PTSD on the Camino

[starrysky]

I hesitated to post this but maybe it will help someone else too. I have PTSD. I did the CF a couple of years ago. On occasion I felt like I was going to totally freak out in the albergues, particularly when the beds were very close together, resembling a terrorist incident i went through in the 80’s in confined quarters. Sometimes I just had to get my stuff together as quietly as possible and sneak out the door in the dark as I knew no sleep was forthcoming. I can’t afford too many private rooms or hotels. I’m considering Camino number 2 next year as otherwise it was a life-changing experience on many levels. This time my thought is I wonder if I ask the hospitalieros if it would be ok for me to move to sleep in the common area or even outside on the patio if possible in the event this happens? Last time it didn’t tell anyone this was happening and just left. One time I couldn’t find an exterior door that wasn’t locked so I crawled out the window! I didn’t want to ask for special favors. It’s the one aspect that I dread and it may be a deal-breaker but otherwise I love the CF so much and would like to return. Has anyone else gone through this? Any suggestions?

 

[jsalt]

Hi, it's always good to know where the fire escape is in any building. You could always check where that is when you arrive (no need to give a reason – it will be assumed that you are worried about fires) and so know how to get out in the middle of the night if you want to.

 

[dick bird]

I hesitated to post this but maybe it will help someone else too. I have PTSD. I did the CF a couple of years ago. On occasion I felt like I was going to totally freak out in the albergues, particularly when the beds were very close together, resembling a terrorist incident i went through in the 80’s in confined quarters. Sometimes I just had to get my stuff together as quietly as possible and sneak out the door in the dark as I knew no sleep was forthcoming. I can’t afford too many private rooms or hotels. I’m considering Camino number 2 next year as otherwise it was a life-changing experience on many levels. This time my thought is I wonder if I ask the hospitalieros if it would be ok for me to move to sleep in the common area or even outside on the patio if possible in the event this happens? Last time it didn’t tell anyone this was happening and just left. One time I couldn’t find an exterior door that wasn’t locked so I crawled out the window! I didn’t want to ask for special favors. It’s the one aspect that I dread and it may be a deal-breaker but otherwise I love the CF so much and would like to return. Has anyone else gone through this? Any suggestions?

There’s no harm in asking. If you explain your needs, it’s up to the Hospi to say yes or no.

Locking external doors is an absolute no no. If a Hospi does it, report them.

 

[Ekelund]

I have met some hospitaleros who did not speak English, maybe you could have a letter in written in Spanish to explain your need. That is, if you do not speak Spanish of course.

 

[Birdchest]

I hesitated to post this but maybe it will help someone else too. I have PTSD. I did the CF a couple of years ago. On occasion I felt like I was going to totally freak out in the albergues, particularly when the beds were very close together, resembling a terrorist incident i went through in the 80’s in confined quarters. Sometimes I just had to get my stuff together as quietly as possible and sneak out the door in the dark as I knew no sleep was forthcoming. I can’t afford too many private rooms or hotels. I’m considering Camino number 2 next year as otherwise it was a life-changing experience on many levels. This time my thought is I wonder if I ask the hospitalieros if it would be ok for me to move to sleep in the common area or even outside on the patio if possible in the event this happens? Last time it didn’t tell anyone this was happening and just left. One time I couldn’t find an exterior door that wasn’t locked so I crawled out the window! I didn’t want to ask for special favors. It’s the one aspect that I dread and it may be a deal-breaker but otherwise I love the CF so much and would like to return. Has anyone else gone through this? Any suggestions?

I know the feeling. I sometimes get panic attacks and my overwhelming desire is to go outside and take in the air. It’s never happened to me on any of my three Caminos, but it did happen to me in the Camino Inka. In your circumstances I’d vote for the “talk to the hospitalero “ option.

 

[Kathy F.]

My son has PTSD and it is real and can be frightening. I’m so glad your drive to do another Camino is overcoming your fear of potential difficulties.

Please be gentle with yourself but do not underestimate your resilience.

Not everyone you encounter (as I'm sure you’ve already experienced) is kind and understanding. Some people are just a**holes.

