ASD on the Camino

[tillyjones]

I thought I would open a thread on here in the event there are any similar people and/or for the benefit of those who many not be.

I am diagnosed on the Autism spectrum (high functioning - Asperger's in the earlier DSM). For me, and everyone is different, this means highly intelligent, but a bit quirky and not very social. I have lots of traits and symptoms in day to day life - i.e., noise sensitivities, anxiety, difficulty articulating my thoughts, personal space issues, etc., etc. I don't mind being present among people, but directly interacting with people, for the most part, causes a lot more stress than its worth.

I walk the Camino because I like the solitude and the quiet and the wide open spaces.

As in life, it's frustrating to be in situations, like albergues or intermingling at a lunch spot, where one is expected to be social and if you're not, you're considered to be unfriendly. On my first go, on the CF, I got on the road early to avoid the masses, and ended up getting private accommodations close to every other night, just to avoid the physical, mental and emotional drain that the albergue experience creates.

I very much enjoy one on one, quiet conversations, with people whom don't trigger any of my many anxieties and I very much appreciate when I meet such a person.

I walk the VLDP in May, in hopes of having a more compatible experience.

So perhaps just because I'm having yet another bad day, I thought this could serve as a public service reminder, that just because people don't seem 'friendly' doesn't mean that they're not.

 

[simply B]

@tillyjones -

I understand 1000%.

What amazed me on my first walk of the CF was how many psychotherapists were on it at the same time! I did not even make it past Puente la Reina before I was voluntarily "diagnosed" at dinner. Then again at Burgos, then at Carrion, again at Ventas...and Triacastela...and Olveiroa.

The next time out I was "guiding" a friend of 40 years who is suffering neurological damage, information he freely shared. However, as information filtered around us, most people thought it was I who had the problem! By the end, I was wondering if I should just wear a placard (lightweight, of course) or carry "explanation cards".

I'll be interested in how you fare on the VDLP. At first glance, it seems like a good strategy.

Buen Camino!

B

 

[notion900]

@tillyjones

That's a lovely post, thanks so much. I think you'll be very happy on the VDLP. I am starting again from Villafranca de los Barros on Saturday 15 April and will walk until 3 May, in case we happen to coincide would love to meet you. Send me a PM.

If you are in private accommodation here is a recommendation: stay at El Zaguan de la Plata in Fuente de Cantos and ask wonderful Antonio to show you his private ethnography museum and his pet tortoises. [He also makes a deadly home made liquor with twigs in it btw.] He and his son Antonio are treasures, and so caring. This place is ideal because you can be a bit social if you want or just chill in the garden or on the various terraces. I think you can still rent just a room if the apartments are not all booked up, and they did have small dorms when I was there too, 3 years ago.

Also albergue Carmen in Villafranca is run by a very caring lady. It's her home so it's tranquil. And Pilar who runs the tiny albergue Luz del Camino in Guillena is the most gentle, caring lady ever. Also a tranquil atmosphere when I was there.

Be aware that very few locals on the VDLP speak a word of English, so trying to explain any kind of special needs (if you need to) is hard. If you think you might need to explain something, like 'I need a quiet room' or whatever, get a translation done in advance, and make a laminated card to show people.

Buen camino

 

[Anniesantiago]

I thought I would open a thread on here in the event there are any similar people and/or for the benefit of those who many not be.

I am diagnosed on the Autism spectrum (high functioning - Asperger's in the earlier DSM). For me, and everyone is different, this means highly intelligent, but a bit quirky and not very social. I have lots of traits and symptoms in day to day life - i.e., noise sensitivities, anxiety, difficulty articulating my thoughts, personal sound sensitivies, etc., etc. I don't mind being present among people, but directly interacting with people, for the most part, causes a lot more stress than its worth.

I walk the Camino because I like the solitude and the quiet and the wide open spaces.

As in life, it's frustrating to be in situations, like albergues or intermingling at a lunch spot, where one is expected to be social and if you're not, you're considered to be unfriendly. On my first go, on the CF, I got on the road early to avoid the masses, and ended up getting private accommodations close to every other night, just to avoid the physical, mental and emotional drain that the albergue experience creates.

