My cancer camino

[Luka]

I have been diagnosed with breast cancer. I still have a lot of questions and the treatment hasn't started yet, but my life as I knew it has already come to a standstill. And I thought Covid-19 was bad... However I have no idea yet what is awaiting me and how (and if) I will get out of this, I have set a goal for myself: walking the camino again.

It will take a while, but it might help me to have something to go for. Just to be clear: I don't see cancer as a battle you can win or lose. It is all about luck. But I just need a shining light at the horizon. The only thing I can do right now is take care of myself the best I can. And write a bit here every now and then.

Looking forward to the day I will be able to pack my bag again.

 

[trecile]

It will take a while, but it might help me to have something to go for. Just to be clear: I don't see cancer as a battle you can win or lose. It is all about luck.

With proper treatment it's not just about luck at all.
Wishing you the best.

 

[malingerer]

I have been diagnosed with breast cancer. I still have a lot of questions and the treatment hasn't started yet, but my life as I knew it has already come to a standstill. And I thought Covid-19 was bad... However I have no idea yet what is awaiting me and how (and if) I will get out of this, I have set a goal for myself: walking the camino again.

It will take a while, but it might help me to have something to go for. Just to be clear: I don't see cancer as a battle you can win or lose. It is all about luck. But I just need a shining light at the horizon. The only thing I can do right now is take care of myself the best I can. And write a bit here every now and then.

Looking forward to the day I will be able to pack my bag again.

with you lady! Don't look back!

Samarkand.

 

[LesBrass]

I have been diagnosed with breast cancer. I still have a lot of questions and the treatment hasn't started yet, but my life as I knew it has already come to a standstill. And I thought Covid-19 was bad... However I have no idea yet what is awaiting me and how (and if) I will get out of this, I have set a goal for myself: walking the camino again.

It will take a while, but it might help me to have something to go for. Just to be clear: I don't see cancer as a battle you can win or lose. It is all about luck. But I just need a shining light at the horizon. The only thing I can do right now is take care of myself the best I can. And write a bit here every now and then.

Looking forward to the day I will be able to pack my bag again.

I'm so sorry to read this... I walked my first camino after cancer. Set your goal. Plan for it. It can get quite dark in that tunnel waiting for knowledge so having a shining light is a very good idea! And as you say take extra care of yourself. Buen Camino Pilgrim ❤ Thinking of you Luka xx

 

[Peter Fransiscus]

So sorry to read this..
You already set your goals and that is good..
Take good care of yourself Luka ❤

 

[Luka]

@trecile I hope my specialists don't consider it a question of luck of course...
@LesBrass you are my lightning example then!
@Peter Fransiscus thank you!

 

[Luka]

with you lady! Don't look back!

Samarkand.

Thank you! A very good advice.

 

[KinkyOne]

Oh so sorry to hear this @Luka . But it can be done, beating the cancer I mean. My mom did just that three times in a row.

I believe we'll meet next year (hope you remember why exactly ) when this virus situation will hopefully come to an end. And by that time you'll deal with your "new friend". Keep on truckin' (walkin') chica!

 

[JohnMcM]

I have been diagnosed with breast cancer. I still have a lot of questions and the treatment hasn't started yet, but my life as I knew it has already come to a standstill. And I thought Covid-19 was bad... However I have no idea yet what is awaiting me and how (and if) I will get out of this, I have set a goal for myself: walking the camino again.

It will take a while, but it might help me to have something to go for. Just to be clear: I don't see cancer as a battle you can win or lose. It is all about luck. But I just need a shining light at the horizon. The only thing I can do right now is take care of myself the best I can. And write a bit here every now and then.

Looking forward to the day I will be able to pack my bag again.

There it is Luka, there is your reason, strength and light on the horizon to help you through the days ahead. Remember what you said for it came from within you.

Buen (winning through) Camino

 

[Ekelund]

Luka, I'm so sorry to read this, all the best to you. Please take good care of yourself. Hope to see you on the Camino next year.
Buen Camino through your treatment.

 

[Camino Chrissy]

Luka, I wish you peace and hope as you navigate through these new waters.
Please contact @Anniesantiago here on the forum. She has just been through the same cancer in recent months and has been an amazing inspiration to us alll! God bless.

 

[nycwalking]

Follow aforementioned advice regarding @Anniesantiago.

May Saint James bring you to him: happy, whole, and healthy.

As soon as possible.

Buen camino.

Salud.

 

[peregrina2000]

Hi, Luka,
I am so sorry to hear this terrible news, and I do agree with you that the war and battle terminology is inappropriate to describe what cancer patients go through. I have read so often that mental attitude is crucial — and I hope that your drive to return to the camino will help get you in a good frame of mind as you start treatment.

I know everyone goes through this differently, and ultimately alone no matter how much they are surrounded by friends and family. But even though we are all over the place, you can surely count on the forum to be here for you. I don’t know if you followed @Anniesantiago’s recent threads chronicling her diagnosis through surgery, but I know she took solace in knowing how many others on the forum had similar tales and had made it through to walk again. Buen camino, Laurie

First thread

Second thread

Third thread

Fourth Thread

 

[C clearly]

Just to be clear: I don't see cancer as a battle you can win or lose. It is all about luck.

I tend to agree with you. I had breast cancer 15 years ago - 2 surgeries, 6 months nasty chemo, 6 months Herceptin, 5 years hormone therapy. It is now just a memory. I was lucky, but as has been pointed out, modern medicine has changed our luck for the better.

Right now you are uncertain, since you haven't determined your treatment plan. Once you have a plan, things will feel better.

I don't like the battle/war/survivor images and words but some people find them helpful. I saw it as something to be endured. I took satisfaction in enduring it as cheerfully as I could. I also found the journey to be extremely interesting, which made it an adventure of sorts.

If you are interested in sharing experiences with us veterans, feel free to start up a PM with a bunch of us. I'd be happy to chat!

 

[Lexicos]

I hope and pray that luck, medicine and fortitude are all on your side and in your favour Luka. Strength to you and keep that image of the Camino brightly in your mind. I'm hopeful that you will be back on the Camino with friends and fellow pilgrims very soon.

 

[Tassie Kaz]

I have been diagnosed with breast cancer. I still have a lot of questions and the treatment hasn't started yet, but my life as I knew it has already come to a standstill. And I thought Covid-19 was bad... However I have no idea yet what is awaiting me and how (and if) I will get out of this, I have set a goal for myself: walking the camino again.

