D
Deleted member 67185
Guest
Hi, everyone. I felt that I owe you all apologies for leaving things as they were, and to let you know what’s been happening. Again, let me express that nothing that has been going on is related to this Forum, other than as to how capable I feel of positively contributing to the Forum.
Caleb and I left Santiago de Compostela on the early morning train on October 21 and spent a terrific day exploring Madrid. That was our last day and night in Spain. Our flight to Seattle via a layover in Frankfurt went smoothly, especially since we had shipped our trekking poles and souvenirs home via Correos.
I arrived back home to my wonderful family on October 22. I am still trying to make sense of things and am baffled as to why I am having this difficulty in simply putting things into a proper perspective. I am mostly convinced that the Burgos incident was just one straw among others, and not the direct cause of my current situation. I am going to be talking to a counselor and will also be having my provider do a complete medical workup to see if there is a medical explanation.
During the last couple of days of the Walk to Santiago, so many feelings had occurred ranging the gamut of emotions: Joy, anger, despair, happiness, sadness, hopefulness, regret, contentment… it’s as if my mind, heart, and soul were having a go at playing tug-of-war. One example was when it came my turn for the Compostela in the Pilgrim’s Office in Santiago de Compostela. When I walked up to the counter window, I was greeted by the smiling face of a young woman in her early 20s. I requested that my pilgrimage be done in the name of my oldest son, Joshua David, who went to be with God shortly after his birth. I had discussed doing this with his mother, Denise, the previous day to make sure it was ok.
The young volunteer seemed a bit puzzled, but a more experienced volunteer knew what my request was about and briefly talked with the young woman, pointing to a space on the yet-to-be filled out Compostela.
As I watched the Pilgrim Office volunteer add Joshua’s name to that certificate of completion, I suddenly couldn’t hold back the tears. The long miles, the aches and pains, the mental trauma, the hundreds of times I prayed and talked with Jesus, the fatigue, and the meaning that I gave behind the purpose of my walk/pilgrimage seemed to suddenly become narrowly focused into a pinpoint with my dear son’s name.
The poor, sweet volunteer who spoke in halting, but understandable English asked, with a look of concern on her face, if I was alright. All I could do was smile through the tears and tell her, “Yes”, I was better than when I took my first step 30 days before”.
I never thought I would have been affected in so profound a manner. I will be thinking on all these things for a while. I mailed the Compostela to Joshua’s mother. I did purchase a certificate of distance for myself to keep.
Caleb and I enjoyed a wonderful time of bonding during my last 14 days on Camino when he joined me on the Walk at Leon. I am so thankful for his presence and constant encouragement. I honestly wonder if I would have had the commitment to continue on after reaching Leon if Caleb wasn’t with me.
Thank you all for your prayers and kind thoughts, they have meant a great deal.
I have been looking at the Forum off and on since I’ve been home. It is helping me to gauge where I am at; I still feel incapable of meaningful contribution. Heck, I am having difficulty trying to meaningfully contribute and connect with my own family.
I realize that there have been many private messages and posts that have been made to me. I have glanced at them, but I feel a bit unprepared to read them as they deserve to be read. I can only say that it has been overwhelming – in a great way. I really am astounded by you’re the positive way you have viewed my participation on the Forum; I really don’t feel I am deserving of such. My participation has been without expectation of anything other than to try and follow the example of positive contributions which all the veteran members have made in order to make the Forum the wonderful place that it is.
I look forward to the time that I feel I can join you all in conversation and helpfulness and education to those new members looking to the Forum for guidance. Maybe after the upcoming holidays and with time for the medics to do their thing. I do hope it is sooner than later as you are all a bright, positive, and wonderful community of friends.
Caleb and I left Santiago de Compostela on the early morning train on October 21 and spent a terrific day exploring Madrid. That was our last day and night in Spain. Our flight to Seattle via a layover in Frankfurt went smoothly, especially since we had shipped our trekking poles and souvenirs home via Correos.
I arrived back home to my wonderful family on October 22. I am still trying to make sense of things and am baffled as to why I am having this difficulty in simply putting things into a proper perspective. I am mostly convinced that the Burgos incident was just one straw among others, and not the direct cause of my current situation. I am going to be talking to a counselor and will also be having my provider do a complete medical workup to see if there is a medical explanation.
During the last couple of days of the Walk to Santiago, so many feelings had occurred ranging the gamut of emotions: Joy, anger, despair, happiness, sadness, hopefulness, regret, contentment… it’s as if my mind, heart, and soul were having a go at playing tug-of-war. One example was when it came my turn for the Compostela in the Pilgrim’s Office in Santiago de Compostela. When I walked up to the counter window, I was greeted by the smiling face of a young woman in her early 20s. I requested that my pilgrimage be done in the name of my oldest son, Joshua David, who went to be with God shortly after his birth. I had discussed doing this with his mother, Denise, the previous day to make sure it was ok.
The young volunteer seemed a bit puzzled, but a more experienced volunteer knew what my request was about and briefly talked with the young woman, pointing to a space on the yet-to-be filled out Compostela.
As I watched the Pilgrim Office volunteer add Joshua’s name to that certificate of completion, I suddenly couldn’t hold back the tears. The long miles, the aches and pains, the mental trauma, the hundreds of times I prayed and talked with Jesus, the fatigue, and the meaning that I gave behind the purpose of my walk/pilgrimage seemed to suddenly become narrowly focused into a pinpoint with my dear son’s name.
The poor, sweet volunteer who spoke in halting, but understandable English asked, with a look of concern on her face, if I was alright. All I could do was smile through the tears and tell her, “Yes”, I was better than when I took my first step 30 days before”.
I never thought I would have been affected in so profound a manner. I will be thinking on all these things for a while. I mailed the Compostela to Joshua’s mother. I did purchase a certificate of distance for myself to keep.
Caleb and I enjoyed a wonderful time of bonding during my last 14 days on Camino when he joined me on the Walk at Leon. I am so thankful for his presence and constant encouragement. I honestly wonder if I would have had the commitment to continue on after reaching Leon if Caleb wasn’t with me.
Thank you all for your prayers and kind thoughts, they have meant a great deal.
I have been looking at the Forum off and on since I’ve been home. It is helping me to gauge where I am at; I still feel incapable of meaningful contribution. Heck, I am having difficulty trying to meaningfully contribute and connect with my own family.
I realize that there have been many private messages and posts that have been made to me. I have glanced at them, but I feel a bit unprepared to read them as they deserve to be read. I can only say that it has been overwhelming – in a great way. I really am astounded by you’re the positive way you have viewed my participation on the Forum; I really don’t feel I am deserving of such. My participation has been without expectation of anything other than to try and follow the example of positive contributions which all the veteran members have made in order to make the Forum the wonderful place that it is.
I look forward to the time that I feel I can join you all in conversation and helpfulness and education to those new members looking to the Forum for guidance. Maybe after the upcoming holidays and with time for the medics to do their thing. I do hope it is sooner than later as you are all a bright, positive, and wonderful community of friends.
( 884 and counting! )
. May you take in the love of your family and friends as you settle in back home,
