Lost for words....

[Lee Woodhouse]

Many may recall my threads, "Sad" and "Not just sad... Very sad..." Well as if I didn't have much luck loosing mother so quickly on the 1st June only 13 days after I lost my mother. My father has passed away too... I am so lost for words and everyone is looking at me and I can see in there faces no one knows what to say... Including myself, I look into the mirror and thing what can I say to myself to make me feel better and I see the same face looking back at me, not knowing what to say.... My camino in September now just got so harder for me, not only will I carry the grief of my mother's death but now also my father's and for an only child with no children of his own is so heavy... My brother and sister if you see a broken man walking the way, please don't hesitate to come over and hug me and wipe a tear from my eyes....

 

[crackmrmac]

Lee, Don't know about your previous posts and can't contribute much. All I can say is I came to grips with loosing my Dad by walking the Camino. Yes, every old man reminds me of my father.
Don't be too hard on yourself.

 

[Mike Savage]

Lee,

I have not gone through what you are going through and can only try to imagine how tough it is. I just wanted to offer my thoughts and prayers for you.

Buen camino,

Mike

 

[Icacos]

Lee, I am so very sorry. I am praying for you as you travel this terribly rough road. Please know that we are all here for you and that we are buoying you up from a distance. Bless you.

 

[Albertagirl]

Lee:
I am so sorry. It is all too much. You know that often a partner will follow his/her spouse. This is so hard for those who lose both their parents at once. My father lived on for five years after my mother died, and he was a lost man. He wanted so to follow her. I believe that he grew spiritually during those years, but he wanted to go. Soon after he did, I dreamed that she had returned to take his hand and take him away with her. But I miss them both. They are my parents. We love them and then they are gone. Blessings to you in your grief.

 

[GettingThere]

Lee, this is so, so hard for you. You have had a really tough time lately and now losing your Dad so very soon after your Mum - and both of them so quickly. My heartfelt condolences to you as you deal with the shock of these sudden losses, and the grief that feels overwhelming. Be kind to yourself, and just know there are many prayers and "virtual" hugs being sent your way, and a few tears being shed with you too. Bless you, Lee.

 

[CaminoDebrita]

I can't believe this has happened so quickly! Unreal. Honestly, you have to live well and carry on. It is going to be very, very hard for awhile.

You are going to need to really reach out to friends--as a single kid, I'm guessing in your twenties? you will need to figure out some new family. Have you got some people who you are close to? And we are here too.

Big, understanding online hug to you.

Deb

ps. my parents passed away within six months, and my stepdad died last weekend. Stepmom died in 2005. I'm not an only child--my brother died when he was 18, and I was 19. It all is so darn hard! you can, and will, survive.

 

[Jas Asyiken]

Lee, I am sorry for your situation now. I have been there, not too long ago, a little over 3 years now...waking up one morning and found myself all alone in this big huge world. In the early days, I wondered if it was them that died, or was it me because nothing feels familiar anymore. I don't even feel like I am me.

I can only share with you what I knew worked for me. There is a grieving process that you can at least try to honor and take as much time you need. Whatever emotions you feel...allow it. It is normal. Cry all you want as you must. There is no strength nor weakness in embracing loss, but just allow yourself the freedom to be. To experience its rawness and to witness the healing.

The sense of lost....it will never disappear as it is held by love. But all else, it is a process of letting go.

My sincere condolences. May you be blessed and comforted in faith.

 

[SCT]

Lee, I am praying for you for comfort and hope and strength.

 

[Rajy62]

Lee, I admire the openness in expressing your emotions. Perhaps, the Camino is meant to provide the space to deal with your griefs.... Buen Camino.

 

[VNwalking]

Lee, I am so sorry for your loss.
Under the circumstances you could be doing nothing better than walking--and you will meet many out there who are in the same boat as you. The Camino is a profoundly healing place and over the years its earth has received many many tears. As you add your own, you will begin to come to terms with this great loss--and you will know that your parents are there just out of sight, urging you forward.
Ultreia and all blessings on your journey.

 

[smj6]

It's poignant that I'm sitting curled up in my mother's favourite chair, in her house, at 6:30 in the morning reading your words, Lee, because I'm waiting for all my siblings to wake up so that we can prepare to say goodbye to our beloved mother this afternoon; first at church and then at the crematorium. I'm blessed to have a large family with lots of children, nephews/ nieces, cousins, etc. and we are comforting each other in this moment of great sorrow & yearning to have one more kiss from Mum, or one more conversation. We lost our father 30 years ago & now it's time to say goodbye to our other parent.

But how to come to terms with losing both parents so close together? And to do it without the support of the large family? My heart goes out to you Lee. The hurt and grief never entirely leaves you, but I do know that it does get easier with time. So take comfort from your memories, take comfort from this Camino family, take comfort from knowing that your parents are now together.