It will take a while, but it might help me to have something to go for. Just to be clear: I don't see cancer as a battle you can win or lose. It is all about luck. But I just need a shining light at the horizon. The only thing I can do right now is take care of myself the best I can. And write a bit here every now and then.

Looking forward to the day I will be able to pack my bag again.

You sound well on the way to mentally preparing for what lies ahead @Luka.
And you're right...the importance of something to look forward to can't be underestimated.
Remember;
'Cancer is a word not a sentence.'
Best wishes.

 

[VNwalking]

Ahh, Luka, I'm very sorry. No-one wants to hear this. It is a scary and confusing time, with the rug pulled out from under your feet. So don't forget to breathe. And arm yourself with information; the less passive you are in the decision-making process the better. Luck is less of an agent than information...and love.
In terms of the former you can start here:

Breast Cancer Treatment (PDQ®)

Breast cancer treatment commonly includes various combinations of surgery, radiation therapy, chemotherapy, and hormone therapy. Prognosis and selection of therapy is influenced by clinical and pathology features. Get detailed information about breast cancer in this summary for clinicians.

www.cancer.gov

Please contact @Anniesantiago here on the forum.

More of us have dealt with this successfully than most people might imagine. We are legion. I posted this at the beginning of Annie's journey, remembering my own, and knowing others were out there too. Courage is commonplace, and you have it too, Luka, even if you aren't fully in touch with that yet.

https://www.caminodesantiago.me/community/threads/walking-through-cancer-a-thread-for-inspiration.66028/

If you are interested in sharing experiences with us veterans, feel free to start up a PM with a bunch of us. I'd be happy to chat!

@C clearly has a very good idea - count me in!

 

[Luka]

Thanks so much all of you for the support I am feeling right now from my camino friends!

@peregrina2000 thanks for the links to the threads. I will certainly have a look at them (I now first have to prepare my first consult with my surgeon this morning).
@VNwalking thanks for your link as well! I agree with you that information is key. That is actually where it has gone wrong so far. My hospital already knew for 12 days I had cancer without informing me...

@peregrina2000 and @C clearly that is what I mean. I don't see cancer as going to a battlefield. That would suggest that the people who died haven't fought hard enough. I agree that it is more something you will have to endure. Keeping my mental and physical health as good as possible will be my first priority.

 

[Luka]

So far there is no cancer camino yet... I am stuck in the first albergue and didn't even get my credencial... It is frustrating to say the least.

It has been 5 weeks now since I found that unwanted thing in my breast and there is still no treatment in sight. It took 2 weeks to get a mammogram, an ultrasound and a biopsy in the hospital. Another 3 weeks have passed and the hospital hasn't even informed me about the results yet. Last week I started calling and calling, but I couldn't get an appointment.

I phoned my general practitioner. He bluntly told me: 'You have cancer. You need to be operated. Es urgentísimo!' I told him I didn't get through at the hospital. 'You have to keep on trying! Pass by in person!'

I was flabbergasted.

He said he would print out the results of the biopsy and I could come by to get a copy. I opened the envelope at home and started googling with a friend in an attempt to understand what it said. The next day I went to the hospital to ask for an appointment with the surgeon who took the biopsy. They said it would be impossile until next week.

Later that day I got a call that I would have an appointment on Monday morning. Today I went there, waited for 20 minutes and then somebody told me there was some kind of emergency and that they had to cancel the appointment. Next option would be 29th of July. I got so upset that they said I could come back tommorrow.

No idea what they are going to tell me, but my expectations are extremely low. I am pretty desperate, to be honest.

 

[Felice]

Hang on in there Luka. This lack of knowledge, lack of any plan etc is so difficult to deal with because we are, by nature, active people. We like to be doing things, on our way, getting going. It's so difficult to be patient, when there is no definite start time.

But certainty will come soon enough. The waiting will be over and the cancer camino will begin soon.

Many years back, I was going through a difficult and uncertain time, and a worship song by Maggi Dawn called 'I will wait' gave me comfort. The lyrics were:

I WILL WAIT for Your peace to come to me.
I will wait for Your peace to come to me,
And I’ll sing in the darkness,
And I’ll wait without fear,
And I’ll sing in the darkness,
And I’ll wait without fear.

 

[wayfarer]

I am so sorry to read this news Luka, you will be in my thoughts.
Stay strong and stay safe.

 

[C clearly]

I don't see cancer as going to a battlefield. That would suggest that the people who died haven't fought hard enough. I agree that it is more something you will have to endure. Keeping my mental and physical health as good as possible will be my first priority.

my expectations are extremely low. I am pretty desperate, to be honest.

Another issue I have is with the emphasis on how important a "good attitude" is. Usually people are trying to be nice and encourage you since you appear to be handling things OK. They have no idea how negative or pessimistic you might often feel inside, or all night. Yet, the implication could be that somehow a positive attitude will improve your prognosis, so again, the responsibility for your outcome lies on your shoulders! However, I completely agree that attitude is important, because it is much more pleasant to feel positive than to feel negative, no matter what the outcome will be in the end! It helps with endurance.

For me, in times of stress, I try to get methodical, to find a path out of (or avoiding) the bad times. Find a project or two to fill the waiting time. I like to have a couple of outdoor activities (walking, gardening) and a couple of indoor projects (photo collections, sewing) to keep me occupied no matter what the weather. Camino preparation is good! I believe that these help my mental state immensely, and they have the added benefit of producing something that you wanted anyway - improved garden, fitness, organized photos, etc.

 

[Stroller]

Go Luka, it is not a battle and the battle metaphors are worse than useless. With my cancer I have had to keep pushing and asking so that results and treatments were not delayed. You will need sharp elbows and as much determination as you needed on the camino. Good luck

 

[Former member 49149]

Luka, I am following what you are writing, and praying with hope for you.

 

[Luka]

Go Luka, it is not a battle and the battle metaphors are worse than useless. With my cancer I have had to keep pushing and asking so that results and treatments were not delayed. You will need sharp elbows and as much determination as you needed on the camino. Good luck

Yes, that is the real battle. The one that I am fighting at the moment...

 

[Luka]

Another issue I have is with the emphasis on how important a "good attitude" is. Usually people are trying to be nice and encourage you since you appear to be handling things OK. They have no idea how negative or pessimistic you might often feel inside, or all night. Yet, the implication is that somehow a positive attitude will improve your prognosis, so again, the responsibility for your outcome lies on your shoulders! However, I completely agree that attitude is important, because it is much more pleasant to feel positive than to feel negative, no matter what the outcome will be in the end! It helps with endurance.

