Having spouse join for final 100km, or meet in Santiago - I’m thinking it’s not a great idea…

[JustJack]

So in theory it sounds great. Wife could fly to Spain and meet me for the final 100km of my Camino Frances. Would be great to share the experience with her etc etc.

However a big part of me is screaming that this would be a big mistake. I will have just spent 5 weeks walking alone (and with other pilgrims). It’s hard to know where I will be emotionally as I reach the final 100km. I suspect I’m going to want to be introspective at this stage, and having my wife and join me at that point, fresh off the airplane from home, might be a recipe for problems.

Or another option. She and my daughter fly to Santiago and are there waiting to cheer me as I arrive at the cathedral. Sounds great on paper, but again I question whether or not I will be in a good frame of mind at that moment. Do I want to see them upon arrival at Santiago? Or will I need some time on my own to process and recover from my Camino before I meet up with family?

My wife has been throwing out a few ideas recently, and I’m thinking I may need to shut down that conversation, as no good can come of her and my daughter flying to Spain to walk the last 100km with me or to meet me in Santiago. A few days later in Madrid perhaps.

Anyone else have experience with having their spouse or other family member join you at the end or be in Santiago when you arrived? How did it go?

 

[trecile]

Only you know what's best for you and your wife/family, but if you are having doubts about them meeting you in Santiago or beforehand I think that you should listen to that.

Is there any way that you and your wife could spend some time in Spain before your Camino, and she could see you off on your journey?

Or maybe she/they could meet you in Santiago a couple of days after your arrival. If your wife really wants to walk with you, maybe the two of you could walk together to Finisterre and/or Muxía?

 

[wayfarer]

My wife saw me off in STJPP and met me a month later when I arrived in Santiago. We explored STJPP together and as she had arrived in Santiago a few days before me she knew all the best places to visit. I loved the fact that we could share some of the experience together if not the walk. After a few days in Santiago she saw me off on the walk to Finisterre and Muxia.
Listen to your wife and see what she'd like to do, it shouldn't be all about you.

 

[VNwalking]

No, but I had a friend meet me in Fromista after I'd walked from SJPP, and we walked the rest of the way together. It was an adjustment but it worked - because we wanted it to work and I was willing to make the adjustments. So ask yourself: are you?

 

[mspath]

Shifting gears is always difficult.

 

[Walkerooni]

I hear what you’re saying. If she joins you for the last 100k, she will just be getting her feet wet and finding her way. With you. You will likely be 700k in and arriving at the least inspiring part of your Camino. You will be at a point where 25-30k a day feels like a nice stroll. Depending on her training prior to meeting up with you, she may well not be at that point. Not to diminish in any way the challenge of walking the last 100k, the 2 experiences will be vastly different. They may blend well. They may not. I met a guy that after arriving in SdC was going to meet his wife who had just flown in, and walk together to Finisterre. In 3 days. I said, “I know you’ll be comfortable with walking 27k a day, but will she?” He looked at me with a look of utter panic on his face. I have no idea how that worked out.

 

[David]

Jack, you have already answered your own question - you don't want it ... you don't want it as your pilgrimage is already a very personal thing for you, obviously something deep ... I would feel the same ... it isn't like meeting your wife as you step out of a cinema to go to a restaurant ..... it is Camino, Pilgrimage .... the truth is that your wife doesn't understand your mind on this, she thinks you are going on some strange 'holiday', she loves you, wants to cheer you on ... but your mission is a different thing that comes from deep within you.

On a practical level re that last 100kms ... you will be really fit and have a rythym, she won't ....

Most humans in the world have never been alone ... in family as child, school, college or work, marriage, sometimes children. Holding down a job, going on holidays together, family visits ... never ever ever alone, so Camino is a moment out of time, a moment when a human can be free in a way never experienced before - alone, free ..
So I say go alone, be alone, be alone when in Santiago .. process .... then go home and hug your wife - but that is just me, my thoughts.

What could possibly work if she really is unable to 'let you go' until you return, is to do the first 100kms together - but even that is fraught .... you would completely miss the first week, completely miss that personal alone experience- tell her you love her, tell her this is a deep once in a lifetime thing for you and that you and her can have a fab outing at home when you return?

 

[Former member 99290]

So in theory it sounds great. Wife could fly to Spain and meet me for the final 100km of my Camino Frances. Would be great to share the experience with her etc etc.

However a big part of me is screaming that this would be a big mistake. I will have just spent 5 weeks walking alone (and with other pilgrims). It’s hard to know where I will be emotionally as I reach the final 100km. I suspect I’m going to want to be introspective at this stage, and having my wife and join me at that point, fresh off the airplane from home, might be a recipe for problems.

Or another option. She and my daughter fly to Santiago and are there waiting to cheer me as I arrive at the cathedral. Sounds great on paper, but again I question whether or not I will be in a good frame of mind at that moment. Do I want to see them upon arrival at Santiago? Or will I need some time on my own to process and recover from my Camino before I meet up with family?

My wife has been throwing out a few ideas recently, and I’m thinking I may need to shut down that conversation, as no good can come of her and my daughter flying to Spain to walk the last 100km with me or to meet me in Santiago. A few days later in Madrid perhaps.

Anyone else have experience with having their spouse or other family member join you at the end or be in Santiago when you arrived? How did it go?

Can anyone else’s experience with their spouse or family member truly be relevant to yours? I know for some people it works wonderfully, for others it doesn’t.

But given something is ‘screaming’ to you that it would be a mistake and ‘no good can come of it’, that sounds like a recipe for your wife and daughter to feel entirely unwelcome when they meet you and potentially have an unpleasant experience of the Camino with you. How awful for them.

Perhaps show her what you’ve written here and she / they will no longer want to join you. Problem solved.

 

[scott the farmer]

Had friends that did this and she suffered because of his fittness ,only do it if you are willing for it to become her Camino totally when she joins you !

 

[NualaOC]

Listen to and share your feelings.
Listen to your wife.
Work it out together.

Wishing you well - your journey has begun.

 

[Pilgrim9]

Just Jack:

After completing my first Camino - correction, after arriving in Santiago - I was living in a very different mental state, one unconcerned with worldly affairs. For many many months I avoided activities that might erase or overwrite that new mental state. I needed to savour my experience and had no desire for the customary types of social outings or touristic activities. In that sense, I did not "complete" my Camino for several years.

You might, or might not, experience something similar.

 

[peregrino_tom]

I will have just spent 5 weeks walking alone (and with other pilgrims). It’s hard to know where I will be emotionally as I reach the final 100km. I suspect I’m going to want to be introspective at this stage,

In my experience, being introspective at this stage is rarely a thing. Certainly wasn't for me the first time, or practically anyone I have walked with.
When thinking of the camino ahead of actually doing it, we maybe put too much emphasis on the idea of reaching a calm meditative state. If that comes at all, I'd say it comes much later, starting when you arrive at the airport to go back home.
In practice you are asking your body to continually do more than it wants to. At first it complains a lot then eventually it agrees, but you have to remind it every day! Alongside this you have to have mental resilience - especially in the early stages when, say, you have 2-3 challenging days in a row and you know that this won't be the end of it - you will have to do it all again, and again and again..
And that's often when people help you out and you help them out - and the social/human bond becomes much more important than you'd ever imagined before you started.
So by the time you reach Sarria I'd expect you to be toughened up but positively excited, knowing that despite all the challenges that were put in your way, your goal is very likely within your grasp. I think that's a great time for sharing it with your significant other. If you are walking standard stages then it won't matter if you are the fitter one, it'll just be a bit easier for you.
On my first camino, on the evening before entering Santiago, at O Pedrouzo, our little group made a communal meal and invited all the people we didn't know in the albergue to join us. We felt like we'd just received the winning lottery ticket, and we wanted to share that feeling and bring others into the joy of it. It was like the excitement experienced the night before playing in the Cup Final. But we already knew the result - and it was a good one.

 

[Stroller]

As @David above has said you have made up your mind.

I needed decompression in SdC after my walk, time to process it all. My wife flew in after a couple of days and we had a long weekend exploring the city and, incidentaly, getting to know each other as she said I was "different". Has never explained what "different" is.

 

[VNwalking]

Listen to and share your feelings.
Listen to your wife.
Work it out together.

