How do you feel when you finish a camino?

[jungleboy]

This morning I was editing our podcast about arriving in Finisterre in June and I was struck by re-listening to @Wendy Werneth describe her emotions - or lack thereof - at the end of caminos in general.

This is what she said in the episode:

“The emotions that I feel are never the emotions that I think I’m supposed to feel or that I expect to feel. And in some ways I don’t feel many emotions at all. I just feel kind of empty, and that’s what it’s always felt like coming into Santiago.

“It’s never been this celebratory, joyful moment. And I think that’s partly because it means that the experience is over, and so I’m sad about that. The emotions that it does bring up are overall rather negative I would say.”

She had hoped that walking to Finisterre for the first time would provide the emotion she was looking for that Santiago hadn't, but that turned out not to be the case for her.

Do you have similar feelings or if not, how do you feel when you finish a camino?

 

[VNwalking]

I feel both full and empty.
There's the fullness of satisfaction, tinged with profound gratitude and wonder that I actually did that. Theres also a poignant sense of loss, an ending of something simple and precious.

I sometimes feel like celebrating and crying at the same time. It takes a while to process.

 

[Tincatinker]

I’m not sure I’ve finished yet

 

[mspath]

Here are some thoughts at the end of 10 caminos during happier, easier times...I am so thankful for my memories.

 

[Kitsambler]

My usual reaction is more in the shock and awe department. Where did all these people come from? Who are they? Look - shop windows! Look out - cars! Cars? Traffic? Traffic lights? What is all this commotion? What is all this noise? What's with all this pavement? Signs! Advertising! Everywhere! On everything!

After weeks of quiet and mostly solo walking, mostly in woods and farms, where the largest town rarely exceeds 500 residents, it's all quite overwhelming.

 

[MacMac]

I arrived in Santiago for the 7th time two weeks ago.

- twice I was walking with my 20y old daughter, and we were happy to reach Santiago. It wasn’t over, because we were walking on to Muxía and Finisterre.
- 4 times I walked solo the entire way and reached solo. There was a sense of achievement and pride that I made it without mishaps, accidents and too much difficulty. However since it has no religious meaning for me, the real closure and sadness came when I reached Finisterre.

This year has been different. I became part of a lovely, lovable, funny and beautiful Camino family of 6 after Logroño. All of us had already met each other somewhere previously between StJPdP and Logrono. We stayed together all the way to Santiago (except one person, who ran out of time in Ponferrada). We didn’t essentially walk together, however met along the way in the cafes, and slept in the same albergue room for 25 nights, washed each other’s clothes, are and drank and partied together, and even treated each other’s blisters.

So the arrival was vastly different. Everyone was very sad starting a few days before Santiago, knowing that we were reaching the end and would part. Santiago was really sad, we were close to tears most of the time, and putting up a show.

Now almost 2 weeks later, I still feel sad and miss my friends terribly. We hope to have a reunion somewhere next year, but realistically, we know life takes over….

At the moment, I am not sure I ever want to walk a Camiño to Santiago again. Solo would be boring after this, and I would miss my friends at every place with memories.

Sorry for the mushy stuff.

 

[Peregrina 2013]

Exactly like Tincatinker. My Camino is not finished yet, I will walk as many routes of my Camino until I physically cannot, and then, I will still be on it until the day I die.
Ultreïa!

 

[Hugh Larkin]

Tincatinker has it right. Your camino never ends. Having walked twice, I have found that the 'destination', ie Santiago, is but a waypoint where I celebrate my arrival, ponder about what I have just experienced an learned, and the contemplate the next stage of the journey.

 

[Former member 91017]

Arriving in Santiago the first time I was full of fear and anger... something terrible had happened at home in my absence and I felt that all my efforts to find my own peace had been punished. I believe it very possible that I cursed that saint, the road, the everything.

But one very special friend propped me up, and even though I could not see Santiago (the place, the idea, the saint, the process...) through tears of fear and rage that did not leave for weeks after my return home to my injured son... (and don't get too excited; he's still recovering from what happened in 2014, and we might not ever get to a functional recovery).

That very special camino friend stayed in touch; we've just had a series of letters back and forth across the Atlantic... reminding me of life's gifts...

In 2018 I went to make my peace with the camino and not to find peace. The way I figure(d) it, peace is not mine to have, but I could stop feeling angry that so many seemed to have exactly the #vanlife, #summercamp experience that saw them sharing, landing in giddy groups in Santiago declaring that it had freed them from their problems. If going on a walk can *solve* one's problems (rather than alleviate stress), they surely are not very big problems.

