Social anxiety on the camimo

[Zara123]

I struggle with social anxiety and I was wandering if anybody with the same issue had a positive experience on the Camino walking alone. I saw lots of posts and videos people talking about forming lifetime friendships and finding their "Camino" family, but at the same time I cannot ignore the fact that these people looked like they can easily make friends anywhere, so Camino was a piece of cake. I visited Santiago a few days ago and saw in the main square in front of the cathedral lots of people. Some people in groups, hugging and dancing...and some people just sitting alone. Maybe it was their intention... But what if it wasn't? Haha. I understand people on the Camino are very open, nice and chatty. But when I stayed in the hostel I saw that even if they are chatty and talk to everyone, but when dinner time comes - everyone goes away in groups and mind their business, while some solo travelers just stay alone or just go awkwardly to a restaurant (except for public albergues, where they seem to share meals as I've seen). Has anyone got any insights?

 

[Antnix1]

Re "Camino" family.
Yea, you'll have no problem falling in with a little group if that's what you're looking for. I did it on my first camino.

The people in groups dancing and hugging - many started 5 days before and sang and danced the entire time.

The people sitting alone are likely doing so out of choice. Maybe some distance away from the people dancing and hugging.

I'm a solo traveller who is more likely to join someone for a meal if I already talked to them in the albergue. I rarely join pilgrims in the kitchen to make pasta with tomato sauce and tuna... some of the best experiences I had were with other pilgrims eating this very meal, but for the most part it just bugs me to be among a group of people in the kitchen, making a mess, hogging the sink.. I really don't like the dynamics of groups in hostels. I much rather be among other individuals or even couples.

So a lot of the time i awkwardly go and sit in a bar on my own.

ps.. the insight is you do probably need to make a bit of an effort. you're still the same person after all but there is an opportunity to at least try to talk to other people if that's what you want to do.
actually i met a guy who started in santiago going to finisterre and he was disappointed at how few people spoke to him. the reason was (i explained to him) is because they're all buen camino'd out. if they walked to santiago and they're still walking it's probably because they like to be on their own. but this isn't the case at other starting points

 

[J Willhaus]

I think there is room to be with people or not. Do what feels best for you.

 

[HBS60]

I’m in a similar situation, I’m also a newbie, planning my first Camino this coming August. I have a history of lots of things including social anxiety (and many, many more issues). I used to be painfully shy and introverted, but I’ve come a long way to the point that I feel very comfortable sharing here with a bunch of strangers. If you are anything like me, you already know how to be alone, and I’ve read of pilgrims that stay alone by choice and there’s nothing wrong with that. If you want/need/crave more human interaction, I believe that the Camino can be a great place to test the waters. You might hit it off with somebody, form friendships, and/or become part of a group, at least for a few days, and sometimes people go their separate ways, it’s all good. I believe also it may be a matter of style. I don’t do well in big crowds, because it is difficult for me to keep track of several conversations all at once, I prefer one-on-one (or maybe a tiny little group) because it’s easier for me to stay focused that way and big talkative crowds overwhelm me. If you are anything like me, you might find the need to have some time alone anyway, to process whatever emotions might come up during your journey. It’s a new experience for newbies for us, and we don’t really have a good emotional roadmap to help us navigate these unfamiliar waters. I also have learned in my own journey that it’s hard to have a good, healthy relationship with others if I don’t have a good, healthy relationship with myself. It seems to me that the Camino will give me plenty of free time to grapple with my own issues, so I can be in a better position to decide how to best relate to others. Maybe it will be like that for you as well.
The fact that you are taking a huge step like doing a Camino speaks volumes of your courage and character, so I hope that your journey is filled with adventure, discovery, and blessings.
Muy Buen Camino!

 

[lovelyshell]

Hi, I don’t have diagnosed social anxiety but I am an introvert and anxious so maybe I do. I walked alone in 2016. I had some anxiety about the whole Camino family thing as I don’t like feeling like my decisions are controlled by others, I hate having to make group decisions, etc. I met a friend day one and walked with him for two weeks because I felt very safe with him and it was very easy to make decisions with him and even separate for periods of time if we needed to reflect alone. He then left to go home to the UK. I walked the next two weeks alone and never felt lonely. I would see people I knew, sometimes had dinner with them, but during my walks mostly stuck by myself. I saw the Camino families and did not envy it in anyway. I saw Camino families break up, I saw some people arguing. But also saw some happily cruising along. My last two weeks I walked with someone who had been part of a Camino family that split up because of injuries and different pace levels, and he was always texting them and checking in with them constantly. It felt very distracting bc I wasn’t texting anyone except my mom every other day to let her know I was safe. Despite walking with this person for the last two weeks, I was very adamant (being the fiercely independent female I am) that I was walking into Santiago alone. I met a nice Australian kid starting out that morning who heard I was from California and was really excited that I lived down the street from this famous surf spot. His energy was nice and a positive way to start the day. But I walked alone and was not lonely. Walking into Santiago I definitely wondered whether it would be more fulfilling with someone else but my intention on my journey was to become more resilient and going to Santiago alone is what resonated with me. I entered the square alone and was just as fulfilled. I didn’t need a hug. I was able to truly take in the experience and observe the amazing cathedral. I laid down and rested as long as I liked. As I got up I was suddenly being hugged from behind and lifted off the ground and twirled around by the Aussie kid. So I got a hug, but did I need it? Not necessarily because I was already fulfilled. However it was a great moment and brought me joy so I appreciate that kid very much. That night I ran into people I knew, some I hadn’t seen for weeks, and then ran into more people and we all knew each other so went to dinner. It’s was nice but I would have been ok if I was alone. The point is the journey and the ending are what you choose it to be. Let things unfold as you walk the Camino. Any anxieties or preconceived notions you may have can likely change and you will be pleasantly surprised. Do not worry about how others are acting or relating, do what resonates with you. Don’t go into the Camino with preconceived expectations, just allow the experience to unfold and I promise it will be all worth it. You will have some bad days, some days you might feel lonely but it will pass and the Camino delivers in strange ways, which is one of the best parts of walking the Camino.