For me, in times of stress, I try to get methodical, to find a path out of (or avoiding) the bad times. Find a project or two to fill the waiting time. I like to have a couple of outdoor activities (walking, gardening) and a couple of indoor projects (photo collections, sewing) to keep me occupied no matter what the weather. Camino preparation is good! I believe that these help my mental state immensely, and they have the added benefit of producing something that you wanted anyway - improved garden, fitness, organized photos, etc.

Yes, I agree with you.

I see it this way: it is not about attitude, but about helping myself. Gardening, walking or any kind of project or distraction makes me feel better. And that is the only thing that counts right now. But I also have days that are totally unproductive. And that is also allowed. I try to be very kind to myself.

 

[c0484]

I have been diagnosed with breast cancer. I still have a lot of questions and the treatment hasn't started yet, but my life as I knew it has already come to a standstill. And I thought Covid-19 was bad... However I have no idea yet what is awaiting me and how (and if) I will get out of this, I have set a goal for myself: walking the camino again.

It will take a while, but it might help me to have something to go for. Just to be clear: I don't see cancer as a battle you can win or lose. It is all about luck. But I just need a shining light at the horizon. The only thing I can do right now is take care of myself the best I can. And write a bit here every now and then.

Looking forward to the day I will be able to pack my bag again.

I walked my first Camino in response to my cardiac condition. I did so prayerfully and reverently. I have not had a cardiac incident since then, but each time I walk the Camino I have a new religious experience.

 

[LesBrass]

Luka - when I was diagnosed I faced that agonising wait for the biopsy result... the waiting and the waiting is just the worst. There was a worldwide shortage of my drug and they wouldn't start my treatment without it... that was also agonising... and looking ahead at the long list of dates and appointments months ahead, we felt lost and felt that our lives had spiralled our of control.

BUT... BIG BUT... in the midst of all of this, very early on I joined an online forum...virtual friends are the best! You can turn up night or day, no matter how you look or how you feel and someone will listen. I found a few cancer buddies and I could talk to them about my worst fears and we could tell each other the worst jokes... and talk about things and ask questions that we wouldn't dare ask our nearest and dearest.

Mine was a cancer group but you have a camino group... which hey! generally it's much more positive! (Except when there's a worldwide pandemic going on) But... there is always someone here. Let us carry your bag when it feels heavy. Walking the CF once a chap pushed my rucksack uphill... whilst it was still on my back... kind of taking the weight of it... well... let me tell you I flew up that hill with his help... so if you want me to push your rucksack... I'm here.

The early days are tough Luka... courage (say it with a french accent) pilgrim... thinking of you ❤

 

[Paladina]

I don't have any special knowledge or personal experience of what you are facing, or indeed any battle cries, but I send you my very best wishes for whichever course of treatment you decide to follow.

 

[Luka]

Luka - when I was diagnosed I faced that agonising wait for the biopsy result... the waiting and the waiting is just the worst. There was a worldwide shortage of my drug and they wouldn't start my treatment without it... that was also agonising... and looking ahead at the long list of dates and appointments months ahead, we felt lost and felt that our lives had spiralled our of control.

BUT... BIG BUT... in the midst of all of this, very early on I joined an online forum...virtual friends are the best! You can turn up night or day, no matter how you look or how you feel and someone will listen. I found a few cancer buddies and I could talk to them about my worst fears and we could tell each other the worst jokes... and talk about things and ask questions that we wouldn't dare ask our nearest and dearest.

Mine was a cancer group but you have a camino group... which hey! generally it's much more positive! (Except when there's a worldwide pandemic going on) But... there is always someone here. Let us carry your bag when it feels heavy. Walking the CF once a chap pushed my rucksack uphill... whilst it was still on my back... kind of taking the weight of it... well... let me tell you I flew up that hill with his help... so if you want me to push your rucksack... I'm here.

The early days are tough Luka... courage (say it with a french accent) pilgrim... thinking of you ❤

Thanks for your wonderful words of courage (pronounced in a French way of course)! More people have said to me that the insecurity in the first period is the worst. That is very encouraging to hear!

 

[OzAnnie]

Oh Luka @Luka Hi there ....

Like “Paladina”

I don't have any special knowledge or personal experience of what you are facing, or indeed any battle cries, but I send you my very best wishes for whichever course of treatment you decide to follow.

I am pretty sure many like us want to let you know we’re following and praying with you but (in my case) feel that without personal experience, we just don’t have the right words. There have been some beautifully expressed words of encouragement here.
I haven’t met you but know you have been part of this forum family for a long time - you look so young in your avatar pic and you must feel that you’ve being hit with this news ‘on top’ of pandemic & it is just too much.

I love @LesBrass comment of being pushed uphill.. it conjures some physical help .. I hope you’ve got family & friends nearby .. to get you outside to enjoy the sun and beautiful Asturias.

Know that there are many many behind you on the forum. We want to help push.

Love & Hugs
Annie

 

[Miki Goldie]

Prayers.....
Love

 

[Anne&Pat]

Luka, sorry to hear about your diagnosis.
We have you in our thoughts and prayers.
Love & Best wishes
Anne & Pat

 

[JennyH94]

Oh Luka - what awful news. My thoughts and prayers for a full and swift recovery are with you.

There was a really powerful mantra that a friend here in Oz recommended I say to myself when in the last months before my beloved Mum passed away at 92 and she was so frail and at such a low ebb. The mantra was:

Stay strong in tough times ...

That mantra helped me immeasurably - I would say it over and over to myself when my grief started to overwhelm me and I found that I would feel stronger for the saying of it. In the thirteen years since Mum died there have been other tough times and the mantra has always helped in those tough times. I can really recommend it.

All the very, very best wishes go straight to you -
Jenny

 

[susanawee]

I have been diagnosed with breast cancer. I still have a lot of questions and the treatment hasn't started yet, but my life as I knew it has already come to a standstill. And I thought Covid-19 was bad... However I have no idea yet what is awaiting me and how (and if) I will get out of this, I have set a goal for myself: walking the camino again.

It will take a while, but it might help me to have something to go for. Just to be clear: I don't see cancer as a battle you can win or lose. It is all about luck. But I just need a shining light at the horizon. The only thing I can do right now is take care of myself the best I can. And write a bit here every now and then.