Anyway, I digress. I met Spouse half way across Spain and walked the Meseta again (something I'd sworn I'd never do) just to be with him. We'd not travelled together in 7 years at that point, and hadn't had a straight-up vacation together in 27 years...

When I landed in Santiago, I just sobbed; it started with the piper bringing us in. Relieved we had made it without a debacle at home as punishment, we sat on the ground and sobbed. But that very intimate, shared feeling was punctured by bus tourists taking our photo as "inspiration". I recall Spouse standing up to tell them to leave us alone... but I recall little else except for withdrawing into myself. We packed up and left the square to the jumping/singing/drinking youth and to the bus tours.

2019... I went back... on a short camino... the Portugués... I was on an over-due sabbatical, had walked through another round of fire with our son in the spring of 2019.... and sought out a brief journey late in the autumn season. It was a sodden walk, but I was gifted with another friend whom I've kept since that camino ended. And I walked into SdC in yet another rain-storm and came up the hill to the large hotel at the SW of town where we had stayed in 2018... familiar cafes, and then the garden, and the 2 Marias... and I felt *embraced* by SdC.

I went to mass presided over by Father Manny at the chapel... and I could not speak to participate in the readings.... I ate alongside the "free lunch" people at the Parador (but paid my own ticket as I'd not thought to get in that line-up in the morning)... I went to the San Pinario museum and finally, finally understood "ecce homo" and the appeal of Mary... I don't mean that I "grasped the concept"... I mean that I felt it in my bones, in my cells. And even though acute tonsillitis with sepsis was not a great way to end my Camino back down in Nazarre, I felt like the whole journey culminated in the life-saving surgery to remove my wayward glands.... and that Santiago had had a hand in it.

If I walk again, I want it to be uneventful and uncomplicated. I don't know if that will ever happen.

 

[Tincatinker]

If I walk again, I want it to be uneventful and uncomplicated. I don't know if that will ever happen.

The nastiest curse in the Tinker lexicon is "may you walk many roads / may you live many lives"; the kindest blessing "May all your roads be straight". I wish you a straight road Faye, and sunshine and shade enough.

 

[VNwalking]

If I walk again, I want it to be uneventful and uncomplicated. I don't know if that will ever happen.

Yeah. Maybe, maybe not.
But may it be so.
Even more, may it simply be a quiet joy.

 

[MichelleElynHogan]

I have yet to complete a Camino after two attempts, leaving due to leg damage, both times.

Even after extensive preparation and walking over 1,000 km the year before the second attempt, I was only successful in doubling the distance of the first attempt. So, disappointment, frustration, confusion, and a determined desire not to want to go home, but having to, before doing more damage.

However, that determination has not waned. I will return. My next attempt will be to start in Ireland, walk a couple of days and then complete the Camino Ingles.

 

[jungleboy]

Arriving in Santiago the first time I was full of fear and anger... something terrible had happened at home in my absence and I felt that all my efforts to find my own peace had been punished. I believe it very possible that I cursed that saint, the road, the everything.

Thank you for sharing this with us. I'm so glad you had two special arrivals after this first traumatic one.

 

[Flig]

Finished Primitivo route yesterday. Really felt a bit lightheaded and just absorbed the moment. Then saw a group of people I had walked for days with and the introspection gave way to shared joy on the accomplishment.

So, satisfaction, happiness, and a sense of a job well done. I actually got a bit emotional.

 

[Former member 91017]

Thank you for sharing this with us. I'm so glad you had two special arrivals after this first traumatic one.

You know.. there is a *lot* of pressure "out there" to be our "best selves" all the time, but I've come to think that the "best self" is really the one that admits its failings... how Catholic of me; I know.

Now I just really need help renting an apartment somewhere on a decent train line in Galicia between the Ourense-Vigo-Tui line and SdC.

I keep writing to apartment ads in Idealista... and not receiving replies. Getting nervous, and I don't even mind if I have to rent a place for a year in order to have it from now forward to when I am supposed to arrive, and well past when I leave.

I'll take any advice or connections... My budget is modest, but I've seen lots.. and I have to stay modest to cover the needs of my son at home.

 

[jsalt]

how do you feel when you finish a camino?

It depends who I am with (or not with, as the case may be) - it is different every time.

Sometimes happy, celebrating, sometimes glad it is over, sometimes sad it is over -

- but always thinking that I will do it again . . . .

 

[Camino Chrissy]

I am always a combination of satisfied, happy, wistful, and sad, but like @jsalt said...always thinking I will do it again, which gives me hope!

