Fear versus Reality

SYates said:

Before my first Camino my main concern was language. How would I manage "everything" when I spoke at that time only like five words of Spanish?

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That was my main concern too. I spent very little time in contact with other pilgrims on my first Camino - bilingual or otherwise. And English was far less commonly spoken along the Camino at the time. Like you I found that some creative sign language went a long way and some conversations were carried out in a slightly surreal mash of languages - fragments of Spanish, English, French and occasionally even Latin in the same sentence! Most of the time local people were very alert to my needs and often went out of their way to be helpful before I even had the chance to ask. I had that very positive experience in mind when I made my first visit to Japan to walk the Shikoku 88 temple circuit in 2018. Very much a fish out of water there too where language was concerned and culture more generally and also with the extra worry of becoming effectively illiterate for the first time since childhood too. As a fairly independent and self-reliant person in my daily life becoming reliant on the goodwill of local people was probably a very salutory lesson for me. One huge advantage of walking in recent years has been the advent of mobile phones with translation apps. That would have been pure science fiction when I first walked a Camino. I make a lot of use of those now and they certainly take much of the anxiety out of travel beyond my monoglot English bubble.

I was nervous about whether I could walk so far; 900 km from SJPDP to Finisterre.
I ended up doing it quite easily, and had a lot of fun along the way.
Now I don’t even think about the overall distance or distances.

I find that my anxiety about length of day's walk and the amount of elevation is always an issue. Your body is very capable of adjusting but it takes some work to get your mind in gear. Case in point (or rather cases) - I walked a couple of days that were really trying. The hills were terrible (at the time). The following year, I walked the same days and those hills that I thought were so difficult weren't even an issue. And I wasn't in better shape (just the opposite). The mind works in ways, instinctively, to protect the body.

1: Blisters. Well, and injury. But mainly blisters. But my shoe-sock system worked like it should and i never had a blister on all my caminos or hikes since.
2: Not getting a bed. So much talk about crowds and people sleeping in the streets. Never had a problem getting a bed.
3: Phone / Wallet breaking, getting stolen, robbed. I need to be able to stay in touch with my business so i made an elaborate contigency plan what i would do if i found myself literally naked on the street. As you could expect, never needed one bit of it.
4: My ridiculously light loadout failing me. I set out with pretty much everything untested and at just around 4,6kg on my back. While i since made some improvements, most things worked surprisingly well and the second time i started walking with a kilo less.
5: Me being able to walk 800km across Spain. After having read so many horror stories of people having to break off their Camino i was scared. Then i set one foot after the other and arrived in Santiago a few weeks later.

Interesting question. And interesting answers.

I have not walked a Camino yet, I'm fluent in Spanish and quite used to walking large distances. I know that I may have to stop along the way due to some physical issues, age, etc., but this is not a big concern for me. I will just withdraw in the hope I can try it again.

I don't think I feel the real pressure yet, but to be honest my first fear at the moment is that my first Camino, which is coming up next spring, will be too crowded, exploited and "commercial".

My first “Camino” was a deliberate and conscious pilgrimage to the bones of one who may have stood with the divine.

In the 6 bed couchette on the way south from Paris one of a group of four young Germans asked “why are you going to Spain?” I told them and they laughed.

I spent the next two weeks out of St Jean fearing that question, doubting my answer

Tincatinker said:

I spent the next two weeks out of St Jean fearing that question, doubting my answer

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On my first Camino I would probably have been fairly quick and confident in my answer. Some years later I am now much less definite about almost everything. On the whole I think that is a good thing. "We demand rigidly defined areas of doubt and uncertainty" sounds like a good principle to me these days...