But you will be guided, once again, by God and God’s graces to help you on this part of your journey (sorry if I’m getting churchy but this is where my heart is). Your travel will be full of amazing adventures and blessings, miracles (if you keep your eyes open for them) and angels.

Asking where the fire escapes are is a great idea! We should all do it. Note that, often, if you go out the door at night, you may not be able to get back in.

Of course, when God isn’t doing a great job of guiding you, just look for those yellow arrows.

Buen Camino, my friend.

 

[ian&linda]

Are you able to get some EMDR therapy for your PTSD before you commence the CF? If you know what your trauma is, EMDR can be beneficial and relatively short-term.

 

[starrysky]

thanks for your responses everyone. i think i’ve got it figured out somewhat and the overall joy of starting the process of going again outweighs the fear of the potential trouble spots but i’m sure i’ll do better handling them this time! buen camino all of you

 

[Katykay]

I hesitated to post this but maybe it will help someone else too. I have PTSD. I did the CF a couple of years ago. On occasion I felt like I was going to totally freak out in the albergues, particularly when the beds were very close together, resembling a terrorist incident i went through in the 80’s in confined quarters. Sometimes I just had to get my stuff together as quietly as possible and sneak out the door in the dark as I knew no sleep was forthcoming. I can’t afford too many private rooms or hotels. I’m considering Camino number 2 next year as otherwise it was a life-changing experience on many levels. This time my thought is I wonder if I ask the hospitalieros if it would be ok for me to move to sleep in the common area or even outside on the patio if possible in the event this happens? Last time it didn’t tell anyone this was happening and just left. One time I couldn’t find an exterior door that wasn’t locked so I crawled out the window! I didn’t want to ask for special favors. It’s the one aspect that I dread and it may be a deal-breaker but otherwise I love the CF so much and would like to return. Has anyone else gone through this? Any suggestions?

This is difficult I recommend, if you can, to talk to a therapist specialising in trauma for a plan specific to this situation. Or, if time, therapy to treat the trauma. Also, like other suggestions here, speak to hospitaleros about your specific requirements. If you have not been treated but know your triggers and you believe they can be avoided in Albergues then it is a matter of request. A diagnosed condition should be respected. A letter might help. Good luck.

 

[judydaisy]

Just a thought, in the UK many of the fire doors are alarmed. I'd look and make sure they don't in an albergue... Load of pilgrims might not be too happy at 2am with the alarm sounding. Best to check with hospitaleros, if you can, as suggested above.

 

[HBS60]

I can certainly empathize, as I myself have PTSD and I’ll be going on my very first Camino next month, so I understand the concerns. Not having Camino experience, I can’t really offer any specific suggestions, but since I’ve been working on my PTSD for many years now (and currently doing very well), I’ll offer some thoughts, which may or may not be helpful.

I think it’s helpful to have the awareness of what are your needs and your limits, ie, what is your level of distress tolerance, and to be able to communicate these to those that need to know. I imagine that things can certainly come up, but being that you already have done a Camino should help a lot as things may not catch you by surprise.

I don’t know how comfortable you feel sharing your diagnosis with hospitaleros, staff, etc, as these kinds of things do carry a stigma. I’m at a point in my process that I’m not ashamed of it but I limit my disclosure on a “need to know” basis (or, as in this case, to try to give helpful feedback and support).

I think it’s perfectly reasonable to ask for what you need, since otherwise they won’t know; however they may not necessarily be in a position to meet that need, so better to know that up front so you can decide to stay there anyway or look elsewhere.

It’s a learning process for us so afflicted, and for those around us, but I’m confident that you can get through whatever may happen.

May your Camino be a successful, enriching, healing experience!
Buen Camino!

 

[starrysky]

I can certainly empathize, as I myself have PTSD and I’ll be going on my very first Camino next month, so I understand the concerns. Not having Camino experience, I can’t really offer any specific suggestions, but since I’ve been working on my PTSD for many years now (and currently doing very well), I’ll offer some thoughts, which may or may not be helpful.

I think it’s helpful to have the awareness of what are your needs and your limits, ie, what is your level of distress tolerance, and to be able to communicate these to those that need to know. I imagine that things can certainly come up, but being that you already have done a Camino should help a lot as things may not catch you by surprise.