 

[Joynz]

I struggle with social anxiety and I was wandering if anybody with the same issue had a positive experience on the Camino walking alone. I saw lots of posts and videos people talking about forming lifetime friendships and finding their "Camino" family, but at the same time I cannot ignore the fact that these people looked like they can easily make friends anywhere, so Camino was a piece of cake. I visited Santiago a few days ago and saw in the main square in front of the cathedral lots of people. Some people in groups, hugging and dancing...and some people just sitting alone. Maybe it was their intention... But what if it wasn't? Haha. I understand people on the Camino are very open, nice and chatty. But when I stayed in the hostel I saw that even if they are chatty and talk to everyone, but when dinner time comes - everyone goes away in groups and mind their business, while some solo travelers just stay alone or just go awkwardly to a restaurant (except for public albergues, where they seem to share meals as I've seen). Has anyone got any insights?

Yes, that was my experience with dinners too in 2023. And I don’t even have social anxiety!

I think it was largely because I’m quite a fast walker so I didn’t stick with people I met initially or on the way. Also, early on, I changed my SIM card/phone number.

I also was never sure where people from the albergues went at dinner but your description mirrors my feelings and experiences. It was hard to tell if people were choosing to be alone or not, too. And, I also didn’t take the social initiative and I ask others if they’d like to head out to dinner together!

I did say ‘hi’ at albergues, but those small, initial forays didn’t translate into a Camino ‘family’ for me for most of the last half of the walk. But again, I didn’t often stop at bars for coffee and lunch which is where people chat to each other (though perhaps people walking together are more likely to stop?). My style is mostly just to keep walking, and I’m fit so didn’t really need to rest much.

I also had to remind myself that, just like in real life, not everyone I met on the Camino is going to want to be friends!

I definitely did meet some nice people to chat to ‘in passing’ though. I also saw one apparently close-knit ‘family’ - who I had been a bit envious of - break down!

I think it’s worth being emotionally prepared for all eventualities - even though many posters say you will gather a Camino ‘family’ it may not happen for everyone - for all kinds of reasons. And people often ‘lose’ their group due to illness etc that slows them down.

I still enjoyed the experience - but it was definitely more ‘solitary’ than I had expected.

 

[good_old_shoes]

I have social anxiety. Before my first Camino, it was quite severe.

After several Caminos, it is still there, but much much better, and sometimes I barely notice it anymore.

Most of the time I am not afraid of people anymore. I even changed my career for a few years, working very closely with people. And I did enjoy it.

I now love meeting pilgrims on the way, have conversations, cook together, ect.

As an introvert, I still enjoy (and need) my quiet time, too. Walking early mornings or late afternoons all alone. Quiet nights in my tent.

Nobody can say how the Camino will be for you, and how it will affect your social anxiety (or the other way around).

But what I learned is that the pilgrims are very respectful towards each other. If someone wants to be left alone, they'll leave you alone. If you look lost or as if you need help, people will approach you.

It is easy to control how much you interact with others.

People are very open and very friendly and helpful, which makes it easy to connect. For me, much easier than off-camino.

By the time pilgrims arrive in Santiago, they often have met the same people again and again over weeks on the way. So, with these new friends, they'll go out for dinner to celebrate ect. Maybe that's why it seemed that it is "closed groups".

But often those groups are not as "closed" as they might appear. I remember one year I arrived in Santiago together with a bunch of pilgrims who I had already met over 1000kms before in France. We continued to Finisterre, and a solo walking pilgrim just walked up to us and asked if he could walk with us for a bit, because all his friends had already gone home and he was a bit lonely. We then walked to Finisterre all together.

If you see people cooking dinner together in the evening in an albergue, for example, it is okay to ask if you can join. Maybe bring some ingredients or a bottle of wine, and it is very unlikely that someone will say "no". You can also initiate things like that yourself. Cook some pasta. If someone looks hungry, just ask if they want some and share. Or buy a bottle off wine or some sweets or fruit and share it with others. There's always someone who's happy to join you for food. Voila. A good start to get to know people.

In the donativo albergues, there's often a shared communal dinner. If you'd like to have dinner with all the others, those might be albergues you'd enjoy. Try the ones in Zabaldika, Logrono (parroquial) or Granon (parroquial) ect.

Or if you walk into a bar or café and all tables are already taken. If there are still free chairs, you can always ask the pilgrims on that table if you can sit down there with them. It's normal to do that. That way it is also easy to get to talk to others, even if it might only be small talk, or just "hello" and "buen Camino".