The first entry in my Camino diary last year was made sitting on the bed in Sarria, addressing my fears one by one. Most of them dealt with physical limitations and challenges that I had never faced. The biggest issue was self-doubt. In the end, I pushed myself up to a standing position, pulled on my pack, took poles in hand, and took one step out of the door. And another. And another. And another. EVERYBODY passed me!! Each night I cried from the pain and told myself if I couldn’t make it the next day’s 10 km (or whatever the goal was), that I would be ok with what I had already accomplished. Each morning I just kept going. And then 11 days later I collapsed in the Plaza in front of the cathedral of Santiago de Compostela, sobbing and giving grateful prayers. My goal next year is to walk even further. The doctors look at me like I’m crazy but of course I can do it!! I only need to look at my Compostela for proof.

Whatever fears we might have are only in our minds because we let them take up space there.

My first camino I was full of doubt and fear. It was because I really knew absolutely nothing of what to expect. I had not even heard of the movie the Way. I read some things on the internet. I never even saw a photo of an albergue. I bought a Brierley Guide. I met a woman who gave me packing ideas. She was so helpful. I discovered the Forum about a month before I left. I wasn't reading it every day. I read The Pilgrim and for some reason that helped me. I got on the plane and was almost blind to the challenge. I didn't even have an idea of what it would be like to walk up the mountain from St Jean and had no concept of the altitude gain. I had no phone and told my family I had no idea when I would be able to contact them again once I started. I had no idea that albergues had computers and most of the villages and towns internet cafe.
So I had no specific anxiety. It was everything but I didn't care I knew I had to walk. By Pamplona I knew I had it down and basically all my anxiety was forgotten. I was pretty proud of myself.
I will do Camino number 10 next year from Almeria on the Mozarabe and I still have some worry. But that ends the moment I see the first arrow/sidewalk shell.
I couldn't have done a camino like the Mozarabe then. Now I have no desire to do the CF again. I do admit sometimes I miss the Meseta. So who knows I may try to sneak that in again if it can be done when I walk in my late fall early winter time frame.

That's a super question.

I had a full-time job with which I'd become bored, and I was finishing a part-time degree in Anthropology, and trying to decide upon my thesis subject. I was working at the Commonwealth Secretariat at the time, and was almost dead-set on writing about the plight of the displaced islanders in the Chagos Archipelago, and their slum situation in Mauritius. I don't really know what made me change my mind and decide to write about something dear to anthropologists - the liminal period. I thought pilgrimage was a prime example, and decided to do one, just to see if it would change me.

I set off as a sceptical agnostic character, from Chartres, in northern France, and I didn't find anything much to change my mind until I hit Spain. I was worried about walking through Spain, because I didn't speak very much of the language. Perhaps I'd had a bit of an easy ride through France, given that I could speak French quite competently. I remember arriving in Roncesvalles after a long day from SJPdP, and meeting the only other pilgrim in the vast old building - a Swiss cyclist. We spoke French, as a common language. To see her confidently ordering food in the restaurant made me feel that I needed to redouble my efforts to learn enough Spanish to get by. Of course, the next day, off she went on her bike, and I felt as though I'd been abandoned. However, I met a Spanish pilgrim at my overnight stop, and he looked after me until we arrived in Pamplona, where he was stopping. After that, I had various adventures, good and bad, but I never again felt as nervous about my ability to cope as I did on that day crossing the border, leaving my competent French for the unknown quantity of Spanish.

Like so many camino related questions the answers can be both individualistic, or common to many.

In my opinion they also tie in very much to our previous life experiences.

I've been a traveler for many years. Back in the 80s and 90s cell phones weren't a thing; the first internet cafe opened in '94.
In those days I was monolingual. Google translate didn't exist. You don't need to speak the language to travel through a country, although it does enrich your experience.

Despite the cultures being very different I didn't just survive, I thrived. Three simple concepts are well known worldwide: eating, drinking, sleeping. A simple smile and a little mime always got me everything I needed. (Ok, a little cash of course )

So personally aside from the usual getting to the airport on time anxiety I had zero issues or concerns on my first Camino.

Why?

Research, experience and preparation.

I found out about the camino through YouTube. Nowadays there is an incredible amount of information available to anyone who wishes to walk, all it takes is a little research. Whether you get your information from books, from other pilgrims, from this forum, from Reddit/YouTube or other internet sources you can learn about everything from packing lists to daily distances, shoes etc. A visit to a half decent sports store will solve just about any other gear issues you have. Add in a little physical preparation (training), address one other key Factor and you're good to go.