I don’t know how comfortable you feel sharing your diagnosis with hospitaleros, staff, etc, as these kinds of things do carry a stigma. I’m at a point in my process that I’m not ashamed of it but I limit my disclosure on a “need to know” basis (or, as in this case, to try to give helpful feedback and support).

I think it’s perfectly reasonable to ask for what you need, since otherwise they won’t know; however they may not necessarily be in a position to meet that need, so better to know that up front so you can decide to stay there anyway or look elsewhere.

It’s a learning process for us so afflicted, and for those around us, but I’m confident that you can get through whatever may happen.

May your Camino be a successful, enriching, healing experience!
Buen Camino!

thanks so much. i’m glad you are doing well! i am too overall. this situation only happened a handful of times in 40 days, but i think the note is a good idea just in case. overall i think i should be able to handle it better next time around. you are going to love it! buen camino to you as well xo

 

[williamlittig]

I hesitated to post this but maybe it will help someone else too. I have PTSD. I did the CF a couple of years ago. On occasion I felt like I was going to totally freak out in the albergues, particularly when the beds were very close together, resembling a terrorist incident i went through in the 80’s in confined quarters. Sometimes I just had to get my stuff together as quietly as possible and sneak out the door in the dark as I knew no sleep was forthcoming. I can’t afford too many private rooms or hotels. I’m considering Camino number 2 next year as otherwise it was a life-changing experience on many levels. This time my thought is I wonder if I ask the hospitalieros if it would be ok for me to move to sleep in the common area or even outside on the patio if possible in the event this happens? Last time it didn’t tell anyone this was happening and just left. One time I couldn’t find an exterior door that wasn’t locked so I crawled out the window! I didn’t want to ask for special favors. It’s the one aspect that I dread and it may be a deal-breaker but otherwise I love the CF so much and would like to return. Has anyone else gone through this? Any suggestions?

My diagnosis is "severe" the doctors said "you're doing quite well". The many caminos I've walked have helped me to rest and alert less. I have found waling 30's and being tired have helped. This last year I walked with other veterans some with more acute PTSD he too found it helped him, "Not cured"

 

[Tincatinker]

My “anniversary” is coming up. London 7 July 2005. Always a difficult day. I do use the tube these days but not that day. I made it into the office. Lots didn’t. Front desk security gave me a long look and then offered me a clothes-brush. One of my team went to get me a coffee and came back to report that Costa were closed. If Costa were closed then it was obvious. The world had changed.

I hate that for a while it made me hate. I regret that it’s still there in my head every time I’m on the tube, metro, any confined or crowded situation. I do the exercises. I can breathe with metronomic regularity and I can climb the steps to the exit and emerge into the sunlight or the rain without feeling like I need to run.

@starrysky you are not alone. You are never alone. And you never know but that bloke in that “too close” bunk just might be me or one of our brothers or sisters.

The lovely therapists always told me “talk about it”, but I don’t: except I just did, so thanks for that window

 

[starrysky]

My “anniversary” is coming up. London 7 July 2005. Always a difficult day. I do use the tube these days but not that day. I made it into the office. Lots didn’t. Front desk security gave me a long look and then offered me a clothes-brush. One of my team went to get me a coffee and came back to report that Costa were closed. If Costa were closed then it was obvious. The world had changed.

I hate that for a while it made me hate. I regret that it’s still there in my head every time I’m on the tube, metro, any confined or crowded situation. I do the exercises. I can breathe with metronomic regularity and I can climb the steps to the exit and emerge into the sunlight or the rain without feeling like I need to run.

@starrysky you are not alone. You are never alone. And you never know but that bloke in that “too close” bunk just might be me or one of our brothers or sisters.

The lovely therapists always told me “talk about it”, but I don’t: except I just did, so thanks for that window

thank you for telling us your story. i’m glad this topic can bring out what others have to say on it. yes- maybe that other bunk is a compatriot of this thing. yeah it’s hard to talk about it. thanks again for all you do on this forum too! buen camino.

