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There are so many facets of life that look like this - an upcoming decision, an ambiguous future, with no certainty as to the actual details. (Come now, if we knew how the book would end, would we bother reading it?) Perhaps it helps to take the approach of "Living as if ..." So, whether you're going to seminary or not, serve as a lay minister, expand your reading, deepen your prayer life: all those things you would be doing if you were for sure going to do it. If you're walking the Camino this year or not, get the guide books, start planning stages, research the towns along your route, and lay out a training program that keeps you moving over the winter and has you in shape by spring. "Living as if" costs very little and can yield so much in the way of preparing you for that fork in the road that's coming up.I am running hot and cold, yet I keep hesitating.
I am running hot and cold. Some days I am passionately keen to do my first Camino next year (usually when working). Now I have no desire at all (Christmas holidays have started). I believe it is a decision only I can make, but I am driving my self insane with this indecision. I have searched forum and read the 'is the camino an escape' post still no answer. I guess I let things happen this however needs some proactive organisation. Feel like I am going a bit crazy I am sure I would enjoy it, I like being active and have (years ago) done a fair amount of OS travel, yet I keep hesitating.
To go will bring memories that last a lifetime.I am running hot and cold. Some days I am passionately keen to do my first Camino next year (usually when working). Now I have no desire at all (Christmas holidays have started). I believe it is a decision only I can make, but I am driving my self insane with this indecision. I have searched forum and read the 'is the camino an escape' post still no answer. I guess I let things happen this however needs some proactive organisation. Feel like I am going a bit crazy I am sure I would enjoy it, I like being active and have (years ago) done a fair amount of OS travel, yet I keep hesitating.
Thanks Aiden, yes somewhere along the way I have become very conservative and lost my drive for adventure which I used to thrive on. I know I love the idea of it.Can you imagine some point far into the future when you are no longer fit and able and are looking back over your life. Thinking of the things you did and the things you did not. They say we regret the things we do not do more than the things we do. I know it is true for me. So I say if the Camino is taking up so much personal time and energy that the decision to stay or go is driving you insane, I say that you need to go. Make sure you do not live the rest of your life wondering if it was for you or not, or regreting the fact that you did not take the opportunity when you had the chance. Grab life with both hands when you can and accept what comes your way. But of course it is always your decision. Buen camino.
Aidan
Thanks Eklund, I think I have read just about every book and my sister has done 2 caminos so I feel equipped with info and I love hiking. A few weeks ago I was bursting to go so I thought I was ready but now plagued with indecision. I have to decide soon if I want to do it in Spring! Probably just need to close my eyes now and jump.Hi Camino Ky, when I left my home in Copenhagen for my first caminowalk - The Camino Frances - in 2005, I was crying. It was 5 o'clock in the morning, I was going to the airport and I did not know anything about the camino. I did not want to go. In 2005 there was not that much information on the Internet and I did not have a clue of what was going to happen except that I would be walking a lot. When I decided to go in February 2005 it seemed like a good idea but that morning in June, when I left, I was devastated. Oh my, what had I gotten myself into? I was scared!
And what happened? I loved it. From my first minute in Spain, I meet good people, I got into the tapas, I enjoyed the walking and it was fabulous.
And now I'm planning my fourth Camino - the Camino del Norte - and I can't wait to go and I have to wait another seven months.
You have to look into yourself - are you ready for the adventure, the not knowing what is going to happen. Letting go of your comfort zone, see what happens and deal with it. Meeting wonderful people, making new friends, enjoy splendid walking maybe with a blister or two. Carrying your belongings on your back.
Maybe you are not ready yet.
Let us know what you decide. I'm curious - and if you go, let us know how your Camino goes.
The best to you.
Well I have certainly had some of those SAME kind of days...my first camino will be in May/June 2016 and some days I think "what the hell am I doing??" and some days it can't get here soon enough. But after reading all these posts (thanks to all who replied to Camino Ky) my decision has been made and I will buy my airline ticket and make the commitment. These forums have been invaluable. I am EXCITED!!I am running hot and cold.