I very much enjoy one on one, quiet conversations, with people whom don't trigger any of my many anxieties and I very much appreciate when I meet such a person.

I walk the VLDP in May, in hopes of having a more compatible experience.

So perhaps just because I'm having yet another bad day, I thought this could serve as a public service reminder, that just because people don't seem 'friendly' doesn't mean that they're not.

A triple plus star for everything you said.
I'm right up there with you.

You will love the VDLP.
Much quieter - or even consider walking the Madrid route - even better!
But lots to see on the VDLP.
Many awesome Roman ruins and beautiful long stretches of wildflowers in May.
Enjoy!

 

[NualaOC]

Hi @tillyjones, and a big thank you for this post!
Wishing you a Buen Camino.

 

[Robo]

I thought I would open a thread on here in the event there are any similar people and/or for the benefit of those who many not be.

I am diagnosed on the Autism spectrum (high functioning - Asperger's in the earlier DSM). For me, and everyone is different, this means highly intelligent, but a bit quirky and not very social. I have lots of traits and symptoms in day to day life - i.e., noise sensitivities, anxiety, difficulty articulating my thoughts, personal space issues, etc., etc. I don't mind being present among people, but directly interacting with people, for the most part, causes a lot more stress than its worth.

I walk the Camino because I like the solitude and the quiet and the wide open spaces.

As in life, it's frustrating to be in situations, like albergues or intermingling at a lunch spot, where one is expected to be social and if you're not, you're considered to be unfriendly. On my first go, on the CF, I got on the road early to avoid the masses, and ended up getting private accommodations close to every other night, just to avoid the physical, mental and emotional drain that the albergue experience creates.

I very much enjoy one on one, quiet conversations, with people whom don't trigger any of my many anxieties and I very much appreciate when I meet such a person.

I walk the VLDP in May, in hopes of having a more compatible experience.

So perhaps just because I'm having yet another bad day, I thought this could serve as a public service reminder, that just because people don't seem 'friendly' doesn't mean that they're not.

A great post Tilly. A good reminder that we don't all like the 'en mass' socialising and close living.

My 2nd eldest son has Autism and OCD (double Whammy), so the challenges are very familiar. I think one of the delights of the Camino is that you can 'take it or leave it' in terms of the Socialising. Though I don't think there are really 'expectations' to Socialise. I met a few people who obviously did not want to interact with large groups and that was cool.

I actually avoided a few rather large 'camino family' group dinners as I'm not that comfortable in noisy large groups. At all...

I either ate alone elsewhere or with just one of two other Pilgrims. My most memorable encounters were generally one on one

 

[Devon Mike]

@tillyjones

Totally with you Tilly. I have exactly the same condition and love long walks on my own.

I have walked the CF each year for the last 3 years including Finesterre and Muxia. I avoid the busy places, staying at the smaller quieter albergues and eat on my own most of the time but I don't mind occasional communal meals.

I have walked with one or two others for a while but spending the time with my own thoughts works best for me.

I will be back this year at the end of August for a couple of months walking different routes. Then next year I will be walking the CF again but this time with my son who will be 16 and has low functioning ASD.

Enjoy the VLDP, Buen Camino

Mike

 

[Anemone del Camino]

Hi Tilly,

I think your choice of VDLP is a very good one if you want a quieter Camino.

This being said, reading your post I got the impression you felt juged if you did not participate. While this may have well been the case I really think that the Camino is one place where people really do not juge and respect others' choices. And of they don't, just ignore it and certainly don't feel bad at all.

 

[Deleted member 67185]

I thought I would open a thread on here in the event there are any similar people and/or for the benefit of those who many not be.

I am diagnosed on the Autism spectrum (high functioning - Asperger's in the earlier DSM). For me, and everyone is different, this means highly intelligent, but a bit quirky and not very social. I have lots of traits and symptoms in day to day life - i.e., noise sensitivities, anxiety, difficulty articulating my thoughts, personal space issues, etc., etc. I don't mind being present among people, but directly interacting with people, for the most part, causes a lot more stress than its worth.

I walk the Camino because I like the solitude and the quiet and the wide open spaces.