Overall I guess it makes a difference if you're a) the kind of person with social anxiety who tries to avoid people at all cost and doesn't want to interact with anyone if possible, or b) the type that would like to interact but doesn't know how and is afraid to "do it wrong" and "look stupid" ect. For type a) the Francés is probably very challenging, and a more solitary route might be better. For Type b), the Francés might be just perfect. Especially if you start from St. Jean, Roncesvalles, Pamplona, ect.

 

[TravellingMan22]

I have social anxiety. Before my first Camino, it was quite severe.

After several Caminos, it is still there, but much much better, and sometimes I barely notice it anymore.

Most of the time I am not afraid of people anymore. I even changed my career for a few years, working very closely with people. And I did enjoy it.

I now love meeting pilgrims on the way, have conversations, cook together, ect.

As an introvert, I still enjoy (and need) my quiet time, too. Walking early mornings or late afternoons all alone. Quiet nights in my tent.

Nobody can say how the Camino will be for you, and how it will affect your social anxiety (or the other way around).

But what I learned is that the pilgrims are very respectful towards each other. If someone wants to be left alone, they'll leave you alone. If you look lost or as if you need help, people will approach you.

It is easy to control how much you interact with others.

People are very open and very friendly and helpful, which makes it easy to connect. For me, much easier than off-camino.

By the time pilgrims arrive in Santiago, they often have met the same people again and again over weeks on the way. So, with these new friends, they'll go out for dinner to celebrate ect. Maybe that's why it seemed that it is "closed groups".

But often those groups are not as "closed" as they might appear. I remember one year I arrived in Santiago together with a bunch of pilgrims who I had already met over 1000kms before in France. We continued to Finisterre, and a solo walking pilgrim just walked up to us and asked if he could walk with us for a bit, because all his friends had already gone home and he was a bit lonely. We then walked to Finisterre all together.

If you see people cooking dinner together in the evening in an albergue, for example, it is okay to ask if you can join. Maybe bring some ingredients or a bottle of wine, and it is very unlikely that someone will say "no". You can also initiate things like that yourself. Cook some pasta. If someone looks hungry, just ask if they want some and share. Or buy a bottle off wine or some sweets or fruit and share it with others. There's always someone who's happy to join you for food. Voila. A good start to get to know people.

In the donativo albergues, there's often a shared communal dinner. If you'd like to have dinner with all the others, those might be albergues you'd enjoy. Try the ones in Zabaldika, Logrono (parroquial) or Granon (parroquial) ect.

Or if you walk into a bar or café and all tables are already taken. If there are still free chairs, you can always ask the pilgrims on that table if you can sit down there with them. It's normal to do that. That way it is also easy to get to talk to others, even if it might only be small talk, or just "hello" and "buen Camino".

Overall I guess it makes a difference if you're a) the kind of person with social anxiety who tries to avoid people at all cost and doesn't want to interact with anyone if possible, or b) the type that would like to interact but doesn't know how and is afraid to "do it wrong" and "look stupid" ect. For type a) the Francés is probably very challenging, and a more solitary route might be better. For Type b), the Francés might be just perfect. Especially if you start from St. Jean, Roncesvalles, Pamplona, ect.

Indeed. Reminds me of meeting 4 English folks in a far distant land with not many of us around. We walked and talked for a while. I asked how they knew each other assuming they were family or friends but they had met that morning! !! I could tell similar stories a hundred times over. The girls who I thought may be sisters who had met a few hours previous and so on. Groups tend to be loose and not as tight as they appear!

 

[C clearly]

Welcome to the forum, @Zara123 .

I have put 2 tags under the title at the top of this thread. If you click on them, you'll find lots of discussion on these topics.

 

[DoughnutANZ]

I struggle with social anxiety and I was wandering if anybody with the same issue had a positive experience on the Camino walking alone. I saw lots of posts and videos people talking about forming lifetime friendships and finding their "Camino" family, but at the same time I cannot ignore the fact that these people looked like they can easily make friends anywhere, so Camino was a piece of cake. I visited Santiago a few days ago and saw in the main square in front of the cathedral lots of people. Some people in groups, hugging and dancing...and some people just sitting alone. Maybe it was their intention... But what if it wasn't? Haha. I understand people on the Camino are very open, nice and chatty. But when I stayed in the hostel I saw that even if they are chatty and talk to everyone, but when dinner time comes - everyone goes away in groups and mind their business, while some solo travelers just stay alone or just go awkwardly to a restaurant (except for public albergues, where they seem to share meals as I've seen). Has anyone got any insights?

The Camino isn't off in some magic kingdom somewhere it sits within everyday life.

Things that happen in everyday life will also happen on a Camino. Sometimes there are a few more nice things and often some people will be more open than at other times but basically expect your Camino to reflect many of the things that you encounter in your day to day life.

If you often encounter discrimination in your day to day life then unfortunately you are also likely to encounter it on Camino.

On the other hand if you often encounter love and consideration day to day then expect something similar on Camino.

By and large, we generate our own environment and one of the things that I have learnt when I travel is that I tend to take my baggage with me where ever I go.

 

[trecile]

Overall I guess it makes a difference if you're a) the kind of person with social anxiety who tries to avoid people at all cost and doesn't want to interact with anyone if possible, or b) the type that would like to interact but doesn't know how and is afraid to "do it wrong" and "look stupid" ect. For type a) the Francés is probably very challenging, and a more solitary route might be better. For Type b), the Francés might be just perfect. Especially if you start from St. Jean, Roncesvalles, Pamplona, ect.