 

[MaineSally]

My usual reaction is more in the shock and awe department. Where did all these people come from? Who are they? Look - shop windows! Look out - cars! Cars? Traffic? Traffic lights? What is all this commotion? What is all this noise? What's with all this pavement? Signs! Advertising! Everywhere! On everything!

After weeks of quiet and mostly solo walking, mostly in woods and farms, where the largest town rarely exceeds 500 residents, it's all quite overwhelming.

Spot on! I had really found a lovely rhythm within nature and the cadence of horses, sheep and cattle wearing bells. Entering the outskirts of Santiago was tough, and the plaza was teeming with Disney-like conveyances and throngs of humanity. I felt as though I was having a panic attack, which disappeared the next day when Santiago was in my rear view mirror heading to Finisterre. I felt as though I was back on the path to sanity! I don't believe I am the only one to feel that way.

 

[Silencio Por Favor]

I do not remember having any thoughts of what to expect other than sharing a sense of achievement with my wife and daughter who I walked with. My most vivid memory was the pilgrims mass, when the mass attendees finally respected the priests request of "silencio por favor ", I found the experience very emotional and moving despite the fact my camino had no deeper meaning.
I came home and joined this forum which makes it feel like I never truly left the Camino. Thanks

 

[Former member 31048]

I feel both full and empty.
There's the fullness of satisfaction, tinged with profound gratitude and wonder that I actually did that. Theres also a poignant sense of loss, an ending of something simple and precious.

I sometimes feel like celebrating and crying at the same time. It takes a while to process.

Exactly @VNwalking

 

[Roz.K]

I agree that you have that sense of achievement and satisfaction that you have completed this awesome walk, but sad too, that it is over. Usually, I can't wait to get home and start planning the next camino.

 

[nycwalking]

September 3, 2001, you’re not a pilgrim said Pilgrims Office. I walked Roncesvalles to O’Cebreiro then bussed. Time constraints. Didn’t know about last 100kms edict.

September 9, 2001: You’re a pilgrim. My mom came along. She taxied, bussed, took trains while I walked. We had a marvelous time. I felt a real sense of exhilaration via completion.

2002 pilgrimage: In Grañon Father Jose Ignacio asked me what I wanted to do with my life. I told him. He said read the Book of Jonas. A veterinarian from Portugal asked same somewhere on the way. I told him, he said: “Why are you here then”.

November 2, 2002, I entered Santiago.

I knew I was going home to NYC to hear “not now” to this and “what about that”. Yet, this had been the loneliest, magical, miraculous, fun with others time I had had in a long while.

So, November 3, 2002, I carried on the magic by walking to Fisterra. Somewhere along the way I found self with camino family. We had three, two days of fun on way to Fisterra. We shared a meal at municipal albergue. Over.

I have entered Santiago three times since 2002. No expectations. Just joy of the journey always tinged with sadness because it’s over.

In 2019, no Botafumeiro. All other times I have seen the Botafumeiro swing. Its swing never ceases to be magical.

 

[Wendy Werneth]

Now I just really need help renting an apartment somewhere on a decent train line in Galicia between the Ourense-Vigo-Tui line and SdC.

I keep writing to apartment ads in Idealista... and not receiving replies. Getting nervous, and I don't even mind if I have to rent a place for a year in order to have it from now forward to when I am supposed to arrive, and well past when I leave.

I'll take any advice or connections... My budget is modest, but I've seen lots.. and I have to stay modest to cover the needs of my son at home.

Have you tried the ErasmusU website? I recently found an apartment in Ourense through the site, which I rented for one month this summer. You don't have to be an Erasmus student to use it. They do charge a finder's fee, but it's more reliable than dealing with individuals on Idealista, and the prices are reasonable overall.

 

[Moonbeamzz]

Exhilarated !!!!!!

 

[Former member 91017]

Have you tried the ErasmusU website? I recently found an apartment in Ourense through the site, which I rented for one month this summer. You don't have to be an Erasmus student to use it. They do charge a finder's fee, but it's more reliable than dealing with individuals on Idealista, and the prices are reasonable overall.

Thanks for the tip! ...it may come down to it, but so far on ErasmusU I've only found rooms to let in shared housing and I'm really a bit old and bit of a solitary oyster for such things.

 

[Former member 31048]

Yesterday was the 10th anniversary of the first day of my first Camino - the Frances in 2011. I had written a blog for that Camino - just for family and friends - something I'd never done before. I looked at the blog this morning and went to the last paragraph of the last entry. And saw that this is what I wrote.

