Stupid question but worth a try

[hurr]

Hello. My girlfriend(or ex) is walking through camino and apprently she had this revelation about us, and she decided to be single(so she broke up with me). Everyone that knows her is saying that its just, cause she is alone and everything will be Ok when she comes back. I've never been to camino so I can't really tell what it does to a person, so Im coming here for an advice? You guys change the view of thinking after coming home? I respect her decision, but i have to know if its any hope in this...

I asked around other forums and publish sites and most of them have the same anwser, that it's normal and she just needs space. But I craving for more information.

Thank you all in advance.

 

[trecile]

Her decision could be based on a million different factors. I don't think anyone can tell you exactly what she is thinking, or whether or not she will change her mind. You'll simply have to wait. And definitely give her space.

 

[hurr]

Her decision could be based on a million different factors. I don't think anyone can tell you exactly what she is thinking, or whether or not she will change her mind. You'll simply have to wait. And definitely give her space.

Yes thank you. Space is defentily in order And i have the feeling everything is gonna be ok

 

[Peter Fransiscus]

Hope everything works out fine for you .

The only thing you can do is wait .

Wish you well , Peter .

 

[Kiwi-family]

No such thing as a silly question I tell my kids - but this is one that only one person can answer.
Try not to think too much about it until she comes home and you can talk together - and make sure you do lots of listening.
Keep yourself busy until then - take up a new hobby, spend time with friends, read books, go for a walk yourself.

 

[MichelleElynHogan]

Contrary to some thought on the subject, there is such a thing as a stupid question, "the one that is never asked."

Yours is not in that category or responses would not be here, LOL.

And there is no bad advice provided so far. If a walk or other distractions are not so readily available, how about a road trip? How about a, "closer to home adventure?"

 

[Felice]

Stay neutral until she is back - don't raise your hopes too high yet...

The Camino changes people. It gives them time to re-evaluate their priorities, their ambitions, their goals, to face their demons and fears, to make changes. And often people come back changed. Be prepared for this to have happened.

And on a depressing note, I walked with a lady in 2014 who on her previous camino, had decided that she would leave her husband of many years. And on returning home, she did.

 

[Angelo]

Hi Hurr, so sorry to hear about your predicament. Just wait it out. The Camino does a lot of things to one's mind especially when walking alone. Sometimes all you have is wide open spaces and it makes you reflect on life... and love.
I met a lady who was thinking of ending her long term relationship after walking the Meseta. However, I found out afterwards that she decided to stick it out with her partner of 10 years.
I hope it will be a good outcome for you both.

 

[nycwalking]

Hope everything works out for you both. Pilgrimages lead folks to evaluate their lives. Only time will tell.

 

[hurr]

Contrary to some thought on the subject, there is such a thing as a stupid question, "the one that is never asked."

Yours is not in that category or responses would not be here, LOL.

And there is no bad advice provided so far. If a walk or other distractions are not so readily available, how about a road trip? How about a, "closer to home adventure?"

Yeah I'm taking a roadtrip to Amsetrdam. Should be nice. I love travelling alone and I'm looking forward to this. On the other hande, thanks to everyone who pithched in. I'm maybe not satisfied with all anwsers, but I understand the whole experience a bit more and that's what most important.
It's still hurts that we have been together for 3(almost) years, everything was ok and now this.

Still more advices are welcoming
Have a pretty nice Sunday, here in Germany I think its gonna rain

 

[Bob from L.A. !]

No such thing as a silly question I tell my kids - but this is one that only one person can answer.
Try not to think too much about it until she comes home and you can talk together - and make sure you do lots of listening.
Keep yourself busy until then - take up a new hobby, spend time with friends, read books, go for a walk yourself.

Maybe take up hiking !

 

[David]

Hi Hurr - interesting times for you and for her. I know that you think she may have "changed" by being on Camino but really you should be asking yourself why she left you to go on Camino by herself in the first place - if all was well between you the probability is that you would both be walking together, don't you think?

We repeat often on here how the Camino changes people but really they are changed already before they leave - so many pilgrims go on Camino because of some form of crisis in their lives .. from death of a loved one to waking up in the middle of the night realising their life is meaningless, to seeing that their lives have become just habit and are not being truly lived - there are as many reasons as there are pilgrims ... but, to me, it is because of a 'lack' in their lives and they need to find out why .. or need to try and work it out .. or need time to evaluate ..... seems to me that your girl (or ex) had already realised that what she had was not enough or what she had was not fulfilling or what she had was a habitual life that would trap her into a future she no longer wanted - whatever it was, she left you before she went on Camino .... sure, you two may get back together again, who knows .... maybe it is better that you don't .. who knows??

In the meantime, she is out there living a primitive adventurous life, carrying all her things on her back and stepping out each day into the unknown, whereas you are taking a trip to Amsterdam, the soft drugs capital of the world - think about that - Buen Camino x

 

[Bogong]

Well, at the risk of being howled down, and with countless experiences of getting the brush-off before my wonderful wife
took pity on me(now 48 years married), I'd suggest a different approach. After three years you seem to be headed in separate ways, and without trying to judge at all who's in the right or wrong if at all she is toying with your emotions, for whatever reason I don't know and don't want to know.