Thank you. I was wondering the same thing. Does @Zara123 want to be part of a group, or rather be left alone?

Things that happen in everyday life will also happen on a Camino. Sometimes there are a few more nice things and often some people will be more open than at other times but basically expect your Camino to reflect many of the things that you encounter in your day to day life.

Yes, but on the Camino it's easier and more natural to strike up a conversation with a "stranger" in a cafe than it is at home, because you are part of the same group of pilgrims making their way to Santiago and have shared or similar experiences on the trail.

 

[davejsy]

Hi, I don’t have diagnosed social anxiety but I am an introvert and anxious so maybe I do. I walked alone in 2016. I had some anxiety about the whole Camino family thing as I don’t like feeling like my decisions are controlled by others, I hate having to make group decisions, etc. I met a friend day one and walked with him for two weeks because I felt very safe with him and it was very easy to make decisions with him and even separate for periods of time if we needed to reflect alone. He then left to go home to the UK. I walked the next two weeks alone and never felt lonely. I would see people I knew, sometimes had dinner with them, but during my walks mostly stuck by myself. I saw the Camino families and did not envy it in anyway. I saw Camino families break up, I saw some people arguing. But also saw some happily cruising along. My last two weeks I walked with someone who had been part of a Camino family that split up because of injuries and different pace levels, and he was always texting them and checking in with them constantly. It felt very distracting bc I wasn’t texting anyone except my mom every other day to let her know I was safe. Despite walking with this person for the last two weeks, I was very adamant (being the fiercely independent female I am) that I was walking into Santiago alone. I met a nice Australian kid starting out that morning who heard I was from California and was really excited that I lived down the street from this famous surf spot. His energy was nice and a positive way to start the day. But I walked alone and was not lonely. Walking into Santiago I definitely wondered whether it would be more fulfilling with someone else but my intention on my journey was to become more resilient and going to Santiago alone is what resonated with me. I entered the square alone and was just as fulfilled. I didn’t need a hug. I was able to truly take in the experience and observe the amazing cathedral. I laid down and rested as long as I liked. As I got up I was suddenly being hugged from behind and lifted off the ground and twirled around by the Aussie kid. So I got a hug, but did I need it? Not necessarily because I was already fulfilled. However it was a great moment and brought me joy so I appreciate that kid very much. That night I ran into people I knew, some I hadn’t seen for weeks, and then ran into more people and we all knew each other so went to dinner. It’s was nice but I would have been ok if I was alone. The point is the journey and the ending are what you choose it to be. Let things unfold as you walk the Camino. Any anxieties or preconceived notions you may have can likely change and you will be pleasantly surprised. Do not worry about how others are acting or relating, do what resonates with you. Don’t go into the Camino with preconceived expectations, just allow the experience to unfold and I promise it will be all worth it. You will have some bad days, some days you might feel lonely but it will pass and the Camino delivers in strange ways, which is one of the best parts of walking the Camino.

What an amazing post @lovelyshell . Allowing the Camino to happen around you is the best way to walk. You can still make the decisions to chat to the pilgrim you feel you want to, or just do your own thing, but nothing should be forced.

One thing you will find, generally, is that people on the Camino are more open and conversations are easier and far less intimidating than it can be in everyday life - so this makes it easier if you are a bit nervous about things.

I walked from Orisson to Pamplona with a girl who was just as socially awkward as me, I think initially she didn't want to be chatting, but we kept crossing paths that first amazing day over the beautiful Pyrenees until eventually she decided I was ok! We said goodbye in Pamplona because she wanted to walk further and had less interest in stopping to smell the roses as you say. It was a very difficult goodbye though and I nearly went after her - but I knew deep down it was the right thing to do. We kept in touch most days with where we were and how we were doing, and we still keep in touch now. I met many other wonderful people though throughout my Camino from all walks of life, and this was a very rich part of my Camino having initially been worried about it like you @Zara123.

 

[good_old_shoes]

The Camino isn't off in some magic kingdom

True. But it is still a massively different situation to what many people experience in normal every day life at home.

It's a certain kind of people who go on that kind of pilgrimage, and the pilgrimage situation makes many people more open than they'd be at home.

At least the "overall pilgrim population" I've met so far, and the way they behaved, is very different from the random strangers I encounter in the streets at home.

After my Caminos, I now try to say "hello" to everyone I meet when walking here at home in the woods. I rarely get a "hello" back and only sometimes a smile. Often people just look at me as If I've lost my mind. Try asking a stranger to sit at the same table in a café... not going to happen. People want to stay for themselves here, it would be extremely intrusive to even ask. Whenever I offered, sitting alone at a table for three or four people in a busy café, people kept standing and waited for another table to clear.

So for me, the social side of the Camino is extremely different from what I experience at home in everyday life.

And with this I have to strongly disagree:

If you often encounter discrimination in your day to day life then unfortunately you are also likely to encounter it on Camino.

On the other hand if you often encounter love and consideration day to day then expect something similar on Camino.

That basically means it's your own fault if you're surrounded by negative and toxic people, and whereever you go, it will be the same - only those who experience love and kindness on a daily basis at home will have the same on the Camino?

I've encountered more toxic, inconsiderate and cruel behaviour in my everyday life at home than necessary.

