Tips for Introverts...on the CF

[Robo]

A recent thread on this topic was closed (quite rightly) as it started to get a bit judgemental, but I think it could be useful for some members, if we can just keep it to tips!

We're all different. For example I'm one of those wierd Extrovert / Introvert types. I'm happy to give a talk to 1,000 people but find 10 noisy people at dinner a real challenge. (partly due to hearing and ADD)

I loved my days walking alone on the CF, but enjoyed company too. I loved dining with small groups, or one on one. But I dined 18 out of 40 days alone. Not usually by choice. (some were due to remote locations etc)

Was I lonely at times. Heck Yes...... Never so lonely as in a crowd .... quite often...

So maybe we could share some tips for those who are more on the Introvert end of the scale, and yearn for company, but struggle to find it? Here are mine to kick things off. They worked for me.

You may need to step out of your comfort zone just a little. If you are feeling lonely, don't expect others to 'draw you in' because they may just assume you want to be alone.

So.. if you find yourself feeling a bit lonely on Camino........try these:

1. If going into a place for dinner, maybe look for a Pilgrim sitting alone and ask if you can join them. Trying to join an established group is a lot harder and takes a lot more courage. And not so worth it, in my experience....
2. When walking or resting if you see someone who is looking a bit lonely, stop and say Hi.... Walk with them a while. I met some awesome people like this.
3. If you see someone struggling, maybe up a steep hill, fall into step with them. Say Hi. You just being there will give them moral support and usually a conversation will start.
4. Share a snack at a rest break.
5. Ask a question..... Wow, how old do you think that Church is?

There's a bit of a theme here I think. If YOU are lonely, maybe try to help another lonely person........and in doing so you will be helping yourself feel less lonely

I never actually had anyone say "get Lost I want to be Alone!" Quite the opposite in fact.

For those Extroverts out there, please appreciate that for some people, bonding with others in a crowded Albergue or merely starting a conversation with strangers is really hard...... Let's hope we can share some handy tips....

 

[C clearly]

To characterize ourselves strictly on the one-dimensional introvert-extrovert scale is too simplistic. Your suggestions are all good, for everyone to consider as they go about their lives!

 

[Annie Little]

To characterize ourselves strictly on the one-dimensional introvert-extrovert scale is too simplistic. Your suggestions are all good, for everyone to consider as they go about their lives!

I agree ... it's all as complex or as simple as we make it ..... at home I stick to myself as people not my peer group ... when travelling I can be an extrovert or an introvert .... best of both worlds ....

My peer group on all my travels are those also travelling ; reaching OUT; adventuring ; going outside their comfort zone

In my travels , I have met people I will NEVER forget ... be it a day , a few hours , a few days ....

What's the lesson ? .... well really for me it's NOT the quantity , it's the quality ...
Quality time
Quality experience
Quality richness
Quality of connectedness

I have met people in Camino and other travels that I shared far greater connectedness / experience / richness
Than people I see on daily basis ...
A great insight

Ultreia

 

[Annie Little]

For those Extroverts out there, please appreciate that for some people, bonding with others in a crowded Albergue or merely starting a conversation with strangers is really hard...... Let's hope we can share some handy tips....

Look I am like you BUT we are not anyone's responsibility ....
Live and Learn
Learn about oneself
Learn about others
BUT
TAKE responsibility for oneself

Ultreia

 

[Micah26]

I don't think we need to take responsibility for anyone but ourselves, however, this is a community of sorts. Community means you try to be sensitive to people and help each other. Most here have great advice when it comes to practical things such as shoes, packs, lists etc. for an introvert ( and some people are painfully just that for many reasons), saying hi to them etc is the same as advising about equipment. Practical and compassionate. Yes try to help and you will be helped. Also invite yourself it may or may not work. In the end finding comfort within is the struggle we all have!

 

[Forestgirl]

A recent thread on this topic was closed (quite rightly) as it started to get a bit judgemental, but I think it could be useful for some members, if we can just keep it to tips!

We're all different. For example I'm one of those wierd Extrovert / Introvert types. I'm happy to give a talk to 1,000 people but find 10 noisy people at dinner a real challenge. (partly due to hearing and ADD)

I loved my days walking alone on the CF, but enjoyed company too. I loved dining with small groups, or one on one. But I dined 18 out of 40 days alone. Not usually by choice.

Was I lonely at times. Heck Yes...... Never so lonely as in a crowd .... quite often...

So maybe we could share some tips for those who are more on the Introvert end of the scale, and yearn for company, but struggle to find it? Here are mine to kick things off. They worked for me.

You may need to step out of your comfort zone just a little. If you are feeling lonely, don't expect others to 'draw you in' because they may just assume you want to be alone.

1. If going into a place for dinner, maybe look for a Pilgrim sitting alone and ask if you can join them. Trying to join an established group is a lot harder and takes a lot more courage. And not so worth it, in my experience....
2. When walking or resting if you see someone who is looking a bit lonely, stop and say Hi.... Walk with them a while. I met some awesome people like this.
3. If you see someone struggling, maybe up a steep hill, fall into step with them. Say Hi. You just being there will give them moral support and usually a conversation will start.
4. Share a snack at a rest break.
5. Ask a question..... Wow, how old do you think that Church is?

There's a bit of a theme here I think. Try to help another lonely person........and in doing so you will be helping yourself

I never actually had anyone say "get Lost I want to be Alone!" Quite the opposite in fact.

For those Extroverts out there, please appreciate that for some people, bonding with others in a crowded Albergue or merely starting a conversation with strangers is really hard...... Let's hope we can share some handy tips....

BTW. I'm starting another thread on couples...........purely to get tips for myself

Thanks so much for the advice. I walked The Frances last year and never had a moment of loneliness. Starting in St Jean was helpful as you see the same people every couple of days. There was always someone to talk to if you felt disconnected. I'm in Santiago now and have finished the Camino Portuguese. I have never felt so alone. Everyone is already grouped together and I spent every single day walking alone and eating alone and then felt like I didn't exist during hours spent at albergues. I am due to stay until the 5th of June walking from wherever to wherever again. The thought of doing this alone makes me sick. Even worse is the thought of returning home. I saved every nickle for a year to get here and don't want to go home. I feel something here remains to be seen or felt or accomplished. I am ashamed to say how sad I feel when so many people would kill to be in my place. I also had my wallet stolen so I must stay in Santiago awaiting a new bank card praying the funds I do have will be sufficeient. It should be fine and it isn't my big worry. It's more like being alone for another month and a half or regretting going home because I'm so lonley. I feel stupid even telling all you all but it I suppose I have nothing to lose by admitting what I feel like sitting in such a beautiful place.
Thanks
Jennifer

 

[Robo]

Thanks so much for the advice. I walked Tv he Frances last year and never had a moment of loneliness. Starting in St Jean was helpful as you see the same people every couple of days. There was always someone to talk to if you felt disconnected. I'm in Santiago now and have finished the Camino Portuguese. I have never felt so alone. Everyone is already grouped together and I spent every single day walking alone and eating alone and then felt like I didn't exist during hours spent at albergues. I am due to stay until the 5th of June walking from wherever to wherever again. The thought of doing this alone makes me sick. Even worse is the thought of returning home. I saved every nickle for a year to get here and don't want to go home. I feel something here remains to be seen or felt or accomplished. I am ashamed to say how sad I feel when so many people would kill to be in my place. I also had my wallet stolen so I must stay in Santiago awaiting a new bank card praying the funds I do have will be sufficeient. It should be fine and it isn't my big worry. It's more like being alone for another month and a half or regretting going home because I'm so lonley. I feel stupid even telling all you all but it I suppose I have nothing to lose by admitting what I feel like sitting in such a beautiful place.
Thanks
Jennifer

So sorry to hear that you feel so lonely Jennifer. But I understand how that can be. Just keep taking that first step to say Hi to people It annoys by wife no end when we travel. I'm always saying hi to strangers and helping them out if I can... But Hey, that's how we meet people....at least that's how I do.

 

[Robo]

Look I am like you BUT we are not anyone's responsibility ....

I agree 100%. I was just hoping we might share some tips for those who might struggle with loneliness when walking. Tips for them to try........

 

[Forestgirl]

So sorry to hear that you feel so lonely Jennifer. But I understand how that can be. Just keep taking that first step to say Hi to people It annoys by wife no end when we travel. I'm always saying hi to strangers and helping them out if I can... But Hey, that's how we meet people....at least that's how I do.

Thanks for the
Encouragement. You know how it feels when your down. It's hard to put on that happy face. Well off I go now. I'll try my best. Thank you
Jennnfer

 

[Deleted member 36903]

Thanks so much for the advice. I walked Tv he Frances last year and never had a moment of loneliness. Starting in St Jean was helpful as you see the same people every couple of days. There was always someone to talk to if you felt disconnected. I'm in Santiago now and have finished the Camino Portuguese. I have never felt so alone. Everyone is already grouped together and I spent every single day walking alone and eating alone and then felt like I didn't exist during hours spent at albergues. I am due to stay until the 5th of June walking from wherever to wherever again. The thought of doing this alone makes me sick. Even worse is the thought of returning home. I saved every nickle for a year to get here and don't want to go home. I feel something here remains to be seen or felt or accomplished. I am ashamed to say how sad I feel when so many people would kill to be in my place. I also had my wallet stolen so I must stay in Santiago awaiting a new bank card praying the funds I do have will be sufficeient. It should be fine and it isn't my big worry. It's more like being alone for another month and a half or regretting going home because I'm so lonley. I feel stupid even telling all you all but it I suppose I have nothing to lose by admitting what I feel like sitting in such a beautiful place.
Thanks
Jennifer

Hi Jennifer, these are just a few suggestions that might enable you to meet up with other people in Santiago. Go to the English-speaking Mass held in a side chapel in the cathedral. In the two I have attended, everyone was asked to introduce themselves, then afterwards we were invited to join others for coffee at a place adjacent to the cathedral. Directly opposite is La Hospaderia San Martin Pinario, it is a very grand looking building which is also a hotel BUT it has rooms on the top floor for pilgrims and the low price includes breakfast. You can also have breakfast there if you are not a resident, you have to pay of course, and another good way to meet fellow pilgrims, as is making use of the large room next to the refectory where breakfast is served open to all pilgrims with comfortable seating a bar, and a television and very convivial. Finally, there is the wonderful Pilgrim House where you will be welcomed and can join in meetings there.