Each part of this post is perfect.
In a marriage partnership, both of your wishes need to be aired.
There will probably be some way to at least partly satisfy each of you - though it may require compromise from both of you!

 

[SeñorJacques]

Always listen to that voice telling to what to do, especially if it’s screaming

 

[tbcan]

So in theory it sounds great. Wife could fly to Spain and meet me for the final 100km of my Camino Frances. Would be great to share the experience with her etc etc.

However a big part of me is screaming that this would be a big mistake. I will have just spent 5 weeks walking alone (and with other pilgrims). It’s hard to know where I will be emotionally as I reach the final 100km. I suspect I’m going to want to be introspective at this stage, and having my wife and join me at that point, fresh off the airplane from home, might be a recipe for problems.

Or another option. She and my daughter fly to Santiago and are there waiting to cheer me as I arrive at the cathedral. Sounds great on paper, but again I question whether or not I will be in a good frame of mind at that moment. Do I want to see them upon arrival at Santiago? Or will I need some time on my own to process and recover from my Camino before I meet up with family?

My wife has been throwing out a few ideas recently, and I’m thinking I may need to shut down that conversation, as no good can come of her and my daughter flying to Spain to walk the last 100km with me or to meet me in Santiago. A few days later in Madrid perhaps.

Anyone else have experience with having their spouse or other family member join you at the end or be in Santiago when you arrived? How did it go?

When I finished my first Camino I wanted to celebrate with other pilgrims. After saying good bye to my Camino family, I had a brief period of feeling very sad and lonely. I needed time to readjust. Having said that, it would have been impossible for me to predict that gamut of emotions in advance. I would suggest erring on the side of caution and listening to your heart!

 

[kay lee]

So in theory it sounds great. Wife could fly to Spain and meet me for the final 100km of my Camino Frances. Would be great to share the experience with her etc etc.

However a big part of me is screaming that this would be a big mistake. I will have just spent 5 weeks walking alone (and with other pilgrims). It’s hard to know where I will be emotionally as I reach the final 100km. I suspect I’m going to want to be introspective at this stage, and having my wife and join me at that point, fresh off the airplane from home, might be a recipe for problems.

Or another option. She and my daughter fly to Santiago and are there waiting to cheer me as I arrive at the cathedral. Sounds great on paper, but again I question whether or not I will be in a good frame of mind at that moment. Do I want to see them upon arrival at Santiago? Or will I need some time on my own to process and recover from my Camino before I meet up with family?

My wife has been throwing out a few ideas recently, and I’m thinking I may need to shut down that conversation, as no good can come of her and my daughter flying to Spain to walk the last 100km with me or to meet me in Santiago. A few days later in Madrid perhaps.

Anyone else have experience with having their spouse or other family member join you at the end or be in Santiago when you arrived? How did it go?

I completed the walk to Santiago. Then I flew down to Madrid to meet my husband, came to Sarria, and walked back to Santiago. The second walk with my husband was a totally leisurely vacation -- we took ten days to walk this short route, finishing each day at a nice place to unpack, enjoy a sumptuous lunch, and drink wine in the afternoon. It worked great. We just enjoyed a bit of walking together while catching up with each other and having a great time being tourists.

 

[Susan Peacock]

I agree with what everyone has said about the difference in the physical condition of someone who has walked for a month and someone who is just beginning. Also, meeting in Sarria would require you to have a schedule. I have walked with pilgrims who were meeting their spouse in Sarria and this often required them rushing ahead to be there in time or waiting for a day or two in Sarria. I had a hard time meeting my husband after Camino for a vacation. Jumping to busy, trains, plans, automobiles and tours was too quick of a transition. I now plan anything vacations before I start my Camino. I have been married for 37 years and I feel that my solo Camino's only enhance my marriage. My family generously supports me in doing something for myself that brings me such great joy.

 

[Ronald Boivin]

So in theory it sounds great. Wife could fly to Spain and meet me for the final 100km of my Camino Frances. Would be great to share the experience with her etc etc.

However a big part of me is screaming that this would be a big mistake. I will have just spent 5 weeks walking alone (and with other pilgrims). It’s hard to know where I will be emotionally as I reach the final 100km. I suspect I’m going to want to be introspective at this stage, and having my wife and join me at that point, fresh off the airplane from home, might be a recipe for problems.

Or another option. She and my daughter fly to Santiago and are there waiting to cheer me as I arrive at the cathedral. Sounds great on paper, but again I question whether or not I will be in a good frame of mind at that moment. Do I want to see them upon arrival at Santiago? Or will I need some time on my own to process and recover from my Camino before I meet up with family?

My wife has been throwing out a few ideas recently, and I’m thinking I may need to shut down that conversation, as no good can come of her and my daughter flying to Spain to walk the last 100km with me or to meet me in Santiago. A few days later in Madrid perhaps.

Anyone else have experience with having their spouse or other family member join you at the end or be in Santiago when you arrived? How did it go?

You are a wise pilgrim. In energy-terminology, the weeks of walking incrementally raises your frequency ( facilitating he spiritual experience). If your wife meets you 100 km at the end, she will be at her normal-life frequency which will likely not match yours. I respectfully suggest meeting AFTER a few days after your Camino in a stress-location. She needs to be forewarned that you will have changed. After my two six-week Caminos my wife met me on a cruise ship where we sailed for 2 weeks back to Canada. I had already taken two weeks on my own to decompress and reintegrate. Caminos were life enhancing for me.

 

[WalkingLester]

From reading your letter it seems clear you don’t want your wife or daughter to meet you in Sarria or in Santiago. Based on your feelings and the fact that I have been in this same situation I would advise you to finish your Camino alone and to arrive in Santiago alone. On various Camino trips I have: met my wife and daughter in Madrid and traveled in Spain with them after I finished my Camino, met my daughter and walked from Astorga to Santiago ( but after I finished), spent time with wife and kids in Barcelona first, and then walked a Camino alone. You are going to be on your own journey on the Camino. Finish that solo journey. Then meet your wonderful family and enjoy time with them.

 

[antepacem]

Sometimes I call a friend and say, "I want to do X, but this person wants me to do Y. What should I do?" My friend knows that what I need is permission. She says, "Here, I'm giving you this card. It says you get to do whatever you think/feel/know is best for you, no justifications, no excuses." So if you're looking for permission: here is your card. Do what you know is best for you.

 

[Rachel and Dino]

Only you know the answer to this . Maybe the introspection needs to start before your Camino. Then listen to your heart .

 

[sillydoll]

In 2007 I walked the Camino for the 4th time, with two friends. My husband, who was a sportsman but not a walker, joined us in Sarria. It was wonderful - wonderful for him to share my passion for the Camino and finally understand why I loved it so much; wonderful to slow down and walk shorter distances, thereby stretching it out a bit! It was also wonderful to walk into Santiago together. He is a big bearded, macho Viking ex-rugby player, but got teary in the cathedral when the nun started singing and while the botafumerio was swinging!
We hired a car and drove to Fistera and then Lugo where we spent a night. Then we drove to Oviedo and spent a day and night there. Then to Castrojeriz for a night, Burgos and Santo Domingo de la Clazada to hear the Gregorian chants. Then we drove to St Jean and back over the hill to Roncesvalles for a night. We attended the mass and he got emotional again during the pilgrim blessing.
Since then he walked the Camino Ingles with me in 2014, the last 100km of the Via Francigena to Rome in 2016, and Sarria to Santiago again 2019.
We had booked to do a 2 week walk-and-ride Camino in 2020 but as with everyone else's plans, those had to be cancelled.
Finn and me in 2007

 

[spetrone]

I agree with what everyone has said about the difference in the physical condition of someone who has walked for a month and someone who is just beginning. Also, meeting in Sarria would require you to have a schedule. I have walked with pilgrims who were meeting their spouse in Sarria and this often required them rushing ahead to be there in time or waiting for a day or two in Sarria. I had a hard time meeting my husband after Camino for a vacation. Jumping to busy, trains, plans, automobiles and tours was too quick of a transition. I now plan anything vacations before I start my Camino. I have been married for 37 years and I feel that my solo Camino's only enhance my marriage. My family generously supports me in doing something for myself that brings me such great joy.

Susan, you are a wise lady. I had to do a solo pilgrimage in the spring of '16. It would be a totally different pilgrimage with a spouse joining for the last week or so. Possibly doing the first week together is the best option or a few days after completion.