Thanks Angie C. For sharing your thoughts and feelings which have some similarities to mine. I agree with the leave no stone unturned no regrets ideology which is why my hesitation is confusing, even annoying. I have been planning for mid to late April start. Time has come to make my mind up. All the best for your plans Angie and I would like to wish you a buen camino.Well I have certainly had some of those SAME kind of days...my first camino will be in May/June 2016 and some days I think "what the hell am I doing??" and some days it can't get here soon enough. But after reading all these posts (thanks to all who replied to Camino Ky) my decision has been made and I will buy my airline ticket and make the commitment. These forums have been invaluable. I am EXCITED!!I especially like the perspective of getting older and looking back over my life and having tremendous regret of not doing it. (besides I have to go now...I already mentioned it to all my grandkiddos and they are super jazzed about it and even impressed - and you know how hard it is to impress young ones today! haha!) Angie C.
I missed seeing this thread until after you had pushed the dreaded 'book this trip' button...Ok, Angie, Ekelund and everyone I did it! I pinched my nose closed my eyes and jumped eeek (not literally) I have booked and paid for my trip in April/May 2016. OMG I have a sick, terrified, scared, excited, oh what have I done blend of emotions now. The journey and tears have begun.. Deep breath... exhale..
Hi Viranani, Not sure the link was too reassuring. I have both sets of glasses, clear and rose tinted. I am sure there will be times when I pine for the comforts of home and family. Luckily as modern pilgrims we can phone home for some comfort and a pep talk. I know I won't be alone. Thanks Camino KyI missed seeing this thread until after you had pushed the dreaded 'book this trip' button...
and can only think, "Well done!!"
Did you see the recent thread asking if anyone had had thoughts of "What am I doing here?!"? If not, I think you will find the responses reassuring. Every one of us has had those moments--and sometimes (like you) long before we even get to the Camino.
[Edit... Here's the link: https://www.caminodesantiago.me/com...eck-am-i-doing-here.37068/page-2#post-356174]
...And look at her now!I struggled so for the first few weeks; I remember getting as far as Najera and was still finding it hard. So I telephoned my big brother in Australia (on a payphone, it was the days before mobiles). I was crying on the phone and saying; "This is too hard". He just said to me: "You can do it. Just put one foot in front of the other. If you pull out now you will regret it for the rest of your life".
So I stayed with it, taking a day now and then for rest, but always continuing to walk. And here we are, 14 years on, and I'm still walking!
Thanks Vgen, something worthwhile is not always easy, but I have noticed a lot of people go back again so I gather it is worthwhile. I do look forward to my pilgrimage. I am optimistic.Go,go, go! When I first learned about the Camino I became kind of obsessed with the idea of going. I read everything I could get my hands on about the Camino. For me, it was doing something I'd never thought of doing. I was happy just walking around the park. Then I started to think about the Camino every day. One day I figured out that it was the Camino calling me. All my fears kicked in as I started to walk out of SJPD. Too late, I had to walk now. If I had not walked the Camino I would have missed the journey of a lifetime. For me it was not just a walk. (Not to say there is anything wrong with that) It is hard for me to explain it. For me the Camino was listening to the motion of my feet, thinking about my life, meeting wonderful people from all over the world and seeing the beautiful landscapes and towns. I was lucky enough to View Spain not as a tourist, but as a pilgrim. This was my journey. Hope you go. Buen Camino.
Thank you Aidan21 for your kind and encouraging words. The more I read the forum and look at the photos some of the fear is easing just a little. Buen camino to you as well.Hi Camino Ky,
Being brave is to be frightened and doing it anyway. You are a brave soul. Know that no matter what happens or how it happens you will never regret your decision and I am will be totally surprised if you do not have one of your life's most rewarding experiences. It is all about you, the people you meet, the journey you take and perhaps in the at the end you will have learned something about life and about yourself. Trust me it is so very worthwhile. Buen camino.
Aidan
That first step: that acknowledgement that you are not in control, that responding to a greater Call, that willingness to have an experience that goes beyond the plan. Welcome to the community of pilgrims - for your journey has begun!I pinched my nose closed my eyes and jumped...
Kitsambler, I think you hit the nail on the head, life is not bad but not fully in control and even less now. It is 2 am I have woken in a fearful panic wishing I had not booked and paid. I hope the journey gets more enjoyable I am sitting here with my winter dressing gown on and a hot cuppa resisting the desire to throw up. To feel so cold is ridiculous I live in the sub tropics and it has been so hot this week!That first step: that acknowledgement that you are not in control, that responding to a greater Call, that willingness to have an experience that goes beyond the plan. Welcome to the community of pilgrims - for your journey has begun!