'Some 'pilgrims' say that walking the Camino changed them or changed their lives. I don't know if that is - or will be - true for me. I guess it's too early to say. But The Camino gives you many opportunities every day to give and receive kindness, compassion and laughter - and that's a gift - and it reminds you every day of life lessons you've already learned but have forgotten or 'misplaced'. One new lesson I learned is that I am much stronger - physically and emotionally - than I imagined. And most days I think The Camino brought out the best in me. So that's not a bad outcome, just for putting one foot in front of the other, taking one day at a time, one step at a time.'

Yep, I think that's just about right. And as it turned out, it did prove to be life changing for me ...in many ways. One in particular - that first Camino led to the second (Frances) and then the third (Le Puy) and on that path I met the Frenchman who is now my wonderful husband. And since then there have been many more Caminos.

 

[VNwalking]

Some 'pilgrims' say that walking the Camino changed them or changed their lives. I don't know if that is - or will be - true for me. I guess it's too early to say. But The Camino gives you many opportunities every day to give and receive kindness, compassion and laughter - and that's a gift - and it reminds you every day of life lessons you've already learned but have forgotten or 'misplaced'. One new lesson I learned is that I am much stronger - physically and emotionally - than I imagined. And most days I think The Camino brought out the best in me. So that's not a bad outcome, just for putting one foot in front of the other, taking one day at a time, one step at a time.'

Love it. Thank you, Jenny.
Not even considering the rest, this is definitely not a bad outcome.

@jungleboy and @Wendy Werneth , thanks for sparking the reflection. I've been thinking since you started the thread about the difference between the quiet gladness and satisfaction I feel at the end of a camino, and the more agitated experience of happy exhilaration that I don't have. They're definitely not the same. And I'll take the former any day of the week.

 

[Robo]

Due to quite a bit of research before my first Camino, mainly on this Forum, I was somewhat 'prepared' for the 'end'. Thank You.

The feelings at the end were therefore not unexpected.

1. Relief that I had made, it and that I could rest.
2. Immense sadness that it was over, and what had almost become a 'way of life' was ended.
3. A sinking feeling that I now had to re-enter the 'real' World, and all the stress and drama that goes with it.
4. A feeling of 'peace'. That I was a little closer to understanding what life was really about.
5. A determination to continue my 'Camino' in some form or other.

The reality for me, has been, that I can't really capture that feeling of calm, peace and belonging at 'home'.

Three Caminos down, and it's still only on the Camino that I can find it.

Not sure how many it takes to hard wire it................

 

[mlhhome]

In the Cathedral at the end of my first Camino, I started crying….. it was something spontaneous and quite spiritual. In subsequent caminos, I have not experienced the same emotions, but rather had been too aware of my immediate needs, completing a myriad of tasks and preparing to return home. Next time, I’ll do better

 

[David Tallan]

I've had various reactions to the arrival in Santiago (and Finisterre). I have never felt that deep sadness that many have reported. But then again, I haven't yet been a part of one of those close-knit "Camino families" I've read about that walk together for weeks only to sadly separate in Santiago.

In 1989 I ended my Camino in Santiago, having started in Roncesvalles. I remember a strong feeling of accomplishment, and I remember being very happy with Santiago de Compostela. Feeling that it was well worth the journey to get there. That it lived up to expectations. That is was very much a tourist destination but that was okay, even expected. I was looking for a "destination" city. But I was happy that the tourists/pilgrims didn't seem to be exploited there. (I remember being offered a small private room by a little old woman in the street. It cost me 200 pesetas. I didn't feel exploited!)

In 2016 I ended my Camino in Finisterre, walking with my son from Roncesvalles. Santiago didn't make that much of an impression when we first arrived Partly, I think, because we knew we would be walking on towards Finisterre so our Camino wasn't over. The cathedral was covered in scaffolding and I'm pretty sure my son found it anti-climactic. I remember really being disappointed that he wasn't able to see the botafumeiro swing. I did try and see arrival in Santiago as an achievement, but we were still being pulled onward. I know my son really felt that sense of achievement watching the sun set over the Atlantic from by the lighthouse at Finisterre. At the end, back in Santiago, the feeling was probably mostly relief that it was over. We were ready to rest for a while. We still had a couple of weeks in Spain (I booked plenty of time for our trip, not wanting to shortchange our Camino and figuring there was plenty to see in Spain with time left over at the end). We did use the time at the end for sightseeing, but I think if we could have gone home right away, we might have. We were tired.