 

[JRO]

So in theory it sounds great. Wife could fly to Spain and meet me for the final 100km of my Camino Frances. Would be great to share the experience with her etc etc.

However a big part of me is screaming that this would be a big mistake. I will have just spent 5 weeks walking alone (and with other pilgrims). It’s hard to know where I will be emotionally as I reach the final 100km. I suspect I’m going to want to be introspective at this stage, and having my wife and join me at that point, fresh off the airplane from home, might be a recipe for problems.

Or another option. She and my daughter fly to Santiago and are there waiting to cheer me as I arrive at the cathedral. Sounds great on paper, but again I question whether or not I will be in a good frame of mind at that moment. Do I want to see them upon arrival at Santiago? Or will I need some time on my own to process and recover from my Camino before I meet up with family?

My wife has been throwing out a few ideas recently, and I’m thinking I may need to shut down that conversation, as no good can come of her and my daughter flying to Spain to walk the last 100km with me or to meet me in Santiago. A few days later in Madrid perhaps.

Anyone else have experience with having their spouse or other family member join you at the end or be in Santiago when you arrived? How did it go?

I respond from the place of 1)being the spouse who met my husband in Santiago after he'd walked the Camino Frances and I had spent 5 weeks alone at home. We were both different people at that point; you are totally correct that you'll need some processing time. However, we were both very excited to be reunited again so it was joyful. He had arrived in Santiago with Camino friends and been there two days prior to my arrival - that was a good thing, I think. I got to meet a couple of "Camino friends" which was wonderful to have a face to put to the stories he'd tell me. He also walked the Camino with our son, who went off to Montserrat on his own for the weekend when I arrived. We then all re-connected on a Monday and spent a week or so travelling in Portugal, where none of us had been before. I think this worked out optimally - though I have to tell you that I watched him try and live "usual life" again for several months once we got home. The Camino changes how people view themselves, others, and the world.

2) We as a couple then went back to Spain a couple of years later and walked together to Finesterre and Muxia, with my husband planning stages that he thought I could walk comfortably (bum knee). That was great, but not the same as being along on a Camino.

3) My daughter walked the Camino Frances on her own several years later and begged her dad to join her about 3/4 of the way through. That was awkward.....she had her own much younger Camino family and didn't really need him at that point. He knew that would probably happen, having walked it himself, and wasn't surprised at all. He's also great at side trips and time on his own, so it worked out. He found it very interesting to see how younger people - primarily non-spiritual - approached the Camino. He's still in touch with a few of those people, having been the "voice of wisdom".

I think given the way you are feeling about this, you may wish to ask them to join you several days after arriving. I, too, think that you all might enjoy it more if you go a bit earlier and enjoy time together with a "send off". From personal experience, and hearing many other stories, you'll be needing processing time. Those who haven't walked it REALLY don't understand, even though they will try their best. I had to let my husband, son and daughter have their own experiences and be ok with not being part of that....and from the viewpoint of your family, it's a really hard thing, especially after always sharing life up to that point. Buen Camino to you, and your family too. (PS - I found it really helpful to have my own copy of Brierly's book so I could read about their (general) walk each day and have a little background about what they told me - it also helped me to feel less "left out").

 

[J Willhaus]

I would say if she joins you that perhaps you agree in advance that you will each walk your own camino? Start and stop at the same place, but don't necessarily walk together. Sounds like she loves you and wants to be with you. My husband and I argued and fussed when walking together for the first one third of our first Camino until we got into a rhythm.

I guess the question is if you do or don't accept her meeting you somewhere, will that cause a problem in your relationship. People and relationships are important.

 

[Wanderingfriend]

So in theory it sounds great. Wife could fly to Spain and meet me for the final 100km of my Camino Frances. Would be great to share the experience with her etc etc.

However a big part of me is screaming that this would be a big mistake. I will have just spent 5 weeks walking alone (and with other pilgrims). It’s hard to know where I will be emotionally as I reach the final 100km. I suspect I’m going to want to be introspective at this stage, and having my wife and join me at that point, fresh off the airplane from home, might be a recipe for problems.

Or another option. She and my daughter fly to Santiago and are there waiting to cheer me as I arrive at the cathedral. Sounds great on paper, but again I question whether or not I will be in a good frame of mind at that moment. Do I want to see them upon arrival at Santiago? Or will I need some time on my own to process and recover from my Camino before I meet up with family?

My wife has been throwing out a few ideas recently, and I’m thinking I may need to shut down that conversation, as no good can come of her and my daughter flying to Spain to walk the last 100km with me or to meet me in Santiago. A few days later in Madrid perhaps.

Anyone else have experience with having their spouse or other family member join you at the end or be in Santiago when you arrived? How did it go?

I have debated this and decided that for me, the rhythm of the Camino is such that I need processing time. I think inserting my dear husband would not be good, as it’s too big of a shift for me, especially as the last 100 km is a major processing time.

 

[DyanTX]

My walking partner had her husband meet us in Santiago as he was not able to walk any major distance. He had a rental car and after a couple days in Santiago, we all went to Fisterra where they dropped me off and continued on their way to tour more of Spain while I finished out my visit to Muxia and journeyed home.

 

[Julian]

So in theory it sounds great. Wife could fly to Spain and meet me for the final 100km of my Camino Frances. Would be great to share the experience with her etc etc.

However a big part of me is screaming that this would be a big mistake. I will have just spent 5 weeks walking alone (and with other pilgrims). It’s hard to know where I will be emotionally as I reach the final 100km. I suspect I’m going to want to be introspective at this stage, and having my wife and join me at that point, fresh off the airplane from home, might be a recipe for problems.

Or another option. She and my daughter fly to Santiago and are there waiting to cheer me as I arrive at the cathedral. Sounds great on paper, but again I question whether or not I will be in a good frame of mind at that moment. Do I want to see them upon arrival at Santiago? Or will I need some time on my own to process and recover from my Camino before I meet up with family?

My wife has been throwing out a few ideas recently, and I’m thinking I may need to shut down that conversation, as no good can come of her and my daughter flying to Spain to walk the last 100km with me or to meet me in Santiago. A few days later in Madrid perhaps.

Anyone else have experience with having their spouse or other family member join you at the end or be in Santiago when you arrived? How did it go?

I started from SJdP and my wife joined me in Sarria for the last 100kms. She was able to experience a sample of what I had been through and also meet my Camily and I honestly think we ended up stronger emotionally then if she had just met me at the end.
Having walked that last 100kms we’ve since done two more Camino’s together with great success.

 

[Camino Chrissy]

On my first Camino in 2015, I was very disappointed my spouse was not interested in coming along, although one of my sons was interested, so I had a companion. On my third Camino he joined us in Santiago at the end for a couple of days, and then walked with me, our boys and daughter-in-law from Muxia to Lires, then on to Finesterre the final day. For him, everything was "nice", but he did not catch the "Camino bug". We are all different, sometimes even in marriage. I no longer invite him, but he knows the passion I have for long distance walks and I am thankful to have his blessing to be my own person.
That said, we have done many other European travels together, along with US national parks, but the Caminos are my own thing....my happy place.

 

[CWBuff]

from the get-go it was clearly understood that the Camino Frances is mine and mine alone. I am sincerely doing it as a Pilgrimage for Religious and Spiritual Purposes and as such - wanted to go alone (Please note that in no way shape or form it negates meeting other folks while on Camino)

The wife is to meet me in SdC hopefully on the morning of me walking up to the cathedral (being in front of it). We shall then spend couple of days in SdC and do Camino Finisterre together. She is not a "great" hiker but she hiked and we do like walking when traveling, so... keeping it to roughly 15miles\day with applicable breaks should be OK. Push comes to shove - we can get her a taxi to the next albergue. IMHO - my "pigrimage" by that time is done so I can even allow myself a bit of a slack whatever that may be
The Grand finale planned is to go to Madrid once Finisterre is finished and spend couple of days thee before flying home

Those are the plans. No Idea what state of mind I will be when i set my feet onto Plaza de Obraidorio....but I have ABSOLUTELY NO DOUBT that I would want nothing more and nobody else there to share that moment with but the partner of my life! I hope that the Botofumeiro flies and she can experience that as well!

I am looking forward to that moment and the week that will follow to spend & share the time & experience with my wife no less than I am looking forward to the whole 500 miles prior to.

