@trecile has excellent advice, take it!
I was sitting by myself in the bus belonging to a tramping (hiking) club that I was a member of when two sisters sitting in the seat ahead of me started talking about a walk that they were planning in Spain. The walk had a funny name that I had never heard of before.
As I listened to their plans something reached out to me and in that moment I knew that I needed to find out more about this walk and that there was something there for me.
Three months later I was in St. Jean Pied de Port with an overweight backpack, one night's accommodation booked, a credit card in my wallet and no real idea of how to get to Santiago de Compostela from where I was other than I needed to cross the ranges in front of me and then turn West.
By the time that I got to Pamplona I knew that I needed to jettison half the items in my backpack and post them on to Santiago de Compostela.
I was in a transition point in my life.
My best friend, fishing mate, fellow adventurer, sounding board and brother from another mother of fifty two years had died suddenly and unexpectedly. My start-up business had crashed and burned, my second and third options for what I would do for a job if my business failed disappeared and for the very first time in my adult life no one seemed to want my technical expertise. I was almost broke and at one of the lowest points of my life.
I knew that something needed to change but I wasn't sure what or how.
I guess that if you would have asked me why I was walking the Camino, and in the beginning a lot of people did ask me, then I would have said that I was doing one last great adventure with my friend as my way of saying good bye to him. That he was walking beside me in spirit and that I planned to let him go at Cruz de Ferro.
I had used almost all of my meager savings to get to Europe and I thought that this would be my last visit. I booked my return ticket for three days short of three months and had some vague ideas about having a last catch up with friends in France, UK and Sweden before I returned home to Aotearoa New Zealand.
Well things didn't go the way that I hoped.
I had really built my expectations of how I was going to say goodbye to my friend at Cruz de Ferro but unknown to me at the time, I had caught Legionella in an albergue in Sahagun and I was seriously ill by the time I ascended to the Cruz.
I thought that I was just suffering from a heavy dose of influenza or a bad cold. I really struggled up what is a relatively gentle slope and when I got to the cross I was exhausted, tired from lack of sleep and a local tourist who was "performing" for his friends and taking selfies while hanging off the cross completely spoilt the moment for me and so I walked on in deep despair, shutting myself off from the world around me.
For the first time on the Camino the descent troubled me, probably due to my exhaustion and inattention, and I was slipping and sliding on the loose stones. I decided to leave the Camino trail and walk down via the road.
A couple of kilometres down, at this inauspicious point I stopped to rest on the side of the road.
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I was so exhausted, tired and in such despair that I gave up and decided to end my Camino by waiting on the side of the road for a car to come past which I intended to flag down, hitch a ride to the nearest town with a bus or a train, get back to Madrid and fly home.
It is a lonely road with little traffic and so while I sat on the side of the road waiting for a vehicle I fell asleep.
While I slept, I dreamt.
In my dream my friend came to me and in his own imitable style told me to get over my self pity, get up and get going and so when I awoke that is what I did.
I kept walking until just after O Cebrerio, where the Legionella finally got the better of me and I collapsed in a tiny bar where I had stopped to rest.
The caring locals in the bar called an ambulance for me which carted me off to Lugo hospital, initially following the Camino route. As I rode the ambulance I looked out the rear window, noticing the other pilgrims as we sped past with sirens blaring and I again thought to myself that this surely was the end to my Camino.
At the hospital they diagnosed the Legionella and severe dehydration. It took an experienced nurse nine goes to get a drip into one of my veins and they said that if I had of managed another day walking then my kidneys would have packed up and stopped working because of the dehydration.
They have excellent medical care in Spain and so five days later, at my insistence, they discharged me into the care of a good friend who drove up from Portugal to pick me up and take me back to his home to fully recover.
After recovering in Portugal for a week my friend drove me back to O Cebrerio and I continued my Camino, finishing in Santiago de Compostela on the 20th of July.
Did I get what I expected from my Camino?
Good question, I certainly had a grand adventure but I didn't say goodbye to my friend, I finally did that when I returned last year to walk the Camino Madrid, when I stopped for a picnic lunch at the spot where I fell asleep. I had lunch there, took some photos, meditated for a while and then said goodbye to my friend.
As it transpired, that 2019 trip wasn't my last because I returned last year and hopefully will continue returning in the future until I am physically incapable of walking a Camino.
I did get something from that first Camino though. I learnt that I am a stubborn old b**stard and that even when all seems hopeless a little bit of time and effort on my part will see me through.
As
@trecile says, best to go without expectations and get what you get.