 

[Kanga]

@Forestgirl Hi Jennifer, I'm so sorry you are feeling down. Just a suggestion, drop in at the Pilgrim House and say hello to Faith, one of our moderators, and then get a train to Madrid, a train to Pamplona, a bus to St-Jean-Pied-de-Port - and start walking again. You have plenty of time, and you don't need to make it all the way to Santiago. One of the wisest things anyone has said on this forum is @Rebekah Scott: "When in doubt, a pilgrim walks".

You've done it before but so what? I've walked the Camino Frances five times and that is still not enough!

 

[Robo]

Great advice Kanga! Whenever I felt down, walking always made my spirits rise again

 

[natefaith]

@Robo I really appreciate your post, especially because you are investing in the kind of culture you want to see on the Camino instead of just waiting for things to happen and depending on others to make your Camino less lonely. I think sometimes it's hard for us to reach out to others on the trail because we're not sure where they're at, if they want company or if they'd rather be alone...but we can at least ask!

Enjoy all the planning for your next Camino!
Faith

@Forestgirl : I'm sending you a private message!

 

[t2andreo]

If you arrange it so you both have mobile phones and can at least exchange text messages, you can simply agree where you will stop for the evening, and then each walk at your own pace. A group, even a couple, can only walk as fast as it's slowest member.

It is REALLY difficult to get lost. But, it is easy enough to get separated if you cannot coordinate where you are, or where you want to be to meet.

To increase the odds of a positive experience, consider doing two pilgrimages within one journey. You are walking together on the same route and join together each evening. Use text messages to coordinate changes or alternatives. You start off each morning as a couple. However, over the day, consider allowing each person's natural pace and inclinations to determine their day.

I've been married for 38 years and am starting my fifth, solo Camino from Lisbon on 27 April. But, my wife has not yet chosen to join me. She fully supports what I am doing and accepts that I NEED to do this. When she does eventually choose to come, I shall infuse the experience with all the experience and advice I have learned and given over the years, including the above notion of two pilgrimages within one journey.

Each pilgrim must walk their own private Camino. This necessarily includes couples or even organized groups. You all walk in the same direction, with the same evening destination, yet your Camino is separate and different form your spouse, partner, or friends.

I hope this helps.

 

[Micah26]

Hi Jennifer,
I'm sorry you're struggling! Can you call a friend or relative and just chat? Describe what you've done and seen. You don't have to say why you're calling unless you want to. Even the most extroverted people struggle with the feelings you're having. Don't put yourself down right now but be your best friend! I think others have given you some good suggestions. The forum is here too. Feel free to contact me privately if I can help you at all!

 

[Rick M]

Robo, this is a thoughtful thread you have started here, let me add a half penny to it.

First off, I will plead guilty to not being as welcoming to solo, shy pilgrims as perhaps I could have been. In my own defense, the Albergue bar is such a target-rich environment for extroverts to talk to each other that its easy to become distracted. Mea Culpa.

From an extrovert's point of view, the Camino is a bit of a segregated experience. When we went, we had no trouble meeting people at all since I tend to that side of the spectrum, but there were a lot of people we never really made contact with because of the language barrier. The Spanish pilgrims in particular tended to sit at the "Spanish" table while everyone else struggled at the "English" table as best they could. There were times when critical mass was achieved for a German, French, or Italian table, and I had to seek other company. In addition, I found that there are a fair number of people that wanted to be alone, or at least, that's what I concluded. There was one woman in particular we shadowed much of the way that never really spoke to anyone else, despite clearly being able to when ordering coffee.

The point is even an extrovert like me isn't sure if:

a) You want to communicate
b) You and I will really be able to communicate

The best way to solve a) is to make eye contact, and smile or nod. That's it, just make it clear that you are receptive to talk. If that is too direct, even standing in a busy bar with a tray of food looking bewildered as to where to sit might elicit an invite to join a table.

The best way to solve b) is to say something. Say anything to anyone or to no-one. Order coffee loudly in a bar, tell the river it is noisy, the forest that it is beautiful, or complain to your shoes that they used to like your feet. This is a cue to anyone in earshot that you speak their language - and that you want to talk.

A final suggestion: If you are from a smaller country, wear your nation's flag somewhere visible. Its always a great way to get someone to tell you about the time they got lost in Belgium, confuse you with an Australian, or to ask you if that's the flag of the Czech Republic!

 

[bmcbride]

A recent thread on this topic was closed (quite rightly) as it started to get a bit judgemental, but I think it could be useful for some members, if we can just keep it to tips!

We're all different. For example I'm one of those wierd Extrovert / Introvert types. I'm happy to give a talk to 1,000 people but find 10 noisy people at dinner a real challenge. (partly due to hearing and ADD)

I loved my days walking alone on the CF, but enjoyed company too. I loved dining with small groups, or one on one. But I dined 18 out of 40 days alone. Not usually by choice. (some were due to remote locations etc)

Was I lonely at times. Heck Yes...... Never so lonely as in a crowd .... quite often...

So maybe we could share some tips for those who are more on the Introvert end of the scale, and yearn for company, but struggle to find it? Here are mine to kick things off. They worked for me.

You may need to step out of your comfort zone just a little. If you are feeling lonely, don't expect others to 'draw you in' because they may just assume you want to be alone.

So.. if you find yourself feeling a bit lonely on Camino........try these:

1. If going into a place for dinner, maybe look for a Pilgrim sitting alone and ask if you can join them. Trying to join an established group is a lot harder and takes a lot more courage. And not so worth it, in my experience....
2. When walking or resting if you see someone who is looking a bit lonely, stop and say Hi.... Walk with them a while. I met some awesome people like this.
3. If you see someone struggling, maybe up a steep hill, fall into step with them. Say Hi. You just being there will give them moral support and usually a conversation will start.
4. Share a snack at a rest break.
5. Ask a question..... Wow, how old do you think that Church is?

There's a bit of a theme here I think. Try to help another lonely person........and in doing so you will be helping yourself feel less lonely

I never actually had anyone say "get Lost I want to be Alone!" Quite the opposite in fact.

For those Extroverts out there, please appreciate that for some people, bonding with others in a crowded Albergue or merely starting a conversation with strangers is really hard...... Let's hope we can share some handy tips....

BTW. I'm starting another thread on couples...........purely to get tips for myself

This has really given me something to think about - thanks. I am an introvert, but when I walked the CF in 2014 I immediately joined up with others (much to my surprise). I could walk alone during the day and have my contemplation time, but I always had someone to talk to, eat with, etc. I begin the Primitivo on July 4th, and I am expecting less people and may not find myself in a "cohort" again. I am going try to incorporate all of your tips into my walk.

 

[mspath]

...
The best way to solve a) is to make eye contact, and smile or nod. That's it, just make it clear that you are receptive to talk. ...

The best way to solve b) is to say something. Say anything to anyone or to no-one. ...
tell the river it is noisy, ...

Indeed. Some of the happiest camino memories and great joys are the gracious kindnesses of strangers along the way who offered their conversation, help, smiles, water, and hospitality.

Late January 2009 the famous Arga River where Hemingway liked to fish was churning with high water. Walking towards Pamplona in a heavy rain I was very worried about one area on the route remembered from past Caminos where it mounted steeply and then clung to a cliff before leveling out. Such a crossing could be very dangerous in the pouring rain!

Suddenly approaching out of the distant mist appeared a guy holding an umbrella although it was hardly weather for strolling. Nervous I walked closer. We both looked each other in the eye and spoke loudly about the river whirlpools mixing Spanish, French and English. Eventually he mentioned another nearby more level path to Trinidad! Sharing his umbrella he then kindly walked me safely to the monastery at Trinidad de Arre where we were greeted warmly by the gracious monks who knew him well.

How lucky it was for me that we had met and chatted! ...Across the years I fondly remember him with his umbrella as a helpful Narnia faun!

 

[Stets]

When I clicked on this thread, I was thinking the advice would be in the opposite direction... As an introvert I'm much more worried about how to avoid over-exposure to people than under-exposure on the Camino. But, of course, both are a concern -- we all need our right balance of "people time" vs. "alone time" and it can be very frustrating when we're off too far in either direction. I guess we're all looking for different things from the Camino, but I'm looking forward to some nice time alone (or alone in a crowd). Away from my wife, family and friends. I'll be happy to meet and chat with people as they come and go of course, but that's not what I'm going for.

 

[Anemone del Camino]

When I clicked on this thread, I was thinking the advice would be in the opposite direction... As an introvert I'm much more worried about how to avoid over-exposure to people than under-exposure on the Camino.

I have to agree. Isn't an introvert a person who is more at ease on one's own rather than one who blossoms in a social environment? In that case, wouldn't they run screaming from extroverts and their tentacles trying to embrace them and bring them in into the social side?

And doesn't it all boil down to being polite rather than trying to save the poor introvert from his or her own self inflicted misery? I cannot help but feel this is portrait being painted of introverts.

As for feeling lonely on the Camino, I believe it is a question of managing expectations. For me, by nature the Camino is about solitude: few people spread over long distances. If one was lucky to meet a few people of interest then it's a bonus, but not what one should expect from a Camino. The Camino shows you to dig deep, inside. To overcome pain, boredom, fears, to discover your own-self, soul and battered body. Meetings are just chance encounters.

 

[Bradypus]

As for feeling lonely on the Camino, I believe it is a question of managing expectations. For me, by nature the Camino is about solitude: few people spread over long distances. If one was lucky to meet a few people of interest then it's a bonus, but not what one should expect from a Camino.