As in life, it's frustrating to be in situations, like albergues or intermingling at a lunch spot, where one is expected to be social and if you're not, you're considered to be unfriendly. On my first go, on the CF, I got on the road early to avoid the masses, and ended up getting private accommodations close to every other night, just to avoid the physical, mental and emotional drain that the albergue experience creates.

I very much enjoy one on one, quiet conversations, with people whom don't trigger any of my many anxieties and I very much appreciate when I meet such a person.

I walk the VLDP in May, in hopes of having a more compatible experience.

So perhaps just because I'm having yet another bad day, I thought this could serve as a public service reminder, that just because people don't seem 'friendly' doesn't mean that they're not.

Your post is invaluable. I have a niece who is high functioning with Asperger's and being normally social is impossible for her.

 

[simply B]

I really think that the Camino is one place where people really do not juge and respect others' choices. And of they don't, just ignore it and certainly don't feel bad at all.

@Anemone del Camino -

Problem 1. This is wayyy too long of a post on my part.

Problem 2. Your post did not hit a nerve for me but, someone who is unaware of the quick intimacy of the Camino and who is either an Aspy or "constitutional introvert" might be misguided as to potential situations.

Please understand that I will not engage in an argument on this point. I related above my experience which was, ummm, interesting.

Imagine sitting at a looonng table with a group of 8 - 10 others and someone pipes up with "You know, there's something different about you. I think you have Asperger's." Well, knowing that such is the case, I would go along because only me and the inquisitor likely knew what the heck was being discussed. I played along with "20 Questions" to get them confirmed in what I already knew....and to help the other people at table understand what was being discussed. (Maybe, I wasn't being "judged" but a psyche-probe in public is pretty aggressive. If the recipient of the "diagnosis" does not know what is going on, there will likely be damage.)

Bear in mind, I do not consider myself a "victim"...just different. This sentiment is fairly common within the Aspy community from what I can tell. But let's just step it down a level to the "constitutional introvert" (a lot of people with this "problem" don't even know they have it)... here is my opinion, for what it is worth....

If crowd noise, group socializing, etc., is a problem for you - have coping strategies ready.

a. Make sure to get your "alone time" - every dang day!

b. In contrast, open yourself everyday to a one-on-one with any pilg that looks lost, defeated or in distress. It will do wonders for your mood as you bring forth the gifts you have to offer to your Camino neighbors.

c. Try both the albergue life and solitary rooms as you go. There will be a balance that works for you, just give yourself permission to find the right balance as you expand your "comfort zone". You will find people that "get" you. They may be few in number but their contribution to your well-being will be out-sized.

d. And, yes, this makes it a bit difficult BUT - - at group dinners - - forego any more alcohol than you need to cut trail dust and appear sociable. "In vino, veritas." True, but some people will not be able to handle your version of truth. (Perhaps I am wrong, but 'Aspy's/introverts on Camino' are generally looking for meaning and quieting of the mind. Lots of people around you are not on the same mission. No judgement there, just fact .)

And, from the "For What It's Worth Department", that's all I've got -

B

 

[Rebekah Scott]

Anyone who would make an amateur diagnosis in a public place has a few issues of his own. I hope you also prepare yourself with a ready response to such presumption. Something along the lines of: "If I was on the Asperger's spectrum, it wouldn't be anyone's business but my own."

 

[Anemone del Camino]

@Anemone del Camino -

Problem 1. This is wayyy too long of a post on my part.

Problem 2. Your post did not hit a nerve for me but, someone who is unaware of the quick intimacy of the Camino and who is either an Aspy or "constitutional introvert" might be misguided as to potential situations.

Please understand that I will not engage in an argument on this point. I related above my experience which was, ummm, interesting.

Imagine sitting at a looonng table with a group of 8 - 10 others and someone pipes up with "You know, there's something different about you. I think you have Asperger's." Well, knowing that such is the case, I would go along because only me and the inquisitor likely knew what the heck was being discussed. I played along with "20 Questions" to get them confirmed in what I already knew....and to help the other people at table understand what was being discussed. (Maybe, I wasn't being "judged" but a psyche-probe in public is pretty aggressive. If the recipient of the "diagnosis" does not know what is going on, there will likely be damage.)