In 2018 I ended my Camino in Finisterre, having walked from Porto. The sense of achievement was much less. In fact I remember my feeling being "What? Over already? I barely got started!". On the other hand, there was a certain homecoming feeling to being back in Santiago, hearing the piper, seeing the pilgrims arriving in the square, visiting familiar haunts.

 

[Anniesantiago]

I usually feel quite healthy, but tired and ready for my bed and my bathtub.

 

[Phoenix]

I want to rush home, gather my belongings and family, and move to Spain. Every time.

 

[Anniesantiago]

I want to rush home, gather my belongings and family, and move to Spain. Every time.

Well, that too! lol! If I were younger, I would definitely make that move. But my kids, grandkids, cousins, are all settled in here.

 

[Phoenix]

Well, that too! lol! If I were younger, I would definitely make that move. But my kids, grandkids, cousins, are all settled in here.

I have a plan... but getting adult children to buy into it is a hard row.

 

[U20C_Katherine]

This morning I was editing our podcast about arriving in Finisterre in June and I was struck by re-listening to @Wendy Werneth describe her emotions - or lack thereof - at the end of caminos in general.

This is what she said in the episode:

“The emotions that I feel are never the emotions that I think I’m supposed to feel or that I expect to feel. And in some ways I don’t feel many emotions at all. I just feel kind of empty, and that’s what it’s always felt like coming into Santiago.

“It’s never been this celebratory, joyful moment. And I think that’s partly because it means that the experience is over, and so I’m sad about that. The emotions that it does bring up are overall rather negative I would say.”

She had hoped that walking to Finisterre for the first time would provide the emotion she was looking for that Santiago hadn't, but that turned out not to be the case for her.

Do you have similar feelings or if not, how do you feel when you finish a camino?

I never walked the camino before, so my post here maybe irrelevant, but I do want to add to this conversation as I loved reading all of your answers.

So.. many years ago, I watched the movie THE WAY and I loved everything about it. I was especially at awe with the almost ending - the pilgrims mass! I love to travel and that scene inspired me to visit Santiago de Compostela in 2016. My thought was - I’ll tour the city, take some pictures for the Instagram and enjoy myself. I flew in and checked myself into a nice airbnb so I can get my sleep before all the city walking the following day.

I went to the cathedral to attend the pilgrims mass. I took some photos as per my bucket list and I joined the mass … and that’s when I looked around and felt so out of place… and emotions came over me… I looked down and tears fell down my cheeks. Everyone around me had a story, the journey and the intent. While I felt empty. That’s when I realized that flying in to Santiago wasn’t fulfilling at all. That’s when I knew that unless I make the journey, I will have a void inside me forever. I, also, needed some sort of intention. Finally the stars have aligned to allow me to take this trip. It will not be to the full extent, since I’m doing the camino Primitivo, but enough for now until I am ready for a longer journey.

I don’t know how my emotions will differ this time around, but next time I’ll enter the cathedral, it will be with my own story, my own journey and my own intention. And perhaps the void I have been feeling will shrink a bit.

 

[Camino Chrissy]

I usually feel quite healthy, but tired and ready for my bed and my bathtub.

I think you speak for many of us...especially the retirees.

I have a plan... but getting adult children to buy into it is a hard row.

One of my sons has a plan, but getting his parents to buy into it is a hard row.

 

[alexwalker]

I am in with what most of you feel: relief, sadness it's over; mixed.
However, being retired, I know: "I'll be back!". But my Caminos have certainly changed me: My companera said so already after my first.

One year, as I was leaving Burgos, close to Tardajos (started in Pamplona), a younger man (40-ish) started talking to me, asking all sorts of questions, talking all the time (Naturally: He had future political ambitions in his home country ) .It was his first Camino, and he was happy to have started his holiday, as he called it, from Burgos. After a few hours, knowing him more, I told him: "In Santiago, you will be crying". "Yeah, right!" he said with a laugh.

3 weeks later we entered the front of the Cathedral together. He had become less talkative the last week or so (Gracias Dio; tu existe). We sat down in the middle of the square, me two metres in front of him. Having talked together for nearly 3 weeks, I knew what was coming: I suddenly heard him crying loud and hard behind me for a long time, before he shaped up and we went for a cold beer. He told me:

"When you said, 3 weeks ago, that I would be crying in Santiago, I said to myself: What an old idiot! I am here for my holiday! But you were totally right: I have had many days to think, and I have treated my former wife terribly, I never cared about my own children, and I have always treated my younger brother disrespectfully and always bullied him. The last two weeks, walking and talking with you, have given me lots to think about. The first thing I will do when back home, is to ask forgiveness for the a**hole I've been to my closest. I shall lead a different life from now on".