 

[starrysky]

My diagnosis is "severe" the doctors said "you're doing quite well". The many caminos I've walked have helped me to rest and alert less. I have found waling 30's and being tired have helped. This last year I walked with other veterans some with more acute PTSD he too found it helped him, "Not cured"

thanks so much for telling about that. yeah it’s a bitch but i agree that being out on the camino is so wonderful it is definitely helpful but not necessarily a cure! buen camino to you!

 

[Dion]

There’s no harm in asking. If you explain your needs, it’s up to the Hospi to say yes or no.

Locking external doors is an absolute no no. If a Hospi does it,

I hesitated to post this but maybe it will help someone else too. I have PTSD. I did the CF a couple of years ago. On occasion I felt like I was going to totally freak out in the albergues, particularly when the beds were very close together, resembling a terrorist incident i went through in the 80’s in confined quarters. Sometimes I just had to get my stuff together as quietly as possible and sneak out the door in the dark as I knew no sleep was forthcoming. I can’t afford too many private rooms or hotels. I’m considering Camino number 2 next year as otherwise it was a life-changing experience on many levels. This time my thought is I wonder if I ask the hospitalieros if it would be ok for me to move to sleep in the common area or even outside on the patio if possible in the event this happens? Last time it didn’t tell anyone this was happening and just left. One time I couldn’t find an exterior door that wasn’t locked so I crawled out the window! I didn’t want to ask for special favors. It’s the one aspect that I dread and it may be a deal-breaker but otherwise I love the CF so much and would like to return. Has anyone else gone through this? Any suggestions?

From your past Camino,it’d be easier to avoid the similar situation by researching the room and bed types of each albergues,isn’t it?
From my experience,I didn’t like two bunk beds together in my first Camino so that I checked the albergues interior conditions by Gronze and Wise pilgrim app.
As a result I found several albergues I’d prefer to stay each places. It took me a long time to prepare but I had a good time when I get there.
Parhaps If I were you I’d wait to go until saving enough money to stay in the troubleless accommodations all the way in the case the good albergues are all full.
I think good preparation makes lots of time savings when you get there.
Buen Camino

 

[davejsy]

I am fortunate to not have PTSD, but I have had and still do have from time to time very bad anxiety (and probably several other things if I ever went to a shrink).

In a similar vein I was really worried about Albergues and the thought of getting in a panic and not been able to get out if needed, and of course everything else that could cause added anxiety in Albergues.

But, I was ok, in fact more than ok because I came to love the Albergues and everything they involved - even the bad bits. The thought was always far removed from the experience which is often the case for like minded people.

Anyway, I think there is a lot of good advice here for your circumstance. Look for the Albergues that are most appealing for your needs, and perhaps try and arrive early so you can choose your bed accordingly. I would also whole heartedly agree you have some text/letter that explains your situation, and asks the hospitelero to let you know where the exit is if you need to get out during the night - this alone will provide comfort and may help avert the need to leave.

Wishing you the very best on your Camino, and I hope it helps to continue you your healing.

 

[Bumpa]

My diagnosis is "severe" the doctors said "you're doing quite well". The many caminos I've walked have helped me to rest and alert less. I have found waling 30's and being tired have helped. This last year I walked with other veterans some with more acute PTSD he too found it helped him, "Not cured"

My thoughts are with you William and Tincatinker. As a police officer of many years, who "buried" his symptoms for over forty years, I don't think that we "cure" our PTSI but learn to adapt and move forward in the best possible way. Notice that I used an "I" rather than a "D". I am in the growing group that refers to it as an "INJURY" rather than a disorder. Disorder sounds too clinical to me rather than a series of injuries, particularly the emotional ones, which created a world view and an inability to function effectively in certain situations.

I learned to feel that it was normal for me to be fearful of the dark and closed doors that I had to enter through. Therapy has helped immensely and has given me the permission to admit to fears set out in the previous sentence without embarrassment. Trauma is often imbedded deeply in the tissues which guide us and help make decisions. We all have our trauma, it is just a matter of degree.