Thats me. Hope you find your "happy moment" in whatever you decide to do

Buen Camino!

 

[Glamgrrl]

So in theory it sounds great. Wife could fly to Spain and meet me for the final 100km of my Camino Frances. Would be great to share the experience with her etc etc.

However a big part of me is screaming that this would be a big mistake. I will have just spent 5 weeks walking alone (and with other pilgrims). It’s hard to know where I will be emotionally as I reach the final 100km. I suspect I’m going to want to be introspective at this stage, and having my wife and join me at that point, fresh off the airplane from home, might be a recipe for problems.

Or another option. She and my daughter fly to Santiago and are there waiting to cheer me as I arrive at the cathedral. Sounds great on paper, but again I question whether or not I will be in a good frame of mind at that moment. Do I want to see them upon arrival at Santiago? Or will I need some time on my own to process and recover from my Camino before I meet up with family?

My wife has been throwing out a few ideas recently, and I’m thinking I may need to shut down that conversation, as no good can come of her and my daughter flying to Spain to walk the last 100km with me or to meet me in Santiago. A few days later in Madrid perhaps.

Anyone else have experience with having their spouse or other family member join you at the end or be in Santiago when you arrived? How did it go?

I think meeting you in Santiago is a decent compromise. I will say that you’ll possibly want to spend some time (several hours) in the square and possibly some time the next day welcoming other people you’ve met along your walk. It’s not really something you can anticipate or plan how you’ll feel, just be prepared. Explaining this to her ahead of time, and asking her for the grace of time as needed is kind and thoughtful to do. If she isn’t going to be comfortable with these scenarios, then best to meet a day later or somewhere else. Eventually you need to reconnect to your family. Why not let them share in your joy of completing your Camino?

 

[bck]

I completed the walk to Santiago. Then I flew down to Madrid to meet my husband, came to Sarria, and walked back to Santiago. The second walk with my husband was a totally leisurely vacation -- we took ten days to walk this short route, finishing each day at a nice place to unpack, enjoy a sumptuous lunch, and drink wine in the afternoon. It worked great. We just enjoyed a bit of walking together while catching up with each other and having a great time being tourists.

I am doing something similar. Would you share your itinerary and albergues used during your walk with spouse?

 

[Len Dacombe]

So in theory it sounds great. Wife could fly to Spain and meet me for the final 100km of my Camino Frances. Would be great to share the experience with her etc etc.

However a big part of me is screaming that this would be a big mistake. I will have just spent 5 weeks walking alone (and with other pilgrims). It’s hard to know where I will be emotionally as I reach the final 100km. I suspect I’m going to want to be introspective at this stage, and having my wife and join me at that point, fresh off the airplane from home, might be a recipe for problems.

Or another option. She and my daughter fly to Santiago and are there waiting to cheer me as I arrive at the cathedral. Sounds great on paper, but again I question whether or not I will be in a good frame of mind at that moment. Do I want to see them upon arrival at Santiago? Or will I need some time on my own to process and recover from my Camino before I meet up with family?

My wife has been throwing out a few ideas recently, and I’m thinking I may need to shut down that conversation, as no good can come of her and my daughter flying to Spain to walk the last 100km with me or to meet me in Santiago. A few days later in Madrid perhaps.

Anyone else have experience with having their spouse or other family member join you at the end or be in Santiago when you arrived? How did it go?

Here is my experience. My wife and I had planned to fmgo on a Camino tour in September 2015. The trip involved traveling from Astorga to Santiago, walking some of the Camino and being bused on some sections etc. We were going to go with my brother and his wife (my wife’s sister). After paying our deposit we watched the movie The Way (again) and when the movie ended I KNEW I needed to walk the entire Camino Frances as a bridge into my retirement. I considered planning my Camino to meet my wife in Astorga and joining the tour, but through discussions with other Pilgrims I was advised to consider the difficulty of walking in the heat of the summer to reach Astorga in September, AND also having to leave my Camino family when ai reached Astorga. The latter being huge truth.

During this time, our September trip fell through because of responsibilities at home caring for elderly parents which meant we couldn’t all be away at the same time. My wife and I agrred that I needed to walk the Camino in April/May of 2015. My Camino was an incredible experience, which I will never forget.

Since we already had flights booked in September of 2015, my wife and I decided that we would both return to Spain in September and we planned to rent a car and drive as closed to the Camino as possible so my wife could get a taste of the Camino (starting in Pamplona). The September trip was also a wonderful experience. After driving a section of the Camino one morning, we stopped to take in the view, and a tear ran down my cheek. My wife asked what was wrong. I simply replied that “nothing was wrong, but this morning’s drive took me 4 days of walking!” It was a surreal experience!

After we spent some time in Santiago visiting few of the spots I had experienced in April/May, we took the train to Allicante and spent a week on the Mediterranean. Which was also wonderful.

Upon returning home, I received a traffic ticket in the mail!! It seemed that on Day One, I drove through a square in Pamplona that I shouldn’t have!!

Just an option for you to consider.

Buen Camino!!

 

[david g]

So in theory it sounds great. Wife could fly to Spain and meet me for the final 100km of my Camino Frances. Would be great to share the experience with her etc etc.

However a big part of me is screaming that this would be a big mistake. I will have just spent 5 weeks walking alone (and with other pilgrims). It’s hard to know where I will be emotionally as I reach the final 100km. I suspect I’m going to want to be introspective at this stage, and having my wife and join me at that point, fresh off the airplane from home, might be a recipe for problems.

Or another option. She and my daughter fly to Santiago and are there waiting to cheer me as I arrive at the cathedral. Sounds great on paper, but again I question whether or not I will be in a good frame of mind at that moment. Do I want to see them upon arrival at Santiago? Or will I need some time on my own to process and recover from my Camino before I meet up with family?

My wife has been throwing out a few ideas recently, and I’m thinking I may need to shut down that conversation, as no good can come of her and my daughter flying to Spain to walk the last 100km with me or to meet me in Santiago. A few days later in Madrid perhaps.

Anyone else have experience with having their spouse or other family member join you at the end or be in Santiago when you arrived? How did it go?

I’d skip the meeting up, especially at Sarria. By then you’re going to be in your own little world with your own new friends and it will be really awkward for your wife to assimilate. This past September I walked the French route again and in Santiago met up with a Camino friend who had just walked the Primitivo. I had lunch with him and his “family” but had absolutely nothing in common with them. I didn’t know the inside jokes, couldn’t share in the ‘remember that one day when it rained’ talk. I just sat and listened and felt extremely out of place. We were all pilgrims yet our different experiences separated us. He voiced the same thing when he met up with my group.
I’d meet up in Santiago but only after I’d given myself at least a day to decompress.

 

[Phoenix]

Follow your gut, bro.

As for me, there is neither place nor time nor state of mind that I wouldn't want my wife and children with me... unless I ended up in a 3rd world prison somewhere.

 

[Sacha]

So in theory it sounds great. Wife could fly to Spain and meet me for the final 100km of my Camino Frances. Would be great to share the experience with her etc etc.

However a big part of me is screaming that this would be a big mistake. I will have just spent 5 weeks walking alone (and with other pilgrims). It’s hard to know where I will be emotionally as I reach the final 100km. I suspect I’m going to want to be introspective at this stage, and having my wife and join me at that point, fresh off the airplane from home, might be a recipe for problems.

Or another option. She and my daughter fly to Santiago and are there waiting to cheer me as I arrive at the cathedral. Sounds great on paper, but again I question whether or not I will be in a good frame of mind at that moment. Do I want to see them upon arrival at Santiago? Or will I need some time on my own to process and recover from my Camino before I meet up with family?

My wife has been throwing out a few ideas recently, and I’m thinking I may need to shut down that conversation, as no good can come of her and my daughter flying to Spain to walk the last 100km with me or to meet me in Santiago. A few days later in Madrid perhaps.

Anyone else have experience with having their spouse or other family member join you at the end or be in Santiago when you arrived? How did it go?

Personally I don’t think it’s a good idea.
You would both be in completely different mindsets.

What I did was (start SJPP) I met up with my husband one day in Burgos. That was nice, also no pressure.

Meeting in Madrid a few days later however does sound like a nice idea.

 

[Silencio Por Favor]

I am trying to imagine your wife's opinion/vibe..... is it either her saying, I can meet you if you like = somewhat indifferent or I would really like to meet at a certain point = enthusiastic.