Bear in mind, I do not consider myself a "victim"...just different. This sentiment is fairly common within the Aspy community from what I can tell. But let's just step it down a level to the "constitutional introvert" (a lot of people with this "problem" don't even know they have it)... here is my opinion, for what it is worth....

If crowd noise, group socializing, etc., is a problem for you - have coping strategies ready.

a. Make sure to get your "alone time" - every dang day!

b. In contrast, open yourself everyday to a one-on-one with any pilg that looks lost, defeated or in distress. It will do wonders for your mood as you bring forth the gifts you have to offer to your Camino neighbors.

c. Try both the albergue life and solitary rooms as you go. There will be a balance that works for you, just give yourself permission to find the right balance as you expand your "comfort zone". You will find people that "get" you. They may be few in number but their contribution to your well-being will be out-sized.

d. And, yes, this makes it a bit difficult BUT - - at group dinners - - forego any more alcohol than you need to cut trail dust and appear sociable. "In vino, veritas." True, but some people will not be able to handle your version of truth. (Perhaps I am wrong, but 'Aspy's/introverts on Camino' are generally looking for meaning and quieting of the mind. Lots of people around you are not on the same mission. No judgement there, just fact .)

And, from the "For What It's Worth Department", that's all I've got -

B

Simply B, I am very confused by your post. All I tried to convey is that noone should feel they are being juged by others when they prefer a quieter experience or setting. Every person has their needs, their personalities, their preferences, and that is to be respected, and I beliece that if there is one place on earth where I find these differences are respected is on the Camino.

 

[simply B]

Anyone who would make an amateur diagnosis in a public place has a few issues of his own. I hope you also prepare yourself with a ready response to such presumption. Something along the lines of: "If I was on the Asperger's spectrum, it wouldn't be anyone's business but my own."

Agreed, Rebekah, but it is what it is. I am just attempting to steel some people to what can happen. I detected no malice in any of my encounters just ham-handed attempts to be "helpful". Was it a BIG deal for me? No. For the unawares it could be discouraging.

B

 

[simply B]

@Anemone del Camino -

Apologies for any distress you might feel on account of my post. It was not a personal attack.

What I think you might be missing is the context of "being judged" versus "being publicly diagnosed". (The situations feel equivalent....to me, anyway.)

If one knows where they fit - personality wise, they may (may!) be able to laugh off the experience. Some people likely will not, and, I am speaking to them.

The Camino is one of the best things thing that ever happened to me and, as you relate, one of the places most free of the BS we find in the workaday world. I am just noting that it is not completely free of BS. I do not want to have people like me carry unrealistic notions/expectations onto the Way. It works out well for no one.

B

 

[Hutton24]

I thought I would open a thread on here in the event there are any similar people and/or for the benefit of those who many not be.

I am diagnosed on the Autism spectrum (high functioning - Asperger's in the earlier DSM). For me, and everyone is different, this means highly intelligent, but a bit quirky and not very social. I have lots of traits and symptoms in day to day life - i.e., noise sensitivities, anxiety, difficulty articulating my thoughts, personal space issues, etc., etc. I don't mind being present among people, but directly interacting with people, for the most part, causes a lot more stress than its worth.

I walk the Camino because I like the solitude and the quiet and the wide open spaces.

As in life, it's frustrating to be in situations, like albergues or intermingling at a lunch spot, where one is expected to be social and if you're not, you're considered to be unfriendly. On my first go, on the CF, I got on the road early to avoid the masses, and ended up getting private accommodations close to every other night, just to avoid the physical, mental and emotional drain that the albergue experience creates.

I very much enjoy one on one, quiet conversations, with people whom don't trigger any of my many anxieties and I very much appreciate when I meet such a person.

I walk the VLDP in May, in hopes of having a more compatible experience.

So perhaps just because I'm having yet another bad day, I thought this could serve as a public service reminder, that just because people don't seem 'friendly' doesn't mean that they're not.

Good point Tilly. I met what some called 'a bit odd' and it is good to remind ourselves we don't know other peoples personalities, experiences and what is going on for them.

 

[Anemone del Camino]

@Anemone del Camino -

Apologies for any distress you might feel on account of my post. It was not a personal attack.

What I think you might be missing is the context of "being judged" versus "being publicly diagnosed". (The situations feel equivalent....to me, anyway.)