Gringazolana said:

Whatever fears we might have are only in our minds because we let them take up space there

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And that is the other key Factor. A little mental preparation.

Just be open to whatever comes your way - you'll be fine.

Ahh, the memories! So many fears, so little time! But I made it!

Being that I’m a native Spanish speaker, I wasn’t worried about language issues, other than knowing I would be in France when starting out and I don’t speak a word of French, but somehow I managed. Later in my Camino I met several French speakers, as well as other nationalities, with limited English or Spanish skills, but we were all very patient with each other, and managed to communicate. Interestingly, nobody reached out to me to translate Spanish, and lots of non-Spanish speakers seemed to manage just fine with just a few phrases when talking to hospitaleros, etc.

I had logistical fears, like how to clear customs, how to find my trains, what about cell phone services, etc. I got lots of good information about these in this forum (thanks, y’all!).

I’m a nerdy, intellectual older person not particularly athletic, so I worried about all this walking being too much for me, in particular because I was going to carry a big cPAP machine. Well, I did manage to walk long distances, and eventually I resorted to the luggage transport to take some of the weight off. Somehow, I climbed mountains, negotiated rocky terrain, walked in scorching heat, freezing cold, and I managed to do it all.

I was terrified of getting lost in the fog. I was terrified of wild animals like cows and bulls…on my second day, I had no choice but to walk right next to a bunch of cows and a bull, despite being afraid. (The bovines didnt’ seem to care that I was walking right next to them).

Later on that afternoon, I got lost in the fog, the wind picked up, it was getting late in the day and I couldn’t find my way to Roncesvalles. A French pilgrim that struggled with English found me and escorted me all the way to Roncesvalles, taught me how to better use my trekking poles despite our language discrepancies. Also, while making our way to Roncesvalles, other pilgrims passed us by. Lesson: if I just wait, other pilgrims will probably walk by so it’s not likely to be completely alone for too long. So, I got lost in the fog, just as I feared, but I made it to Roncesvalles anyway.

I was terrified of the Biskarreta river crossing blocks, which I’ve seen in You Tube. Thanks to the encouragement of other pilgrims, I managed to climb on those blocks and despite my fear of losing my balance, I walked them.

I was fearful of falling and injuring myself. I did have a couple of close calls when I tripped but thankfully my trekking poles came to the rescue.

I was fearful of getting caught in a storm. Well, I DID get caught in a nasty storm as I was trying to reach Fromista. I managed to find a concrete structure that although closed (I couldn’t get in), it partially protected me from the howling winds.

I survived being caught in a storm.

I was fearful of not having what it takes to do this pilgrimage, but I was encouraged every step of the way from my friends here in this forum and in FB camino groups. I also learned to be wise about pacing myself, taking rest days, sometimes just shorter days. Despite my fears, I walked the entire Camino, every single step of the way.

So, many of the things that I feared actually did happen, but somehow, I managed to get through them successfully, I count that as a win.

After 42 grueling days, many of them I spent bitching, moaning, and complaining, I arrived at Santiago to the sound of Cathedral bells and bagpipes, the most triumphant arrival that I still savor to this day, and made all these hardships so totally worth it.

If I just stayed home, none of this would have happened. I did prepare the best I could, reading these boards, doing my own training at home, buying the right equipment, and being the over-cautious fellow that I am, I’m glad I took the time and effort to prepare. But no amount of preparation will prevent the unexpected from happening, and that’s how we can discover inner strengths that we may not be aware of.

I recognize that there was an element of luck in all of this, which is why I believe in preparing well, and learning to rely on the help of others and accept the help graciously instead of trying to be a tough guy.

I’m currently processing my own relationship with fear and learning how to listen to it, how to work with it, and learn to recognize the ways it is trying to keep me safe. As I try to digest the experience, I’m learning how to apply the lessons learned in my everyday life.