 

[Glamgrrl]

I completed the walk to Santiago. Then I flew down to Madrid to meet my husband, came to Sarria, and walked back to Santiago. The second walk with my husband was a totally leisurely vacation -- we took ten days to walk this short route, finishing each day at a nice place to unpack, enjoy a sumptuous lunch, and drink wine in the afternoon. It worked great. We just enjoyed a bit of walking together while catching up with each other and having a great time being tourists.

I love this suggestion. Id add, giving your spouse to become the leader would be a nice balance too

 

[Glamgrrl]

I’d skip the meeting up, especially at Sarria. By then you’re going to be in your own little world with your own new friends and it will be really awkward for your wife to assimilate. This past September I walked the French route again and in Santiago met up with a Camino friend who had just walked the Primitivo. I had lunch with him and his “family” but had absolutely nothing in common with them. I didn’t know the inside jokes, couldn’t share in the ‘remember that one day when it rained’ talk. I just sat and listened and felt extremely out of place. We were all pilgrims yet our different experiences separated us. He voiced the same thing when he met up with my group.
I’d meet up in Santiago but only after I’d given myself at least a day to decompress.

This is a really interesting comment, and it resonates with me. I can imaging even people having walked the same Camino in different families would share this experience. Each group binds for a reason.

 

[Former member 92300]

Having this discussion with us is pointless. 1) it already sounds like you made up your mind and 2) if you can't have an open honest discussion about this with your wife you have more serious issues to work out with her. If your wife wants to be a part of this experience - and you completely deny her - that can cause issues in itself.

Have an open, honest discussion and let her know your thoughts and your needs, but also listen to what she wants and what she needs. Marriage is about love, respect, and compromise. What compromise can you find that will make both of you happy? Could you offer to have her come with at the beginning, spend a few days with her as a send off for the Camino? Could you allow her to meet you at the end, like she wants to do? Or can you say, "I really feel I need to do this one alone - but how about we plan a separate trip together". And if you chose to do this one alone - be sure to let her know that it is OK for HER to do a trip alone too, if she wants to.

I personally wouldn't let my husband join me - but that is because 1) I know he would hate it and 2) his health isn't such that would allow him to keep up with me. He and I both know this. We know this, because we communicate. Also - he knows he had many more opportunities to travel when he was young - and I didn't. He wants me to have those opportunities now. But - if he wanted to spend the time together, I would have to find alternate plans that would be more inclusive of his needs as well as mine.

 

[wayfarer]

This isn't some random pilgrim from a "Camino family" we are talking about here, its your life partner/best friend and your daughter. For me there was hardly a day went by that I didn't think I wish my wife was here to see this or experience that. She met me in Santiago and I introduced her to all the people I walked with as they arrived, nothing awkward about it. She came back with me to Sarria the following year to experience her own Camino and loved it.
I find a lot of the advice on this thread very self centered but then that's just me.

 

[Anthony Rocco]

So in theory it sounds great. Wife could fly to Spain and meet me for the final 100km of my Camino Frances. Would be great to share the experience with her etc etc.

However a big part of me is screaming that this would be a big mistake. I will have just spent 5 weeks walking alone (and with other pilgrims). It’s hard to know where I will be emotionally as I reach the final 100km. I suspect I’m going to want to be introspective at this stage, and having my wife and join me at that point, fresh off the airplane from home, might be a recipe for problems.

Or another option. She and my daughter fly to Santiago and are there waiting to cheer me as I arrive at the cathedral. Sounds great on paper, but again I question whether or not I will be in a good frame of mind at that moment. Do I want to see them upon arrival at Santiago? Or will I need some time on my own to process and recover from my Camino before I meet up with family?

My wife has been throwing out a few ideas recently, and I’m thinking I may need to shut down that conversation, as no good can come of her and my daughter flying to Spain to walk the last 100km with me or to meet me in Santiago. A few days later in Madrid perhaps.

Anyone else have experience with having their spouse or other family member join you at the end or be in Santiago when you arrived? How did it go?

This is one case where you listen to your brain, not your heart. And your brain nailed it: don't walk together that last stretch. I was just reflecting that whether it's your spouse, your partner, your friend or even yourself as you are now, the you that will arrive in Sarria will not be the same as the you of today. Your brain will be relaxed...no stress, no fear, no worry...you've done the routine so many times you are on auto pilot. Your heart, or the emotional side of you, will be at peace, reflective, drinking in the wonders your attuned senses catch that the former you may never have been so attuned to.

In contrast, a new person will be like you when you started. This is a mismatch in too many ways.

There is one way to make this work. Your wife arrives when you do, your greet each other but don't stay together that first evening. Let her discover from other newbies the excitement of the camino. Agree on where you will arrive the next evening, but do not walk together and do not bunk close to each other. The following day, don't walk together but do meet up and stay together. I guarantee that just after two days, she will be a veteran with much to talk about, especially the other pilgrims she bonded with...and she will. You can smile as she regales you with tales, understanding far more deeply than her how this can be transformative.

When you arrive in Santiago, you will be a partnership. And even more important, you and she will talk about the camino...well...forever. My wife and I hardly pass a day when we aren't talking about the camino, eager for our next one.

 

[melissay]

Echoing a bit with what Jeanine said...this sounds like something you should chat about with your wife --being honest about your concerns to see if there's a compromise. Sounds like she's super proud of you and wants to celebrate your accomplishment. Man, that's so awesome. Don't we all want a partner (and daughter) who is proud of our achievements?

Also, and I don't know how old your daughter is...but might consider the message asking them not to come --without some healthy discussion-- says to your daughter and what she should expect from partnerships.

Totally get your mindset though--I'm not saying that's not valid but I think if not handled properly could really be damaging to some people who clearly love you. But I think you could model some great behavior by discussing with your wife to come to a conclusion of compromise where everyone feels good. Perhaps that means spending a couple days in Santiago..and they arrive after you've had a day to decompress--and maybe walking to Finisterre together. Good luck in your conversations!

 

[C clearly]

I can imaging even people having walked the same Camino in different families would share this experience. Each group binds for a reason.

Then, there are those of us who tend NOT to bond so tightly to a group. Even when we might seem (to onlookers) like part of one of those "families", we are not really invested in the same way.

its your life partner/best friend

After over 40 years, I do consider him my life partner/best friend. However, we are very different people, and finding ways to work together has been a challenge. Our solutions are different from those that another couple will reach. Some couples enjoy being together 24/7 and others don't. That is OK and we shouldn't imply that those other couples are not doing it right!

 

[Suzanne H]

I know several people who met family in Sarria and walked the last 100 kms together. Joining in Sarria is an okay idea because that last 100 kms is not like the previous 600 kms... there are significantly more people and there is significant pilgrim support which (to me...) changed the camino vibe significantly and began to influence my mindset somewhat back towards 'reality'. I really think this is a doable solution if you decide to give it a chance. I would think you would be able to share so much with them about the experience in that short 100 kms.
I had friends meet me in Santiago and we walked onward to Finisterre. I will agree that I felt like a different person on that walk and felt as though my interactions with them were different than normal due to my general lack of decompression. But I am so glad they were there to have that experience with me and to meet my camino family in Santiago. Buen Camino friend~

 

[Former member 92300]

Then, there are those of us who tend NOT to bond so tightly to a group. Even when we might seem (to onlookers) like part of one of those "families", we are not really invested in the same way.


Our solutions are different from those that another couple will reach. Some couples enjoy being together 24/7 and others don't. That is OK and we shouldn't imply that those other couples are not doing it right!

I totally get where you are coming from in both of these statements. On my last Camino - I did find a "Camino Family", but I was often on the "cusp" of the group. I walked alone - A LOT. By choice. I had a horrible work year and was mentally and physically exhausted and needed the quiet time to myself. And when I didn't want to be alone, I knew I could hang out with them - and did. Many of the group got to be VERY close, and some of us were outliers. And it was wonderful. The close knit folks were very welcoming to us outliers.

And regarding the spouse - my husband and I take separate vacations all the time. Partially because of work schedules and having children and dogs to care for - but also because we really like our separate vacations! His idea of a good time is finding some quiet place to sleep and meander. I like to be on the move! It works for us.