But the amount of kindness and love and good people I met on the Camino is, compared to what I've experienced elsewhere, extraordinarily high.

The fact that the people I met on the Camino were behaving so extremely different from what I knew and expected is one of the reasons I'm still around.

So, no, it's no miracle cure, and you might still meet bad people, encounter unpleasant situations, and I agree that we all carry our burdens with us.

But the overall "vibe", at least in my experience, is much more open, accepting and kind than what I know from home and also from other travels. Which makes it more easy to carry those burdens, or maybe even leave some of them behind.

If the Camino were just like every day life at home, only a different language and scenery, I never would have returned to it.

 

[Gerard Griffin]

In my opinion on the Camino you meet the people you're meant to meet, angels, legends, family friends, yourself. The Camino provides and decides.

 

[Shazzza]

I struggle with social anxiety and I was wandering if anybody with the same issue had a positive experience on the Camino walking alone. I saw lots of posts and videos people talking about forming lifetime friendships and finding their "Camino" family, but at the same time I cannot ignore the fact that these people looked like they can easily make friends anywhere, so Camino was a piece of cake. I visited Santiago a few days ago and saw in the main square in front of the cathedral lots of people. Some people in groups, hugging and dancing...and some people just sitting alone. Maybe it was their intention... But what if it wasn't? Haha. I understand people on the Camino are very open, nice and chatty. But when I stayed in the hostel I saw that even if they are chatty and talk to everyone, but when dinner time comes - everyone goes away in groups and mind their business, while some solo travelers just stay alone or just go awkwardly to a restaurant (except for public albergues, where they seem to share meals as I've seen). Has anyone got any insights?

I don’t have social anxiety (not a fan of crowds tho) and my goal is to be alone. That’s why I am going alone. I want to disconnect from my very social world back home. To be quiet. I will choose to eat alone, walk alone, just be. Some may think I’m lonely or awkward as I go to a cafe alone but I am not. (Or, maybe I don’t care what others think) It’s a choice I am making for myself. I will meet people along the way and I’m excited about that, of course. I know people will show up when they are supposed to. I will be social and then choose to be alone again. We all walk our own path. As someone else said, do what you feel is best for you and your journey. Enjoy every social and non social moment. And always recharge when you need to. Buen Camino!!

 

[GaryRobArms]

First, I really love the thoughtful and diverse insights that have been posted in this thread.

I’m on my first “alone” Camino. As a person who finds socializing a little stressful, and generally prefer to be alone, I have been so impressed with the people I encounter and how they let you be alone if you want to, or share a meal if you both want to. No-one has taken it personally if I want to disengage, or if I want to chat. There doesn’t seem to be an expectation that walking together for a while means you’ve become walking buddies for the duration. I’ve noticed with others that people will group for a meal or a drink but not stick together walking, or walk a stage or two together and then separate. There’s been a couple of longer term groups formed, but not for a majority of the people I’ve seen.

As I’ve realized this, it has become very freeing. I did have to let go of my own (false) assumption that other pilgrims had expectations about socializing. That helped me just be okay with whatever happened in that regard.

 

[nopajoju]

I struggle with social anxiety and I was wandering if anybody with the same issue had a positive experience on the Camino walking alone. I saw lots of posts and videos people talking about forming lifetime friendships and finding their "Camino" family, but at the same time I cannot ignore the fact that these people looked like they can easily make friends anywhere, so Camino was a piece of cake. I visited Santiago a few days ago and saw in the main square in front of the cathedral lots of people. Some people in groups, hugging and dancing...and some people just sitting alone. Maybe it was their intention... But what if it wasn't? Haha. I understand people on the Camino are very open, nice and chatty. But when I stayed in the hostel I saw that even if they are chatty and talk to everyone, but when dinner time comes - everyone goes away in groups and mind their business, while some solo travelers just stay alone or just go awkwardly to a restaurant (except for public albergues, where they seem to share meals as I've seen). Has anyone got any insights?

Your post is really compelling to me. I walked the Portuguese Camino and Spiritual Variant from Tui last May/June. I also have some social anxiety and wondered how that would be on the Camino. I remember sitting on the edge of my bed in a hostel in Tui the first morning, feeling invisible and wondering if anybody would ever talk to me, and then I decided to just listen to how everyone else was interacting and start by doing that. I also decided that whatever anyone invited me to do, I would do it.

I didn't have a "camino family" but made meaningful friendships. And sometimes I had a wonderful conversation with someone who I never even got their name. A few times it felt awkward to be in a restaurant on my own, but I also learned to tolerate that feeling in myself. Initiating an exchange is still not my most natural thing to do, but I also realized it is not as hard as I thought it was. I think that some experiences you mention are the things that get noticed or talked about more, but may not be as common as you think, or in any case other experiences are fine also. I ended up walking into Santiago alone for unrelated reasons and realized that was just an idea I had in my head about how a camino was "supposed" to end.

It's hard to put into words how transformative the Camino was in this respect and how freeing from expectations, either my own or what I perceived others' to be. In general, people were very real. It was like our hearts were open and we were not wearing the masks we feel we need to wear in our "back home". lives. I found it easier to be my authentic self because part of that was that I want to make connections but not superficial ones. You also find "your people".