Perhaps time to call it quits. Go out, have a good time, if another relationship happens, let it. If later she has a change of heart let her come back to you, hear her explanation and assess how you feel then, particularly if you think there's a chance of the same thing happening again. But in the meantime don't mope around worrying about it, no matter how hard it may seem.

On an irreverant and politically incorrect slant, I remember reading in a rather tongue-in- cheek book about how to run two girlfriends in the same town at the same time. Draw a horizontal line on the town map and have one each from the north and south. If they ever catch up and compare notes, don't worry. Just pull the map out and draw a vertical line!

Good Luck!

Bogong (ducking for cover)

 

[simeon]

I'd suggest that whatever her final decision will be when she is finished the Camino, she will have thought it through and probably is unlikely to change her mind...... Hard to see it now but whatever the outcome it's probably a good thing

 

[simeon]

[QUOTE="David, post: 556892, member: 426"+]whereas you are taking a trip to Amsterdam, the soft drugs capital of the world - think about that - Buen Camino x[/QUOTE]

Ah now not everybody goes to Amsterdam for the drugs. A tad judgemental there David.

 

[MikeOK]

Hi Hurr - interesting times for you and for her. I know that you think she may have "changed" by being on Camino but really you should be asking yourself why she left you to go on Camino by herself in the first place - if all was well between you the probability is that you would both be walking together, don't you think?

We repeat often on here how the Camino changes people but really they are changed already before they leave - so many pilgrims go on Camino because of some form of crisis in their lives .. from death of a loved one to waking up in the middle of the night realising their life is meaningless, to seeing that their lives have become just habit and are not being truly lived - there are as many reasons as there are pilgrims ... but, to me, it is because of a 'lack' in their lives and they need to find out why .. or need to try and work it out .. or need time to evaluate ..... seems to me that your girl (or ex) had already realised that what she had was not enough or what she had was not fulfilling or what she had was a habitual life that would trap her into a future she no longer wanted - whatever it was, she left you before she went on Camino .... sure, you two may get back together again, who knows .... maybe it is better that you don't .. who knows??

In the meantime, she is out there living a primitive adventurous life, carrying all her things on her back and stepping out each day into the unknown, whereas you are taking a trip to Amsterdam, the soft drugs capital of the world - think about that - Buen Camino x

I agreed with everything you said, right up until the Amsterdam section. I found that to be quite rude and judgemental. There are many reasons for op to go to Amsterdam, and for you to make any assumption about his reasoning tells us more about your personality than anything else. Just because someone dont walk the camino, doesn't make them less of a person - or mean that they are living less of an adventurous life. /rant over

To OP, I agree with that you need to realise that everything probably wasn't fine. The camino doesn't suddenly make something good turn sour, it normally gives people an opportunity to reflect on things in their life - to take status and determine if one need to make a change. It sounds like your girlfriend felt the need to make such a change. Even if she changes her mind back - you then need to consider "do you now feel happy and secure in the relationship"?

 

[David]

Guys - steady now - I wasn't being either rude or 'judgmental' about Amsterdam ... the Rijksmuseum is reason enough to go there - I was being observational - it is the soft drugs capital of Europe, for certain, as personal use of cannabis is legal, with over 250 'coffee shops' where it is legal to smoke. Try doing that in any other Capital.

My point was that she chose Camino and he chose Amsterdam - two completely different lifestyles don't you think?

 

[hurr]

Hey guys it's fine David just made an honest observation and I'm totally not offended Because most of the people go there for drugs. I have family there and I often go to visit. But its my first time taking a roadtrip yeeey . For the camino part, that she left me because everything was not OK. Maybe I don't know, but she asked me to go with, I refused, because she was way more successful at her studies and finished before me and I had two midterms right where she got her vacation from the job(and I think its not my cup of tea, but I'm thinking more and more of it), and I think its healthy for a relationship that people have their own hobbies and intrests as well as having commonb hobbies and intrests. So I didnt think it means that big of a deal that she goes alone.

 

[David]

I meant no harm. I think that family would be a great support for you at this time. xx

 

[hurr]

Well there's nothing I can do now, but give her space and wait. I really hope she has a good time at Camino and thinks about it a bit more during Camino, maybe she meets someone who gives her some advice, or she figures it by her own. Maybe when she comes back and comes back to her regular life and job that change of heart will happen. Till then I can start practicing the Secret, since I always feel good when I think about her

Further advices are always welcoming. I'll keep you updated

AND SO MUCH THANKS FOR ALL REPLAYS. You guys are the best

 

[JulieandPeter]

My short answer is that walking hundreds of miles, walking day after day, through rain and heat and blisters and aches and pains and the uncertainty of what other challenges the elements might bring, while constantly thinking and reflecting on one's life, does tend to permanently change a person.