 

[wayfarer]

Some couples enjoy being together 24/7 and others don't. That is OK and we shouldn't imply that those other couples are not doing it right!

We aren't together 24/7 nor would we want to be, we each have our own friends though many overlap, we each have our own interests, we aren't joined at the hip and I don't think I implied that others weren't doing it right. The op posed a question that he had really answered before he asked it and my take on it is that he should discuss it with his wife and daughter and listen to what they might like to do or else just tell them that he doesn't want to share his Camino with them.

 

[C clearly]

I don't think I implied that others weren't doing it right... my take on it is that he should discuss it with his wife and daughter and listen to what they might like to do or else just tell them that he doesn't want to share his Camino with them.

Sorry if I was being a bit defensive! Yes, they need to work out something that makes it a positive experience for everyone!

 

[Silencio Por Favor]

Then, there are those of us who tend NOT to bond so tightly to a group. Even when we might seem (to onlookers) like part of one of those "families", we are not really invested in the same way.


There are many aspects in my marriage that don't meet the magazine ideal. Maybe that's because two imperfect humans are involved. After over 40 years, I do consider him my life partner/best friend. However, we are very different people, and finding ways to work together has been a challenge. Our solutions are different from those that another couple will reach. Some couples enjoy being together 24/7 and others don't. That is OK and we shouldn't imply that those other couples are not doing it right!

Another factor is the timeline of a relationship, at present being in my mid 50s in a 23 year marriage I would not choose to be traveling solo, but who knows what the future holds, quite possibly when we are retired my wife may be very grateful if I buggered off for a few weeks??

 

[dbier]

Having taken my husband on those last 114 kilometers...I took him on a standard guided tour as a reward/something that he would like more.

I got bit, and am now planning the Primitivo by myself in 2023. He's a one and done. But he knows this, knows that I want to practice my Spanish, that I dont want to take on the emotional labor of caring for him at that time, that i train and walk / run alone, and that I don't seek out family cheering. We're discussing him meeting me in Santiago for touring when I get there.

It sounds like your wife wants to share in some of a thing that's really important to you. Talk in love. Work something out.

Besides...whether you find a Camino family or not is not completely up to you. I suspect that some pilgrims don't find one.

 

[jsalt]

The op posed a question that he had really answered before he asked it and my take on it is that he should discuss it with his wife and daughter and listen to what they might like to do or else just tell them that he doesn't want to share his Camino with them.

That’s how I read it too.

My wife has been throwing out a few ideas recently, and I’m thinking I may need to shut down that conversation

Away for 5 weeks, and that is one helluva long time in a marriage.

Extremely worrying for the one who is left behind . . . she needs some assurance from you.

It took a few years for my husband and I to work it out. But now we are older and retired, and we are both happy - he restores his old classic motorbikes, and I walk caminos.

But it takes two to tango, and it needs a lot of compromise and understanding.

 

[BookGirl305]

for me, it would come down to this:
does your wife have a desire to walk a pilgrimage?
or, is she coming to do it because she wants to support you and thinks this would be the best way?
or, is she planning on bringing your child to have a family vacation walking with daddy to Santiago?

because those are three entirely different things. And how old is your child? Because that adds another layer- are you daddy and hubby in the home stretch? Does your daughter want to walk pilgrimage? Or is she going to get distracted and play on her phone all night and try to share TikTok videos with you that are completely unrelated to the Camino and pilgrimage and complain about the food not being chicken nuggets, etc?

They are very real questions. Are you religious? If she/they don't fully understand, could your priest explain it to them? Or a coffee or visit with a local Pilgrim's chapter? Sometimes it can be helpful to have the info come from another party.

 

[SabsP]

Having taken my husband on those last 114 kilometers...I t

Besides...whether you find a Camino family or not is not completely up to you. I suspect that some pilgrims don't find one.

And then there are pilgrims who do not want to find " a Camino family". A concept btw that I never understood to begin with.

Family I have at home. Possible new friends I might make on a Camino. Or not...

 

[dbier]

Yep.

 

[J Willhaus]

And then there are pilgrims who do not want to find " a Camino family". A concept btw that I never understood to begin with.

Family I have at home. Possible new friends I might make on a Camino. Or not...

Neither Phil or I found a family except each other. We walk too slow and don't go as far each day so people pass us by. We do meet a lot of people though.

 

[LynneR]

Go with your gut.
However, a few years ago my sister and brother-in-law met me in Santiago. I had walked for almost a month on my own and had met some wonderful friends, but I had to say goodbye to my Camino family and was feeling a bit down. I was emotional...all emotions!
I was so happy to see someone I loved and who loved me enough to fly from to Spain to see me. It turned out to be just what I needed and helped bridge the two worlds together. We still talk about the magical time we had together in Santiago and I'm happy she got to see a sliver of my experience.

 

[VNwalking]

And then there are pilgrims who do not want to find " a Camino family". A concept btw that I never understood to begin with.

Same. It's a recent camino myth encouraged by the movie and countless blogs.

Family I have at home. Possible new friends I might make on a Camino. Or not...

Exactly.
Whether we're "joined at the hip" or not (and both are fine) our marriage partner and kids are our real family. Not some ephemeral group of camino friends.

This isn't some random pilgrim from a "Camino family" we are talking about here, its your life partner/best friend and your daughter.

he should discuss it with his wife and daughter and listen to what they might like to do.

I come away from all this thinking the same thing as Janine:

Having this discussion with us is pointless. 1) it alreadyee sounds like you made up your mind and 2) if you can't have an open honest discussion about this with your wife you have more serious issues to work out with her. If your wife wants to be a part of this experience - and you completely deny her - that can cause issues in itself.

 

[C clearly]

Another factor is the timeline of a relationship

Yes, this is a very significant factor!

 

[Camino Chrissy]

I love my family and friends back home, but I have been truly enriched by my three long-term Camino friends I first met in 2015. We were not a "Camino family", but after rubbing shoulders while walking, we just clicked...nothing wrong with that. Was I looking for a family or did I need one...no. These friends and I have continued to periodically arrange Camino mini-reunions.
Every one we encounter on the Camino has a different personality; some are looking for "something" and they may not even know what; some are looking for emotional healing from some devastating event; some are possibly eagerly yearning to connect with others through loneliness in their life. There is nothing wrong with being part of a Camino family, even if only for the short-term as even those may provide some good memories to look back on with fondness.

 

[domigee]

It didn’t work for me. From what you say, it looks like you know it may not work for you either. Find a plan B

 

[nycwalking]

In 2007 I walked the Camino for the 4th time, with two friends. My husband, who was a sportsman but not a walker, joined us in Sarria. It was wonderful - wonderful for him to share my passion for the Camino and finally understand why I loved it so much; wonderful to slow down and walk shorter distances, thereby stretching it out a bit! It was also wonderful to walk into Santiago together. He is a big bearded, macho Viking ex-rugby player, but got teary in the cathedral when the nun started singing and while the botafumerio was swinging!
We hired a car and drove to Fistera and then Lugo where we spent a night. Then we drove to Oviedo and spent a day and night there. Then to Castrojeriz for a night, Burgos and Santo Domingo de la Clazada to hear the Gregorian chants. Then we drove to St Jean and back over the hill to Roncesvalles for a night. We attended the mass and he got emotional again during the pilgrim blessing.
Since then he walked the Camino Ingles with me in 2014, the last 100km of the Via Francigena to Rome in 2016, and Sarria to Santiago again 2019.
We had booked to do a 2 week walk-and-ride Camino in 2020 but as with everyone else's plans, those had to be cancelled.
Finn and me in 2007View attachment 121253

Super cuties you two are.

Buen camino next time out.

 

[VNwalking]

It's fine either way - meeting or waiting. Different things work for different couples, and none of us are in the OPs shoes. But what's not fine (in my experience) is the decision announced as a fait accompli, with no possible input.

BTW...where is the OP - Is he just winding us up?

 

[EL LECHERO]

So in theory it sounds great. Wife could fly to Spain and meet me for the final 100km of my Camino Frances. Would be great to share the experience with her etc etc.

However a big part of me is screaming that this would be a big mistake. I will have just spent 5 weeks walking alone (and with other pilgrims). It’s hard to know where I will be emotionally as I reach the final 100km. I suspect I’m going to want to be introspective at this stage, and having my wife and join me at that point, fresh off the airplane from home, might be a recipe for problems.