All that aside, the most meaningful part of the camino to me was the time I spent walking alone, which was a total surprise to me. In those times (completely up to you, there is always someone you can walk with if you want), you are just with yourself, and eventually all the chatter that goes on in your head falls away. I experienced a lot of calm and acceptance and connection with nature or God or however you describe a sense of reality bigger than oneself. I'm hoping to walk the Camino Frances in fall of 2025, and I will definitely do it alone again. I would have thought it hokey before, but now I do really think that you will have the Camino that is right for you.

 

[David Tallan]

I don't have social anxiety, but I am flying to Spain tomorrow with someone who does to start a Camino. I will be better able to report after that.

I see a number of people responding along the lines "if you want to be with people, you can; if you don't want to, you don't have to". I am well aware that with social anxiety, it isn't always so simple. Often it is "I want to be with people but I can't, because it makes me too anxious".

Like I said, I can't speak from personal experience. But I can say that the environment of a Camino tends to be much more open and less judgemental of us as people. There really is a sense that we are all each other's cheerleaders.

So if you are ready to take steps, however big or small they may be, you are very likely to find people very welcoming.

 

[walkingagain]

I struggle with social anxiety and I was wandering if anybody with the same issue had a positive experience on the Camino walking alone. I saw lots of posts and videos people talking about forming lifetime friendships and finding their "Camino" family, but at the same time I cannot ignore the fact that these people looked like they can easily make friends anywhere, so Camino was a piece of cake. I visited Santiago a few days ago and saw in the main square in front of the cathedral lots of people. Some people in groups, hugging and dancing...and some people just sitting alone. Maybe it was their intention... But what if it wasn't? Haha. I understand people on the Camino are very open, nice and chatty. But when I stayed in the hostel I saw that even if they are chatty and talk to everyone, but when dinner time comes - everyone goes away in groups and mind their business, while some solo travelers just stay alone or just go awkwardly to a restaurant (except for public albergues, where they seem to share meals as I've seen). Has anyone got any insights?

I’ve also struggled with social anxiety for the last five years or so, really ever since I gained a lot of weight. I was really self-conscious at first and reticent to meet anyone.

My Camino goal was to force myself out of my comfort zone, experience unavoidable discomfort and build resilience. It was not easy when I started in Pamplona. I started by trying to say Buen Camino to all pilgrims - and then after a week I’d ask some of them where they are from. What helped me the most was speaking in Spanish! Even if you don’t speak any Spanish, I’d recommend learning how to order coffee, etc. it’s good exposure therapy!
I won’t say that it was easy after a couple weeks - it wasn’t. But day by day as I endured snow, hail, sleet, rain and wind - the physical and mental resilience and strength I built helped me in my social interactions with pilgrims. I didn’t make a Camino family so to say but I did make acquaintances that turned into people I felt comfortable talking to when our paths crossed and they eventually turned into friends.

Some people portray the Camino as being enjoyable every single day but I think that is a minority. My Camino, as most pilgrims’, was full of many very difficult days. Days I yelled into the wind “why am I doing this!“ It broke me and put me back together multiple times.

That was my experience, but you only need to be true to yourself. if you are content on your own, then do that! If you feel the desire to connect with people, but are held back by social anxiety, I would recommend just doing a little bit of exposure therapy every day - it will add up! And it is something you will take home with you too.

 

[curtc757]

I struggle with social anxiety and I was wandering if anybody with the same issue had a positive experience on the Camino walking alone. I saw lots of posts and videos people talking about forming lifetime friendships and finding their "Camino" family, but at the same time I cannot ignore the fact that these people looked like they can easily make friends anywhere, so Camino was a piece of cake. I visited Santiago a few days ago and saw in the main square in front of the cathedral lots of people. Some people in groups, hugging and dancing...and some people just sitting alone. Maybe it was their intention... But what if it wasn't? Haha. I understand people on the Camino are very open, nice and chatty. But when I stayed in the hostel I saw that even if they are chatty and talk to everyone, but when dinner time comes - everyone goes away in groups and mind their business, while some solo travelers just stay alone or just go awkwardly to a restaurant (except for public albergues, where they seem to share meals as I've seen). Has anyone got any insights?

I struggle with social anxiety and I was wandering if anybody with the same issue had a positive experience on the Camino walking alone. I saw lots of posts and videos people talking about forming lifetime friendships and finding their "Camino" family, but at the same time I cannot ignore the fact that these people looked like they can easily make friends anywhere, so Camino was a piece of cake. I visited Santiago a few days ago and saw in the main square in front of the cathedral lots of people. Some people in groups, hugging and dancing...and some people just sitting alone. Maybe it was their intention... But what if it wasn't? Haha. I understand people on the Camino are very open, nice and chatty. But when I stayed in the hostel I saw that even if they are chatty and talk to everyone, but when dinner time comes - everyone goes away in groups and mind their business, while some solo travelers just stay alone or just go awkwardly to a restaurant (except for public albergues, where they seem to share meals as I've seen). Has anyone got any insights?

If you’re interested in the company of other people I think you’ll find it. When you feel like being social, just smile and ask someone how their walk is going today and, they will typically be happy to chat at least a little bit. If the talk comes easy with some of them you’ll probably find yourself in their company now and then along the way. But keep in mind that folks may feel like walking together or chatting today but may want solitude tomorrow. You kinda have to just go with the flow.