If one knows where they fit - personality wise, they may (may!) be able to laugh off the experience. Some people likely will not, and, I am speaking to them.

The Camino is one of the best things thing that ever happened to me and, as you relate, one of the places most free of the BS we find in the workaday world. I am just noting that it is not completely free of BS. I do not want to have people like me carry unrealistic notions/expectations onto the Way. It works out well for no one.

B

Simply B., I think I now understand. You were talking about your own experience whereas I was refering to this:

where one is expected to be social and if you're not, you're considered to be unfriendly.

. I wanted her to know that she does not have to be sociable, nor is she being considered unfriendly. People walk these routes for different reasons, and we all need to be respectful of that and what it may imply.

Perhaps I too have unrealistic expectations of the Camino. I understand what you are saying.

 

[C clearly]

Try both the albergue life and solitary rooms as you go. There will be a balance that works for you

This is good advice for anyone. The experiences are different but everyone can grow by exploring both.

 

[Irish Bernie]

@tillyjones -

I understand 1000%.

What amazed me on my first walk of the CF was how many psychotherapists were on it at the same time! I did not even make it past Puente la Reina before I was voluntarily "diagnosed" at dinner. Then again at Burgos, then at Carrion, again at Ventas...and Triacastela...and Olveiroa.

The next time out I was "guiding" a friend of 40 years who is suffering neurological damage, information he freely shared. However, as information filtered around us, most people thought it was I who had the problem! By the end, I was wondering if I should just wear a placard (lightweight, of course) or carry "explanation cards".

I'll be interested in how you fare on the VDLP. At first glance, it seems like a good strategy.

Buen Camino!

B

Sorry but that made me chuckle,n don't get me started on the amount of 'Dr's' on the road )

 

[domigee]

I am looking forward to getting walking in May!

And may you have a wonderful experience on VdlP.
Buen camino

 

[NualaOC]

@tillyjones, thank you again for starting this thread and for sharing your perspective and experience. I have learned a lot from your posts and from the wider conversation that developed around them.

Wishing you well on the VdlP.

 

[Harington]

I thought I would open a thread on here in the event there are any similar people and/or for the benefit of those who many not be.

I am diagnosed on the Autism spectrum (high functioning - Asperger's in the earlier DSM). For me, and everyone is different, this means highly intelligent, but a bit quirky and not very social. I have lots of traits and symptoms in day to day life - i.e., noise sensitivities, anxiety, difficulty articulating my thoughts, personal space issues, etc., etc. I don't mind being present among people, but directly interacting with people, for the most part, causes a lot more stress than its worth.

I walk the Camino because I like the solitude and the quiet and the wide open spaces.

As in life, it's frustrating to be in situations, like albergues or intermingling at a lunch spot, where one is expected to be social and if you're not, you're considered to be unfriendly. On my first go, on the CF, I got on the road early to avoid the masses, and ended up getting private accommodations close to every other night, just to avoid the physical, mental and emotional drain that the albergue experience creates.

I very much enjoy one on one, quiet conversations, with people whom don't trigger any of my many anxieties and I very much appreciate when I meet such a person.

I walk the VLDP in May, in hopes of having a more compatible experience.

So perhaps just because I'm having yet another bad day, I thought this could serve as a public service reminder, that just because people don't seem 'friendly' doesn't mean that they're not.

Been there; am like that. People don't understand!

 

[VNwalking]

But all of this is too somber for this site I suppose.

Not at all. It's just real--and I think a number of us have learned something. Those of us who are introverts might have a vague sense of what you experience, but there's no way in a million years anyone who isn't in your shoes could begin to understand, without your open and very clear post.
So thank you, Tilly, and a very buen camino to you.

 

[mylifeonvacation]

Thank you for your open, honest, and eloquent posts @tillyjones. Buen camino to you!!

 

[scott the farmer]

I am looking forward to getting walking in May!

If I see you on the way I will remember and respect your issues
If not I hope you have a wonderful journey

 

[Robo]

Imagine sitting at a looonng table with a group of 8 - 10 others and someone pipes up with "You know, there's something different about [U][B]you[/B][/U]. I think you have Asperger's."