Looking forward to the day I will be able to pack my bag again.

I am so sorry to read this Luka... I hope and pray that your treatment will eliminate your cancer and will keep you in my heart and in my prayers each day.. Love, friendship and Healing. Susanwee

 

[susanawee]

So far there is no cancer camino yet... I am stuck in the first albergue and didn't even get my credencial... It is frustrating to say the least.

It has been 5 weeks now since I found that unwanted thing in my breast and there is still no treatment in sight. It took 2 weeks to get a mammogram, an ultrasound and a biopsy in the hospital. Another 3 weeks have passed and the hospital hasn't even informed me about the results yet. Last week I started calling and calling, but I couldn't get an appointment.

I phoned my general practitioner. He bluntly told me: 'You have cancer. You need to be operated. Es urgentísimo!' I told him I didn't get through at the hospital. 'You have to keep on trying! Pass by in person!'

I was flabbergasted.

He said he would print out the results of the biopsy and I could come by to get a copy. I opened the envelope at home and started googling with a friend in an attempt to understand what it said. The next day I went to the hospital to ask for an appointment with the surgeon who took the biopsy. They said it would be impossile until next week.

Later that day I got a call that I would have an appointment on Monday morning. Today I went there, waited for 20 minutes and then somebody told me there was some kind of emergency and that they had to cancel the appointment. Next option would be 29th of July. I got so upset that they said I could come back tommorrow.

No idea what they are going to tell me, but my expectations are extremely low. I am pretty desperate, to be honest.

I am also flabbergasted and very angry on your behalf at the way communication between yourself and the hospital/surgeon etc, etc. is being handled. I hope that a plan will be put in place to help you on your way to treatment and recovery as soon as possible. My advice, for what it is worth is.....keep on Badgering people at the hospital until you get an appointment to talk with someone who can tell you the facts and help to put your mind at ease....it is always better to fight when you know exactly what you are fighting and what you are fighting for. Love, healing and Friendship....susanawee.

 

[susanawee]

Oh Luka - what awful news. My thoughts and prayers for a full and swift recovery are with you.

There was a really powerful mantra that a friend here in Oz recommended I say to myself when in the last months before my beloved Mum passed away at 92 and she was so frail and at such a low ebb. The mantra was:

Stay strong in tough times ...

That mantra helped me immeasurably - I would say it over and over to myself when my grief started to overwhelm me and I found that I would feel stronger for the saying of it. In the thirteen years since Mum died there have been other tough times and the mantra has always helped in those tough times. I can really recommend it.

All the very, very best wishes go straight to you -
Jenny

and here is one which has helped me a great deal over the past five or six years with my medical issues Jenny: 'Stay Strong, be Kind and listen to others'.

 

[VNwalking]

Luka, you're right in the middle of the most agonizing part. Waiting and trying to get the ball rolling with what seems like a time-bomb in your chest. The good news is breast cancer is not as likely to be aggressive as some other cancers, so it is not uncommon for people wait a relatively long time as they weigh their options.

And...yeah. It is really really upsetting when something this important doesn't get the urgent attention it deserves. So regardless of whatever you feel, I hope you are extra tender with yourself.

Tender but with spine. The lesson I learned was to be a squeaky wheel. To read, do my homework, and to ask a million questions. And to not be embarrassed to get a second opinion. I got uncharacteristically assertive. As you have already found out, it is essential.

Here is a website that gives you the means to search the medical literature; going direct to the source gives a lot of information that is most up to date and potentially very useful. It's a gold mine if you have the knowledge to understand and evaluate the primary literature (or have a family member or good friend who can). I found out about an assay that my oncologist did not know about which gave us the information we needed to make a critical decision.

PubMed

PubMed® comprises more than 37 million citations for biomedical literature from MEDLINE, life science journals, and online books. Citations may include links to full text content from PubMed Central and publisher web sites.

www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov

Hang in there, and know we are here, cheering (and praying) for you on the sidelines.
And if you need to vent, we get it.

 

[Luka]

My journey has begun!

Yesterday was a black day, but today the sun is shining. It is without any doubt the best day I have had in the past five weeks.

Today I had the appointment I was supposed to have had yesterday. They apologized. They said they were expecting me and that there had been some miscommunication between them and their appointments department.

Don't look back.

My first consultation. Three weeks after that biopsy told them it was cancer. A very friendly specialist that took all the time I needed to explain everything I wanted to know. And for a breast cancer patient I am a lucky woman. A tumor of 2 cm, not very agressive, nothing to be seen in the lymph nodes, neither on the ultrasound nor on the MRI. The are going to operate me within a couple of weeks. Then radiation therapy. Then hormone therapy. No chemo!

Then back on the camino.

Could have been so much worse. After all the battles I have fought, the not knowing anything... I feel like I have something to celebrate today!

Thank you so much for all the support you have been giving me sor far!

 

[OzAnnie]

Hi Luka
Just knowing makes such a big difference.
Relatively- it’s such wonderful news .
You can plan that next camino sooner than you thought ! Happy celebrations.
Annie x

 

[Luka]

Thank you! It is a tremendous relief. I feel 100 times better than yesterday.

 

[wayfarer]

Great news Luka, very happy for you.
Stay safe.

 

[SabsP]

@Luka : big virtual hug!

 

[C clearly]

Could have been so much worse. After all the battles I have fought, the not knowing anything... I feel like I have something to celebrate today!

Great news. You certainly do have cause to celebrate!

 

[Tincatinker]

Buen Camino @Luka, safe journey back into the light xx

 

[Felice]

What a difference a day makes! So glad that you are feeling so much more positive.

 

[linkster]

Deseándote buena salud!

 

[Kiwi-family]

Oh @Luka i have just read this thread - what a roller coaster. I’m sorry, I feel frustrated at the inattention, I’m holding my breath for you, I nod at the wise advice, I am thankful for this community, I celebrate with you. Wishing you peace and strength as your journey finally gets underway.

 

[LesBrass]

My journey has begun!

Yesterday was a black day, but today the sun is shining. It is without any doubt the best day I have had in the past five weeks.

Today I had the appointment I was supposed to have had yesterday. They apologized. They said they were expecting me and that there had been some miscommunication between them and their appointments department.

Don't look back.

