God is a Prankster?!? LOL

[Deleted member 43985]

 

[domigee]

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[Deleted member 67185]

A very religious man was once caught in rising floodwaters. He climbed onto the roof of his house and trusted God to rescue him.

A neighbour came by in a canoe and said, “The waters will soon be above your house. Hop in and we’ll paddle to safety.”

“No thanks” replied the religious man. “I’ve prayed to God and I’m sure he will save me”

A short time later the police came by in a boat. “The waters will soon be above your house. Hop in and we’ll take you to safety.”

“No thanks” replied the religious man. “I’ve prayed to God and I’m sure he will save me”

A little time later a rescue services helicopter hovered overhead, let down a rope ladder and said. “The waters will soon be above your house. Climb the ladder and we’ll fly you to safety.”

“No thanks” replied the religious man. “I’ve prayed to God and I’m sure he will save me”

All this time the floodwaters continued to rise, until soon they reached above the roof and the religious man drowned. When he arrived at heaven he demanded an audience with God. Ushered into God’s throne room he said, “Lord, why am I here in heaven? I prayed for you to save me, I trusted you to save me from that flood.”

“Yes you did my child” replied the Lord. “And I sent you a canoe, a boat and a helicopter. What more did you want?"

Source: unknown.

 

[CWBuff]

One Sunday, Shane walks into a church and kneels down at the altar and begins to pray to God, stating that he owes many people money and asks to win the lottery. After he is done praying, he gets up and walks out.

The next Sunday he goes to the same church and pleads with God through his prayers to let him win the lottery so that he can pay these people back.

The next Sunday comes around and Shane enters the church very upset and close to tears, he kneels at the alter and asks why God is doing this to him and say's that he has asked to win the lottery for three weeks now and nothing.

Suddenly there came a loud bang of thunder and God spoke, "Shane, meet me halfway: Buy a damn ticket!"

The Moral of both stories - God Helps Those Who Help Themselves

 

[FamPed]

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[Deleted member 73526]

 

[Tincatinker]

I was raised to understand that the Old ones had done their thing. That Earth and Water, Fire and Wind well they got together and in that tempest they made this place and in that tempest they made us and they made all the other stuff as well. And by the time they'd done all that stuff they were old, and tired, and figured it was our turn to make something out of all the stuff they'd made.

Which is why I'll offer them a little wine or smoke, some silver or some sweat - but only in gratitude. I don't expect anymore of them. Mine are there in every sparkle of the light and in every susurrous of the air, in every grain of dust that crusts my sweaty face and in every drop of rain that slakes my ochreous skin.

If I need rescuing its only because I haven't paid enough respect to them, or myself and my uniqueness. If I can't see them: all around, within and without me then I have made myself blind to our beautiful inheritance.

But hey. We don't do religion in this forum and those were cracking jokes

 

[nycwalking]

I was raised to understand that the Old ones had done there thing. That Earth and Water, Fire and Wind well they got together and in that tempest they made this place and in that tempest they made us and they made all the other stuff as well. And by the time they'd done all that stuff they were old, and tired, and figured it was our turn to make something out of all the stuff they'd made.

Which is why I'll offer them a little wine or smoke, some silver or some sweat - but only in gratitude. I don't expect anymore of them. Mine are there in every sparkle of the light and in every susurrous of the air, in every grain of dust that crusts my sweaty face and in every drop of rain that slakes my ochreous skin.

If I need rescuing its only because I haven't paid enough respect to them, or myself and my uniqueness. If I can't see them: all around, within and without me then I have made myself blind to our beautiful inheritance.

But hey. We don't do religion in this forum and those were cracking jokes

Crack on @Tincatinker, crack on.

 

[chinacat]

@Raggy

Emo Philips!!

It’s been too long .....

 

[Former member 81810]

Rabbi Lionel Blue (a wonderful man and once of BBC's Thought for the Day) once told this joke about faith.
A very religious man fell off a cliff and managed to grab the only branch sticking out. He then called out for help and heard a voice "This is your God, let go and I will make sure you land safe". After a pause the man calls out "Is there anyone else there" .......