Was the person drunk ?

I would have been tempted to come back with a 'Churchillian' style response such as....

"And you are an intrusive, insensitive loudmouth.....but at least I am aware of my condition"!

Before leaving the table to find better company, if only my own.

 

[simply B]

Was the person drunk ?

I would have been tempted to come back with a 'Churchillian' style response such as....

"And you are an intrusive, insensitive loudmouth.....but at least I am aware of my condition"!

Before leaving the table to find better company, if only my own.

@Robo -

Not that I could tell. Snappy comebacks are rather elusive to me...kinda goes with "the territory" of ASD, for most I think. And, yeah, I did wander off on my own, somewhat disappointed. Joining the group was an experiment in socializing as I had been eating by myself since SJPP.

B

 

[Annalisa]

I thought I would open a thread on here in the event there are any similar people and/or for the benefit of those who many not be.

I am diagnosed on the Autism spectrum (high functioning - Asperger's in the earlier DSM). For me, and everyone is different, this means highly intelligent, but a bit quirky and not very social. I have lots of traits and symptoms in day to day life - i.e., noise sensitivities, anxiety, difficulty articulating my thoughts, personal space issues, etc., etc. I don't mind being present among people, but directly interacting with people, for the most part, causes a lot more stress than its worth.

I walk the Camino because I like the solitude and the quiet and the wide open spaces.

As in life, it's frustrating to be in situations, like albergues or intermingling at a lunch spot, where one is expected to be social and if you're not, you're considered to be unfriendly. On my first go, on the CF, I got on the road early to avoid the masses, and ended up getting private accommodations close to every other night, just to avoid the physical, mental and emotional drain that the albergue experience creates.

I very much enjoy one on one, quiet conversations, with people whom don't trigger any of my many anxieties and I very much appreciate when I meet such a person.

I walk the VLDP in May, in hopes of having a more compatible experience.

So perhaps just because I'm having yet another bad day, I thought this could serve as a public service reminder, that just because people don't seem 'friendly' doesn't mean that they're not.

Thank you so much for sharing. I also have a lot of the same issues and have been a little nervous since a lot people comment on the social aspect of the Camino.

 

[RobertS26]

@tillyjones -

What amazed me on my first walk of the CF was how many psychotherapists were on it at the same time! I did not even make it past Puente la Reina before I was voluntarily "diagnosed" at dinner.

What's even more amazing is that these psychotherapists are also expert medical doctors who know exactly what is wrong with you without conducting a physical examination. Moreover, they are world statesman and experts in international relations who could solve all of the world's problems if someone would just listen to them. They really are extraordinary pilgrims.

 

[Mike Trebert]

I know that there was no ill intent, but I was sort of triggered by a comment that was made and thought I would give a bit more of a picture of my reality.

I am considered by most, except the rare person who takes the time and has the patience to see past the external presentation, to be a real bitch. I'm not, that's just my condition.

I probably won't give you a smile and engage with you when we encounter one another on the trail, because of the risks that come with that. You might be a person who triggers any of my anxieties. I don't do well in environments where I don't know what is about to happen and if I don't know what type of person you are, I feel panicked around you. I will go so far as to avoid eye contact to make sure that I don't have to engage with you and also because eye contact can be really uncomfortable. So I look like an unfriendly bitch. My reality is that I need an opportunity to 'evaluate' people before I can engage with them. I.e., size up what their personality is like, so that I know what to 'expect' of them and know if they are a person that I can feel comfortable around. It takes me observing someone over a few occasions to evaluate their personality style before I can feel comfortable engaging with them.

I probably won't laugh along with a group conversation, because, well, my facial expression is pretty flat most of the time. Also, I usually don't find what certain people find funny, funny. So I look like an unfriendly bitch. But I have a great sense of humour, with people who share the same humour, and I love to laugh, when I have the right person and circumstances to do so.