Yes, it is possible and maybe even common that people will fall back into old habits and patterns when returning home, but I doubt anyone returning from the Camino can un-grow/unlearn their experience along the way . . . which hopefully is a good thing.

Having said that, I think your initial question and subsequent posts are a good indication that YOU have what it takes to grow along with this woman by respecting and valuing what she has learned even if it may initially be painful for you.

I have no idea what has happened or will happen between the two of you or what she might be experiencing as she is walking right now, but I do get a sense from you that you are going to try to understand why she has made this choice and that ultimately you will both learn what you need and want from each other or in any intimate relationship as a result of her long walk.

Ultreia.

 

[hurr]

Thank you!

My short answer is that walking hundreds of miles, walking day after day, through rain and heat and blisters and aches and pains and the uncertainty of what other challenges the elements might bring, while constantly thinking and reflecting on one's life, does tend to permanently change a person.

Yes, it is possible and maybe even common that people will fall back into old habits and patterns when returning home, but I doubt anyone returning from the Camino can un-grow/unlearn their experience along the way . . . which hopefully is a good thing.

Having said that, I think your initial question and subsequent posts are a good indication that YOU have what it takes to grow along with this woman by respecting and valuing what she has learned even if it may initially be painful for you.

I have no idea what has happened or will happen between the two of you or what she might be experiencing as she is walking right now, but I do get a sense from you that you are going to try to understand why she has made this choice and that ultimately you will both learn what you need and want from each other or in any intimate relationship as a result of her long walk.

Ultreia.

Oh my god thank you for this. I just needed some understanding or "conformation" that I'm on the right path. Yes I defentily wanna grow with her. I talked with few of the Camino walkers. And they said that Camino gives you a sense of freedom and that nothing can tie you down. So maybe its just that. But I've never thought myself as a person that doest that. We defenitly need to talk about it, when she gets home.

hahaha I'm so in to this right now, that i can write a theorethical degree of this. Jokes aside. This was the mot helpful advice yet. Thank you!

 

[hurr]

Maybe take up hiking !

I didn't se your comment before. I love hiking as well. I'm doing it on a regularly basis! But after this, I really really am more fond of the idea to go to Camino next year. Maybe to treat myself when i finish my masters.

 

[Håvard Karlsen]

Hello. My girlfriend(or ex) is walking through camino and apprently she had this revelation about us, and she decided to be single(so she broke up with me). Everyone that knows her is saying that its just, cause she is alone and everything will be Ok when she comes back. I've never been to camino so I can't really tell what it does to a person, so Im coming here for an advice? You guys change the view of thinking after coming home? I respect her decision, but i have to know if its any hope in this...

I asked around other forums and publish sites and most of them have the same anwser, that it's normal and she just needs space. But I craving for more information.

Thank you all in advance.

Be patient! Wait and pray!

 

[hurr]

Be patient! Wait and pray!

YES, and i have a feeling that she will come back too me And we will grow together from here

 

[hurr]

You guys don't know how much youve helped

 

[MTtoCamino]

From the cheap seat,heck I had to stop after writing my worthless opinion. Life just throws curves push thru!
Keith

 

[hurr]

From the cheap seat,heck I had to stop after writing my worthless opinion. Life just throws curves push thru!
Keith

I wanna hear your opinion, no matter how worthless you think it is. Maybe it will help me the most

 

[Peter Fransiscus]

I agreed with everything you said, right up until the Amsterdam section. I found that to be quite rude and judgemental. There are many reasons for op to go to Amsterdam, and for you to make any assumption about his reasoning tells us more about your personality than anything else. Just because someone dont walk the camino, doesn't make them less of a person - or mean that they are living less of an adventurous life. /rant over

To OP, I agree with that you need to realise that everything probably wasn't fine. The camino doesn't suddenly make something good turn sour, it normally gives people an opportunity to reflect on things in their life - to take status and determine if one need to make a change. It sounds like your girlfriend felt the need to make such a change. Even if she changes her mind back - you then need to consider "do you now feel happy and secure in the relationship"?

The things they where said about Amsterdam are what it is.
And of course you have some world famous museums in Amsterdam to .
But when you ask people about Amsterdam the first thing they will say that it's famous for the soft drugs.

Wish you well,Peter.

 

[C clearly]

YES, and i have a feeling that she will come back too me And we will grow together from here

That may or may not be the case, but I would caution you against getting your hopes up, or obsessing on this question. Asking for a one-time conversation with her seems like a good plan, but if she says she doesn't want to see you anymore, then you have to accept that! Pestering her or seeking advice from strangers on the internet doesn't seem likely to be helpful. Better to get on with building your own independent life.

if all was well between you the probability is that you would both be walking together, don't you think?

I disagree strongly with this assumption.

 

[hurr]

Pestering her or seeking advice from strangers on the internet doesn't seem likely to be helpful. Better to get on with building your own independent life.