Or another option. She and my daughter fly to Santiago and are there waiting to cheer me as I arrive at the cathedral. Sounds great on paper, but again I question whether or not I will be in a good frame of mind at that moment. Do I want to see them upon arrival at Santiago? Or will I need some time on my own to process and recover from my Camino before I meet up with family?

My wife has been throwing out a few ideas recently, and I’m thinking I may need to shut down that conversation, as no good can come of her and my daughter flying to Spain to walk the last 100km with me or to meet me in Santiago. A few days later in Madrid perhaps.

Anyone else have experience with having their spouse or other family member join you at the end or be in Santiago when you arrived? How did it go?

IMHO, Don’t try to integrate her into your Camino. You’ll be going from staying in Albeurges, walking Solo to most likely sequestering yourself at Pensions with your wife/daughter. You’ll have figured out your patterns many days ago. They haven’t. You’ll come to resent them. My wife and I walked in 2016 and now I start walking the CP in a few hours alone. Although she kind of wanted to go with me she gave her blessing. She knows what the Camino is. I think maybe walking to Finesterre with her after would be a Compromise and let you separate the two walks

Cheers

 

[grayland]

My wife has met me a couple of times in Sarria…and several times in Leon. I was more than happy to have her join me.
Sorry, but I just don't understand the problem described.

 

[deborahbennett]

Trust what it is you heart.

 

[Bob P]

In 2018, at 60yo, I left SJPDP with no plans, no reservations and no schedule except to meet my wife in Sarria 3+ weeks later. This was my first real experience with the freedom of retirement! I fell into fantastic "tramilys", mostly 20 and 30 yo. I had great times doing things completely on a whim. I walked until I was tired, or walked until we found something fun or interesting to do. We ate based on rumors or aromas. We stayed mostly Muni's or Donativos as available. We had an amazing time flowing along the way. I was young again, experiencing life, people and feelings I had never known. I laughed a lot, I cried a lot and it was OK.

Then, I had to depart from my many friends at Sarria, wait for days as we had been moving pretty fast. I roamed around Sarria with nobody I knew. I walked backwards to Triacastella and then found a different route back to Sarria. I watched the reports and messages from all the folks I had been traveling with as they proceeded away. I was in the dumps...

After my wife arrived, we scheduled every meal, every stop, every bed, every everything . As stated above, the last 100k is a different Camino anyway, but dropping from 30k+ days to sub 20's was a shock to my entire experience. Having to find a Yelp review to pick a meal site was ridiculous!. Having a scheduled stop point sucked!

It WAS a special thing for us to do together!
It WAS a great experience for her and by the time we got to Finisterre, she had her legs. The crowds and traffic after Sartia showed her an experience totally different from mine and she has never understood what I feel from "My Camino".

Would I do it again?? No !
We either do it ALL together or we can meet somewhere after I'm done walking ;-)

 

[Lady M]

So in theory it sounds great. Wife could fly to Spain and meet me for the final 100km of my Camino Frances. Would be great to share the experience with her etc etc.

However a big part of me is screaming that this would be a big mistake. I will have just spent 5 weeks walking alone (and with other pilgrims). It’s hard to know where I will be emotionally as I reach the final 100km. I suspect I’m going to want to be introspective at this stage, and having my wife and join me at that point, fresh off the airplane from home, might be a recipe for problems.

Or another option. She and my daughter fly to Santiago and are there waiting to cheer me as I arrive at the cathedral. Sounds great on paper, but again I question whether or not I will be in a good frame of mind at that moment. Do I want to see them upon arrival at Santiago? Or will I need some time on my own to process and recover from my Camino before I meet up with family?

My wife has been throwing out a few ideas recently, and I’m thinking I may need to shut down that conversation, as no good can come of her and my daughter flying to Spain to walk the last 100km with me or to meet me in Santiago. A few days later in Madrid perhaps.

Anyone else have experience with having their spouse or other family member join you at the end or be in Santiago when you arrived? How did it go?

I have walked the camino frances twice, once with my husband and once alone until I got to Sarria where I joined a friend I met on my first camino. My sense is that the camino is much more trafficked and noisy the last 100 km. There are a lot of tours that come for the last 100 km. For myself I interpreted this as God’s way of moving me from a contemplative walk and back into the world.

 

[Richmond Gardner]

So in theory it sounds great. Wife could fly to Spain and meet me for the final 100km of my Camino Frances. Would be great to share the experience with her etc etc.

However a big part of me is screaming that this would be a big mistake. I will have just spent 5 weeks walking alone (and with other pilgrims). It’s hard to know where I will be emotionally as I reach the final 100km. I suspect I’m going to want to be introspective at this stage, and having my wife and join me at that point, fresh off the airplane from home, might be a recipe for problems.

Or another option. She and my daughter fly to Santiago and are there waiting to cheer me as I arrive at the cathedral. Sounds great on paper, but again I question whether or not I will be in a good frame of mind at that moment. Do I want to see them upon arrival at Santiago? Or will I need some time on my own to process and recover from my Camino before I meet up with family?

My wife has been throwing out a few ideas recently, and I’m thinking I may need to shut down that conversation, as no good can come of her and my daughter flying to Spain to walk the last 100km with me or to meet me in Santiago. A few days later in Madrid perhaps.

Anyone else have experience with having their spouse or other family member join you at the end or be in Santiago when you arrived? How did it go?

Your Camino will change when you have an arranged meeting. I met my wife, younger sister and friends in Sarria.
As one has to leave a cushion, to be sure of arriving on time, so I arrived in a Sarria with 2 days to spare and a case of food poisoning ( but I digress).
The way after Sarria certainly was different, but I was so gobsmacked that many people close to me were committed finish the way with me. We had a great time, replete with blisters and vino tinto for all. I was sorry to lose touch with my new friends as we had been through an odyssey together, but I am fortunately in touch with some of them.
The second part of my first Camino was excellent in its own different way. We celebrated for days in Santiago, drove to Porto and Lisbon, and finished up with a last few days in Sintra.
From my own limited perspective, I feel like the plate is pretty full and I am grateful.

 

[makingtrax]

So in theory it sounds great. Wife could fly to Spain and meet me for the final 100km of my Camino Frances. Would be great to share the experience with her etc etc.

However a big part of me is screaming that this would be a big mistake. I will have just spent 5 weeks walking alone (and with other pilgrims). It’s hard to know where I will be emotionally as I reach the final 100km. I suspect I’m going to want to be introspective at this stage, and having my wife and join me at that point, fresh off the airplane from home, might be a recipe for problems.

Or another option. She and my daughter fly to Santiago and are there waiting to cheer me as I arrive at the cathedral. Sounds great on paper, but again I question whether or not I will be in a good frame of mind at that moment. Do I want to see them upon arrival at Santiago? Or will I need some time on my own to process and recover from my Camino before I meet up with family?

My wife has been throwing out a few ideas recently, and I’m thinking I may need to shut down that conversation, as no good can come of her and my daughter flying to Spain to walk the last 100km with me or to meet me in Santiago. A few days later in Madrid perhaps.

Anyone else have experience with having their spouse or other family member join you at the end or be in Santiago when you arrived? How did it go?

Why not meet her and yr daughter day after u arrive in Santiago then all 3 of you walk the 4 days to Finistere or Muxia or get bus there. That way u have evening with all your Camino family and get your compestella and then have time for the family.

 

[JustJack]

Many thanks to everyone that responded. Lots of great thoughts and pieces of advice for me to consider.

I don’t know a single person in real life that has walked a Camino (or even heard of it), so I really value the opportunity here to hear the perspectives of all those who have done it. As expected, there are a number of different viewpoints on whether or not it’s a good idea to meet up with family at the end, and a lot of great rationale to support those viewpoints. I don’t yet know for sure what our finale decision will be, but I’m leaning towards doing this thing from start to finish on my own. And I do feel that I will want/need a bit of time at the end to decompress, before plunging back into the real world. My wife will be fine if that’s what we decide. She took a solo vacation a couple years ago to do something that was on her bucket list, so now it’s my turn . And my daughter is still a kid so she just goes with the flow. A daily text message and a few photos letting them know how I’m doing will let them follow along virtually.

A couple responses above stated that “having this discussion with us is pointless”, which I would disagree with. Of course the decision is a personal one that no one else can make for me. The same could perhaps be said for half of the questions posted here. It’s always nice to hear the perspective of others, so thanks for indulging me.