I think that people who are naturally gregarious sometimes have trouble in making the distinction between loneliness and solitude. Not the same thing by any means. My first Camino was very quiet. On most days I saw no other pilgrims between the refugios. For something like 1/3 or even 1/2 of my nights in the refugios I was entirely alone. Although I did not keep a count I would be surprised if I met more than 30 other pilgrims in total between St Jean and Santiago - walking in July and August. When I returned home to the UK a friend asked if I had not found it lonely. For a few seconds I simply could not understand the question. The idea had never once crossed my mind.

 

[JulieandPeter]

Jennifer, 528 people have read this thread (so far) and my guess is every one of us who read your message wants to reach out and give you a big hug. I hope you can feel the love from all over the world.

 

[Rick M]

I have to agree. Isn't an introvert a person who is more at ease on one's own rather than one who blossoms in a social environment? In that case, wouldn't they run screaming from extroverts and their tentacles trying to embrace them and bring them in into the scocial side

Of Course! But I think the OP was soliciting tips for introverts who WANT to have social contact in some limited way, or at least that was my interpretation. Introversion/extroversion is neither binary, nor a choice, but rather a spectrum of human characteristic. Most want a mix of solitude and social interaction to some extent. I will, however, take heed and try to keep my tentacles to myself.

 

[Robo]

A final suggestion: If you are from a smaller country, wear your nation's flag somewhere visible. Its always a great way to get someone to tell you about the time they got lost in Belgium, confuse you with an Australian, or to ask you if that's the flag of the Czech Republic!

I like this last one particularly ......

Pat and I have Australian and Thai flags on our packs. A lot of people would ask about the Thai flag.

Along that theme.....on my solo walk I was accompanied by Mr Bean, my 6 inch Teddy Bear. He too drew a few smiles and comments, that started conversations.

 

[Robo]

When I clicked on this thread, I was thinking the advice would be in the opposite direction... As an introvert I'm much more worried about how to avoid over-exposure to people than under-exposure on the Camino. But, of course, both are a concern -- we all need our right balance of "people time" vs. "alone time" and it can be very frustrating when we're off too far in either direction. I guess we're all looking for different things from the Camino, but I'm looking forward to some nice time alone (or alone in a crowd). Away from my wife, family and friends. I'll be happy to meet and chat with people as they come and go of course, but that's not what I'm going for.

A good point @Stets. The thread was really prompted by a recent one in which a Pilgrim described the loneliness of walking alone, and how they wanted company. But of course we need to understand that some people 'want' to be alone and respect that too.

My initial tips were really meant for those who feel lonely, to help them reach out for company. Not a plea for the more extroverted to 'barge in' on those seeking solitude

There are times when we all want to be alone I think.

On my second day as I reached the top of the Pyrenees I was 'caught up' by a very pleasant German guy who would just not stop talking! I really wanted to be alone as I was deep in thought and marvelling at the experience of just walking alone. I just asked if I could walk this section alone and maybe we could have a coffee Roncesvalles.....which we did. And in fact we had dinner together a couple of weeks later.

On another occasion our Camino family decided to meet at a certain cafe for dinner. I got there to find the 'family' had swollen from 8 to over 30.....all packed into a tiny cafe. I'm not great in noisy crowds (ADD and hearing issues amongst other things) so I made my excuses and left.......

In both cases no one was offended.

You raise a good point. And I'm sure you would agree that if solitude is what a Pilgrim seeks, it can usually be found, even on the CF. I had some marvellous days walking alone, without another soul in sight, as I worked out that departure time and walking speed was a key factor in Pilgrim Density on the path

 

[Forestgirl]

Hi Jennifer, these are just a few suggestions that might enable you to meet up with other people in Santiago. Go to the English-speaking Mass held in a side chapel in the cathedral. In the two I have attended, everyone was asked to introduce themselves, then afterwards we were invited to join others for coffee at a place adjacent to the cathedral. Directly opposite is La Hospaderia San Martin Pinario, it is a very grand looking building which is also a hotel BUT it has rooms on the top floor for pilgrims and the low price includes breakfast. You can also have breakfast there if you are not a resident, you have to pay of course, and another good way to meet fellow pilgrims, as is making use of the large room next to the refectory where breakfast is served open to all pilgrims with comfortable seating a bar, and a television and very convivial. Finally, there is the wonderful Pilgrim House where you will be welcomed and can join in meetings there.

Fabulous ideas. I've been to three mass (or is it masses) in two days. None of which were English. I did hear a little bit about this hotel in which you mentioned. I didn't know where it was located but I do now.
I would like everyone to know I had a great day, fabulous even. I met some folks in line for the second mass. We began talking and ended up having lunch afterwards. These weren't pilgrims, but really good people that made me feel like I belonged. Also, during this long wait in line I was able to witness the Easter Day Procession marching through the plaza. for a moment there I felt like the luckiest little girl in the world. I feel back in my old skin and the Camino doesn't seem so lonely anymore. I'm staying at Roots and Boots albergue and met a couple other solo pilgrims. So it seems as though, at least for now, that I've steadied this rocking boat and hopeful for smooth sailing in the future days. Thank you all for coming to my aid as I felt like giving up or giving into my

 

[Robo]

Of Course! But I think the OP was soliciting tips for introverts who WANT to have social contact in some limited way, or at least that was my interpretation.

Spot On

 

[Forestgirl]

Fabulous ideas. I've been to three mass (or is it masses) in two days. None of which were English. I did hear a little bit about this hotel in which you mentioned. I didn't know where it was located but I do now.
I would like everyone to know I had a great day, fabulous even. I met some folks in line for the second mass. We began talking and ended up having lunch afterwards. These weren't pilgrims, but really good people that made me feel like I belonged. Also, during this long wait in line I was able to witness the Easter Day Procession marching through the plaza. for a moment there I felt like the luckiest little girl in the world. I feel back in my old skin and the Camino doesn't seem so lonely anymore. I'm staying at Roots and Boots albergue and met a couple other solo pilgrims. So it seems as though, at least for now, that I've steadied this rocking boat and hopeful for smooth sailing in the future days. Thank you all for coming to my aid as I felt like giving up or giving into my

I wasn't quite finished but my fingers thought differently. I think my point is made. I'm happy and safe and in the company of people that gathered me up and made me feel at home.
Thanks so much
Jennifer

 

[Robo]

Fabulous ideas. I've been to three mass (or is it masses) in two days. None of which were English. I did hear a little bit about this hotel in which you mentioned. I didn't know where it was located but I do now.
I would like everyone to know I had a great day, fabulous even. I met some folks in line for the second mass. We began talking and ended up having lunch afterwards. These weren't pilgrims, but really good people that made me feel like I belonged. Also, during this long wait in line I was able to witness the Easter Day Procession marching through the plaza. for a moment there I felt like the luckiest little girl in the world. I feel back in my old skin and the Camino doesn't seem so lonely anymore. I'm staying at Roots and Boots albergue and met a couple other solo pilgrims. So it seems as though, at least for now, that I've steadied this rocking boat and hopeful for smooth sailing in the future days. Thank you all for coming to my aid as I felt like giving up or giving into my

Great to hear that things have 'perked up' for you

 

[Forestgirl]

@Forestgirl Hi Jennifer, I'm so sorry you are feeling down. Just a suggestion, drop in at the Pilgrim House and say hello to Faith, one of our moderators, and then get a train to Madrid, a train to Pamplona, a bus to St-Jean-Pied-de-Port - and start walking again. You have plenty of time, and you don't need to make it all the way to Santiago. One of the wisest things anyone has said on this forum is @Rebekah Scott: "When in doubt, a pilgrim walks".

You've done it before but so what? I've walked the Camino Frances five times and that is still not enough!

What a perfect quote indeed. I fancy that idea of going back to the beginning of it all, but I don't think I'll ever walk from St Jean again. Beautiful place and no regrets in walking it, but I found it to be a bigger challenge than I care to take on again. I have nothing but respect for those who conquer those routes over the Pyrenees. That's an entirely different topic so I'll just say this
.....when in doubt, a pilgrim walks. God bless!!

 

[Forestgirl]

Jennifer, 528 people have read this thread (so far) and my guess is every one of us who read your message wants to reach out and give you a big hug. I hope you can feel the love from all over the world.

You have no idea how that makes me feel. All the posts have really shown me the many facets of what I've been going through..from managing expectations to the difference between loneliness and solitude and so on. All the warm messages and voices of wisdom have made me look deeper into myself. What did I think I was going to get here anyway...I am firm believer in the "magic" of the Camino. I have never felt so strongly about the power of the Camino. I know without a doubt whatever I need will be given and what I don't will be taken. There are hard lessons where tears stain your dirty face and moments of joy that make your skin tingle and lots of in-between but I've found everything here is meant to be and has been set in motion long before I had even heard the word 'Camino. You get out of the Camino what you are supposed to get. I love it. Here's what I say to myself "Just settle down Jennifer and let it be and the world will open as it supposed to. I cannot coax it pry it poke it or push it. It's happening now."
Jennifer

 

[Forestgirl]

Great to hear that things have 'perked up' for you

Me too!!!
Thanks for everything.

 

[dougfitz]

I think that people who are naturally gregarious sometimes have trouble in making the distinction between loneliness and solitude. Not the same thing by any means. My first Camino was very quiet. On most days I saw no other pilgrims between the refugios. For something like 1/3 or even 1/2 of my nights in the refugios I was entirely alone. Although I did not keep a count I would be surprised if I met more than 30 other pilgrims in total between St Jean and Santiago - walking in July and August. When I returned home to the UK a friend asked if I had not found it lonely. For a few seconds I simply could not understand the question. The idea had never once crossed my mind.

@Bradypus. I really appreciate that you and @Stets have raised this important distinction, and I note that @Robo has responded to it. I really have no idea whether I am an introvert - it might be more correct to say that on a spectrum I tend to that. What is clear to me is that while helping someone who is lonely is a laudable thing to do, it is possible to be alone without being lonely.