Hm, I think i said clearly, that I respect her decision, I'll give her time and space on her Camino journey afterwards we will talk. I just wanted to hear opinion or if something similar happened to someone else. I will respect whatever are her wishes. Yes I'm preparing for my road trip, has my mind occupied. Thank you for the advice

 

[PEI_Heather]

Hi Hurr,
Have a great roadtrip! You might discover things about yourself just as your girlfriend (ex) sounds like she is doing as she walks along the Camino trail.
I just want to tell you that when I have arrived back home from walking generally well over 800 km, there is a huge culture shock upon returning (though yes, even though I am going home). It takes a bit of time to reacclimatize myself to being home. As well, the Camino walk can be an extremely deep experience and difficult, if not impossible, to explain to someone else, especially someone who has not walked it. I have found it can take me several days or weeks before I want to sit and have a conversation with someone, outside of work conversation. Even when I do (I guess, come back to 'reality'), I don't talk to people about my walks along the Caming, other than confirming that it was a good trip. My walks are private to me.
Your ex may (may) go through something similar, so after she returns home, she may take some time before she contacts you. It may drive you crazy, but continue with your life--go see some good films, take another road trip, go for some good hikes, whatever floats your boat (ooo! Go sailing, if that floats your boat! ). I hope for your heart's sake that she will contact you and have a good conversation with you. She may decide while she is walking or when she gets home that you are the guy for her...or she may decide it's time to move on.... By this time you may have decided that she is still the one for you...or she is not. You may meet someone along the way... You may discover that you enjoy your own company and want to remain single yourself for a while.
No what happens, all my best to you, Hurr. You sound like a great guy with a big heart! Good luck!

 

[hurr]

Hi Hurr,
Have a great roadtrip! You might discover things about yourself just as your girlfriend (ex) sounds like she is doing as she walks along the Camino trail.
I just want to tell you that when I have arrived back home from walking generally well over 800 km, there is a huge culture shock upon returning (though yes, even though I am going home). It takes a bit of time to reacclimatize myself to being home. As well, the Camino walk can be an extremely deep experience and difficult, if not impossible, to explain to someone else, especially someone who has not walked it. I have found it can take me several days or weeks before I want to sit and have a conversation with someone, outside of work conversation. Even when I do (I guess, come back to 'reality'), I don't talk to people about my walks along the Caming, other than confirming that it was a good trip. My walks are private to me.
Your ex may (may) go through something similar, so after she returns home, she may take some time before she contacts you. It may drive you crazy, but continue with your life--go see some good films, take another road trip, go for some good hikes, whatever floats your boat (ooo! Go sailing, if that floats your boat! ). I hope for your heart's sake that she will contact you and have a good conversation with you. She may decide while she is walking or when she gets home that you are the guy for her...or she may decide it's time to move on.... By this time you may have decided that she is still the one for you...or she is not. You may meet someone along the way... You may discover that you enjoy your own company and want to remain single yourself for a while.
No what happens, all my best to you, Hurr. You sound like a great guy with a big heart! Good luck!

Thank you. Yeah of course no pressure for her. I hope she will think about it a bit more and realize that I'm the one for her . I think that she is the one for me, I know myself, so when I got the text I was determinated to educate myself a bit more about Camino experience. When a was a teenager when someone dumped me, I was desperate called them milion times, begged them to come back(I blame the emotions of a teenager ). Here its different. I wan't her to come back I really do(she will ), but I want her to do whats right for her. I think I'm gonna walk it myself ^^ whats the best time to do so?

 

[hurr]

More experiences from the Camino walkers are appreciated, maybe we find someone with the same experience that I have

 

[PEI_Heather]

Thank you. Yeah of course no pressure for her. I hope she will think about it a bit more and realize that I'm the one for her . I think that she is the one for me, I know myself, so when I got the text I was determinated to educate myself a bit more about Camino experience. When a was a teenager when someone dumped me, I was desperate called them milion times, begged them to come back(I blame the emotions of a teenager ). Here its different. I wan't her to come back I really do(she will ), but I want her to do whats right for her. I think I'm gonna walk it myself ^^ whats the best time to do so?

I have always walked in Oct/Nov and like that time in Spain and on the Camino. (Fewer pilgrims, excellent chance to get a bed, it's harvest time and outside of the rain which can fall often--though last year there was most none--the weather is lovely.) Others here would tell you spring is favourite or winter. It's hard to me to train in the dead of winter to walk in the spring (I live in Canada!) and while I could walk a winter Camino, I live with snow here so like to get away from it for a wee bit! So a late fall walk works well for me.
I think once you walk the Camino you'll understand what I was referring to in my first note to you. I think you got some of it, but when you walk it, you'll discover the feeling of self-change and culture shock yourself.
Now you have to figure out which Camino walk to do, as well as the time of year!

 

[Mana di Castanja]

1. Buy her a band aid kit for the Camino.
2. Put your name on, or write her on every strip, how much she means to you.
3. Lets hope she get a lot of blisters.

By the way....Amsterdam Rocks!