Your Camino has already started even though you've not yet taken one actual step on the road, and it will help you in the coming days as you slowly work through your grief.

Love and prayers, and .... Ultreia.
Suzanne

 

[Albertagirl]

It's poignant that I'm sitting curled up in my mother's favourite chair, in her house, at 6:30 in the morning reading your words, Lee, because I'm waiting for all my siblings to wake up so that we can prepare to say goodbye to our beloved mother this afternoon; first at church and then at the crematorium. I'm blessed to have a large family with lots of children, nephews/ nieces, cousins, etc. and we are comforting each other in this moment of great sorrow & yearning to have one more kiss from Mum, or one more conversation. We lost our father 30 years ago & now it's time to say goodbye to our other parent.

But how to come to terms with losing both parents so close together? And to do it without the support of the large family? My heart goes out to you Lee. The hurt and grief never entirely leaves you, but I do know that it does get easier with time. So take comfort from your memories, take comfort from this Camino family, take comfort from knowing that your parents are now together.

Your Camino has already started even though you've not yet taken one actual step on the road, and it will help you in the coming days as you slowly work through your grief.

Love and prayers, and .... Ultreia.
Suzanne

Suzanne:
My thoughts and sympathy are with you also in your grief. I agree that it helps to have extended family to help when our parents leave us. Blessings,
Mary Louise

 

[Bogong]

Many may recall my threads, "Sad" and "Not just sad... Very sad..." Well as if I didn't have much luck loosing mother so quickly on the 1st June only 13 days after I lost my mother. My father has passed away too... I am so lost for words and everyone is looking at me and I can see in there faces no one knows what to say... Including myself, I look into the mirror and thing what can I say to myself to make me feel better and I see the same face looking back at me, not knowing what to say.... My camino in September now just got so harder for me, not only will I carry the grief of my mother's death but now also my father's and for an only child with no children of his own is so heavy... My brother and sister if you see a broken man walking the way, please don't hesitate to come over and hug me and wipe a tear from my eyes....

Lee, this is just so sad. You are in our thoughts and prayers, but we are just two of many who have never met you personally, but through this site and our prayers are reaching out to you in love. May you find peace and comfort.

De Colores

Bogong and Carolyn

 

[willydp]

Sending love, thoughts and prayers to you and your family during this tough time.

 

[Robo]

I cannot even begin to imagine your grief Lee.

You must be feeling that life is so unfair.

Your Camino is probably even more important now. I really hope that it will help you find direction, strength and friendship.

 

[Bala]

Lee, So very, very sorry to hear of your loss. My deepest condolences are with you. The ache of losing a parent is like no other. Losing both in such a short time .... you are right, there are no words. Cherish the good memories of them, hold them close to your heart. You are in my prayers. God be with you.

 

[JennyH94]

Dear Lee -

I'd like to add my condolences on the passing of your Dad - so very soon after your Mum. As an only child this second blow must strike very deep.

A thought that you might like to carry with you in your training over the next 3 months until you leave, and to carry to those magical paths of the Camino is : "I am making this camino a celebration of my parents' life. This is my opportunity to thank them and to honour them for giving me my life." Dedicate your camino to them both. This might help to reduce your grief.

I fervently believe that you will find the Camino to be a healing place - embrace it, with joy.

I'm thinking of you at this saddest of times and send you best, best wishes -

Jenny

 

[CaminoDebrita]

Dear Lee -

I'd like to add my condolences on the passing of your Dad - so very soon after your Mum. As an only child this second blow must strike very deep.

A thought that you might like to carry with you in your training over the next 3 months until you leave, and to carry to those magical paths of the Camino is : "I am making this camino a celebration of my parents' life. This is my opportunity to thank them and to honour them for giving me my life." Dedicate your camino to them both. This might help to reduce your grief.

I fervently believe that you will find the Camino to be a healing place - embrace it, with joy.

I'm thinking of you at this saddest of times and send you best, best wishes -

Jenny

I think that this is a good idea, Jenny.

Also, Lee--I want to suggest an idea, and I know that this is too early, but I want to put it out there.

As you grieve, and after some time has passed (yes, time is such a healer), remember to focus on the legacy, what your parents gave you. You were such a gift to them. What, besides life, was their gift to you? humor? sensitivity? intelligence?

Try a practice of gratitude as you walk and train, and focus on those amazing gifts. We all must go; remember not to be sad that the folks died (we all will, which is pretty scary and worrisome), and remember that you are going to be receiving blessings and new friends, which will never take their places, but will help ease the pain. Much love, and hugs.

 

[Kitsambler]

@Lee: Blessings and comfort during this difficult time. It is always hard to lose a parent, but your situation is doubly painful. May your Camino journey begin now, and help you in your grieving. The Camino is like so much of life - we get through the hard times by putting one foot in front of the other.