Kitsambler, I think you hit the nail on the head, life is not bad but not fully in control and even less now. It is 2 am I have woken in a fearful panic wishing I had not booked and paid. I hope the journey gets more enjoyable I am sitting here with my winter dressing gown on and a hot cuppa resisting the desire to throw up. To feel so cold is ridiculous I live in the sub tropics and it has been so hot this week!
Thanks CaminoDebrita, for the insight. I have also travelled and lived OS, so I had not expected this strong sense of fear or dread since booking. I am glad I don't have too long to wait and I am sure I will experience something similar to what you did when you arrived in SJPP. Have most of my gear already being a hiker (that is the easy partHow well I remember my physical feelings when boarding the flight to Spain. Honestly, I have lived overseas and travelled quite a bit, but I thought, "what the ^#$% am I doing??"
My husband wasn't much help, reminding me, "Yep, it's crazy, but you wanted to do this!"
It did not take long, upon landing in SJPP, for me to realize the following:
1. place of beauty!
2. friendly travelers
3. mmmm the food and drink are marvelous
4. I know how to walk. I'll just go really slowly if I'm tired.
And, one foot after the other, I walked the entire way to Santiago de Compostela. Sleeping, eating, walking, rinse and repeat. Smiling, laughing, crying, you will run the whole gamut.
What an amazing journey is in store for you! Just keep doing those practice walks, and break in a GOOD part of shoes or boots.
Now, back to my cuppa....
Yes Lachance, Despite all of the encouraging comments and even pulling out and weighing my gear I have not been able to shake this feeling of dread. If I am really honest right now if I could get a substantial refund on my ticket I think I would I just cannot stand this feeling of fear it is just not necessary. I have 2 options. 1. to push through and hopefully have the time of my life or 2. cancel and cut my losses as making a hasty decision (what I lose is only a bit of a week of work $$ anyway). Ill sleep on it.You're not alone in having these feelings. The wonderful people here are always positive and encouraging. Only you can't help thinking to yourself, but they're the ones it worked for. There are a few posts with sadder stories. I booked the flights early this year to go next April, for 2 reasons: to get frequent flyer tickets (which on my plan you have to do as soon as the seats are released); and to commit myself to doing it. Maybe too far in advance for something that was more of a random whim in a bad time than the long held dream many here talk about. Since then, many moments of, as you say, going hot and cold. This forum has stoked the fire. Countered by earworms such as "miserable and lonely, repentant and contrite" and harrowing tales of peregrino misfortunes.
True true, and a pep talk from my partner helped a little.Lots of sleeps before you go. My thinking is, it's not like setting out to trek the Amazonian rain forest. There are buses and taxis and wifi etc, so you can opt out en route pretty easily.
Your biggest concern should be once you do go you will become a "Camino addict" like the rest of us. You will wake up everyday and check this website and continually dream of your next camino.I am running hot and cold. Some days I am passionately keen to do my first Camino next year (usually when working). Now I have no desire at all (Christmas holidays have started). I believe it is a decision only I can make, but I am driving my self insane with this indecision. I have searched forum and read the 'is the camino an escape' post still no answer. I guess I let things happen this however needs some proactive organisation. Feel like I am going a bit crazy I am sure I would enjoy it, I like being active and have (years ago) done a fair amount of OS travel, yet I keep hesitating.
yes Shubertj there does seem to be a lot of Camino addicts it is part of the appeal, it must be good.Your biggest concern should be once you do go you will become a "Camino addict" like the rest of us. You will wake up everyday and check this website and continually dream of your next camino.
Hi Heidi, yes my sister told me the same suggestion of stopping and touring.When we walked for the first time, what kept me going was thinking "I can always stop, get a bus to Madrid and just be a tourist for a couple of weeks." I never did, but just knowing I could was wonderfully liberating.
That's another good thing about the Frances, by the way - if you're uncertain about how you're feeling, you can (almost everywhere) tell yourself you're just doing a few kilometres, just to that nice albergue in 7 km - and if you DO feel off, it's perfectly fine to STOP walking after just a short distance! Nobody will beat you for having done a lot of short stretches.
I, too, had that feeling of dread, everyday, from the time I bought my ticket. What kept me going were Eleanor Roosevelt's words, "Everyday do something that really scares you." Hang in there. You can do it. Buen Camino..........I have not been able to shake this feeling of dread.....