What did surprise me was the suggestion that @Robo had never been told by anyone that they wanted to be alone. It may not have been my mantra, but I would regularly tell people 'I think I would like to walk alone for a while' or 'I think I will have a break for a few minutes, why don't you walk on'. Perhaps others are less willing to make such a statement, but for those attempting to save us from our 'loneliness', please, please be sensitive to the messages that we don't need your company right now.

 

[Rebekah Scott]

Rebekah here. If you still want to walk, turn around and walk to here, the Peaceable Kingdom, in Moratinos. We are hermits. We will talk to you much as you like, but we know how to leave you alone, too.
You can stay in your own room, pet animals, help out in the garden and with the occasional pilgrims and feel the quiet of a meseta village in spring.

 

[Rebekah Scott]

Hi Jennifer, these are just a few suggestions that might enable you to meet up with other people in Santiago. Go to the English-speaking Mass held in a side chapel in the cathedral. .

The Dean of the cathedral, in his wisdom, has suspended the Camino Chaplaincy English Masses at the side chapel. The cathedral supposedly will provide English-language ministry of its own, but I've not heard when, where, or how. Perhaps our friends in Santiago know?

 

[VNwalking]

.....when in doubt, a pilgrim walks. God bless!!

Jennifer, I'm coming late to the thread but chiming in to wish you all the best--and am very glad to know the overcast sky has cleared. Buen Camino, wherever you end up walking.

The Dean of the cathedral, in his wisdom, has suspended the Camino Chaplaincy English Masses at the side chapel.

It's good to know, but I can't press 'like' because I don't.

 

[Robo]

@Bradypus. I really appreciate that you and @Stets have raised this important distinction, and I note that @Robo has responded to it. I really have no idea whether I am an introvert - it might be more correct to say that on a spectrum I tend to that. What is clear to me is that while helping someone who is lonely is a laudable thing to do, it is possible to be alone without being lonely.

What did surprise me was the suggestion that @Robo had never been told by anyone that they wanted to be alone. It may not have been my mantra, but I would regularly tell people 'I think I would like to walk alone for a while' or 'I think I will have a break for a few minutes, why don't you walk on'. Perhaps others are less willing to make such a statement, but for those attempting to save us from our 'loneliness', please, please be sensitive to the messages that we don't need your company right now.

Good points Doug. To put things in perspective. I actually preferred to walk alone most of the time, so I was rarely 'imposing' myself on others. The few occasions that I did, was when it 'appeared' at least, that the person was struggling a bit or might like some company. I mean.........it was really obvious...... And in those cases the company seemed to be warmly welcomed.

There were a few times when the tables were turned. I was having a really 'down' day, or struggling up a hill, and someone just fell into step with me and chatted for a while. At those times I really welcomed the company and it lifted my spirits, so I had no need to say, "I'm stopping, you go on" Which of course is a great way to excuse your self.... I used that a few times too

You make a very good point about being alone and being lonely. Not the same at all.

I tended to prefer to walk alone, I loved the Solitude, though I would chat to people at breaks. But I generally preferred not to be alone for dinner. But hey, we are all different.

I think what is key here, is that we should not assume that someone wants company. They may absolutely not. So it is hard for others to know if someone is just alone or lonely.

And as others have pointed out. We are all responsible for ourselves! The purpose of the thread, which I know you appreciate, was merely to suggest some tips to those who Feel lonely, and Want company.

Not for the rest of us to be seeking out 'lonely looking' souls and 'imposing' our company

 

[capecorps]

Human relationships are fraught with difficulty: perhaps the understatement of all time. But I have noticed on my Caminos that if ever, people could get along and iron out difficulties, the Camino surely provides the environment for it. I have no truck nor patience for those shallow individuals who ignore others in order to enhance their own or their group's self esteem: this is without doubt the most deadly of all sins: pride cost Satan dearly.

For those introverted individuals who feel slighted by being ignored by their fellow pilgrims, I urge them to remember that they are after all, on a pilgrimage: and in the best company of them all: the Father, the Son and the Holy spirit, as well as St. James and your guardian angel; with this gang of five, who needs anyone else.

But if you not Catholic, I realize the foregoing is meaningless to you: so there is always yourself. The Camino provides a golden opportunity to meet yourself; and the more isolated you are, the more golden the opportunity. In the lonely fastness of the Camino, when there is only you and the mountain and that unbelievable blue Spanish sky, you will meet someone that you probably haven't met for a while: and that is yourself. And depending upon the life you've led up to now, you could say: well..he's not such a bad guy. He tried to do what he thought was right, and if he ignored someone who was in need, it was not intentional.

And even if you have led a bad life up to now: the Camino provides you the opportunity to rewrite your life story. You have many weeks ahead of you, literally in God's country to revise your life story, to make amends, to make peace with yourself.

Or perhaps, you are one of those fortunate, social individuals who have no idea what I'm talking about.

 

[Robo]

The Camino provides a golden opportunity to meet yourself; and the more isolated you are, the more golden the opportunity. In the lonely fastness of the Camino, when there is only you and the mountain and that unbelievable blue Spanish sky, you will meet someone that you probably haven't met for a while: and that is yourself.

So very true. That's why I loved to walk alone most of the time. It took me a couple of weeks to get to that stage......

 

[tillyjones]

Rebekah here. If you still want to walk, turn around and walk to here, the Peaceable Kingdom, in Moratinos. We are hermits. We will talk to you much as you like, but we know how to leave you alone, too.
You can stay in your own room, pet animals, help out in the garden and with the occasional pilgrims and feel the quiet of a meseta village in spring.

Rebekah, I'm going to try to remember this (if this was an open invitation??) If my heart isn't in my upcoming Camino, as I'm worrying it may not be, perhaps I will come and hermit there.

 

[Micah26]

"Isn't an introvert a person who is more at ease on one's own rather than one who blossoms in a social environment? In that case, wouldn't they run screaming from extroverts and their tentacles trying to embrace them and bring them in into the scocial side?
And doesn't it all boil down to being polite rather than trying to save the poor imtovert from his or her own self inflicted mysery? I cannot help but feel this is portrait being painted of introverts."
"I think that people who are naturally gregarious sometimes have trouble in making the distinction between loneliness and solitude. Not the same thingby any means."
*******************
If I may make a brief professional clarification. First generally defined, introverts take their energy from within and can be overwhelmed by external "noise". Extroverts get their energy from without "feeding off of others" in a good way mind you, for both. Please this is simplistic at best.
Many times, the world tends to reward the extrovert and penalize the introvert, self-acceptance results accordingly. Be this as it may, if one does not grow up with good models of both, it's difficult, particularly for the introvert to adjust on their own. Generally, the introvert always has to adjust to extrovert world, as silence, being alone, etc is often misinterpreted as a negative.

In addition, the normal trial and error for a true introvert is often very painful and peppered with a sense of failure. Although generally introverts prefer the quiet and their own company, humans are pack animals. Even monasteries for example, require monks to live successfully in community before seeking solitude as a hermit!
In the end, I am unable to tell from descriptions who is an introvert or extrovert and who might suffer from shyness, inexperience in social situations, etc., etc.
It seems to me the best we can do for each other is to be kind. Reach out a hand or a smile or invitation if you see someone alone. And if you can't reach out but need human contact, try to look approachable, smile, nod, make a comment. I don't see the world in these extremes, we all have bits and pieces within of each, more or less at different times. Let compassion be your guide....I hope this wasn't preachy or teachy just maybe a little helpful.

Buen Camino All!
Micah

 

[VNwalking]

Or perhaps, you are one of those fortunate, social individuals who have no idea what I'm talking about.

I feel fortunate to be more on the quiet side, to be honest.

It seems to me the best we can do for each other is to be kind.

Yes, yes, and yes. That's the bottom line.
Thank you, Micah.
It takes sensitivity to simply be kind--and that's often the challenge, no matter where on the spectrum we live. My perception--and I'll own it as that, rather than a statement of universal truth--is that it's sometimes harder for those on the extroverted end to do that. Not always, of course. But quiet observation is not usually the default setting for some of us.

 

[Forestgirl]

Rebekah here. If you still want to walk, turn around and walk to here, the Peaceable Kingdom, in Moratinos. We are hermits. We will talk to you much as you like, but we know how to leave you alone, too.
You can stay in your own room, pet animals, help out in the garden and with the occasional pilgrims and feel the quiet of a meseta village in spring.

Yes yes I still want to walk. I always want to walk, rain or shine. I was considering returning to the Frances, but I hadn't yet determined where I should go. I found your invitation was deeply moving when I read it late last night, so much so I found it difficult to fall asleep. I can't really explain it, but when something feels so right I know that I must follow that intuition, that calling. I suppose that's why I ended up in Spain walking the Camino in the first place. I felt as though I'd been here before and my mind ached with a warmness similar to coming home after a long absence. I would very much enjoy the company of you and your Peaceable Kingdom. I cannot think of a more beautiful experience. I am so very grateful for your generosity of kindness and understanding. I shall come to Moratinos. If the invitation is still open, I will give you notice prior to arriving and I very much look forward to meeting you.
Jennifer.

 

[natefaith]

The Dean of the cathedral, in his wisdom, has suspended the Camino Chaplaincy English Masses at the side chapel. The cathedral supposedly will provide English-language ministry of its own, but I've not heard when, where, or how. Perhaps our friends in Santiago know?

@JohnnieWalker can provide information if he's on.