I will avoid, like the plague, having to participate in a group activity such as a meal or outing. Imagine the panic that comes with being unsure about what one person would be like, times however many people are there. Plus I have noise sensitivities. The noise and chaos of many people talking causes me extreme anxiety. Plus I just can't do casual small talk. I truly can't bare it. And so I look like a bitch. Sometimes I feel like an analogy would be like in those movies where someone has a gun to someone's head and there is a knock at the door and the person is told to answer the door and 'talk normal', all the while there is a person with a gun to their head. I try to sit in these environments and force a smile to my face and pretend to be polite and interested in these conversations, all the while I am consumed with panic and an insatiable need to run screaming from the room. But I enjoy having a quiet, one on one conversation with people, especially similar quiet, introverted people.

Yes, I will be the one loner who goes off to a private room and doesn't have the 'camino experience' in the albergue, but I need to do that for the sake of my mental health as I simply can't bare the noise and commotion and obligatory socializing and what not that comes with the albergue.

I have heard 'you should smile more' and 'don't be so serious' hundreds and hundreds of times. Why? Who says I should smile more? Why do I need to smile more? Just because I don't smile enough (according to you) does that mean I don't deserve to be treated with dignity and respect?

So, yes, people naturally evaluate what they see, which is an unfriendly and unapproachable person. And that is understandable. It is frustrating to be evaluated that way, though, when there is much more to it and I am perfectly friendly in the kinds of environments and around the kind of people who are 'safe' for me. I really don't want to be a complete social outcast. Once assessed as unfriendly, then that's that. i.e., If a person is kind enough to invite me along with a group of people going out for dinner, I will likely decline, and if I've declined a time or two, I probably won't be asked again. But what they don't know if they asked if I wanted to join them, alone, for breakfast, I would happily accept. Just because I can't operate socially in the same way that others do, I sort of get tossed in the reject pile. And it's a frustrating way to live.

But all of this is too somber for this site I suppose. The point, I guess, is to remember that not everyone is as they seem.

I am looking forward to getting walking in May!

Hi Tilly,

I'm kind of obsessive and a loner so there are a couple of things I've spent many years learning.

1: I carried a camera all the time while on Camino. It enabled me to be on my own when I wanted to - just bring it up in front of my face and set a little boundary. Photography can be a solitary but also an extremely fulfilling form of expression. It connects me to other people wordlessly. I'm pretty good at it so I can bring enjoyment to others (mainly family) just by working at it on my own.

2: I raised two bright sons. I could see early on that they would very likely come to regard me as a boring prat if I didn't learn to make them laugh. When I was younger I hardly ever opened my mouth, but I learned to crack a joke or make an absurd comment and make my sons laugh as they were growing up. As a result of concentrating on language, I've learned a bit about writing; timing, structure, rhythm, how to lead to a punch line. I've ended up doing some writing which I'm told is quite good.

My granddaughter has been diagnosed with "mild autism and mild ADHD". She also has some physical medical problems - she's already had an operation on her eyes (successful). There seems to me to be an eagerness in our sometimes-too-sophisticated society to over-diagnose, sad when this is done re young children. Also, Google enables many to try amateur psychology. Such specialised information can be intrusive as well as informative.

I'm planning on trying the quieter Caminos, I found the Frances pretty hectic, especially from Sarria to SDC. Maybe I'll see you out there one day.

Buen Camino, - Mike

Here's a photo of the granddaughter I mentioned above. She's almost 8 yrs old now, about 3 in this pic. I dream of taking her on a Camino one day. I won't write her name here - don't want to feed the Google bots.

 

[HedaP]

Putting my hand up as another introvert. Absolutely love to walk alone. Would happily spend whole days walking alone. Have no fear of walking alone. It's why I'm doing it again. Just loved all that time walking by myself. Pilgrims would pass (frequently) and we'd exchange a 'buen camino'. Occasionally pilgrims would pause to chat and that was nice. It was only when they wanted to stick around that I had to wrack my brains to come up with a kind and polite excuse for not walking with them. Not prepared to carry a camera but that is a clever ploy @Mike Trebert. PS. Beautiful portrait of your granddaughter.

 

[tillyjones]

I am comforted that this thread has found like-minded people. As in the rest of my life, participating as part of a community and regular interaction with people creates great challenges and anxiety. I have ironically started to find this forum (the chaos of it, the disagreements, the content that sometimes makes me shake my head)(this thread excluded of course), creating the same challenges and it is only increasing my urge to get out on the trail! Longing for the serenity of alone-ness!!