I hid symptoms for many years, as did others in my position, because fellow workers may lose faith in you and your reactions, or a transfer or promotion may be affected. Many years of "just suck it up and get on with it" create veils that make it difficult for us to see through or for others to see into. I find setting personal feelings, otherwise hidden, down on a site such as this, which has others also willing to share is also helpful. I hope that some of us baring personal issues is not looked on askance but with a belief that your own thoughts. expressed or not are real and valid. I find speaking to others and sharing is a vital part of my therapy. Seeing things in print rather than just ruminating on them is very helpful.

I am thinking of rewarding myself for reaching 81 yrs young with another Camino in September. More to come, I'm afraid, as I am getting warmed up.

 

[starrysky]

My thoughts are with you William and Tincatinker. As a police officer of many years, who "buried" his symptoms for over forty years, I don't think that we "cure" our PTSI but learn to adapt and move forward in the best possible way. Notice that I used an "I" rather than a "D". I am in the growing group that refers to it as an "INJURY" rather than a disorder. Disorder sounds too clinical to me rather than a series of injuries, particularly the emotional ones, which created a world view and an inability to function effectively in certain situations.

I learned to feel that it was normal for me to be fearful of the dark and closed doors that I had to enter through. Therapy has helped immensely and has given me the permission to admit to fears set out in the previous sentence without embarrassment. Trauma is often imbedded deeply in the tissues which guide us and help make decisions. We all have our trauma, it is just a matter of degree.

I hid symptoms for many years, as did others in my position, because fellow workers may lose faith in you and your reactions, or a transfer or promotion may be affected. Many years of "just suck it up and get on with it" create veils that make it difficult for us to see through or for others to see into. I find setting personal feelings, otherwise hidden, down on a site such as this, which has others also willing to share is also helpful. I hope that some of us baring personal issues is not looked on askance but with a belief that your own thoughts. expressed or not are real and valid. I find speaking to others and sharing is a vital part of my therapy. Seeing things in print rather than just ruminating on them is very helpful.

I am thinking of rewarding myself for reaching 81 yrs young with another Camino in September. More to come, I'm afraid, as I am getting warmed up.

Bumpa - Thanks so much for what you have written here. I am now going to change my own status to PTSI. Perfect! I have never viewed “PTSD” as a mental “illness” but rather the functioning of a survival-oriented brain which sends out signals commensurate with a perceived threat. Due to the horrific nature of the incidents which are triggered by the particular environmental stimuli, the results can be commensurate in force with the original force! (i hope that makes sense!). It’s sort of survival defense.

Anyway, the experience of putting this out there makes me feel better about just plain telling people what’s happening if it crops up on the camino again, instead of as you say, “sucking it up”. We all have been judged and ostricized over this, but there are very understanding and loving people in this world too, more than the haters.

That’s so awesome you are going back in September. 81 is the new 50 i guess. Enjoy planning and preparing and every single step of the way. Thanks again. Buen Camino.

 

[williamlittig]

My thoughts are with you William and Tincatinker. As a police officer of many years, who "buried" his symptoms for over forty years, I don't think that we "cure" our PTSI but learn to adapt and move forward in the best possible way. Notice that I used an "I" rather than a "D". I am in the growing group that refers to it as an "INJURY" rather than a disorder. Disorder sounds too clinical to me rather than a series of injuries, particularly the emotional ones, which created a world view and an inability to function effectively in certain situations.

I learned to feel that it was normal for me to be fearful of the dark and closed doors that I had to enter through. Therapy has helped immensely and has given me the permission to admit to fears set out in the previous sentence without embarrassment. Trauma is often imbedded deeply in the tissues which guide us and help make decisions. We all have our trauma, it is just a matter of degree.

I hid symptoms for many years, as did others in my position, because fellow workers may lose faith in you and your reactions, or a transfer or promotion may be affected. Many years of "just suck it up and get on with it" create veils that make it difficult for us to see through or for others to see into. I find setting personal feelings, otherwise hidden, down on a site such as this, which has others also willing to share is also helpful. I hope that some of us baring personal issues is not looked on askance but with a belief that your own thoughts. expressed or not are real and valid. I find speaking to others and sharing is a vital part of my therapy. Seeing things in print rather than just ruminating on them is very helpful.