 

[simeon]

another suggestion is just to put your guidebook on the table in the evening when your pack is in the alburge. This identifies you as a perigrino and "invites" like minded peregiinos to join you. The first topic of conversation can be your plan for the following day

 

[Felipe]

Well, my photo avatar tells it all.
Although it seems at first sight paradoxical, I have found easier to meet people and have my bit of social life in lonely roads and stages. We are few, so people tend to approach each other in the auberges. In my last pilgrimage, in the quiet Piedmont, I was kind of "adopted" by two couples. They called me to join them at diners, made sure I had arrived safely (we had some difficult days, because of the weather) and so. It was nice.
But after Sarria, there were so many people that most walkers did not care who was in the roads, alone or not, and the occasional interactions were quite ephemeral. It was the classical "alone in a crowd" situation.
The social aspect of the Camino is important to me, and one of the reasons that I come back, again and again. But I have not particular expectatives; meeting interesting and friendly people could happen or not. I can manage both...

 

[t2andreo]

Fabulous ideas. I've been to three mass (or is it masses) in two days. None of which were English. I did hear a little bit about this hotel in which you mentioned. I didn't know where it was located but I do now.
I would like everyone to know I had a great day, fabulous even. I met some folks in line for the second mass. We began talking and ended up having lunch afterwards. These weren't pilgrims, but really good people that made me feel like I belonged. Also, during this long wait in line I was able to witness the Easter Day Procession marching through the plaza. for a moment there I felt like the luckiest little girl in the world. I feel back in my old skin and the Camino doesn't seem so lonely anymore. I'm staying at Roots and Boots albergue and met a couple other solo pilgrims. So it seems as though, at least for now, that I've steadied this rocking boat and hopeful for smooth sailing in the future days. Thank you all for coming to my aid as I felt like giving up or giving into my

If someone else has not already suggested this, go to the Pilgrim House at Rua Nova 19. They will fix you up in a jiffy...

I hope this helps.

 

[Forestgirl]

If someone else has not already suggested this, go to the Pilgrim House at Rua Nova 19. They will fix you up in a jiffy...

I hope this helps.

It has been a wealth of support hearing suggestions and sharing of experiences from everyone. Each and everyone who has posted and extended themselves for my aid I hold dear to my heart and I have noted all the suggestions. Thank you t2andreo for you help as well.
Jennifer

 

[t2andreo]

No es no problemo... BTW, they are closed on Wednesdays and Sundays, unless something has changed this season.

 

[formerly multipurpose]

Thanks so much for the advice. I walked Tv he Frances last year and never had a moment of loneliness. Starting in St Jean was helpful as you see the same people every couple of days. There was always someone to talk to if you felt disconnected. I'm in Santiago now and have finished the Camino Portuguese. I have never felt so alone. Everyone is already grouped together and I spent every single day walking alone and eating alone and then felt like I didn't exist during hours spent at albergues. I am due to stay until the 5th of June walking from wherever to wherever again. The thought of doing this alone makes me sick. Even worse is the thought of returning home. I saved every nickle for a year to get here and don't want to go home. I feel something here remains to be seen or felt or accomplished. I am ashamed to say how sad I feel when so many people would kill to be in my place. I also had my wallet stolen so I must stay in Santiago awaiting a new bank card praying the funds I do have will be sufficeient. It should be fine and it isn't my big worry. It's more like being alone for another month and a half or regretting going home because I'm so lonley. I feel stupid even telling all you all but it I suppose I have nothing to lose by admitting what I feel like sitting in such a beautiful place.
Thanks
Jennifer

Jennifer you are not stupid or foolish to feel lonely, it happens to everyone at one time or another, it just means you are human. I am 68 and have had moments of loneliness in my life too. Many years ago I was involved in that unfortunate conflict in South East Asia in the U.S. military. You really develop a sense of camaraderie and fellowship with the people around you when you are being shot at I can tell you. When I got home I felt like a zombie, I told my friends and family about it, but they couldn't they understand, how could they--they weren't there. Then later on I became more active in my local church which helped immensely. I developed a sense that something or someone is always looking over me, watching me, giving me moral support, comforting me, even if I see no human being. Call that entity God, Buddha, the king of heaven, the spirit in the sky, whatever you want, but I believe it is there. After I came to that realization I didn't feel as lonely anymore.

 

[Luka]

Although it seems at first sight paradoxical, I have found easier to meet people and have my bit of social life in lonely roads and stages. We are few, so people tend to approach each other in the auberges.

This. As an introvert, I find the Camino Francés a bit overwhelming. So many people that I can feel rather lonely in the crowds. Chatting with so many different strangers costs me a lot of energy. I tend to butterfly around groups, disappear and show up again. I have difficulties making all these kinds of arrangements: to which albergue do we go? Where will we meet for lunch? At the same time I sometimes feel jealous at these groups. People who meet in SJPP and stick together until Santiago. I saw people becoming friends for life. But I know it would be too exhausting for me to stick to a group like that.

I was so lucky on the VdlP. About 20-25 seasoned pilgrims a day. Different ages, different nationalities, almost all of them came alone, almost all of them preferred to walk alone. At the albergues we didn't arrange things, we just met and talked. Or not. I remember a moment I joined a Danish woman at a terrace. 'Please sit down,' she said, 'and please, let me write in my diary.' I grinned, sat down, and put my own diary on the table.

I do enjoy company. But not too many people and not for too long. I need the feeling of freedom, to join and to leave.

 

[tillyjones]

This. As an introvert, I find the Camino Francés a bit overwhelming. So many people that I can feel rather lonely in the crowds. Chatting with so many different strangers costs me a lot of energy. I tend to butterfly around groups, disappear and show up again. I have difficulties making all these kinds of arrangements: to which albergue do we go? Where will we meet for lunch? At the same time I sometimes feel jealous at these groups. People who meet in SJPP and stick together until Santiago. I saw people becoming friends for life. But I know it would be too exhausting for me to stick to a group like that.

I was so lucky on the VdlP. About 20-25 seasoned pilgrims a day. Different ages, different nationalities, almost all of them came alone, almost all of them preferred to walk alone. At the albergues we didn't arrange things, we just met and talked. Or not. I remember a moment I joined a Danish woman at a terrace. 'Please sit down,' she said, 'and please, let me write in my diary.' I grinned, sat down, and put my own diary at the table.

I do enjoy company. But not too many people and not for too long. I need the feeling of freedom, to join and to leave.

It just gives me so much comfort to read of people who experience the same things I do. It has always seemed that I'm quite alone.

 

[Luka]

It just gives me so much comfort to read of people who experience the same things I do. It has always seemed that I'm quite alone.

Same here! It took me a long time to discover that there was a name for my behaviour. For a long time I thought I was just being immature: why can't I just hang out with people like other people do? By now I am not forcing myself anymore and that is a big relief. We introverts have a lot of good qualities too. I have started to appreciate them.

 

[tillyjones]

Same here! It took me a long time to discover that there was a name for my behaviour. For a long time I thought I was just being immature: why can't I just hang out with people like other people do? By now I am not forcing myself anymore and that is a big relief. We introverts have a lot of good qualities too. I have started to appreciate them.

For me, it's the Autism Spectrum which overlaps significantly, I think.

 

[kinnear]

It has been interesting to reflect on this subject. Thinking about my own reasons for walking the camino a second time, 10 years on from the first. I'm about to retire, a relatively introverted type myself, though a psychologist by profession and married to an extreme introvert who has little need for social interaction ( autism spectrum) . I'm walking solo for numbers of reasons including developing more comfort about aloneness in the midst of many. Hmmm....

 

[poogeyejr]

Thanks so much for the advice. I walked The Frances last year and never had a moment of loneliness. Starting in St Jean was helpful as you see the same people every couple of days. There was always someone to talk to if you felt disconnected. I'm in Santiago now and have finished the Camino Portuguese. I have never felt so alone. Everyone is already grouped together and I spent every single day walking alone and eating alone and then felt like I didn't exist during hours spent at albergues. I am due to stay until the 5th of June walking from wherever to wherever again. The thought of doing this alone makes me sick. Even worse is the thought of returning home. I saved every nickle for a year to get here and don't want to go home. I feel something here remains to be seen or felt or accomplished. I am ashamed to say how sad I feel when so many people would kill to be in my place.

Jennifer,

I totally understand! I am an extrovert, talk to everyone, but I was in Spain in February for (what was supposed to be 3 weeks) and I had no one to talk to. I had tried a Camino Frances, it didn't work out, then I tried a Camino Norte, also didn't work out, then I was sightseeing, but apart from 1 or 2 instances I had no one to talk to or connect with. My Spanish isn't up to conversing level and I didn't move in any English speaking circles. I felt bereft, completely drained and unmotivated to continue traveling. (Which for me is VERY unusual!) Finally, after 10 days, I made the decision to go to England and visit family (I am from Canada and was in Europe for 3 weeks in Feb. and another 3 weeks in Mar/April). Once the decision was made I went to Santiago to fly to London and ran into a Korean Pilgrim who spoke English and I practically dragged her to lunch with me!!! I felt much better after! (When I returned to Europe Mar 24 my second trip was very different and I enjoyed it immensely! What a difference a month can make!)

Not much advice for you but I wished to send you Understanding and Love! However, I would add, if you decide to walk a few more days, the Camino Norte is lovely this time a year and would have the 15-20 people a day to make a nice balanced Camino!

We are thinking of you,
Kathy

I was so lucky on the VdlP. About 20-25 seasoned pilgrims a day. Different ages, different nationalities, almost all of them came alone, almost all of them preferred to walk alone. At the albergues we didn't arrange things, we just met and talked. Or not. I remember a moment I joined a Danish woman at a terrace. 'Please sit down,' she said, 'and please, let me write in my diary.' I grinned, sat down, and put my own diary on the table.

This was my Camino Norte experience - walked in May 2011 and it was 18-20 people on our path - 20km a day. At the albergues we just met and talked.

 

[HighlandsHiker]

It has been interesting to reflect on this subject. Thinking about my own reasons for walking the camino a second time, 10 years on from the first. I'm about to retire, a relatively introverted type myself, though a psychologist by profession and married to an extreme introvert who has little need for social interaction ( autism spectrum) . I'm walking solo for numbers of reasons including developing more comfort about aloneness in the midst of many. Hmmm....