 

[JanieG]

I’ve been in this situation twice. I figured that I’d be in a solitary frame of mind at the end so I took an extra 2-4 days to myself to readjust after my caminos and before my husband arrived. That worked out great both times. I got to have a last day with camino friends I’d met along the way, then enjoyed sleeping in and wandering a city again to get used to the faster pace.

I also like the idea of starting out together. Having them join you at the end could be difficult with the different paces, fitness levels, and potential blisters on the newbies.

 

[K_Lynn]

I walked alone last autumn and met a two peregrinos whose spouses joined them for the final 100k. Both were excited about being able to share part of the Camino with their spouse. One did have issues with his spouse as she had "trained for Camino" by strolling 3km a day on paved flat sidewalks. She was not prepared for any of the hills or for walking 20+ km a day, so his last week of Camino was spent coaxing her up hills, and having to stop every hour so she could rest. (Yikes, that sounds so uncharitable)

I would have to say that it all depends on your spouses desire to walk any amount of Camino and your desire to share it with her. It is not selfish to want to finish it alone.

I had a couple of peregrinos meet me in Santiago as they had finished a day or two ahead of me and it was really nice to have someone I knew smiling at me across the square as I arrived.

Buen Camino!

 

[Saint Mike II]

Hola I agree with your basic premise. If she joins you in (say Sarria) you are going to be very "camino fit". You will have your pace (walking speed) and unless she has done a lot the training she is unlikely to be able to keep up (problems). How about you suggest that she joins you in Santiago, has the experience of the Pilgrims Mass, even agree that she can stay in the Parador Hotel.

 

[David]

Many thanks to everyone that responded. Lots of great thoughts and pieces of advice for me to consider.

I don’t know a single person in real life that has walked a Camino (or even heard of it), so I really value the opportunity here to hear the perspectives of all those who have done it. As expected, there are a number of different viewpoints on whether or not it’s a good idea to meet up with family at the end, and a lot of great rationale to support those viewpoints. I don’t yet know for sure what our finale decision will be, but I’m leaning towards doing this thing from start to finish on my own. And I do feel that I will want/need a bit of time at the end to decompress, before plunging back into the real world. My wife will be fine if that’s what we decide. She took a solo vacation a couple years ago to do something that was on her bucket list, so now it’s my turn . And my daughter is still a kid so she just goes with the flow. A daily text message and a few photos letting them know how I’m doing will let them follow along virtually.

A couple responses above stated that “having this discussion with us is pointless”, which I would disagree with. Of course the decision is a personal one that no one else can make for me. The same could perhaps be said for half of the questions posted here. It’s always nice to hear the perspective of others, so thanks for indulging me.

Hi Jack, I think your leaning towards being 'out of normal space' for the whole of your Camino and perhaps a little after is good as it seems a fit for your hopes for Camino.

If I could say, though, beware of promising such things as daily texts. It is that thing of being in two places at the same time ... can't be done, trying to do both is a compromise ... If you want 'your pilgrimage' then you need to be there .... what I and many others do is to tell those at home that you won't be texting them, phoning them, you won't be sending photos of your meals or views and ask them not to phone or text you unless there is an emergency. Why? Because if you do you turn it into just another holiday and you will no longer be processing your thoughts, emotions, fears, memories, experiences internally, but sharing them externally as you do at home round the dinner table.

If you were going into a religious retreat for a month the monks would take your phone from you as you enter for exactly this same reason. Think of Camino like that.

Also, this way you can keep your phone switched off except for two minutes in the evening when you switch it on just to check that there are no emergencies.
This allows you to fully immerse in the only time in your life when you can be truly alone and free in the sense of no contact or connection with the life you have left.
Also has the advantage that if you lose your phone or are in places with no phone signal that your family don't panic and think you are lost or dead when you don't contact for a couple of days.
If you want to do this alone then. Jack, do it alone .... No contact ... Just my point of view here.
Buen Camino!

P.s. Is a forum where we exchange ideas and thoughts so I agree, it is great to post up a question just to get other people's thoughts, even if one thinks one already knows what they want to do.

 

[Richmond Gardner]

Hola @SabineP, would you please explain why or how my response to the OP made you angry! I thought I was offering some good advice. As a pilgrim who has completed a number of caminos I have seen and spoken to couples in the above situation and both the one who had walked three or four hundred kilometres and the new arrival agreed it took a lot of adjustments. In fact the new arrival suggested that had they thought it through they would have met at Monte Gozo and shared the last 10 km.

Perhaps it was your thought that the new arrival would do the adjusting. I know that I just slowed down and understood that the last section would be a little different. After all , we agreed to walk together

 

[JustJack]

If you want 'your pilgrimage' then you need to be there .... what I and many others do is to tell those at home that you won't be texting them, phoning them, you won't be sending photos of your meals or views and ask them not to phone or text you unless there is an emergency. Why? Because if you do you turn it into just another holiday and you will no longer be processing your thoughts, emotions, fears, memories, experiences internally, but sharing them externally as you do at home round the dinner table.

A very good point, and one that I've been contemplating. A lot. I tend to agree that daily texts may be counter-productive for what I want to accomplish, so I need to find a compromise. Quite honestly I have no problem being out of communication with my wife for long periods **insert joke + rimshot**, but I will truly struggle with not being in touch with my young daughter. I don't think I've ever been away from her for more than a night, so missing her will be my biggest challenge. 6 weeks is a long time to a young kid... But this is a first-in-a-lifetime experience, and I'm determined to sort out all my mental baggage associated with leaving my family, and being out of touch for such a long period. In the end it will be worth it I know.

 

[Stroller]

I only switched my phone on briefly once a day, if there was anything urgent, there wasn't, it could be picked up then. For my granddaughter I sent a postcard, yep very old fashioned, as often as possible with a short tale explaining what the photograph was about. She has stored them in an album and even now gets it out and the conversation starts with "Grandad..........".

 

[Former member 92300]

If I could say, though, beware of promising such things as daily texts. It is that thing of being in two places at the same time ... can't be done, trying to do both is a compromise ... If you want 'your pilgrimage' then you need to be there .... what I and many others do is to tell those at home that you won't be texting them, phoning them, you won't be sending photos of your meals or views and ask them not to phone or text you unless there is an emergency. Why? Because if you do you turn it into just another holiday and you will no longer be processing your thoughts, emotions, fears, memories, experiences internally, but sharing them externally as you do at home round the dinner table.

I don't agree with this. A brief check-in with my husband gives him the peace of mind he needs to feel more comfortable with me making a personal journey like this. He also loves to hear about my days adventure. It makes him feel good to hear from me. And I enjoy checking in with him and don't find it detracts from my pilgrimage at all. I also find that after processing all of my thoughts, emotions, fears, memories, experiences internally - then again externally actually allows me to work through them better than when I just do it internally. I still turn off my phone for much of the day (or at least in airplane mode). And I spend at least 23.5+ hours of the day (most days) NOT communicating with my family at home. I can use those other 23.5 hours of the day internally reflecting - or interacting with my fellow Pilgrims. If I feel the need to not call him - I do have that option - I would just tell him advance not to expect to hear from me the following day. Anyhow - I am going on a pilgrimage - but not entering a monastery and taking a vow of silence. But.. a brief daily text is even less intrusive if you want to make it less intrusive.

Edited to add: We also arrange it so "I" call him, when "I" want to call him. He doesn't call me unless he really needs to reach me. When I call him - he is usually in the middle of his night shift at work - so that helps to keep it brief!

 

[Jermann75]

My husband met up with me for the last 200km's. Honestly it was the best thing I have experienced with him. We met in Villa Franca Del Bierzo. It was like a movie: we could see each other from far far away and as we got closer to each other we opened our arms and embraced <cue music>.
My camino up to that point consisted of 3 bouts of bed bugs, infected blisters and I spent a few nights in a Spanish hospital with a kidney stone. I needed help and companionship.
We picked 200kms because I wanted him to do at least one mountain with me (O Cebreiro). And I'm glad I did. I had a LOT of judgements when I got to Sarria about people joining there (I had to work through that) and I probably would have had the same feelings for him. And when we got to Santiago together if felt like he was a part of my experience.
But I concur, it's going to be different for everyone. Best of luck in your decision.