Vow of Silence

[SabsP]

From Astorga and many days after I met a lady who had a small card attached with a cord around her neck that said " Vow of Silence , voto de silencio ". She was standing on a hill and admiring a beautiful flower when I adressed her and mentioned that the flower was indeed beautiful. She then turned her head , smiled and showed me the little card on her chest. I must admit that my first reaction was one of non-belief or " hmm what to think about that " reaction. The more I think of it the more I learn to appreciate her. We crossed paths later on, always just two of us , no other crowds, and we communicated with just a smile , thumbs up or a hand on my heart.
I noticed that alot of people were mocking her and laughing but she didn't do harm to anyone.

Time to time she walked with another lady who helped her out finding a place in the albergues. There was actually one voluntario who said that they would not accept this lady with Vow of Silence because the owner had a bad experience with such a person last year. After that it got really busy so I never got around asking the voluntario " what kind of trouble ".
So they lied a bit to the " talking lady " who in the end got the bed and the Vow of Silence woman had to find another place. I really hope she found other more welcoming places.

Anyone of you had encounters of this kind?

 

[Arn]

Sabine,

This is very odd for me...I'm dumbstruck!

No tongue in cheek response from me, but truly taken aback that anyone would find this unsettling or, in any way repulsive to the point of exclusion.

Then again, we are a planet peopled by a very few who stand in the sunshine and believe it's warmth is for them and theirs alone.

I have gone on retreat where silence and reflection are the norm; and, as with you, I relish the relative silence of the Camino.

Arn

 

[Kitsambler]

I wasn't at the scene of this event, so obviously this is not a reality-based reaction. But I have a couple thoughts on how it might have happened.

Apart from the small minority that actively engages in meditation retreats and similar experiences, coming across someone who is intentionally silent is quite out of the ordinary. Different. And it has the effect of conveying a message of rejection when none is really intended. (Because we have all had experiences where "the silent treatment" was, in fact, pointedly intended as a message of rejection)

Now imagine, just for a moment, that you yourself have taken such a vow on a pilgrimage. And then imagine some thick-headed cretin who is taking offense, or some genuinely helpful soul who has tried to interpret your hand gestures and failed to grasp the correct significance. There you are, sworn to silence, trying very hard to get these folks sorted out. I would be terribly frustrated, myself, I think. How do I express my anger while being silent? That's a tough one. No wonder an occasional innkeeper had a difficult experience.

 

[nellpilgrim]

Hi Sabine,
Surely most of us choose to walk the Camino because we want to engage with the world in a different way from our 'norm' even if that's only for a few weeks. If that's the case perhaps it's the degree of difference that is at issue here? Maybe those stretching that difference a little further by choosing to walk in silence, go barefoot or even run may make the rest of us feel, at least initially, a little uncomfortable by comparison?
I don't really understand the hospitalero's response as dealing with an silent but communicative person is not that difficult (it's just like dealing with someone you share no language with) but I'm glad she met you and others who accepted her difference.
Nell

 

[SabsP]

Thanks everyone for all your replies, even more to think about now.
Like Kitsambler said : I too would maybe choose more for a silent retreat during ten days somewhere here in a convent in Belgium. Although I loved walking on my own on the Camino, I loved to share my experiences during coffeebreaks or dinner. But all respect for the lady who choose to do this in her particular way. Would be so interesting to " bump " into her after the Camino and " hear " what she has to share and tell.

 

[Deleted member 3000]

I visited Disney World with another family. The teenage son was 6' 8" tall, wore gothic clothes with plenty of chains and metal, had piercings all around his head, and had cut his hair into a Mohawk style, then dyed it rainbow colors. He ended every day in anger because people stared at him.

Even the kindest and politest people will pay attention to things out of the ordinary, and I think it is rarely hostile. Tittering and giggling is much more likely the result of embarrassment. It is common for the linguistically challenged, such as I, to raise their voices in the false assumption that louder is better. I suggest a similar syndrome when communicating with someone who is remaining silent, giving the false impression of anger. The self-imposed silence also has the factor that one party is not doing all he can to make the communication successful. That can be off-putting regardless of the motive for the silence, especially in an environment where most of the participants are there for communication with other pilgrims usually in different languages.

As always, this is just one man's opinion!

 

[nellpilgrim]

I visited Disney World with another family. The teenage son was 6' 8" tall, wore gothic clothes with plenty of chains and metal, had piercings all around his head, and had cut his hair into a Mohawk style, then dyed it rainbow colors. He ended every day in anger because people stared at him........
The self-imposed silence also has the factor that one party is not doing all he can to make the communication successful. That can be off-putting regardless of the motive for the silence, especially in an environment where most of the participants are there for communication with other pilgrims usually in different languages.

As always, this is just one man's opinion!

Hi Falcon,
I find the very fact that a 7ft Goth was willing to go an a family day to Disney World awfully charming though I'm sure that's an adjective he'd wouldn't approve of at all!
I'm not sure that speaking is, by definition, necessarily proof of a desire to communicate, or rather communicate in a positive sense. Many people who speak a lot communicate very little and/or their communication is all 'outbound' On the other hand some of the most telling communications I've experienced have been non verbal-positive silences amongst them.
The pilgrim in question, who seemed more than willing to engage in very positive 'body language' with Sabine and others, obviously wasn't intending to give anyone 'the silent treatment' by carrying out her vow of silence. She chose to 'offer up' something that was difficult to do and, it seems, others chose to make it a little harder for her and for that I'm sorry.
Keeping ones vow-in a broad sense- is surely one of the historical and current facets of any Camino? Her endeavor in that sense is at least as valid as the 'meeting new people and making friends' aspect. I'm sure she also met and connected with others in just as meaningful a way as a group of people talking over a glass of wine at the end of the day or 'shortening the road' with a bit chat.
Much as I really enjoyed the 'frat house party' :lol: aspects of the CF (sometimes a little too much and I paid the price the next day )it wasn't the be all and end all of that journey for me though that may be a function of my age and background?

 

[Br. David]

Don't we say 'silence is golden' ?

Silence is an immensely powerful tool. In meditational and prayer practises, whether western, christian, or eastern, buddhist, silence is an absolute neccesity. The 'problem' then is the ceaseless chatter within.
A superb method of running down this internal chatter of the mind is to disconnect from the speaking world yet still move within it - so a vow of silence, the good woman.

I regularly have silent days - though I do not wish to offend, nor let others know, so give polite responses where it is right - please, thank you, sorry ... it is quite extraordinary, a delight - one becomes an embedded observer, if that makes sense ... I'm all for it.

Had she had a card stating 'laryngitis - laringitis' she would have received only help, though those who opposed her did so because of their own dysfunctional internal problems, not the woman in front of them.

don't you think? :wink:

 

[Sojourner47]

I like the old saying: "Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to open one's mouth and prove it"......