Interesting, kinnear. I view Caminos in a similar way. It's a chance to work on all sorts of little rough edges. My husband is not a hiker (or really a traveler). I find that my shortcomings show up in the most glaring ways in this pared-down, role-free setting with people from all over the world, but it's been very strengthening in terms of real self-reliance without the usual props to depend on....local mores, belonging to set groups with norms, etc.. It's also been an exercise in self-acceptance and utilizing intuition instead of ignoring it, and improving decision making. So many interesting people with their own interesting stories out there doing it! Buen Camino to you in September!

 

[kinnear]

Thank you. Must admit as I start reflecting on departure in 5 months I find I need to hold the reality of 7 months until I return in mind!

 

[Robo]

Thank you. Must admit as I start reflecting on departure in 5 months I find I need to hold the reality of 7 months until I return in mind!

Bummer. 'Reality' always seems to get in the way of life somehow If we let it

 

[SusanH]

A recent thread on this topic was closed (quite rightly) as it started to get a bit judgemental, but I think it could be useful for some members, if we can just keep it to tips!

We're all different. For example I'm one of those wierd Extrovert / Introvert types. I'm happy to give a talk to 1,000 people but find 10 noisy people at dinner a real challenge. (partly due to hearing and ADD)

I loved my days walking alone on the CF, but enjoyed company too. I loved dining with small groups, or one on one. But I dined 18 out of 40 days alone. Not usually by choice. (some were due to remote locations etc)

Was I lonely at times. Heck Yes...... Never so lonely as in a crowd .... quite often...

So maybe we could share some tips for those who are more on the Introvert end of the scale, and yearn for company, but struggle to find it? Here are mine to kick things off. They worked for me.

You may need to step out of your comfort zone just a little. If you are feeling lonely, don't expect others to 'draw you in' because they may just assume you want to be alone.

So.. if you find yourself feeling a bit lonely on Camino........try these:

1. If going into a place for dinner, maybe look for a Pilgrim sitting alone and ask if you can join them. Trying to join an established group is a lot harder and takes a lot more courage. And not so worth it, in my experience....
2. When walking or resting if you see someone who is looking a bit lonely, stop and say Hi.... Walk with them a while. I met some awesome people like this.
3. If you see someone struggling, maybe up a steep hill, fall into step with them. Say Hi. You just being there will give them moral support and usually a conversation will start.
4. Share a snack at a rest break.
5. Ask a question..... Wow, how old do you think that Church is?

There's a bit of a theme here I think. If YOU are lonely, maybe try to help another lonely person........and in doing so you will be helping yourself feel less lonely

I never actually had anyone say "get Lost I want to be Alone!" Quite the opposite in fact.

For those Extroverts out there, please appreciate that for some people, bonding with others in a crowded Albergue or merely starting a conversation with strangers is really hard...... Let's hope we can share some handy tips....

 

[Noel & Annie J]

A recent thread on this topic was closed (quite rightly) as it started to get a bit judgemental, but I think it could be useful for some members, if we can just keep it to tips!

We're all different. For example I'm one of those wierd Extrovert / Introvert types. I'm happy to give a talk to 1,000 people but find 10 noisy people at dinner a real challenge. (partly due to hearing and ADD)

I loved my days walking alone on the CF, but enjoyed company too. I loved dining with small groups, or one on one. But I dined 18 out of 40 days alone. Not usually by choice. (some were due to remote locations etc)

Was I lonely at times. Heck Yes...... Never so lonely as in a crowd .... quite often...

So maybe we could share some tips for those who are more on the Introvert end of the scale, and yearn for company, but struggle to find it? Here are mine to kick things off. They worked for me.

You may need to step out of your comfort zone just a little. If you are feeling lonely, don't expect others to 'draw you in' because they may just assume you want to be alone.

So.. if you find yourself feeling a bit lonely on Camino........try these:

1. If going into a place for dinner, maybe look for a Pilgrim sitting alone and ask if you can join them. Trying to join an established group is a lot harder and takes a lot more courage. And not so worth it, in my experience....
2. When walking or resting if you see someone who is looking a bit lonely, stop and say Hi.... Walk with them a while. I met some awesome people like this.
3. If you see someone struggling, maybe up a steep hill, fall into step with them. Say Hi. You just being there will give them moral support and usually a conversation will start.
4. Share a snack at a rest break.
5. Ask a question..... Wow, how old do you think that Church is?

There's a bit of a theme here I think. If YOU are lonely, maybe try to help another lonely person........and in doing so you will be helping yourself feel less lonely

I never actually had anyone say "get Lost I want to be Alone!" Quite the opposite in fact.

For those Extroverts out there, please appreciate that for some people, bonding with others in a crowded Albergue or merely starting a conversation with strangers is really hard...... Let's hope we can share some handy tips....

As an introvert (determined by Myers-Briggs) I am interested in this topic and have been considering other routes, besides the Frances, just to ensure that I have enough personal space and alone time. That is exactly what the introvert in me craves. I could easily walk from SJ to Santiago and never talk to another person. There is, though, another dimension to consider that is related, shyness. Most, if not all of the conversation here is really about shyness vs. introversion. My opinion and experience is that it is very difficult to be a shy extrovert, and there have been some excellent tips given here for that type of person. I think, though, based on reading here that the challenge on the Frances for the introvert is finding enough personal space and alone time.

 

[C clearly]

I think, though, based on reading here that the challenge on the Frances for the introvert is finding enough personal space and alone time.

It really depends on the time of year. In March to early-April and in late-October through November, you should have no difficulty achieving considerable personal space and alone time, but still have the option of socializing when you choose. Of course, if you really want to be alone virtually all the time, a different route might be better.

 

[Robo]

As an introvert (determined by Myers-Briggs) I am interested in this topic and have been considering other routes, besides the Frances, just to ensure that I have enough personal space and alone time. That is exactly what the introvert in me craves. I could easily walk from SJ to Santiago and never talk to another person. There is, though, another dimension to consider that is related, shyness. Most, if not all of the conversation here is really about shyness vs. introversion. My opinion and experience is that it is very difficult to be a shy extrovert, and there have been some excellent tips given here for that type of person. I think, though, based on reading here that the challenge on the Frances for the introvert is finding enough personal space and alone time.

Yes, that can be a challenge. I'm not sure how I would classify myself. I enjoy walking alone, but like the company of one of two others over dinner. The large noisy groups had me running for the Hills.....

The walking aspect is easy enough to be alone. But how do you cope in the evenings? Staying in an Albergue must be hard?

It's great to hear all these different perspectives. Thank You.

 

[C clearly]

The walking aspect is easy enough to be alone. But how do you cope in the evenings? Staying in an Albergue must be hard?

It is not really so hard to be alone in a dorm, if you are confident in yourself and don't feel you need to please/interact with everyone. Everybody is minding their own business, and there is a certain anonymity in the crowd. Communal dinners are a bit more demanding of interaction.

 

[Pat Beals]

A recent thread on this topic was closed (quite rightly) as it started to get a bit judgemental, but I think it could be useful for some members, if we can just keep it to tips!

We're all different. For example I'm one of those wierd Extrovert / Introvert types. I'm happy to give a talk to 1,000 people but find 10 noisy people at dinner a real challenge. (partly due to hearing and ADD)

I loved my days walking alone on the CF, but enjoyed company too. I loved dining with small groups, or one on one. But I dined 18 out of 40 days alone. Not usually by choice. (some were due to remote locations etc)

Was I lonely at times. Heck Yes...... Never so lonely as in a crowd .... quite often...

So maybe we could share some tips for those who are more on the Introvert end of the scale, and yearn for company, but struggle to find it? Here are mine to kick things off. They worked for me.

You may need to step out of your comfort zone just a little. If you are feeling lonely, don't expect others to 'draw you in' because they may just assume you want to be alone.

So.. if you find yourself feeling a bit lonely on Camino........try these:

1. If going into a place for dinner, maybe look for a Pilgrim sitting alone and ask if you can join them. Trying to join an established group is a lot harder and takes a lot more courage. And not so worth it, in my experience....
2. When walking or resting if you see someone who is looking a bit lonely, stop and say Hi.... Walk with them a while. I met some awesome people like this.
3. If you see someone struggling, maybe up a steep hill, fall into step with them. Say Hi. You just being there will give them moral support and usually a conversation will start.
4. Share a snack at a rest break.
5. Ask a question..... Wow, how old do you think that Church is?

There's a bit of a theme here I think. If YOU are lonely, maybe try to help another lonely person........and in doing so you will be helping yourself feel less lonely

I never actually had anyone say "get Lost I want to be Alone!" Quite the opposite in fact.

For those Extroverts out there, please appreciate that for some people, bonding with others in a crowded Albergue or merely starting a conversation with strangers is really hard...... Let's hope we can share some handy tips....

I have totally enjoyed what you have shared. I am a strong introvert. Being alone versus being lonely are two enormously different situations for me.

Being alone, is being centered and at peace with myself and all around me. Being lonely, is when I need to assess my needs. Some of the time, it is that I need to participate with the people around me (and who could be better than a fellow pilgrim), or, it is that I need to deal with an inner issues.

The Camino, for me, is a great way to explore these issues and I have found that my fellow pilgrims have helped me figure out my needs as I have endeavored to help them figure out their own. We are all on the same "Way" after all.

 

[Icacos]

.... Communal dinners are a bit more demanding of interaction.

If I'm not mistaken, the communal dinners are mainly encountered in the albergues, if the albergue is equipped to provide meals; some are not. Sometimes there are groupings of small tables, which are more manageable, and sometimes everyone is seated at one long table. Being an introvert, I found the latter quite difficult as I felt it was expected that one should contribute to the merriment. If one is not inclined to interaction, or merriment, one is free to decline the communal dinner and go elsewhere.

 

[C clearly]

If I'm not mistaken, the communal dinners are mainly encountered in the albergues, if the albergue is equipped to provide meals; some are not.