My first consultation. Three weeks after that biopsy told them it was cancer. A very friendly specialist that took all the time I needed to explain everything I wanted to know. And for a breast cancer patient I am a lucky woman. A tumor of 2 cm, not very agressive, nothing to be seen in the lymph nodes, neither on the ultrasound nor on the MRI. The are going to operate me within a couple of weeks. Then radiation therapy. Then hormone therapy. No chemo!

Then back on the camino.

Could have been so much worse. After all the battles I have fought, the not knowing anything... I feel like I have something to celebrate today!

Thank you so much for all the support you have been giving me sor far!

Bravo Bravo ma Fille... such good news! Your journey has indeed started... and you know how those work... one step in front of the other!

p.s. I took a peek at your blog and didn't realise where you lived! we were so close to you last week... long may the sun shine Luka xx

 

[Wandalina]

Luka. I'm so sorry. I want to offer you hope and support. I was in the same position 3.5 years ago. I was diagnosed with Breast Cancer at 37. I would never have believed it would happen to me. And just like that it did.

Everything changed. My path changed and instead of starting a new life in a new country I was back home with over a years worth of treatment ahead. Chemo, radiotherapy, surgeries, hair loss, menopause I've been through it all and much more.

Somewhere along the way I honestly don't know when or how... the notion of the Camino came into my mind. Id never done one before didn't know anyone close who had, and hadn't travelled alone before. The idea slowly grew and as I cleared each of my treatments the notion began to get stronger and seem more possible. I finished my treatments 9th March and the next September I flew to Portugal for the first time alone.

I'm sure my family was worried, but I knew my body was strong. All I needed was the courage to take the flight and find the trail.

After all I had been through cancer wise and the most devastating post cancer break up I thought all I needed was peace and solitude.

What I got was joy, friendship, laughter and an overwhelming sense of pure happiness. I met two lovely Germans and our trio skipped and sang and laughed all the way to Santiago. 220km in 12 days 6 months post treatment. I carried my bag all the way.

My heart, mind and healed with every step. I began to trust my body again and just like my cancer journey ...It never let me down.

You can do this Luka. And the path will always be waiting to welcome you

 

[Camino Chrissy]

Luka, you're right in the middle of the most agonizing part. Waiting and trying to get the ball rolling with what seems like a time-bomb in your chest. The good news is breast cancer is not as likely to be aggressive as some other cancers, so it is not uncommon for people wait a relatively long time as they weigh their options.

And...yeah. It is really really upsetting when something this important doesn't get the urgent attention it deserves. So regardless of whatever you feel, I hope you are extra tender with yourself.

Tender but with spine. The lesson I learned was to be a squeaky wheel. To read, do my homework, and to ask a million questions. And to not be embarrassed to get a second opinion. I got uncharacteristically assertive. As you have already found out, it is essential.

Here is a website that gives you the means to search the medical literature; going direct to the source gives a lot of information that is most up to date and potentially very useful. It's a gold mine if you have the knowledge to understand and evaluate the primary literature (or have a family member or good friend who can). I found out about an assay that my oncologist did not know about which gave us the information we needed to make a critical decision.

PubMed

PubMed® comprises more than 37 million citations for biomedical literature from MEDLINE, life science journals, and online books. Citations may include links to full text content from PubMed Central and publisher web sites.

www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov

Hang in there, and know we are here, cheering (and praying) for you on the sidelines.
And if you need to vent, we get it.

Beautiful, @VNwalking! So happy you have contributed to this thread...from one who has walked in Luka's shoes.

 

[Camino Chrissy]

Luka, it sounds as if you will be in good hands after all, in spite of all your waiting. The uplifting replies on this forum are an added encouragement to boost your confidence in dealing with this disease. All the best to you. ❤

 

[VNwalking]

Hallelujah.
What a difference a day makes. Now you know the general direction of your camino. Not that there won't be surprises, but for now the first steps.
And you know how to do that.
You are doing that.
Ultreia, peregrina!

 

[Luka]

Bravo Bravo ma Fille... such good news! Your journey has indeed started... and you know how those work... one step in front of the other!

p.s. I took a peek at your blog and didn't realise where you lived! we were so close to you last week... long may the sun shine Luka xx

What a coincidence! And yes, the sun is shining here. Yesterday I heard I will get my life back. Eventually, step by step indeed. Next stop: operation. Until that time: to take care of myself, to eat healthy, to walk, to garden, to meet friends, to write.

 

[Luka]

Luka. I'm so sorry. I want to offer you hope and support. I was in the same position 3.5 years ago. I was diagnosed with Breast Cancer at 37. I would never have believed it would happen to me. And just like that it did.

Everything changed. My path changed and instead of starting a new life in a new country I was back home with over a years worth of treatment ahead. Chemo, radiotherapy, surgeries, hair loss, menopause I've been through it all and much more.

Somewhere along the way I honestly don't know when or how... the notion of the Camino came into my mind. Id never done one before didn't know anyone close who had, and hadn't travelled alone before. The idea slowly grew and as I cleared each of my treatments the notion began to get stronger and seem more possible. I finished my treatments 9th March and the next September I flew to Portugal for the first time alone.

I'm sure my family was worried, but I knew my body was strong. All I needed was the courage to take the flight and find the trail.

After all I had been through cancer wise and the most devastating post cancer break up I thought all I needed was peace and solitude.

What I got was joy, friendship, laughter and an overwhelming sense of pure happiness. I met two lovely Germans and our trio skipped and sang and laughed all the way to Santiago. 220km in 12 days 6 months post treatment. I carried my bag all the way.

My heart, mind and healed with every step. I began to trust my body again and just like my cancer journey ...It never let me down.

You can do this Luka. And the path will always be waiting to welcome you

Thank you for your horrifying, but also very beautiful story! That was a hell of a lot you had to endure... I am so happy to read what you found on the camino and where you are now! Well done! You must be proud of yourself.

 

[Luka]

Thanks again all of you, for your encouraging words! That you took the time to write these means a lot to me. Since yesterday I am looking at the future again with trust and confidence. I will get there, day by day, step by step.

 

[Jomas]

Hi Luka
I have read only now this post and I'm glad that a large ray of sunshine has come out of that sky full of gray clouds.
A song from my country that tells of a person affected by many unfortunate coincidences says so:
".... but especially if it rains don't open the umbrella, wait for your sunny day, you can't do better .."
and you are doing so!