Thanks for your encouraging words Icacos, oh my I hope it eases 4 months until I go I will bring crazy by then even though I still get that squirt of anxiety it my stomach each time I think about it, I am starting to look forward to it as well.I, too, had that feeling of dread, everyday, from the time I bought my ticket. What kept me going were Eleanor Roosevelt's words, "Everyday do something that really scares you." Hang in there. You can do it. Buen Camino.
Camino Ky, that's also normal, I think--I've experienced it (which is crazy because I don't have a stable home) and have heard the same from many other pilgrims. It seems irrational, but some part of the psyche feels threatened by this Camino business. For me it feels like "Run for your life, we're gonna die!"I think I am having difficulty leaving the security and comfort of home. Which is odd considering I have always been a traveller. Hard to explain
I love that, Icaros! Thank you. I will."Everyday do something that really scares you."
Hi Camino Ky,Thanks for your encouraging words Icacos, oh my I hope it eases 4 months until I go I will bring crazy by then even though I still get that squirt of anxiety it my stomach each time I think about it, I am starting to look forward to it as well.
Thank you Laurie, that is a lovely heartwarming response. Wow 14 Caminos in 15 years, certainly says something for the experience of a camino. It is going to be an adventure. I look forward to that first step. Thank you for your wishes. Ky.Hi Camino Ky,
You won't go crazy, don't worry. But I will tell you that 15 years after my first Camino, and with a Camino every year but one since then, I still get those squirts of anxiety. No matter how many times you walk the Camino, every time you start you know you are breaking with the comfortable and the known. But in the end, once you take your first step, it is a miracle. It's a delicious way to reaffirm your independence, your tenaciousness, and your gratefulness for being alive. I wish you a wonderful camino, Laurie
... It's not a decision that's neccesarily is going to shape your future. ...
Aidan, your response is a great way of looking at it and I fully agree !Can you imagine some point far into the future when you are no longer fit and able and are looking back over your life. Thinking of the things you did and the things you did not. They say we regret the things we do not do more than the things we do. I know it is true for me. So I say if the Camino is taking up so much personal time and energy that the decision to stay or go is driving you insane, I say that you need to go. Make sure you do not live the rest of your life wondering if it was for you or not, or regreting the fact that you did not take the opportunity when you had the chance. Grab life with both hands when you can and accept what comes your way. But of course it is always your decision. Buen camino.
Aidan
Actually, for some people it does shape their future ... once you become a camino-holic . . .It's not like taking mortgage or getting married... It's not a decision that's neccesarily is going to shape your future. Do you have any other idea on how to better spend this month of your life?
It changed my life and I think the life's one way ore another off a lot more people.It's not like taking mortgage or getting married... It's not a decision that's neccesarily is going to shape your future. Do you have any other idea on how to better spend this month of your life?
Sometimes a sick feeling of dread is the Holy Spirit trying to tell you something. We would all be much better off if we could learn how to listen to this "feeling or intuition or higher power" Maybe this isn't the time for you. It sounds like more than just nerves or concerns about travel arrangements. Dont feel a bit bad about choosing to back out. The right answer might be "not right now"Yes Lachance, Despite all of the encouraging comments and even pulling out and weighing my gear I have not been able to shake this feeling of dread. If I am really honest right now if I could get a substantial refund on my ticket I think I would I just cannot stand this feeling of fear it is just not necessary. I have 2 options. 1. to push through and hopefully have the time of my life or 2. cancel and cut my losses as making a hasty decision (what I lose is only a bit of a week of work $$ anyway). Ill sleep on it.
I'm glad You're feeling better about your Camino. Don't ever be afraid to stop what you're doing even if you are ready to step on the Plane. We all are given that gift of feeling "something's not right" If we will just heed it. My fear is having to get into better shape. I went from doing Triathlons to feeling like a couch potato. I tied on my hikers and went for a good 3 mile walk today. It's a start! Buen Camino JudyThanks Joodle and ShaLaw, it has been 10 days since I booked and paid for my airfare. Goodness what an unexpected highly emotional reaction I had to that step. Thankfully I have calmed considerably Yay. The flutterbies in my stomach are bearable now. Have weighed and partially packed my bag, talked about my concerns on forum (feedback from forum has been inspiring) and with family ( good support). Deciding it is time to start getting fit again I contacted my running friend who may even end up as a camino buddy. Now I believe things will come together as they should and I too will enjoy a camino experience. I am actually excited about my journey now.. hooray
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