Yes, that's true. Most albergues do not provide a communal meal.

 

[Older Guy]

What I found is that pilgrims tend to eat dinner at a time that locals don't eat. That means if you see someone at a local restaurant dinning at the same time you are, they are probably a pilgrim. That means you have something in common. At dinner if I wanted company, I would raise a glass of wine toward a nearby table and say Buen Camino. Usually that got a smile and a reply. Then asking where they started their Camino naturally lead to a discussion.

Comenting about things you passed was also a good way to break the ice. Did you see the group of horse riders or the donkey cart, or the woman pushing twins in a jogging stroller?

Usually most pilgrim meals I had, came with a full bottle of wine as it was very inexpensive. Asking I can pull my table over if I buy a bottle of wine for the table was an almost guaranteed way to make friends.

Lunch and breakfast were also times where it was pretty clear who was a pilgrim and who wasn't The difference is that wine was not usually flowing. But the question of do you know what today's weather is suppose to be in the afternoon, or have you heard of any problems with the trail ahead, were likely to bring a response.

 

[HelenVanW]

A recent thread on this topic was closed (quite rightly) as it started to get a bit judgemental, but I think it could be useful for some members, if we can just keep it to tips!

We're all different. For example I'm one of those wierd Extrovert / Introvert types. I'm happy to give a talk to 1,000 people but find 10 noisy people at dinner a real challenge. (partly due to hearing and ADD)

I loved my days walking alone on the CF, but enjoyed company too. I loved dining with small groups, or one on one. But I dined 18 out of 40 days alone. Not usually by choice. (some were due to remote locations etc)

Was I lonely at times. Heck Yes...... Never so lonely as in a crowd .... quite often...

So maybe we could share some tips for those who are more on the Introvert end of the scale, and yearn for company, but struggle to find it? Here are mine to kick things off. They worked for me.

You may need to step out of your comfort zone just a little. If you are feeling lonely, don't expect others to 'draw you in' because they may just assume you want to be alone.

So.. if you find yourself feeling a bit lonely on Camino........try these:

1. If going into a place for dinner, maybe look for a Pilgrim sitting alone and ask if you can join them. Trying to join an established group is a lot harder and takes a lot more courage. And not so worth it, in my experience....
2. When walking or resting if you see someone who is looking a bit lonely, stop and say Hi.... Walk with them a while. I met some awesome people like this.
3. If you see someone struggling, maybe up a steep hill, fall into step with them. Say Hi. You just being there will give them moral support and usually a conversation will start.
4. Share a snack at a rest break.
5. Ask a question..... Wow, how old do you think that Church is?

There's a bit of a theme here I think. If YOU are lonely, maybe try to help another lonely person........and in doing so you will be helping yourself feel less lonely

I never actually had anyone say "get Lost I want to be Alone!" Quite the opposite in fact.

For those Extroverts out there, please appreciate that for some people, bonding with others in a crowded Albergue or merely starting a conversation with strangers is really hard...... Let's hope we can share some handy tips....

This article has some great advice and insight. Thanks.

 

[natefaith]

Lunch and breakfast were also times where it was pretty clear who was a pilgrim and who wasn't. The difference is that wine was not usually flowing.

"Not usually" - haha, good choice of words!

Actually, one time I stopped at 9am for a hot chocolate and two pilgrims were already drinking beer. Amazing.

 

[Icacos]

.........one time I stopped at 9am for a hot chocolate and two pilgrims were already drinking beer. Amazing.

My dear departed father-in-law, a former merchant marine, frequently said when offered a drink, "Yes, the sun's over the yardarm." Sometimes he would bend that rule a bit, rationalizing that at some place in the world, the sun was over the yardarm. Perhaps your two pilgrims were operating on that premise.

 

[MoniRose]

On my first Camino I felt very much alone the first 3 weeks in spite of putting myself out there and meeting many wonderful people. I longed for someone who "knew" me.
My last 2 weeks I became part of a small Camino family who stayed together all the way to Santiago and my whole experience changed.
It was my first time traveling alone and one of the most amazing experiences ever.
I want to travel again, alone, but cannot shake the fear of feeling the loneliness I had before. My debate... go alone and be open to the adventures that await and risk the deep feelings of loneliness, or take someone who can share it with me.
I'm not afraid to step outside my comfort zone but apparently do fear having no one to witness the adventure.
Any advice from more seasoned travelers?
Monica

 

[MoniRose]

As an introvert (determined by Myers-Briggs) I am interested in this topic and have been considering other routes, besides the Frances, just to ensure that I have enough personal space and alone time. That is exactly what the introvert in me craves. I could easily walk from SJ to Santiago and never talk to another person. There is, though, another dimension to consider that is related, shyness. Most, if not all of the conversation here is really about shyness vs. introversion. My opinion and experience is that it is very difficult to be a shy extrovert, and there have been some excellent tips given here for that type of person. I think, though, based on reading here that the challenge on the Frances for the introvert is finding enough personal space and alone time.

YES! I am definitely not shy but after eight days sharing my bedroom, bathroom, clothesline, and life, my introverted self had to book a private room one morning at 9:30 am and except for lunch and laundry, I stayed in there all day and night.
After that I was fine for the remainder once I realized I always had that option.
Monica

 

[Robo]

On my first Camino I felt very much alone the first 3 weeks in spite of putting myself out there and meeting many wonderful people. I longed for someone who "knew" me.
My last 2 weeks I became part of a small Camino family who stayed together all the way to Santiago and my whole experience changed.
It was my first time traveling alone and one of the most amazing experiences ever.
I want to travel again, alone, but cannot shake the fear of feeling the loneliness I had before. My debate... go alone and be open to the adventures that await and risk the deep feelings of loneliness, or take someone who can share it with me.
I'm not afraid to step outside my comfort zone but apparently do fear having no one to witness the adventure.
Any advice from more seasoned travelers?
Monica

That's a tough call Monica. My most profound experiences were when walking alone. But I had times of deep loneliness too.
On my second Camino, (short trial one from Sarria) I took someone with me. My wife.
That was great too, but a totally different experience.

I think it's hard to get the right balance, because alone and accompanied are so very different in every way.

Ultimately I suppose it depends on what you seek from the experience.

IMHO, if it's time for contemplation, spiritual connection, a bit of soul searching perhaps. Alone wins ... hands down.
But at times you are lonely. Which perhaps.......merely helps to deepen the experience? Perhaps.

I talked to HIM a lot when I was lonely

 

[MoniRose]

That's a tough call Monica. My most profound experiences were when walking alone. But I had times of deep loneliness too.
On my second Camino, (short trial one from Sarria) I took someone with me. My wife.
That was great too, but a totally different experience.

I think it's hard to get the right balance, because alone and accompanied are so very different in every way.

Ultimately I suppose it depends on what you seek from the experience.

IMHO, if it's time for contemplation, spiritual connection, a bit of soul searching perhaps. Alone wins ... hands down.
But at times you are lonely. Which perhaps.......merely helps to deepen the experience? Perhaps.

I talked to HIM a lot when I was lonely

Yes. You are right, it probably depends on what I am looking for. My first was between me & God. My second Camino- from Santiago to Finesterre- was with a friend; her first. Very different for me but still good as we have some great shared memories.
It is good to know that others have had similar experiences. I felt like I was just being a whiner, but the loneliness is real and good when it takes you to a profoundly deep place.
Thank you! Monica

 

[Robo]

Yes. You are right, it probably depends on what I am looking for. My first was between me & God. My second Camino- from Santiago to Finesterre- was with a friend; her first. Very different for me but still good as we have some great shared memories.
It is good to know that others have had similar experiences. I felt like I was just being a whiner, but the loneliness is real and good when it takes you to a profoundly deep place.
Thank you! Monica

I don't know why, but an expression popped into my head. Which sounds awful I know. (Military slang I think)

"Embrace the Suck"

That's kind of what I did a few times on my first (alone) Camino.
The times that my day or series of days 'really sucked', I tried to step back from it all, and....

Look for the good amongst the 'suck'.
Or maybe seek what lesson I was learning from it.
or sometimes give myself a metaphoric kick up the backside.

I usually bounced back, better for it.

Maybe it's all part of the broader experience? Expect it, embrace it, and learn/grow from it.........?

 

[Anemone del Camino]

"Embrace the Suck...?

Is the C. About anything else? For the "Real Wives of... " perhaps, but for the rest of us...

 

[Robo]

Is the C. About anything else? For the "Real Wives of... " perhaps, but for the rest of us...

Sorry, I'm having a 'Grey Moment'

Did you mean.......... Is the Camino about anything else?

Of course. It's about many different things for many different people isn't it? My comment was merely in the context of loneliness and how I experienced it.

For many, it's purely about fitness, or getting away from work, or having a holiday with exercise, or sightseeing or a hundred and one other perfectly valid things

The Real Wives bit went over my head. Sorry.

 

[MoniRose]

I don't know why, but an expression popped into my head. Which sounds awful I know. (Military slang I think)

"Embrace the Suck"

That's kind of what I did a few times on my first (alone) Camino.
The times that my day or series of days 'really sucked', I tried to step back from it all, and....

Look for the good amongst the 'suck'.
Or maybe seek what lesson I was learning from it.
or sometimes give myself a metaphoric give up the backside.

I usually bounced back, better for it.

Maybe it's all part of the broader experience? Expect it, embrace it, and learn/grow from it.........?

Even at its (my) worst, I appreciated the journey.

 

[Forestgirl]

I say go for it and I had a dreadful beginning of my Camino. I think we may all feel out of sorts no matter how often or how many times you've been somewhere it always feels a little shakey until you find yourself coasting through the days wishing you could slow them down.
Best of luck and you know the Forum is always here for you.
Buen Camino

 

[SabsP]

This is such a warm,gentle,civilised and adult thread.
Very close to my heart.
Thank you each of you!