 

[AJGuillaume]

I have been diagnosed with breast cancer. I still have a lot of questions and the treatment hasn't started yet, but my life as I knew it has already come to a standstill. And I thought Covid-19 was bad... However I have no idea yet what is awaiting me and how (and if) I will get out of this, I have set a goal for myself: walking the camino again.

It will take a while, but it might help me to have something to go for. Just to be clear: I don't see cancer as a battle you can win or lose. It is all about luck. But I just need a shining light at the horizon. The only thing I can do right now is take care of myself the best I can. And write a bit here every now and then.

Looking forward to the day I will be able to pack my bag again.

@Luka , my wife had breast cancer in 2017.
In 2018, we walked together from Switzerland, where she was born ( we now live in Australia) to SdC. Walking was the best therapy for her.
We'll keep you in our prayers, knowing that one day you'll pack your backpack again!

 

[Eric G]

I have been diagnosed with breast cancer. I still have a lot of questions and the treatment hasn't started yet, but my life as I knew it has already come to a standstill. And I thought Covid-19 was bad... However I have no idea yet what is awaiting me and how (and if) I will get out of this, I have set a goal for myself: walking the camino again.

It will take a while, but it might help me to have something to go for. Just to be clear: I don't see cancer as a battle you can win or lose. It is all about luck. But I just need a shining light at the horizon. The only thing I can do right now is take care of myself the best I can. And write a bit here every now and then.

Looking forward to the day I will be able to pack my bag again.

I walked my first Camino after beating Cancer. The Camino was my "carrot " to keep me fighting. Think positive, fight your best fight and dream of your Camino! Best wishes for a quick recovery!!

 

[Betsy Blackburn]

Luka, a goal is the best thing you can do for yourself. Breast cancer is a challenge, but i found that the unknown and anticipation of treatment is the worst part. I was diagnosed in 1997. While I was undergoing chemo, I decided to walk the first Avon 3-day breast cancer walk. It was my year anniversary when I finished the walk and had the honor of speaking to the 2500 fellow participants. In 2016 I was diagnosed a second time. I finished that camino in 2017 with one breast. During that walk I decided to forgo further reconstructive surgery and have the one implant removed. I now have a beautiful tattoo that is a reminder of my strength. The camino heals so much. I pray for your strength and peace during treatment.

 

[grayland]

Amiga...many of us have known you (on the forum) since you first joined our forum family in 2010. We have read and enjoyed your many great posts as you walked the various routes.

We are all still here and will walk this trail with you, also. Let's hope that this unwanted adventure is a very short one and you will soon be back on another Camino walk and posting for us once again.

 

[lovingkindness]

Dear Luka
...sending you flower power and loving cheer.
Thinking of you often,

-Lovingkindness

.

 

[MarkyD]

I have been diagnosed with breast cancer. I still have a lot of questions and the treatment hasn't started yet, but my life as I knew it has already come to a standstill. And I thought Covid-19 was bad... However I have no idea yet what is awaiting me and how (and if) I will get out of this, I have set a goal for myself: walking the camino again.

It will take a while, but it might help me to have something to go for. Just to be clear: I don't see cancer as a battle you can win or lose. It is all about luck. But I just need a shining light at the horizon. The only thing I can do right now is take care of myself the best I can. And write a bit here every now and then.

Looking forward to the day I will be able to pack my bag again.

Hi Luka, one of the best things you can do is to walk a Camino as preparation or post-recovery (which was my case). Obviously, each person must ultimately decide for themselves on which course of action to take regarding treatments, but a pilgrimage Camino will always boost you physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually for the road ahead. It helped me enormously in the emotional recovery post operation and following 6 months chemotherapy - in less than 12 months after finishing chemo I set off from SJPP and can only say that I felt blessed every step of the way as I was able to give thanks for surviving my ordeal. I didn't talk about it at first, but I soon met people who opened up about their own particular ordeals - many of them far worse than my own. We shared in our strength and determination, we shared in our unknowing, we shared in our listening and crying, we shared in our laughter and joy, we shared in our bright eyes shining with hope and energy, we shared in our silence and our scrunch scrunch scrunch footsteps along the truly wonderful Way of St. James. At night the Milky Way lit up the dark of the night, and for those seeking lightness in the darkness nothing illuminates brighter than billions of stars in the Meseta night sky

 

[Bob from L.A. !]

You are in my prayers.............

 

[walkingstu]

I wish you strength. I look forward to reading about your Camino experience after your treatment.

 

[malingerer]

So far there is no cancer camino yet... I am stuck in the first albergue and didn't even get my credencial... It is frustrating to say the least.

It has been 5 weeks now since I found that unwanted thing in my breast and there is still no treatment in sight. It took 2 weeks to get a mammogram, an ultrasound and a biopsy in the hospital. Another 3 weeks have passed and the hospital hasn't even informed me about the results yet. Last week I started calling and calling, but I couldn't get an appointment.

I phoned my general practitioner. He bluntly told me: 'You have cancer. You need to be operated. Es urgentísimo!' I told him I didn't get through at the hospital. 'You have to keep on trying! Pass by in person!'

I was flabbergasted.

He said he would print out the results of the biopsy and I could come by to get a copy. I opened the envelope at home and started googling with a friend in an attempt to understand what it said. The next day I went to the hospital to ask for an appointment with the surgeon who took the biopsy. They said it would be impossile until next week.

Later that day I got a call that I would have an appointment on Monday morning. Today I went there, waited for 20 minutes and then somebody told me there was some kind of emergency and that they had to cancel the appointment. Next option would be 29th of July. I got so upset that they said I could come back tommorrow.

No idea what they are going to tell me, but my expectations are extremely low. I am pretty desperate, to be honest.

I will ask my guardian angel to hold your hand. She will be glad to let go of mine for a while!

my asthma card has this: " I can and will weather the storm

I am a survivor

it's what I do"

Keep on truckin lady.

samarkand.

 

[Kazibar]

O big hugs. I have recurrent ovarian cancer -stage 4. Until an hour ago I was due to fly out to walk next week. I was going to do just 10 k a day for a month. Very short days but I’m not well

The uk govt have just changed their guidance about travelling to Spainto advise against all but essential travel which would invalidate my insurance. Im
In bits tonight. I start chemo in early Sept for at least six months which will mean I’ll be shielding again.

But walking is possible. Even in this dance with cancer and I honestly think my Caminos have really helped me get through in a vaguely positive way.

I recommend watching the film Phils Camino.