The Camino gives you what you need, not neccessarily what you want. If you are lucky and listen to it. He did, eventually.

 

[U20C_Katherine]

I am in with what most of you feel: relief, sadness it's over; mixed.
However, being retired, I know: "I'll be back!". But my Caminos have certainly changed me: My companera said so already after my first.

One year, as I was leaving Burgos, close to Tardajos (started in Pamplona), a younger man (40-ish) started talking to me, asking all sorts of questions, talking all the time (Naturally: He had future political ambitions in his home country ) .It was his first Camino, and he was happy to have started his holiday, as he called it, from Burgos. After a few hours, knowing him more, I told him: "In Santiago, you will be crying". "Yeah, right!" he said with a laugh.

3 weeks later we entered the front of the Cathedral together. He had become less talkative the last week or so (Gracias Dio; tu existe). We sat down in the middle of the square, me two metres in front of him. I suddenly heard him crying loud and hard behind me for a long time, before he shaped up and we went for a cold beer. He told me:

"When you said, 3 weeks ago, that I would be crying in Santiago, I said to myself: What an old idiot! I am here for my holiday! But you were totally right: I have had many days to think, and I have treated my former wife terribly, I never cared about my own children, and I have always treated my younger brother disrespectfully and always bullied him. The last two weeks, walking and talking with you, have given me lots to think about. The first thing I will do when back home, is to ask forgiveness for the a**hole I've been to my closest. I shall lead a different life from now on".

The Camino gives you what you need, not neccessarily what you want. If you are lucky and listen to it. He did, eventually.

What a beautiful story…

 

[Darby67]

Arriving at the Praza do Obradoiro for the first time, a cold and rainy Feb 14th, my walking partner for the day collapsed and wept in the middle of square for about 10 minutes. He had mentioned that a very good friend of his had passed away a few months previously and they had spoke of walking the Camino.

That evening I went to the evening mass at the Cathedral. Sat amongst the flock, and a few of the other walkers that had also finished that day. About 10 minutes in, just hearing the priest speak, the sound echoing off of the stone, it hit me out of nowhere and I started sobbing. First time to cry in years, but apparently the tank was full and it needed to have the pressure relieved.

I really don't know if Kike's crying 'helped' me or not. Since then I've cried a few times. It gets easier. For that I'm quite thankful.

 

[Isca-camigo]

I have been in many emotions and even indifference once on arrival but I know the next time I am there I would like to find somewhere to go for a week or so for a retreat to help me absorb my experiences. I am usually like a cat on a hot tin roof when I go home, not quite adapting to being back and little bit wild.

 

[Embee12]

Arriving in Santiago the first time I was full of fear and anger... something terrible had happened at home in my absence and I felt that all my efforts to find my own peace had been punished. I believe it very possible that I cursed that saint, the road, the everything.

But one very special friend propped me up, and even though I could not see Santiago (the place, the idea, the saint, the process...) through tears of fear and rage that did not leave for weeks after my return home to my injured son... (and don't get too excited; he's still recovering from what happened in 2014, and we might not ever get to a functional recovery).

That very special camino friend stayed in touch; we've just had a series of letters back and forth across the Atlantic... reminding me of life's gifts...

In 2018 I went to make my peace with the camino and not to find peace. The way I figure(d) it, peace is not mine to have, but I could stop feeling angry that so many seemed to have exactly the #vanlife, #summercamp experience that saw them sharing, landing in giddy groups in Santiago declaring that it had freed them from their problems. If going on a walk can *solve* one's problems (rather than alleviate stress), they surely are not very big problems.

Anyway, I digress. I met Spouse half way across Spain and walked the Meseta again (something I'd sworn I'd never do) just to be with him. We'd not travelled together in 7 years at that point, and hadn't had a straight-up vacation together in 27 years...

When I landed in Santiago, I just sobbed; it started with the piper bringing us in. Relieved we had made it without a debacle at home as punishment, we sat on the ground and sobbed. But that very intimate, shared feeling was punctured by bus tourists taking our photo as "inspiration". I recall Spouse standing up to tell them to leave us alone... but I recall little else except for withdrawing into myself. We packed up and left the square to the jumping/singing/drinking youth and to the bus tours.