 

[hurr]

I have always walked in Oct/Nov and like that time in Spain and on the Camino. (Fewer pilgrims, excellent chance to get a bed, it's harvest time and outside of the rain which can fall often--though last year there was most none--the weather is lovely.) Others here would tell you spring is favourite or winter. It's hard to me to train in the dead of winter to walk in the spring (I live in Canada!) and while I could walk a winter Camino, I live with snow here so like to get away from it for a wee bit! So a late fall walk works well for me.
I think once you walk the Camino you'll understand what I was referring to in my first note to you. I think you got some of it, but when you walk it, you'll discover the feeling of self-change and culture shock yourself.
Now you have to figure out which Camino walk to do, as well as the time of year!

Nice thanks I'll start planing after the first midterms are over, when ill know when i free. I would probably do it in september/october as well. Since its the months i have most free time. Would you mind if i conatcted you for any more info or a question in the future.

 

[hurr]

1. Buy her a band aid kit for the Camino.
2. Put your name on, or write her on every strip, how much she means to you.
3. Lets hope she get a lot of blisters.

By the way....Amsterdam Rocks!

Hahaha I thoguht about a great romantic gesture, but I think that would be me missing the whole point of what she said to me.

And yeah Amsterdam is great but I'll have to spend it with my grandparents. So for me it will be food till i pass out, not drugs till i pass out. :]

So much help. Oh dear. More is alwys appreciated, but if not that you guys really inspired me to walk it. Just cause you are so nice

 

[PEI_Heather]

Nice thanks I'll start planing after the first midterms are over, when ill know when i free. I would probably do it in september/october as well. Since its the months i have most free time. Would you mind if i conatcted you for any more info or a question in the future.

Absolutely! Send me a message.
But I'm sure you've already discovered that this forum is chockablocka full of people with great information and tips! Keep exploring the forum (especially the archives--some of the answers to your questions may be in there) and if you have a question, post it up. Remember what KiwiFamily said soon after you posted, there is no such thing as a silly question.
In my experience there ARE silly walkers....I suggest you look up Monty Python's Flying Circus and the Ministry of Silly Walks. That is what I am referring to!

 

[hurr]

Monthy Python is mine and my gfs favorite so I know well what u are refering too. Niiiice im super hyped. First this road trip(starting tomorrow at 8am) and I'll start planning my camino right when i get home. I chose most of my classes for winter term, so that will be alright.

PS: I got a text from her. She said something like she met someone and he gave her an advice "don't let love go so easily". She did't say anything specific bu that she misses me. If you are reading this Camino guy. You get a big respectful handshake and a tight hug from me

 

[John+Sandy]

Monthy Python is mine and my gfs favorite so I know well what u are refering too. Niiiice im super hyped. First this road trip(starting tomorrow at 8am) and I'll start planning my camino right when i get home. I chose most of my classes for winter term, so that will be alright.

PS: I got a text from her. She said something like she met someone and he gave her an advice "don't let love go so easily". She did't say anything specific bu that she misses me. If you are reading this Camino guy. You get a big respectful handshake and a tight hug from me

Just a thought - why don't you join her for the last 100kms?
Best wishes

 

[hurr]

Just a thought - why don't you join her for the last 100kms?
Best wishes

That would be again, me not listening to her. As she said she wants to be alone. Right? Idk was it a trick question? Should I go and surprise her? She never played those games, but maybe it was a test and I failed it. now I'll be going crazy over it

Anyways I went on my road trip (YAAAY) so much good music in my car. Probably listened to every Johnny Cash song ever made, multiple times. Read a good book about love. I am highly optimistic and I must say I am happy. My grandparents are doing so well, hoooooly, I wish I'll be like them when I reach that age.

 

[MTtoCamino]

That would be again, me not listening to her. As she said she wants to be alone. Right? Idk was it a trick question? Should I go and surprise her? She never played those games, but maybe it was a test and I failed it. now I'll be going crazy over it

Anyways I went on my road trip (YAAAY) so much good music in my car. Probably listened to every Johnny Cash song ever made, multiple times. Read a good book about love. I am highly optimistic and I must say I am happy. My grandparents are doing so well, hoooooly, I wish I'll be like them when I reach that age.

I think it would simply get the question of relationship answered quickly. No waiting needed.

 

[hurr]

I think it would simply get the question of relationship answered quickly. No waiting needed.

The question would be anwsered but I think it would be a negative impact on the outcome. And I want her to respesct my wishes and boundaries. And if I want that from her, I think the equal respect should come from me

 

[WayWalker]

Just a thought. Maybe she wanted to walk her Camino completely alone and unfettered with no one at home to worry about and communicate what can only be experienced, with. She might have been in the place of, is this all there is? You would surely want a life partner to have found that out before committing. I admire her courage to take that step. She will likely come home enlightened about a lot of things.

 

[trecile]

OP, seeing as how you are both young and in university, you may have to accept that this might not be your "forever" relationship. It's painful when you think that you are with "the one", but they don't share your feelings, but it's part of life and maturing.

 

[hurr]

Just a thought. Maybe she wanted to walk her Camino completely alone and unfettered with no one at home to worry about and communicate what can only be experienced, with. She might have been in the place of, is this all there is? You would surely want a life partner to have found that out before committing. I admire her courage to take that step. She will likely come home enlightened about a lot of things.