 

[David]

Well now, Lee, we all feel for you - those of us who are also orphans especially, and that is what you now are - and by your photograph you are quite young ... and it must seem so terribly unfair to you .. that this is not how it is supposed to be, that you should have been older, that they should have known their grandchildren (should you have children later) .. but mainly, apart from that suddenly seeing the world, as one alone, and with no support - can be a frightening thing - that you did not have time to prepare ... that you were not ready for this ... and the grief and shock is so all consuming that you just don't know what to do or how to make it stop ..... but Lee, you cannot make it stop, you have to live through it, go with it, allow it to be ... if you need to sit in a dark room for a couple of days, well do that, if you need to kneel somewhere and scream at the world or your God, then do that .... do not deny your emotions, do not take pills to hide the pain ... surrender to what you are feeling .... and, you may not have thought of this, but your grief is a sign of love ... it is a sign that you are out-pouring all the love that they gave you - so it isn't a weak thing, it is a strong thing, a deep heart thing - so live your grief, surrender to it - and then and here is the thing Lee - and then... let it pass ... do not hold on to it, do not make shrines in your mind ....

I sure that none of this will help you right now, but I hope that it does in the near future - we all feel for you Lee, I'm sure that even the grumps on here feel for you.
I don't think that I was the only one thinking that your father would soon follow, him being in hospital .. with those that are in long love ties this often happens - let us hope that somewhere they are together now, and wishing you well - because what would they want to say to you Lee? That all is well, that they will always love you, that they want you to pick yourself up and live your life to the full .. of course they would ..... love is not confined to our bodies, it is more than that.

Love is more than that, much more than that, and it surrounds you now.

I wish you well Lee - and I can tell you right now that when you start walking out of St Jean Pied de Port in the early morning of September the 8th that you will be absolutely flooded with support!!

 

[Wokabaut_Meri]

Such wise and thoughtful, caring words, David.

Lee, we all feel deeply for you and wish you through this - but in grief's own time which so often is so much longer and more painful than you would wish or feel as though you can bear. I (as so many here on this forum have) went through a time a few years ago when I thought that the dying around me would never stop.

Walking helped.

I wrote elsewhere on the forum that death ends a life but it doesn't end a relationship.

Your parents will walk with you wherever you go in the world. That is their greatest gift.

 

[annakappa]

Noooooooo........what can I say. My sincere condolences.
I would like to repeat what Wokabaut-Meri writes: your parents will walk with you wherever you go in the World. That is their greatest gift.
The Camino will be a very emotional time for you, but you will come out so much richer. It will help you immensely.

 

[PEI_Heather]

Ah Lee. Oh dear.... I can't believe the trauma you have gone through in such a short time. My heart was breaking for you several days ago; now it's doubled the effort. I am so sorry for the loss of your father, so very soon after your mother's passing. If you can take comfort in knowing they are together again...
Your parents will always be with you. You are 50% of your mom, 50% of your dad; and (as I mentioned to someone else recently), you have them 100% in your heart.
And you are not alone, though it feels like it--overwhelmingly so. We, your Camino family, are here for you. (That isn't much in this extreme time of grief, sadness and profound lonlieness that you are experiencing, but perhaps knowing there are 1000s of beating hearts here offering you peace, hugs and condolences--and being here whenever you need to talk, will some day help your soul and your own heart start their slow mending.)

 

[petro]

Oh Lee I am so sorry for loss and the pain you are experiencing. May God be with you.
Petro

 

[TinaPEI]

So sorry for your terrible loss, Lee. I walk in July, I will pray before and during my Camino for you, and the repose of the souls of your parents. Hugs, fellow pilgrim.

 

[Kropelka]

Lee,

I'm so very sorry for your loss... I know your pain - last year I lost my my Mum but she was very sick and my last year Camino I did to pray for a rest and peace for her. She passed away 2 months later. I lost my Dad 4 years before and he was also very sick (Alzheimer on top of other illnesses). This year I met a gentleman in the age of my late Dad and I spend 3 fantastic days walking and talking with him just I would like to do with my Dad and never had a chance. I am still in touch with him and we call each other: Camino Dad and Camino Daughter Hope you will find everything you are looking for and remember: you are NEVER alone on the Camino...

I will pray for you,

Ela

 

[PEI_Heather]

As happy a birthday as possible today, Lee. Raising a glass (mug of tea) for you from here.

 

[rometimed]

RIP and much love to you my Camino brother. Your adventure will be truly amazing.

 

[Rebekah Scott]

Pilgrim Mass said for you yesterday in Terradillos de los Templarios. May they rest in peace, and may your heart find comfort.