 

[Canche]

I have been diagnosed with breast cancer. I still have a lot of questions and the treatment hasn't started yet, but my life as I knew it has already come to a standstill. And I thought Covid-19 was bad... However I have no idea yet what is awaiting me and how (and if) I will get out of this, I have set a goal for myself: walking the camino again.

It will take a while, but it might help me to have something to go for. Just to be clear: I don't see cancer as a battle you can win or lose. It is all about luck. But I just need a shining light at the horizon. The only thing I can do right now is take care of myself the best I can. And write a bit here every now and then.

Looking forward to the day I will be able to pack my bag again.

You will be packing your bag soon! and me, too

 

[Camino Chrissy]

These many replies are all so awesome, encouraging, uplifting, and filled with genuine concern. In addition, many have walked in similar shoes and that must be extremely comforting to you.
I give each response a big "love like"... as I am overwhelmed myself. I can only imagine how you feel by all the love being offered up virtually, Luka.

 

[Walking Lover]

I have been diagnosed with breast cancer. I still have a lot of questions and the treatment hasn't started yet, but my life as I knew it has already come to a standstill. And I thought Covid-19 was bad... However I have no idea yet what is awaiting me and how (and if) I will get out of this, I have set a goal for myself: walking the camino again.

It will take a while, but it might help me to have something to go for. Just to be clear: I don't see cancer as a battle you can win or lose. It is all about luck. But I just need a shining light at the horizon. The only thing I can do right now is take care of myself the best I can. And write a bit here every now and then.

Looking forward to the day I will be able to pack my bag again.

I will pray for your quick and full recovery.

 

[MichelleElynHogan]

Prayers for you, Dearest Heart! ❤

 

[JillGat]

My journey has begun!

Yesterday was a black day, but today the sun is shining. It is without any doubt the best day I have had in the past five weeks.

Today I had the appointment I was supposed to have had yesterday. They apologized. They said they were expecting me and that there had been some miscommunication between them and their appointments department.

Don't look back.

My first consultation. Three weeks after that biopsy told them it was cancer. A very friendly specialist that took all the time I needed to explain everything I wanted to know. And for a breast cancer patient I am a lucky woman. A tumor of 2 cm, not very agressive, nothing to be seen in the lymph nodes, neither on the ultrasound nor on the MRI. The are going to operate me within a couple of weeks. Then radiation therapy. Then hormone therapy. No chemo!

Then back on the camino.

Could have been so much worse. After all the battles I have fought, the not knowing anything... I feel like I have something to celebrate today!

Thank you so much for all the support you have been giving me sor far!

Whew, SO glad to hear.

 

[Lexicos]

Very glad to read this update Luka. I wish you speedy recovery and back to full strength and health asap and then the Camino ........... a little bit of patience I guess until things are in the clear in Spain and you'll be on the trail before you know it with the rest of us. Yea!

 

[Luka]

O big hugs. I have recurrent ovarian cancer -stage 4. Until an hour ago I was due to fly out to walk next week. I was going to do just 10 k a day for a month. Very short days but I’m not well

The uk govt have just changed their guidance about travelling to Spainto advise against all but essential travel which would invalidate my insurance. Im
In bits tonight. I start chemo in early Sept for at least six months which will mean I’ll be shielding again.

But walking is possible. Even in this dance with cancer and I honestly think my Caminos have really helped me get through in a vaguely positive way.

I recommend watching the film Phils Camino.

I am so sorry to read this... Can't imagine how you must feel...
I wish you all the comfort, strenght and support you can get!

 

[Luka]

These many replies are all so awesome, encouraging, uplifting, and filled with genuine concern. In addition, many have walked in similar shoes and that must be extremely comforting to you.
I give each response a big ❤"love like"... as I am overwhelmed myself. I can only imagine how you feel by all the love being offered up virtually, Luka.

This, absolutely this. It is overwhelming indeed. All the love and support I feel is a definitely silver lining on this cancer camino.

 

[gerip]

My first consultation. Three weeks after that biopsy told them it was cancer. A very friendly specialist that took all the time I needed to explain everything I wanted to know. And for a breast cancer patient I am a lucky woman. A tumor of 2 cm, not very agressive, nothing to be seen in the lymph nodes, neither on the ultrasound nor on the MRI. The are going to operate me within a couple of weeks. Then radiation therapy. Then hormone therapy. No chemo!

Didn’t want to say anything, but usually when it’s something more aggressive they’re on the phone to you almost immediately. Then it’s an onslaught of contacts. So happy to hear that they think it’s more easily treatable and you don’t have to go through that awful chemo. With radiotherapy you can be back on the Camino in no time, all things going well.
I met some ladies on the Frances last spring who were doing a post-chemo Camino. I have to say that one lady looked like she had just finished treatment, I had to admire her stamina. I think I’ll need to build back some strength before I can walk again, God willing.

 

[gerip]

O big hugs. I have recurrent ovarian cancer -stage 4. Until an hour ago I was due to fly out to walk next week. I was going to do just 10 k a day for a month. Very short days but I’m not well

The uk govt have just changed their guidance about travelling to Spainto advise against all but essential travel which would invalidate my insurance. Im
In bits tonight. I start chemo in early Sept for at least six months which will mean I’ll be shielding again.

But walking is possible. Even in this dance with cancer and I honestly think my Caminos have really helped me get through in a vaguely positive way.

I recommend watching the film Phils Camino.

So with you. I had planned to do some volunteering with Camino Companions this October, as my chemo should have been completed in May and surgery was to be in July. But chemo almost killed me and now they’ve started me on radiotherapy which won’t end until mid-August, and who knows when the surgery will be.
But even if all that had gone according to plan there’s still the issue of the expiring passport, which is on the back burner for US citizens as well as in the UK, and now the UK government has just up and decided that returnees from Spain have to self isolate for two weeks.
Wasn’t planning to walk in 2021 but now.......

 

[Bob from L.A. !]

@Kazibar - Long distance prayers coming your way...

 

[Saint Mike II]

Hola Luka. Yes knowing that you have cancer (of what ever type) is a real "bugger". But never let it get you down and from what I have read you still have a positive attitude.
Yes some of us have cancer that will eventually kill us (me included), but breast cancer, usually, is not in that group, especially if its detected early and you understand the treatment and the post-op rehabilitation.
So how do you face it? Well "head on" is often the best way. Yes you are allowed one or two days of crying but then it's onward and upward. Here in Oz we have a program where "breast cancer nurses" come and see you; talk you through what will happen leading up to surgery and then post op. The reports I have read say its a great feeling to have your own "best buddy" who you can phone at virtually any time.
You are in my thoughts, best wishes.