Yeahh! Ofcourse. I want that too. But I think everything will be OK. I admire her courage. I spent so many nights encouraging to go. She called me her little cheerleader. I so wanted her to experience everything she can in her life. She talked about Camino before we even got serious. And made me watch all inspirational videos about it. I think it will be a great adventure for her.

 

[hurr]

OP, seeing as how you are both young and in university, you may have to accept that this might not be your "forever" relationship. It's painful when you think that you are with "the one", but they don't share your feelings, but it's part of life and maturing.

Maybe you are right. But I'm not letting it slip that easy. I know this is it, if not now maybe laters when she comes to the phase of wanting to be in relationship.

Or maybe she is my forever and I'm not hers. I am prepared to live with that, but I must be sure I did everything i could to keep her ^^

 

[Deleted member 67185]

Hello. My girlfriend(or ex) is walking through camino and apprently she had this revelation about us, and she decided to be single(so she broke up with me). Everyone that knows her is saying that its just, cause she is alone and everything will be Ok when she comes back. I've never been to camino so I can't really tell what it does to a person, so Im coming here for an advice? You guys change the view of thinking after coming home? I respect her decision, but i have to know if its any hope in this...

I asked around other forums and publish sites and most of them have the same anwser, that it's normal and she just needs space. But I craving for more information.

Thank you all in advance.

She probably had separation her mind prior to leaving on Camino in some mental form, whether conscious or not, and because she is now away from the relationship's interaction, has solidified her decision to separate. A person who is acting desperate and clingy toward a partner that wishes to separate, is in danger of further making themselves unnattractive to that partner, further solidifing her decision to part ways. I don't think the Camino has anything to do with her decision. I think this would have happened if she had been on a cruise or on a vacation to Disneyland.

How this will eventually resolve is anyone's guess. A conversation when she returns, depending on what your purpose for that conversation is and if you are able to keep from making her feel emotionally defensive and fragile, is something that may be appropriate. Trying to talk her out of her decision, as a part of that conversation, would not be a good idea; you are looking for clarification, not reconcilliation.

Any hope of a reconcilliation is not going to be based on going or coming back from Camino; it will be based on how you respond and act in the face of what she has told you her decision is.

 

[hurr]

She probably had separation her mind prior to leaving on Camino in some mental form, whether conscious or not, and because she is now away from the relationship's interaction, has solidified her decision to separate. A person who is acting desperate and clingy toward a partner that wishes to separate, is in danger of further making themselves unnattractive to that partner, further solidifing her decision to part ways. I don't think the Camino has anything to do with her decision. I think this would have happened if she had been on a cruise or on a vacation to Disneyland.

How this will eventually resolve is anyone's guess. A conversation when she returns, depending on what your purpose for that conversation is and if you are able to keep from making her feel emotionally defensive and fragile, is something that may be appropriate. Trying to talk her out of her decision, as a part of that conversation, would not be a good idea; you are looking for clarification, not reconcilliation.

Any hope of a reconcilliation is not going to be based on going or coming back from Camino; it will be based on how you respond and act in the face of what she has told you her decision is.

I dont know about her thinking before she went to Camino since it didn't show anything towards her leaving me. Otherwise I wouldn't be so encouraging of her going. Still it would be her decision but I was really supportive and she noticed that as well. She had a bit of a scared breakdown before the departure, but I managed to convince her she would have an awesome time ^^. I don't blame Camino in any way, just came here for an advice because she is there.

I am not, nor I ever was clingy in any way, since I love my space and she respects it. So in return I always respect her space. It was never a problem for us to say "today I want to be alone" or " I really need some time for myself". She has 2 jobs and uni, so there of course those things come first. For me as well. So for the clingy part I am not worried.

For our talk, when it comes, last thing on my agenda is for her to feel bad. And her decision is hers, not mine, I'll respect it no matter what. But I really know that we will be together. I can't explain it...I just know....

Thanks for the help. ^^
I hope you have a very nice weekend

 

[zzotte]

The decision only you can make, if she had a "revelation" and dumped you move on it's a lot better now then after you get married, broken heart it's tough but after all you are on the Camino and things just happens be open for your on "revelations"
Zzotte

 

[Deleted member 67185]

I dont know about her thinking before she went to Camino since it didn't show anything towards her leaving me. Otherwise I wouldn't be so encouraging of her going. Still it would be her decision but I was really supportive and she noticed that as well. She had a bit of a scared breakdown before the departure, but I managed to convince her she would have an awesome time ^^. I don't blame Camino in any way, just came here for an advice because she is there.

I am not, nor I ever was clingy in any way, since I love my space and she respects it. So in return I always respect her space. It was never a problem for us to say "today I want to be alone" or " I really need some time for myself". She has 2 jobs and uni, so there of course those things come first. For me as well. So for the clingy part I am not worried.