 

[Pierre Julian]

I have found that the Camino can be very challenging sometimes. It is so difficult for people who feel self-conscious or that they're being judged, and fear how others will react. And yet it can be so lonely, wanting company but not knowing how to get it. However I really recommend a book called Overcoming Social Anxiety and Shyness by Gilian Butler, and it has helped me no end. It is inexpensive, well written and based on CBT by a leading expert. It is very practical and readable, but sound, and relies on good research and evidence. Easy to get in all public libraries in UK as it is part of the Books on Prescription scheme. Also in England, every area of the country now has an IAPT service in which you can self-refer or get a GP referral so as to get some good CBT for social anxiety - on the NHS. I can't recommend it enough. My Camino after reading the book and getting some good CBT, was so much better, and much less anxiety provoking, it was a far happier experience.

 

[Richmond Gardner]

Thanks so much for the advice. I walked The Frances last year and never had a moment of loneliness. Starting in St Jean was helpful as you see the same people every couple of days. There was always someone to talk to if you felt disconnected. I'm in Santiago now and have finished the Camino Portuguese. I have never felt so alone. Everyone is already grouped together and I spent every single day walking alone and eating alone and then felt like I didn't exist during hours spent at albergues. I am due to stay until the 5th of June walking from wherever to wherever again. The thought of doing this alone makes me sick. Even worse is the thought of returning home. I saved every nickle for a year to get here and don't want to go home. I feel something here remains to be seen or felt or accomplished. I am ashamed to say how sad I feel when so many people would kill to be in my place. I also had my wallet stolen so I must stay in Santiago awaiting a new bank card praying the funds I do have will be sufficeient. It should be fine and it isn't my big worry. It's more like being alone for another month and a half or regretting going home because I'm so lonley. I feel stupid even telling all you all but it I suppose I have nothing to lose by admitting what I feel like sitting in such a beautiful place.
Thanks
Jennifer

I finished my Camino Frances on May 10 and really enjoyed the community of people I met. Unfortunately, I lost them while waiting for friends and family in Sarria. I never thought it would affect me, but I was sad not to be with my Camino family at the end. As I daydream about going again, I keep returning to the same route in my mind, ,so that I might have that communal experience again. I wonder if the other routes would have such diversity? Perhaps. Sorry to hear of your loneliness... and maybe it is hard to make new connections at the end. SYates is in Santiago and soliciting Pilgrims to drop by. She always has helpful words on this forum. I wish you well

 

[PilgrimPillar]

INTROvert ..... I am .....

So to those caminofriends who reached behind my boundaries of exposure...and into my easy scared heart.....they warmed me immensly.....they warming me still...

https://www.facebook.com/video.php?v=1491571474265688

https://www.facebook.com/permalink.php?story_fbid=1493218530767649&id=1444233982332771

 

[geraldkelly]

I heard this documentary on the radio yesterday and it reminded me of this thread. I think introverts will enjoy it. http://www.rte.ie/radio1/doconone/2017/1115/920223-the-little-mouse-in-the-corner/

If you're not an introvert, well, maybe if you can shut up for an hour you might learn something!

 

[Robo]

I heard this documentary on the radio yesterday and it reminded me of this thread. I think introverts will enjoy it. http://www.rte.ie/radio1/doconone/2017/1115/920223-the-little-mouse-in-the-corner/

If you're not an introvert, well, maybe if you can shut up for an hour you might learn something!

Fascinating. Thank you so much for sharing this link. It's great!

And as @C clearly said above "To characterize ourselves strictly on the one-dimensional introvert-extrovert scale is too simplistic".

I found myself listening to the podcast, and the interviews, thinking .......... So am I an Extrovert or an Introvert? Now I'm not sure.....

In some ways I tend to both ends of the spectrum....... I could really relate to some of the introverts comments, and on the other hand for example I really enjoy public speaking......

I came to the conclusion that at heart I'm an introvert, who was 'forced' and 'conditioned' to act as an Extrovert in some instances......and be comfortable with it.

But in terms of this thread, as you point out, the podcast is really good for Extroverts to listen to as well

Being an Introvert..........is OK!
It's not something that needs to be 'fixed'

And as was highlighted above, my intention in starting this thread was merely to provide some tips for Introverts who wanted to find some company. Many of course will be happier alone.

P.S. Loved the accent of the presenter. My family is Irish....

 

[Roxanne Weymouth]

A recent thread on this topic was closed (quite rightly) as it started to get a bit judgemental, but I think it could be useful for some members, if we can just keep it to tips!

We're all different. For example I'm one of those wierd Extrovert / Introvert types. I'm happy to give a talk to 1,000 people but find 10 noisy people at dinner a real challenge. (partly due to hearing and ADD)

I loved my days walking alone on the CF, but enjoyed company too. I loved dining with small groups, or one on one. But I dined 18 out of 40 days alone. Not usually by choice. (some were due to remote locations etc)

Was I lonely at times. Heck Yes...... Never so lonely as in a crowd .... quite often...

So maybe we could share some tips for those who are more on the Introvert end of the scale, and yearn for company, but struggle to find it? Here are mine to kick things off. They worked for me.

You may need to step out of your comfort zone just a little. If you are feeling lonely, don't expect others to 'draw you in' because they may just assume you want to be alone.

So.. if you find yourself feeling a bit lonely on Camino........try these:

1. If going into a place for dinner, maybe look for a Pilgrim sitting alone and ask if you can join them. Trying to join an established group is a lot harder and takes a lot more courage. And not so worth it, in my experience....
2. When walking or resting if you see someone who is looking a bit lonely, stop and say Hi.... Walk with them a while. I met some awesome people like this.
3. If you see someone struggling, maybe up a steep hill, fall into step with them. Say Hi. You just being there will give them moral support and usually a conversation will start.
4. Share a snack at a rest break.
5. Ask a question..... Wow, how old do you think that Church is?

There's a bit of a theme here I think. If YOU are lonely, maybe try to help another lonely person........and in doing so you will be helping yourself feel less lonely

I never actually had anyone say "get Lost I want to be Alone!" Quite the opposite in fact.

For those Extroverts out there, please appreciate that for some people, bonding with others in a crowded Albergue or merely starting a conversation with strangers is really hard...... Let's hope we can share some handy tips....

Please know that introversion does not mean being shy or not enjoying being with people. Rather, it means that someone gets energy from being alone or with 1-2 people they know well. Many introverts love spending time with people but introverts will need more time than extraverts to recharge themselves after spending time with people or in a stimulating environment. That's where the time alone comes in.

I will use the above tips when I walk from Le Puy to Conques in September. Thanks for them!

 

[Deleted member 77020]

A recent thread on this topic was closed (quite rightly) as it started to get a bit judgemental, but I think it could be useful for some members, if we can just keep it to tips!

We're all different. For example I'm one of those wierd Extrovert / Introvert types. I'm happy to give a talk to 1,000 people but find 10 noisy people at dinner a real challenge. (partly due to hearing and ADD)

I loved my days walking alone on the CF, but enjoyed company too. I loved dining with small groups, or one on one. But I dined 18 out of 40 days alone. Not usually by choice. (some were due to remote locations etc)

Was I lonely at times. Heck Yes...... Never so lonely as in a crowd .... quite often...

So maybe we could share some tips for those who are more on the Introvert end of the scale, and yearn for company, but struggle to find it? Here are mine to kick things off. They worked for me.

You may need to step out of your comfort zone just a little. If you are feeling lonely, don't expect others to 'draw you in' because they may just assume you want to be alone.

So.. if you find yourself feeling a bit lonely on Camino........try these:

1. If going into a place for dinner, maybe look for a Pilgrim sitting alone and ask if you can join them. Trying to join an established group is a lot harder and takes a lot more courage. And not so worth it, in my experience....
2. When walking or resting if you see someone who is looking a bit lonely, stop and say Hi.... Walk with them a while. I met some awesome people like this.
3. If you see someone struggling, maybe up a steep hill, fall into step with them. Say Hi. You just being there will give them moral support and usually a conversation will start.
4. Share a snack at a rest break.
5. Ask a question..... Wow, how old do you think that Church is?

There's a bit of a theme here I think. If YOU are lonely, maybe try to help another lonely person........and in doing so you will be helping yourself feel less lonely

I never actually had anyone say "get Lost I want to be Alone!" Quite the opposite in fact.

For those Extroverts out there, please appreciate that for some people, bonding with others in a crowded Albergue or merely starting a conversation with strangers is really hard...... Let's hope we can share some handy tips....

 

[Deleted member 77020]

Ya I guess I am the same way enjoy the walk alone yet if someone desires company no problem. I have found walkers and we walked together for 2 wks.

 

[Robo]

Please know that introversion does not mean being shy or not enjoying being with people. Rather, it means that someone gets energy from being alone or with 1-2 people they know well. Many introverts love spending time with people but introverts will need more time than extraverts to recharge themselves after spending time with people or in a stimulating environment. That's where the time alone comes in.

I will use the above tips when I walk from Le Puy to Conques in September. Thanks for them!

Good points @Roxanne Weymouth ! Sometimes I'm not sure which I am.
I'm happy on a stage in front of a thousand people and love the energy...............but love being alone too
Bit weird probably.........

 

[JillGat]

I'm an extrovert, by most definitions. But I'm often not very social. I enjoyed brief interactions along the trail, had a lot of fun with people I got to know as good friends at meals and albergues at stops along the way. The Only times I sought company walking was sometimes when I knew there was a difficult stretch coming up or wasn't feeling well and needed the boost of a walking buddy or two. I miss so much of the natural environment and the local culture if I am walking with anybody. And I feel like I have to stop when they stop or hold them up when I want to stop, etc. etc. The hint I would give would be something like, "where are you headed today? Okay, I'll see you there!" The happiest I am is when I can see no one far ahead or behind me. I love that.

But I have felt lonely in Santiago. Saying goodbye to people you ran into again and again, no new walking adventure planned for the day. Like the end of most travels, that's when I feel lonely.