On my first Camino, I met a young lady who was walking alone. But later at the albergue, I found that her brother was also there. He stayed up in the bunk room while she was socializing in the courtyard with many of us. She said he had struggled with agoraphobia and that the Camino was a very big effort for him. I don’t know if he taxied ahead or walked separately but I was amazed at the courage he must have had to come there from England. So you have all kinds of people and situations out there.

I have always thought the people I’ve met on Camino were a cut above average as far as kindness and interest in others. So I’d recommend just taking the leap of faith to get out there, be open and kind with others and let others have the opportunity to get to know you when you’re feeling like company. Above all, enjoy your Camino journey your way; it’s the right way!

 

[Gerard Griffin]

In the past one of the main reasons for people to go on pilgrimage was to be healed, in body or mind. It still works.

I met a man in Burgos at one of the sessions common in Donativos where pilgrims sit in a circle and talk about their reasons for doing the Camino.
I noticed how sad and angry he looked before he spoke. He said that he was a policeman in Paris and he was doing the Camino to try to find relief from the horror and despair he felt as a consequence of his terrible job.

I met him again in Carrion and he'd fallen in with a group of French Canadians from Montreal, cheerful joking types whose French and English fluency gave him the chance to talk and laugh with all the pilgrims, not just the French ones.

We met again in Casterojeriz and had a beer together. He was, in simple terms, transformed. The darkness was gone.

I was reminded of the episode in John Bunyan's "Pilgrim's Progress" in which Pilgrim's heavy bundle falls from his shoulders and rolls down the hill, leaving him free to walk on unencumbered.

The Camino heals us. This is what it's for, and it works, whether one believes in it or not.

 

[DoughnutANZ]

I don't want to divert this thread but I do want to address an issue raised by @good_old_shoes .

The things that I want to address are not a "truth". The most effective way for me to discuss this issue is to relate it to my own experience. That doesn't mean that I want this to be about me but for me to explain it any other way would mean that I become "preachy" and that doesn't work, so here goes....

True. But it is still a massively different situation to what many people experience in normal every day life at home.

This is interesting. Does the Camino create a new us when we are on a Camino or do we create this different from normal experience that some people notice on Camino?

Around 32 years ago I did a seminar and during a break I found myself talking to one of the other participants. This other person said to me "aren't we so lucky that everyone here on this seminar is so nice".

This started me thinking because I had been having similar thoughts and it wasn't until this other person reflected these thoughts back to me that I started to realise that something different from my normal experience of life was happening.

There were about 350 people at that seminar and they were probably the most diverse group of people that I had ever been in the same room, together with, in my life.

I asked myself, "how could it possibly be that such a diverse group of people who seemingly had little in common except for a desire to seek knowledge could possibly be so nice?".

Over the course of the seminar I was able to answer my own question.

For me, the answer wasn't that somehow, magically, other people were being nice but instead I was being more open than I normally would have been in my everyday life.

There were several factors contributing to my openness. Firstly the structure and organisation of the seminar emphasised safety. Secondly, as far as I knew I didn't know anyone else there and so I was relatively anonymous and so it was easier to be open. Thirdly the group was big enough that it was hard for me (or anyone else) to stand out and so again this strengthened my anonymity.

Lastly, not only did this environment encourage openness on my part but for many other participants (probably most) the environment was having the same effect on other people as it was having on me and so mostly everyone else was being really open as well.

Result: I agreed that this was probably the nicest group of people that I had ever encountered in such large numbers. Even more amazingly the group was composed of people who if I had met them in different circumstances I probably would not have described them so readily as "nice people".

It's a certain kind of people who go on that kind of pilgrimage,

I disagree that it is the kind of people who go on pilgrimage that makes the difference. I think that all different sorts of people do a pilgrimage for a wide variety of reasons and that it isn't the kind of person that they are that links them.

and the pilgrimage situation makes many people more open than they'd be at home.

I agree with this but with some important provisos that I hope that I have started to uncover in my opening remarks.

At least the "overall pilgrim population" I've met so far, and the way they behaved, is very different from the random strangers I encounter in the streets at home.

I think that the random strangers that I meet on Camino are no different from the random strangers that I meet at home.

I think that the differences aren't in the people that I meet but rather are differences in who I am being when I am on Camino. In addition, it also helps that the Camino has a reputation for being a safe place to be open and that I am relatively anonymous when I am on Camino.

Of course, if this is how I am being when I am on Camino then there are probably others like me who are also not being their normal self when they are on Camino.

After my Caminos, I now try to say "hello" to everyone I meet when walking here at home in the woods. I rarely get a "hello" back and only sometimes a smile. Often people just look at me as If I've lost my mind. Try asking a stranger to sit at the same table in a café... not going to happen. People want to stay for themselves here, it would be extremely intrusive to even ask. Whenever I offered, sitting alone at a table for three or four people in a busy café, people kept standing and waited for another table to clear.

Again I would like to disagree with you that it is not worthwhile trying to talk to strangers in a café or share a table with strangers outside of a Camino.

A very long time ago when I was a teen-ager and into my early 20's I was relatively good looking but very awkward socially and I rarely had a date. In fact I was so socially awkward that I ended up marrying the first woman who went out with me more than twice .

On the other hand I had a friend who was slightly odd looking but he always had a date and sometimes more than one at the same time!

Eventually I was intrigued enough that I asked him what his secret was. Doughnut, he said, you are so scared of being rejected that you only ever ask females who you are reasonably sure will say yes to you and even then you probably still get a no about two in three times.