For our talk, when it comes, last thing on my agenda is for her to feel bad. And her decision is hers, not mine, I'll respect it no matter what. But I really know that we will be together. I can't explain it...I just know....

Thanks for the help. ^^
I hope you have a very nice weekend

I understand your feelings. My reference to her possible consideration of separation prior to going on Camino would not have been potentially evident, which is why I phrased my post to include the consideration that this may have been subconcious. I do not think being on Camino had a part to play in this, any more so than if she had gone away on any other vacation.
The fact that she is on Camino doesn't really make anyone here knowledgeable of what she may or may not do when she is finished. No more so than a Disneyland forum would be helpful if she had told you she wanted to separate while in Disneyland.

I did not say you were clingy prior to her wanting to leave you, it was a genral reference to how many people DO react AFTER a partner decides to leave, which hurts any chance of reconcilliation. I have no idea whether or not you'd behave that way; but the fact that you came here for advice from strangers is indicative of a bit of desperation, which I can understand. I am not trying to analyze you or your relationship. If you go back and re-read what I wrote, you will see that I offered general insights as to what anyone -- who has been "Dear Johned" -- can make mistakes doing, after they have been told a relationship is over. Being defensive about what I wrote, as evidenced by taking what I said out of context and trying to counter that out of context interpretation, indicates something entirely different than what you are writing.

My suggestion is to not look to this forum for advice, but to seek that help from professionals who can better guide you in the right direction. This forum is really not designed -- or purposed -- for this type of discussion.

The moderators would be correct in their decision if they decided to close this thread.

My prayers and best wishes are with you.

 

[hurr]

I understand your feelings. My reference to her possible consideration of separation prior to going on Camino would not have been potentially evident, which is why I phrased my post to include the consideration that this may have been subconcious. I do not think being on Camino had a part to play in this, any more so than if she had gone away on any other vacation.
The fact that she is on Camino doesn't really make anyone here knowledgeable of what she may or may not do when she is finished. No more so than a Disneyland forum would be helpful if she had told you she wanted to separate while in Disneyland.

I did not say you were clingy prior to her wanting to leave you, it was a genral reference to how many people DO react AFTER a partner decides to leave, which hurts any chance of reconcilliation. I have no idea whether or not you'd behave that way; but the fact that you came here for advice from strangers is indicative of a bit of desperation, which I can understand. I am not trying to analyze you or your relationship. If you go back and re-read what I wrote, you will see that I offered general insights as to what anyone -- who has been "Dear Johned" -- can make mistakes doing, after they have been told a relationship is over. Being defensive about what I wrote, as evidenced by taking what I said out of context and trying to counter that out of context interpretation, indicates something entirely different than what you are writing.

My suggestion is to not look to this forum for advice, but to seek that help from professionals who can better guide you in the right direction. This forum is really not designed -- or purposed -- for this type of discussion.

The moderators would be correct in their decision if they decided to close this thread.

My prayers and best wishes are with you.

Sorry if it sounded defensive. My english is not my primary language and I thought you are giving advices and how should/shouldnt I act when we get to the conversation.

I understand that you guys can't possibly know what is happening in her life or in mine.

I just wanted someone with Camino experience to talk to and cause i don't know anyone in real life(and internet is a nice thing to use for knowledge) I came here. If she'd go to Disneyland, I would be on Disneyland forum. So i guess in my eyes this is appropriate discussion for this forum since we are talking about Camino experience. Not phisycal one but emotional.


Sorry it bothered you

 

[hurr]

Ps: I just came here go get few advices and knowledge about how people felt when they came back from Camino and if anyone had a similiar experience. I never imagined turning to be a discussion and so many people willing to help and put theri opinions in to it.

You guys really are the best ^^

 

[Deleted member 67185]

Sorry if it sounded defensive. My english is not my primary language and I thought you are giving advices and how should/shouldnt I act when we get to the conversation.

I understand that you guys can't possibly know what is happening in her life or in mine.

I just wanted someone with Camino experience to talk to and cause i don't know anyone in real life(and internet is a nice thing to use for knowledge) I came here. If she'd go to Disneyland, I would be on Disneyland forum. So i guess in my eyes this is appropriate discussion for this forum since we are talking about Camino experience. Not phisycal one but emotional.


Sorry it bothered you

It didn't bother me at all. I can say that, for me, coming home from Camino had no real 'artificial' highs or lows, or a temporary, cosmic, magical insight which will eventually fade away. I did have time to examine my relationships with God and my family, and some life goals that I might now focus on. But these examinations were not due to a 'euphoric' driven detachment from reality, it was simply a function of having time to myself in order to think, without distractions....

This type of discussion is really not the purpose of this forum, despite some sort of Camino involvement in your ex's life. Please read the rules and guidelines to get a better understanding. If you wish to continue this discussion with me, please use the PM function, as I am going to hit the 'Ignore' function for this thread, which means I won't see anymore of your posts here. PMing will take this thread to a private conversation instead of furthering personal debate in an open thread, which is not appropriate.