I am thinking of rewarding myself for reaching 81 yrs young with another Camino in September. More to come, I'm afraid, as I am getting warmed up.

If you’re going through Ribadiso in late October do stop in. We have small gifts for pilgrims.

 

[Bumpa]

If you’re going through Ribadiso in late October do stop in. We have small gifts for pilgrims.

Thank you. I will bear this in mind

 

[WGroleau]

Locking external doors is an absolute no no. If a Hospi does it, report them.

Agreed—unless it can be unlocked from the inside, as I suspect most are. Two of ours had just a simple sliding bolt, but one required pulling a knob out while turning. Instructions were posted next to it It was still awkward, but the back door could be seen from the front door with the knob.

 

[williamlittig]

My “anniversary” is coming up. London 7 July 2005. Always a difficult day. I do use the tube these days but not that day. I made it into the office. Lots didn’t. Front desk security gave me a long look and then offered me a clothes-brush. One of my team went to get me a coffee and came back to report that Costa were closed. If Costa were closed then it was obvious. The world had changed.

I hate that for a while it made me hate. I regret that it’s still there in my head every time I’m on the tube, metro, any confined or crowded situation. I do the exercises. I can breathe with metronomic regularity and I can climb the steps to the exit and emerge into the sunlight or the rain without feeling like I need to run.

@starrysky you are not alone. You are never alone. And you never know but that bloke in that “too close” bunk just might be me or one of our brothers or sisters.

The lovely therapists always told me “talk about it”, but I don’t: except I just did, so thanks for that window

There are many wonderful things to talk about! I do not talk about the war, it brings me no joy. I leave the room when it comes up. My life is good, why relive the sad parts?

 

[Tincatinker]

There are many wonderful things to talk about! I do not talk about the war, it brings me no joy. I leave the room when it comes up. My life is good, why relive the sad parts?

I agree with you amigo. Why relive it? But my reality is that I do relive it every time I get on a tube train and sometimes at a busy music gig. Even, sometimes, when I see someone just carrying a rucksack / backpack on a train or a 'plane or wherever again.

So, I don't talk about it, except when I do. And the sad part? I can almost understand the rage, and impotence, and foolishness that leads to people to do desperately bad things, but I can't forgive and forgiving just might help me

 

[Rebekah Scott]

I suggest you walk your Camino in a low season, when the albergues are not full of people and the vibe is more relaxed. Go in winter, or in July or August, when the crowds are thinner.

 

[starrysky]

Agreed—unless it can be unlocked from the inside, as I suspect most are. Two of ours had just a simple sliding bolt, but one required pulling a knob out while turning. Instructions were posted next to it It was still awkward, but the back door could be seen from the front door with the knob.

btw- report to who? I think the earlier idea of asking about ways to get out in emergency, upon arrival at the albergue, is a great idea.

 

[starrysky]

I suggest you walk your Camino in a low season, when the albergues are not full of people and the vibe is more relaxed. Go in winter, or in July or August, when the crowds are thinner.

thanks for that suggestion. i didn’t know the crowds were thinner then! that would be great as it would mean less cold weather stuff to carry. much appreciation to you for all you do to help the camino and pilgrims too by the way!

 

[Rickcrna]

Why not arrange for accommodations more comfortable for you like small pensions, inns, albergues with private rooms and totally avoid the madness and stress of most albergues. Whatever the added cost is well worth it in terms of your enjoyment and success.

 

[starrysky]

Why not arrange for accommodations more comfortable for you like small pensions, inns, albergues with private rooms and totally avoid the madness and stress of most albergues. Whatever the added cost is well worth it in terms of your enjoyment and success.

i am a sub-poverty level person (from US) who has to keep costs low - the airfare alone is a killer!

 

[Tincatinker]

totally avoid the madness and stress of most albergues

I almost like this concept: huge buildings full of crazy people partying down the way… probably includes snorers, farters and the emotionally incontinent who might initiate a conversation.
Aach! For those who have never been there “there” is a very foreign country. And, anyway, avoidance is not the purpose of the exercise. Getting there and hanging on is the objective. Doing the breathing, going calmly about your business, being in a place where its hard to be without it being hard to be there - even the nicest of petit hostales; the very best of hotels - they don’t change any of it. And there’s some comfort in remembering that every time the shit hits the fan it’s just shit and a fan and it’ll all be the same different again

The Beloved has just asked me why I’m crying and the answer is the same - I walked, lots didn’t

 

[starrysky]

thank you - well spoken.