 

[CAJohn]

Luka

I wish you the very best during your treatment and recovery. I also hope you have a wonderful Camino afterwards. Perhaps our caminos will cross.

 

[VNwalking]

@Luka @Kazibar @gerip @Saint Mike II ... oh, my! You are each in the throes of it.

I light candles for each of you on this end, wishing the very best for healing, and easeful navigating of all the daily life stuff that goes into healing! May you have all the support you need and be surrounded by love and kindness.

 

[Sean Lad]

be guided by your Doctor / Consultant
my prayers with you
next year not far away and as a holy year very special

 

[Luka]

Yes some of us have cancer that will eventually kill us (me included)

Madre mía, so sorry to hear this...
Wishing you everything back that you have been wishing for me!

 

[man.grangeburn]

I have been diagnosed with breast cancer. I still have a lot of questions and the treatment hasn't started yet, but my life as I knew it has already come to a standstill. And I thought Covid-19 was bad... However I have no idea yet what is awaiting me and how (and if) I will get out of this, I have set a goal for myself: walking the camino again.

It will take a while, but it might help me to have something to go for. Just to be clear: I don't see cancer as a battle you can win or lose. It is all about luck. But I just need a shining light at the horizon. The only thing I can do right now is take care of myself the best I can. And write a bit here every now and then.

Looking forward to the day I will be able to pack my bag again.

Hi Luka. I was diagnosed with prostate cancer last year. I was put on hormone treatment immediately and undertook the last stretch of the Camino Portugués from Valença to Santiago. I had to curtail my efforts at Arcade and return home because of food poisoning. Continuing to receive hormone treatment I decided to return and finish. I did in October. On 6th May I finished 37 daily sessions of radiotherapy. At this moment I am suffering various side effects. Sometimes I am feeling down and that person who completed the Camino seems to be no more. BUT I am determined to return! COVID 19 and cancer will not prevent me from planning another trip.
Keep that in your thoughts.

 

[Bob from L.A. !]

Hi Luka. I was diagnosed with prostate cancer last year. I was put on hormone treatment immediately and undertook the last stretch of the Camino Portugués from Valença to Santiago. I had to curtail my efforts at Arcade and return home because of food poisoning. Continuing to receive hormone treatment I decided to return and finish. I did in October. On 6th May I finished 37 daily sessions of radiotherapy. At this moment I am suffering various side effects. Sometimes I am feeling down and that person who completed the Camino seems to be no more. BUT I am determined to return! COVID 19 and cancer will not prevent me from planning another trip.
Keep that in your thoughts.

I love the positiveness on this site !!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[man.grangeburn]

My journey has begun!

Yesterday was a black day, but today the sun is shining. It is without any doubt the best day I have had in the past five weeks.

Today I had the appointment I was supposed to have had yesterday. They apologized. They said they were expecting me and that there had been some miscommunication between them and their appointments department.

Don't look back.

My first consultation. Three weeks after that biopsy told them it was cancer. A very friendly specialist that took all the time I needed to explain everything I wanted to know. And for a breast cancer patient I am a lucky woman. A tumor of 2 cm, not very agressive, nothing to be seen in the lymph nodes, neither on the ultrasound nor on the MRI. The are going to operate me within a couple of weeks. Then radiation therapy. Then hormone therapy. No chemo!

Then back on the camino.

Could have been so much worse. After all the battles I have fought, the not knowing anything... I feel like I have something to celebrate today!

Thank you so much for all the support you have been giving me sor far!

Great news Luka! Now you have a focus. This is such a relief I am sure. Take it all a step at a time. Being physically fit will help in your path to recovery. Planning a Camino will be a goal - a light to aim for. Good luck and Buen Camino!

 

[Bob from L.A. !]

Yea !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[Luka]

I reached the first albergue. The hospital. Surgery went well and I am back home now. I am feeling quite well. Exit tumor

 

[C clearly]

You've reached more than the first albergue!

 

[Stroller]

Well done

 

[MarkyD]

Hi Luka, that must be a huge relief. Wishing you all the best in your recovery. The Camino awaits you, when you are ready of course. In the meantime stay well and look after yourself.

 

[VNwalking]

I am feeling quite well. Exit tumor.

Hip hip hurray!
@C clearly is right. This is way past the first albergue.

May your recovery from the operation be swift and uneventful. All blessings, Luka. Thinking of you...

 

[Iriebabel]

I reached the first albergue. The hospital. Surgery went well and I am back home now. I am feeling quite well. Exit tumor

Wow ...amazing. Much love and a speedy recovery

 

[Bob from L.A. !]

Exit tumor

Yeeeeeeaaaaaaa!!!!!!

 

[Lexicos]

Yes! Very glad to read your post Luka. Strength and speedy recovery to you. I have a feeling we'll all be walking towards Santiago before too long......

 

[Luka]

Hmm, it has been a tougher road than expected this week. I hardly slept because I had to sleep on my back (totally not used to that) and a couple of days ago one of my wounds got infected. Trying to get back on track with the help of sleeping pills and wound care.

 

[KinkyOne]

Hmm, it has been a tougher road than expected this week. I hardly slept because I had to sleep on my back (totally not used to that) and a couple of days ago one of my wounds got infected. Trying to get back on track with the help of sleeping pills and wound care.

A beer or a glass of hot milk with a shot of Rum (add sugar to your taste) would be better than sleeping pills

Take care!

 

[Barbara]

That's no fun at all. Have a big cyber hug

 

[Tingeling]

Luka, wound care is efficient, but may take a little time. It will heal. It is important to get enought sleep - you need it - whatever method is most efficient. Take care, warm regards!

❤​

 

[Iriebabel]

I‘ve been bunking on my sofa since my latest bone removal foot surgery - a bunch of nice pillows under my back and my surgery foot over the top of the sofa (Elevation) help me sleep every night with no pain. I have not taken any pain medication or anything for sleep Since I let the surgery center.

I don't like sleeping on my back so the pillows keep me slightly more upright and I am quite comfortable...not sure if this will work in your situation But even a slight elevation on your back might work better for you or on your bed surround yourself with giant pillows under your arms and with a slight elevation under your back —keeps you from rolling over on your side too

Not fun what you are going thru but this too shall pass. you will come-out a fiece warrior on the other side