2019... I went back... on a short camino... the Portugués... I was on an over-due sabbatical, had walked through another round of fire with our son in the spring of 2019.... and sought out a brief journey late in the autumn season. It was a sodden walk, but I was gifted with another friend whom I've kept since that camino ended. And I walked into SdC in yet another rain-storm and came up the hill to the large hotel at the SW of town where we had stayed in 2018... familiar cafes, and then the garden, and the 2 Marias... and I felt *embraced* by SdC.

I went to mass presided over by Father Manny at the chapel... and I could not speak to participate in the readings.... I ate alongside the "free lunch" people at the Parador (but paid my own ticket as I'd not thought to get in that line-up in the morning)... I went to the San Pinario museum and finally, finally understood "ecce homo" and the appeal of Mary... I don't mean that I "grasped the concept"... I mean that I felt it in my bones, in my cells. And even though acute tonsillitis with sepsis was not a great way to end my Camino back down in Nazarre, I felt like the whole journey culminated in the life-saving surgery to remove my wayward glands.... and that Santiago had had a hand in it.

If I walk again, I want it to be uneventful and uncomplicated. I don't know if that will ever happen.

Dear Faye Walker: I'm planning on walking my first camino in October 2022, and was about to pose this same question asked here about how people feel at the end, and came across your response here, albeit 5-6 months after you wrote it. I just wanted to say that it is a beautiful, compelling, moving, wonderfully written account. I'm wondering - do you have any more writing about your experiences you might share with me?

 

[Former member 91017]

Dear Faye Walker: I'm planning on walking my first camino in October 2022, and was about to pose this same question asked here about how people feel at the end, and came across your response here, albeit 5-6 months after you wrote it. I just wanted to say that it is a beautiful, compelling, moving, wonderfully written account. I'm wondering - do you have any more writing about your experiences you might share with me?

@Embee12 Thanks for the kind words.

I hope you will have a wonderful camino. I wish that I had gone more in October on my first, and less in September. I had not been prepared for how *busy* it would be in September, but I don't think that the busy September had quite established itself as a pattern then.

If I am lucky, I will be on a completely different camino challenge in April/May. I have the tickets; I hope I have the courage to get on the plane... to put my feet on the ground and to move myself forward.
And then, when I come back I will try to make sense of whatever it throws at me.

Send me a PM (the little envelope icon on top right) and I will try to have something useful to say after this new road is behind me.

 

[efdoucette]

I have walked into Santiago 4 times now, from different routes. SdC feels like an old friend and I am always happy to arrive. Physically tired and worn out as I am not the strongest person and do need my rest.

For me, on the day of arrival, there are usually many different emotions, some quite unexpected, some are hard to reconcile and hard to explain. It's personal, and needs to be lived to understand.

As an aside, the Camino is the only place I've found where time slows down. I can't wait to go back.

 

[Wolf^..^]

Dear Faye Walker: I'm planning on walking my first camino in October 2022, and was about to pose this same question asked here about how people feel at the end, and came across your response here, albeit 5-6 months after you wrote it. I just wanted to say that it is a beautiful, compelling, moving, wonderfully written account. I'm wondering - do you have any more writing about your experiences you might share with me?

I’m planning my first as well in case October

 

[Arctic_Alex]

I have and will never give birth. But I suppose the aftermath of a Camino is similar in ways. After some pain followed by short joy there might be emptiness or even depression similar to what some women might experience after giving birth I heard.
For days, weeks or months there was a simple purpose in life: to walk. Once your camino is over, this simple purpose is gone, it is taken from you if you want it or not.
I personally feel empty in a way but content. For me this is a positive kind of emptiness.

 

[EL LECHERO]

This morning I was editing our podcast about arriving in Finisterre in June and I was struck by re-listening to @Wendy Werneth describe her emotions - or lack thereof - at the end of caminos in general.

This is what she said in the episode:

“The emotions that I feel are never the emotions that I think I’m supposed to feel or that I expect to feel. And in some ways I don’t feel many emotions at all. I just feel kind of empty, and that’s what it’s always felt like coming into Santiago.

“It’s never been this celebratory, joyful moment. And I think that’s partly because it means that the experience is over, and so I’m sad about that. The emotions that it does bring up are overall rather negative I would say.”

She had hoped that walking to Finisterre for the first time would provide the emotion she was looking for that Santiago hadn't, but that turned out not to be the case for her.

Do you have similar feelings or if not, how do you feel when you finish a camino?