 

[Bumpa]

I almost like this concept: huge buildings full of crazy people partying down the way… probably includes snorers, farters and the emotionally incontinent who might initiate a conversation.
Aach! For those who have never been there “there” is a very foreign country. And, anyway, avoidance is not the purpose of the exercise. Getting there and hanging on is the objective. Doing the breathing, going calmly about your business, being in a place where its hard to be without it being hard to be there - even the nicest of petit hostales; the very best of hotels - they don’t change any of it. And there’s some comfort in remembering that every time the shit hits the fan it’s just shit and a fan and it’ll all be the same different again

The Beloved has just asked me why I’m crying and the answer is the same - I walked, lots didn’t

Why am I crying? Sometimes, Tincatinker, it is difficult to explain that to myself let alone to anyone else.
I have to take solace in the idea that my body/mind connection moves beyond my surface cognitions into a better place. I usually feel better after I have dried my beard. I appreciate your candor. It touches places deep inside me. I hope it helps you as well to realize that you are not alone and others are pushing onwards.
Be well my friend

 

[DonnaS18]

There’s no harm in asking. If you explain your needs, it’s up to the Hospi to say yes or no.

Locking external doors is an absolute no no. If a Hospi does it, report them.

Really report them?
If accommodations don’t lock external doors can’t anyone come in at anytime?
I agree fire doors can’t be locked from inside, but often when fire doors are opened from inside they set off a fire alarm which can be both costly and annoying.

 

[williamlittig]

I agree with you amigo. Why relive it? But my reality is that I do relive it every time I get on a tube train and sometimes at a busy music gig. Even, sometimes, when I see someone just carrying a rucksack / backpack on a train or a 'plane or wherever again.

So, I don't talk about it, except when I do. And the sad part? I can almost understand the rage, and impotence, and foolishness that leads to people to do desperately bad things, but I can't forgive and forgiving just might help me

I can't turn it all off, I avoid things that will spark it. Reminding myself to be gratious helps me to redirect. Onward Tincatinker. Thanks for being a Ditch Pig.

 

[Donna Sch]

My partner has PTSD and our solution was to do a quieter Camino. His first Camino was the Levante and Invierno. We are planning a Madrid/Salvador/Primitivo combo. Yes there will be time on the CF but small doses.

 

[Camino Chrissy]

I missed seeing this thread last July, but am glad it has been resurrected. I "knew" what PTSD was, but never have heard any personal stories of those who have it and that it does not fully go away. These posts have been an eye opener for me and given me compassion for the forum members who struggle with it. I assume people who have experienced horrific life threatening situations have similar issues, yet different.
Thank you to those of you who have shared this sorrow.

 

[MARSKA]

Thanks for sharing. And I. too, am glad to see this post on the "front page" again.

 

[60LifeChange]

Are you able to get some EMDR therapy for your PTSD before you commence the CF? If you know what your trauma is, EMDR can be beneficial and relatively short-term.

I cannot recommend EMDR enough. I found my PTSD was my first wife dying in a hospital from cancer while in reality I was riding a motorcycle in Canada. but for me? I was right back there in the hospital... as real as anything I have ever experienced. and I KNEW I was on a bike... scary as he**. (pardon my language)

but a single session with an EXCELLENT EMDR practitioner and those visits were gone. completely. it helped make me functional in a single visit. I don't know of any practitioners in your area, but you can look around. Well worth the effort. since those days I still pay attention to my anxieties, including using a prescription antihistamine that knocks me out when I start feeling anxious. (recently lost my second wife so that has made sleep an interesting event each night) and will also spend some time meditating when I can make that work, and last but not least is to bail out of the room I am in until I can breathe easily... I am curious how I will work out on the Camino, but? take it as it comes. So far in my travels I am less anxious, and more involved in my environment.