 

[Caminogoat]

A 90-year old lady asked God just how longer more she was going to live. God said another 30 years. The lady thought if she was going to live that much longer then she might as well do something to make her look good. She went to a plastic surgeon and had a full body-and-face job. done The result was just astonishing, but she got hit by a bus and died on her way home and found herself next to the God in heaven. The lady asked why her God didn't protect her for another 30 years, and the God said: "I didn't recognize you."

 

[Shades of Narnia]

One Sunday, Shane walks into a church and kneels down at the altar and begins to pray to God, stating that he owes many people money and asks to win the lottery. After he is done praying, he gets up and walks out.

The next Sunday he goes to the same church and pleads with God through his prayers to let him win the lottery so that he can pay these people back.

The next Sunday comes around and Shane enters the church very upset and close to tears, he kneels at the alter and asks why God is doing this to him and say's that he has asked to win the lottery for three weeks now and nothing.

Suddenly there came a loud bang of thunder and God spoke, "Shane, meet me halfway: Buy a damn ticket!"

The Moral of both stories - God Helps Those Who Help Themselves

Jokes aside, if this Moral were true, the power of God would come from me and you. Think about it. A better thought is that God loves each of us and is always with us and desires what is best for each of us. As to whether he answers our prayers as requested? He always answers but the answer is not always yes ......for our good.

 

[Deleted member 73526]

Jokes aside, if this Moral were true, the power of God would come from me and you. Think about it. A better thought is that God loves each of us and is always with us and desires what is best for each of us. As to whether he answers our prayers as requested? He always answers but the answer is not always yes ......for our good.

It might be a better thought, but it's a weak punchline.

 

[CWBuff]

@Shades of Narnia Well... there is something to what you said. However, I am not sure about power of God would come from me and you as it implied in the jokes above. Surely we Pray, and surely God May or (May not) Answer the Prayer.... however I do not believe God can (well...OK He CAN but lets not 'overcomplicate') pick us up and THROW our sorry butt into a helicopter! Some things we MUST do for ourselves.

Lets tread carefully...we already got 1 pass from @Tincatinker - I would hate to see the post come to a swift lockdown due to seriousness of it

 

[ELHS220]

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GOD IS A PRANKSTER?
NO!!

GOD LIVED AS A DEVIL DOG. (Palindrome)

 

[David Tallan]

A very religious man was once caught in rising floodwaters. He climbed onto the roof of his house and trusted God to rescue him.

A neighbour came by in a canoe and said, “The waters will soon be above your house. Hop in and we’ll paddle to safety.”

“No thanks” replied the religious man. “I’ve prayed to God and I’m sure he will save me”

A short time later the police came by in a boat. “The waters will soon be above your house. Hop in and we’ll take you to safety.”

“No thanks” replied the religious man. “I’ve prayed to God and I’m sure he will save me”

A little time later a rescue services helicopter hovered overhead, let down a rope ladder and said. “The waters will soon be above your house. Climb the ladder and we’ll fly you to safety.”

“No thanks” replied the religious man. “I’ve prayed to God and I’m sure he will save me”

All this time the floodwaters continued to rise, until soon they reached above the roof and the religious man drowned. When he arrived at heaven he demanded an audience with God. Ushered into God’s throne room he said, “Lord, why am I here in heaven? I prayed for you to save me, I trusted you to save me from that flood.”

“Yes you did my child” replied the Lord. “And I sent you a canoe, a boat and a helicopter. What more did you want?"

Source: unknown.

That story is the one I use to explain why, at the lowest point of my 2016 Camino, I accepted a ride for 5 km to the next albergue. I also think there was a lesson in there about not being a purist and judgemental of other pilgrims.

 

[Shades of Narnia]

That story is the one I use to explain why, at the lowest point of my 2016 Camino, I accepted a ride for 5 km to the next albergue. I also think there was a lesson in there about not being a purist and judgemental of other pilgrims.

Perfect!