I walked the Primitivo last April ( thanks Jungleboy for the advice prior to walking). I think the last day walking into Santiago was quiet solemn. A sense of sadness of what was about to come. One last day of walking with my camino family. Infact, we kept stopping for coffee trying to prolong the inevitable. When we arrived at the Cathedral, yes, we were happy but then came the transition from Pilgrim to Tourist. As I was in Santiago for 3 days, I saw the pilgrims arrive who were behind me, and I felt left out. That I wasn't one of "them" anymore. I did take a bus ride to Finisterre and walked up to Fero 4km and almost felt like a Pilgrim again. Enjoying the fleeting memory that only one experiences during Deja Vu....then it was gone. And that is why I think Pilgrims continue to walk to recapture that sense of belonging that only a few can relate to.

 

[irishgirlryan]

My usual reaction is more in the shock and awe department. Where did all these people come from? Who are they? Look - shop windows! Look out - cars! Cars? Traffic? Traffic lights? What is all this commotion? What is all this noise? What's with all this pavement? Signs! Advertising! Everywhere! On everything!

After weeks of quiet and mostly solo walking, mostly in woods and farms, where the largest town rarely exceeds 500 residents, it's all quite overwhelming.

I just finished my first from Sarria to Santiago - a short one to be sure. Mentally & physically exhausted. Physically, curled up in bed with chills, either body shock or caught something from being run down. The 1st 2 days, I thought I was going to drop, the second 2, I felt like I was going to live. The last day proved to be the toughest. I'm 58, an avid hiker in poorer health, but I finished. Now on to recovery!

You have to set your mind to it. Pack ultralite. I was part of a group thru a tour company & my luggage was moved daily from overnight stays, which meant I carried a lot less.

Good luck!!

 

[VNwalking]

Maybe I'm in the minority, but I never feel empty after a camino, but full and satisfied. I always arrange at least one full day in Santiago, time to meet people and to do things that have become familiar over the years - as rest and a transition back to a busier existence. I love hanging out in the Plaza watching people arrive, and seeing their joy.

 

[jungleboy]

I feel both full and empty.

I never feel empty after a camino, but full and satisfied.

I guess you changed your mind over the lifetime of this thread!

 

[Camino Chrissy]

We're a fickle bunch sometimes, aren't we!

 

[VNwalking]

Haha, I guess so, Nick. Good catch.
Never was clearly too strong a word.
Fullness seems to always win out, though, so it's what I most remember- and it's definitely what I felt on my last camino. The older I get, the more grateful I feel that I can finish at all.

 

[C clearly]

I think I sometimes feel "depleted", which is not the same as empty. Maybe I feel "satiated" which arguably is more like full than empty, but it isn't the same. I do feel ready to go home.

 

[Peterexpatkiwi]

Both times last year I felt ... empty. Not ready to finish. I just wanted to keep walking.
Each day I'm in Santiago I find myself drawn back to the square and I just sit, my back against those old stones, and watch. Sooner or later I always seem to attract a kindred spirit and we sit quietly and talk a little. A woman from Holland who had lost everything; an Irishman trying to give up the 'demon' drink; an old man from South America who had saved his entire life for this one journey. A young American lost and confused, unable to understand why as all his friends were celebrating and getting ready to party, he felt so drained and empty. A young couple, both world travellers like myself, who had met on the way....

Treasured memories

 

[Roland49]

Do you have similar feelings or if not, how do you feel when you finish a camino?

Mixed feelings / emotions for me: joy or a bit pride and gratitude for getting to SdC without any hazards or worse, but also I feel a little lost.
The end of a Camino is forseeable but you try to ignore it until your feet hit the ground of the Praza d'Obradoiro.

 

[TravellingMan22]

I always feel pleased and even a tad proud that I have completed something in my life that I have wanted to do for a while. I am very specific about walking the whole way from what many may seem the ‘start’. I do actually keep a spreadsheet of things I want to do from a travel standpoint and a few mins after reaching Santiago, I will clear the entry from my sheet, and it’s always a moment for moment.

Far more sensibly I like to catch up with folks I have met so I will hang out at a bar in the hope of seeing someone or message folks I have exchanged numbers with.

It’s always a nice couple of days, though I tend to move on quickly both physically and mentally.

I have VDLP on my spreadsheet so hoping will be ‘pressing ‘clear’ on that soon.

 

[markie6]

I love hanging out in the Plaza watching people arrive, and seeing their joy.

Very much this. I've always arrived on my own and have enjoyed the smiles and happy faces in the Cathedral Square. It was my first time going to mass for maybe 25 years also. I also like the feeling of pilgrim watching along the route, have sometimes picked up the odd straggler for a few days ( the good the bad and the ugly)

Deflation sets in upon return home though Nick but I think that the lows often come after the highs.