I, on the other hand, have mostly gotten over my fear of rejection and so I ask females every chance I get, even when sometimes I secretly think that there is no chance that they will say yes. On average only one in ten say yes but some days I will ask 20 different women and that is how I almost always have a date whereas you are lucky to get two or three dates a year!

I have more or less gotten over my fear of rejection and so I often talk to strangers, particularly on public transport where they are conveniently close to me and often on longer journeys by aeroplane or train when the voyage might otherwise be a bit boring.

I don't strike up conversations because I want a date, I talk because I am interested in other people. I am also more sensitive to social signals these days and so if I sense that the other person does not want to talk then I don't push myself onto them.

So for me, the social side of the Camino is extremely different from what I experience at home in everyday life.

It may well be but it need not be.

And with this I have to strongly disagree:

That basically means it's your own fault if you're surrounded by negative and toxic people, and whereever you go, it will be the same - only those who experience love and kindness on a daily basis at home will have the same on the Camino?

The word "fault" and it's near neighbour in this context "victim" have lots and lots of emotion connected to them and so I prefer to use a different word, "responsible" that is less emotive.

Back to that seminar that I mentioned earlier. At the time that I did that seminar my world was collapsing around me. My marriage was basically over despite my having promised myself that I would not repeat my parents mistakes; I was on the verge of being fired from my job and everywhere I looked in my life there was a huge mess and upset on top of upset.

As I did the seminar I got to see that I had a couple of alternate choices about how I could see my life.

1 Basically I was a passenger in my own life. Sure I could make a few choices here and there but mostly my life was something that happened to me and by and large I was not responsible for how I lived it.

2 There were some things that were out of my control (it rained today; the bus broke down this morning and so wasn't at the bus stop when I expected it for my journey to work). Apart from those things, I was responsible for everything else that happened in my life, including how I responded to the things that were out of my control.

Just a reminder that I am not saying that this is the truth, nor that it applies to anyone except me.

Given those two choices, I chose number two.

At the time of making that choice I looked back at my life and I was deeply depressed. Thinking about my life at that time I wouldn't have wished it on my worst enemy. Why had I done that to myself?

After wallowing in my depression for a couple of days I was able to take my attention off the past and I applied it to now.

The benefit of taking responsibility for my life is that I now have the ability to direct it in any direction that I choose and I am no longer bound to repeat my previous actions nor emulate my parents.

For me, taking total responsibility for my life is not a burden but rather the ultimate freedom.

 

[Jackypetal]

I’m in a similar situation, I’m also a newbie, planning my first Camino this coming August. I have a history of lots of things including social anxiety (and many, many more issues). I used to be painfully shy and introverted, but I’ve come a long way to the point that I feel very comfortable sharing here with a bunch of strangers. If you are anything like me, you already know how to be alone, and I’ve read of pilgrims that stay alone by choice and there’s nothing wrong with that. If you want/need/crave more human interaction, I believe that the Camino can be a great place to test the waters. You might hit it off with somebody, form friendships, and/or become part of a group, at least for a few days, and sometimes people go their separate ways, it’s all good. I believe also it may be a matter of style. I don’t do well in big crowds, because it is difficult for me to keep track of several conversations all at once, I prefer one-on-one (or maybe a tiny little group) because it’s easier for me to stay focused that way and big talkative crowds overwhelm me. If you are anything like me, you might find the need to have some time alone anyway, to process whatever emotions might come up during your journey. It’s a new experience for newbies for us, and we don’t really have a good emotional roadmap to help us navigate these unfamiliar waters. I also have learned in my own journey that it’s hard to have a good, healthy relationship with others if I don’t have a good, healthy relationship with myself. It seems to me that the Camino will give me plenty of free time to grapple with my own issues, so I can be in a better position to decide how to best relate to others. Maybe it will be like that for you as well.
The fact that you are taking a huge step like doing a Camino speaks volumes of your courage and character, so I hope that your journey is filled with adventure, discovery, and blessings.
Muy Buen Camino!

 

[lovelyshell]

What an amazing post @lovelyshell . Allowing the Camino to happen around you is the best way to walk. You can still make the decisions to chat to the pilgrim you feel you want to, or just do your own thing, but nothing should be forced.

One thing you will find, generally, is that people on the Camino are more open and conversations are easier and far less intimidating than it can be in everyday life - so this makes it easier if you are a bit nervous about things.

I walked from Orisson to Pamplona with a girl who was just as socially awkward as me, I think initially she didn't want to be chatting, but we kept crossing paths that first amazing day over the beautiful Pyrenees until eventually she decided I was ok! We said goodbye in Pamplona because she wanted to walk further and had less interest in stopping to smell the roses as you say. It was a very difficult goodbye though and I nearly went after her - but I knew deep down it was the right thing to do. We kept in touch most days with where we were and how we were doing, and we still keep in touch now. I met many other wonderful people though throughout my Camino from all walks of life, and this was a very rich part of my Camino having initially been worried about it like you @Zara123.

Thanks Dave. You bring up another good point, is most of the time on the Camino if you don’t want to talk, people tend to read social cues when you simply say hi or Buen Camino and then they move on. There are some people who will keep trying to talk and it is perfectly ok to say “I’d like to walk alone”, I hope OP knows that and does that if he/she is feeling any anxiety around other people.

That’s great you still keep in touch with your friend. What a sweet story.