 

[micromegas]

Hello. My girlfriend(or ex) is walking through camino and apprently she had this revelation about us, and she decided to be single(so she broke up with me). Everyone that knows her is saying that its just, cause she is alone and everything will be Ok when she comes back. I've never been to camino so I can't really tell what it does to a person, so Im coming here for an advice? You guys change the view of thinking after coming home? I respect her decision, but i have to know if its any hope in this...

I asked around other forums and publish sites and most of them have the same anwser, that it's normal and she just needs space. But I craving for more information.

Thank you all in advance.

A fellow pilgrim once told me that if you and your girlfriend want to get married, walk the camino together. If you are still together at the end, then yes, get married! He and his girlfriend at the time did this and they are still married! If one of you has reservations, then don’t. The camino can be intense, so you find out the worst and the best of each other along the way. Finding that out once married isn’t easy to walk away from!

 

[hurr]

A fellow pilgrim once told me that if you and your girlfriend want to get married, walk the camino together. If you are still together at the end, then yes, get married! He and his girlfriend at the time did this and they are still married! If one of you has reservations, then don’t. The camino can be intense, so you find out the worst and the best of each other along the way. Finding that out once married isn’t easy to walk away from!

If everything turns out as I hope and work towards, I'll definitely join her next year. CHEERS

 

[SabsP]

If this question is already been asked my apologies but @hurr : does your partner know that you are discussing your relationship with her on a public forum? I would feel very uncomfortable if my partner would do the same.

 

[hurr]

If this question is already been asked my apologies but @hurr : does your partner know that you are discussing your relationship with her on a public forum? I would feel very uncomfortable if my partner would do the same.

Someone asked me on private yes. She knows. She understands that I can't get this information any other place. She knows that this it not me trying to learn how to manipulate her in to being with me, but just me trying to get as many information about emotions of Camino. She might even appreciate the length I'm going ^^(last one I don't know for sure, it's just a thought).... Anyways she knows, talking to you guys and accepting advice, makes me feel a lot better.

 

[SabsP]

Someone asked me on private yes. She knows. She understands that I can't get this information any other place. She knows that this it not me trying to learn how to manipulate her in to being with me, but just me trying to get as many information about emotions of Camino. She might even appreciate the length I'm going ^^(last one I don't know for sure, it's just a thought).... Anyways she knows, talking to you guys and accepting advice, makes me feel a lot better.

Well good for you that you find this virtual place here to be of comfort. I prefer to seek this kind of advice in more private surroundings.

All the best.

 

[PEI_Heather]

She probably had separation her mind prior to leaving on Camino in some mental form, whether conscious or not, and because she is now away from the relationship's interaction, has solidified her decision to separate. A person who is acting desperate and clingy toward a partner that wishes to separate, is in danger of further making themselves unnattractive to that partner, further solidifing her decision to part ways. I don't think the Camino has anything to do with her decision. I think this would have happened if she had been on a cruise or on a vacation to Disneyland.

How this will eventually resolve is anyone's guess. A conversation when she returns, depending on what your purpose for that conversation is and if you are able to keep from making her feel emotionally defensive and fragile, is something that may be appropriate. Trying to talk her out of her decision, as a part of that conversation, would not be a good idea; you are looking for clarification, not reconcilliation.

Any hope of a reconcilliation is not going to be based on going or coming back from Camino; it will be based on how you respond and act in the face of what she has told you her decision is.

(Just to note, the OP mentioned that his girlfriend asked him to walk the Camino with her and he was unable to.)

I think, Hurr, that you two are able to spend time apart as well as spend time together is one sign of a healthy relationship. Sometimes one or both people decide to go in different directions and the other part of the couple can't or doesn't want to go in the new direction (in life, location, and more). Time apart may be become 'out of sight, out of mind'. Or sometimes time apart brings the couple closer together ('absence makes the heart grow fonder'). You are respecting her space right now, which I would appreciate more than if my partner suddenly showed up and, 'Surprise!' decided he was going to join me in an activity I decided, in the end, to do on my own. (That might be what davebugg was referring to as the clingy partner...?)

Nothing would send me on my way, leaving him in my dust, if he did not respect that space and boundary. It would be more about him than me; not a well balanced relationship. (Only my opinion, folks; you may have had such experiences or not, and have your own ideas.) I think you are taking the right, very mature approach to this issue (I'll call it, just for lack of another word right now) , as nail-biting, heart wrenching and anxiety inducing as it must be.

I'm glad that your roadtrip was a success! I'm not so glad that you didn't mention listening to any Queen? Whaaaat?! What is a road trip without singing Bohemian Rhapsody along with Freddie!
(Go Monty Python! )

 

[hurr]

Hahahaha Queen is obviously on any playlist of mine. So yeah me and Freddy had some good time on the road. You know a song is good when you even sing the instrumental part . Yeah well, we will see about what time comes. But my guts tell me everything will be all right and we will have a nice life together. Life needs to have ups and downs. This is just another down, but the next up is gonna be higher than ever

 

[Tincatinker]

Thread closed at OP's request. He is grateful for members kind considerations.