke none for 45 years, some of it stuck. But when it comes to menus, I'm hopeless. There seem to be multiple ways of describing food, and even a translation app doesn't always help.

I was amused by the sandwiches on a menu in Los Arcos. Each had a name which I've forgotten, but the first was ham & egg. Next added bacon, Next added cheese. Finally, I do remember the name of the last one: to the ham, turkey, bacon, and cheeses, they added lettuce and called it "vegetarian."

Moral of the story: Don't use Google Translate for anything truly important.

Seriously. I use it to give me a head start on translations, but every sentence has to be examined carefully. I've seen it change negative to positive and vice versa. "Head out"—is that "cabeza afuera" or "salir" ?

 

[Scott Sweeney]

I’ve been training and planning for my first Camino since 2019. Finally, it’s so close, only 70 days away. My partner just asked if he could join me. Lots happening in our lives……could you please share your highlights and challenges walking the Camino Frances as a couple??? I know it’s so close to my start, but it can be so positive for the both of us! Truly appreciate your advice!

I could not walk the camino without her, in 2021 she went with her daughter. I can't imagine experiencing something like the Camino or the sights for the food without her being inside. Why would I want to go anywhere without her?
We travel together.