 

[MonaLisa]

Many may recall my threads, "Sad" and "Not just sad... Very sad..." Well as if I didn't have much luck loosing mother so quickly on the 1st June only 13 days after I lost my mother. My father has passed away too... I am so lost for words and everyone is looking at me and I can see in there faces no one knows what to say... Including myself, I look into the mirror and thing what can I say to myself to make me feel better and I see the same face looking back at me, not knowing what to say.... My camino in September now just got so harder for me, not only will I carry the grief of my mother's death but now also my father's and for an only child with no children of his own is so heavy... My brother and sister if you see a broken man walking the way, please don't hesitate to come over and hug me and wipe a tear from my eyes....

Dear Lee, my heart goes to you ...Thank you for trusting us... you are humbling me with my petty issues in my own life... I will be in SJPP in Sept 3th and 4th and in Orisson on the 5th. I will be a few days ahead of you but you might catch up to me and I hope we will meet. If there is a place where you will be surrounded with the best surrogate family, it is The Camino.
Hang in there brother pilgrim, remember that it is not only The Camino that has "gifts" to offer to your life but YOU are a gift already to the Camino... Been vulnerable is a strength, it opens doors, to be at the right place at the right time. Your Camino is a mysterious timing indeed!

 

[Pat Beals]

Many may recall my threads, "Sad" and "Not just sad... Very sad..." Well as if I didn't have much luck loosing mother so quickly on the 1st June only 13 days after I lost my mother. My father has passed away too... I am so lost for words and everyone is looking at me and I can see in there faces no one knows what to say... Including myself, I look into the mirror and thing what can I say to myself to make me feel better and I see the same face looking back at me, not knowing what to say.... My camino in September now just got so harder for me, not only will I carry the grief of my mother's death but now also my father's and for an only child with no children of his own is so heavy... My brother and sister if you see a broken man walking the way, please don't hesitate to come over and hug me and wipe a tear from my eyes....

I am so sorry for your losses

Many may recall my threads, "Sad" and "Not just sad... Very sad..." Well as if I didn't have much luck loosing mother so quickly on the 1st June only 13 days after I lost my mother. My father has passed away too... I am so lost for words and everyone is looking at me and I can see in there faces no one knows what to say... Including myself, I look into the mirror and thing what can I say to myself to make me feel better and I see the same face looking back at me, not knowing what to say.... My camino in September now just got so harder for me, not only will I carry the grief of my mother's death but now also my father's and for an only child with no children of his own is so heavy... My brother and sister if you see a broken man walking the way, please don't hesitate to come over and hug me and wipe a tear from my eyes....

 

[Pat Beals]

I am so sorry for your losses. My mother died three years ago. We hadn't had any deaths in our immediate family, so this was very difficult. I am one of six children, we all dealt with her death differently.

I am a physical person. I dug a pond six foot by nine foot and four feet deep. I poured my grief into it.

Your Camino will be a tribute. Laugh, cry embrace it all. Your Parents will be with you.

My Mother hauled my butt up and over from SJPDP to Roncesvalles.

 

[Sur Plus]

Sad, Very Sad and now, Lost For Words. Three amazing posts. Let's all hope this is truly your nadir and things only get better from here.

I look forward to your posts during September.
Buen camino

 

[Stuart Lennon]

I am sorry to hear of your loss.

 

[Greg Petropoulos]

Lee:

The words of support and compassion has been so well written in previous posts.

You go and do your walk, cry your tears and allow the Camino, and the Pilgrims to embrace and hold you up. They will be there for you, in abundance, the Camino will provide beyond belief. This would be one of the best ways you could take good care of yourself.

Ultreia!

 

[SYates]

Just checking in on you @Lee Woodhouse - How are you doing? SY

 

[Lee Woodhouse]

I'm hanging in there, I know I'll be sad on 6th September as that was the day I was going to set off for saint John xxx

 

[SYates]

Glad to hear you are hanging on to life! There is always another 6th September - or any other Camino starting date! Buen Camino de la vida, SY

 

[DurhamParish]

Best wishes, Lee.

 

[JennyH94]

Hi Lee -

I loved the following cartoon which was in one of our newspapers last Saturday. It's one of Michael Leunig's cartoons. I thought of you and I hoped that it might help you ... it's so simple and sweet, and so heartfelt ... I wonder what the story behind the cartoon is ...




Michael Leunig is probably Australia's best known cartoonist. His cartoons are more thoughtful and insightful rather than humorous though he often makes an excellent political statement through his cartoons - always in a really entertaining way.

If you'd like to, and have the time to check out his facebook page, you can find him at Michael Leunig Appreciation Page. He updates the page regularly with new cartoons.

I hope that your grief is sitting more easily and gently with you now and that you're thinking about being on those ancient and magical Camino paths in the not too distant future.

Best wishes - Jenny