On my first camino I had read Shirley MacLaine’s book Camino just before heading out.

Her depiction of encountering wild dogs in Foncebadon scared me.

I spent the night in Rabanal terrified thinking of next day’s walk. In Astorga I had considered bussing to Ponferrada to avoid the crazed dogs.

Well, no dogs wild or otherwise were sighted in Rabanal. Just a run down little village.

This was August 2001 so village was yet to be revitalized.

I started my first of a dozen or more Caminos in 2011 and I didn't have a clue. I was living in Biarritz at the time and had some free time on my hands and so one weekend I took the train down to SJPdP. I bought a small backpack, too small actually-it was what I learned later was what everyone considered to be a day pack. I went back home and a week later packed enough stuff to walk for a week to 10 days. I took the train back early one morning, wearing only a t-shirt, denim pants, thick wool socks and boots. I had fastened a sleeping bag to the pack which was at least the as large as the backpack, I looked ridiculous. In fact some guy who passed me on the way into PlR said so! I had no guidebook and no idea how much or how far I would/could be walking each day. The first slog walking out of St. Jean nearly killed me walking up that paved hill exiting town. I had done zero training for this adventure. That day, I walked all the way to Roncesvalles; I arrived around dusk and was luck enough to find a bed at the big albergue. I met two pilgrims from Lebanon that night and we walked together for the next 4 or 5 days to PlR when they bailed and took a bus forward toward Sarria/SDC. We became great friends and have corresponded regularly since then. We had some great laughs, on night one we sharing a cubicle with 4 Israeli soldiers who where on a sabbatical, my newly found Lebanese friends were Christians but they definitely were not interested in exposing their home country to the soldiers, so I covered for them saying we were a group of American hikers. I finally made it to Logrono, went back home to Biarritz; but I was hooked on the Camino experience. The next year I walked SJPdP to SdC, the following year Porto to SdC and the rest is history. I have received 4 Compostelas, there could have been more if I chose to do so and have 13 fully and partially stamped credentials.

naplesdon said:

I started my first of a dozen or more Caminos in 2011 and I didn't have a clue. I was living in Biarritz at the time and had some free time on my hands and so one weekend I took the train down to SJPdP. I bought a small backpack, too small actually-it was what I learned later was what everyone considered to be a day pack. I went back home and a week later packed enough stuff to walk for a week to 10 days. I took the train back early one morning, wearing only a t-shirt, denim pants, thick wool socks and boots. I had fastened a sleeping bag to the pack which was at least the as large as the backpack, I looked ridiculous. In fact some guy who passed me on the way into PlR said so! I had no guidebook and no idea how much or how far I would/could be walking each day. The first slog walking out of St. Jean nearly killed me walking up that paved hill exiting town. I had done zero training for this adventure. That day, I walked all the way to Roncesvalles; I arrived around dusk and was luck enough to find a bed at the big albergue. I met two pilgrims from Lebanon that night and we walked together for the next 4 or 5 days to PlR when they bailed and took a bus forward toward Sarria/SDC. We became great friends and have corresponded regularly since then. We had some great laughs, on night one we sharing a cubicle with 4 Israeli soldiers who where on a sabbatical, my newly found Lebanese friends were Christians but they definitely were not interested in exposing their home country to the soldiers, so I covered for them saying we were a group of American hikers. I finally made it to Logrono, went back home to Biarritz; but I was hooked on the Camino experience. The next year I walked SJPdP to SdC, the following year Porto to SdC and the rest is history. I have received 4 Compostelas, there could have been more if I chose to do so and have 13 fully and partially stamped credentials.

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I really like your approach: free mind, independent, "don't worry" and... "just do it".

Fears and Anxieties over doing new stuff tends to go away when we actually do that new stuff. With a distance walking Pilgrimage, experience and knowledge is gained which not only allows for the fading away of Fears and Anxieties, but it also allows for the improving of the next experience: things like dealing with blister prevention more effectively, leaving stuff behind which lightens a backpack's total weight, lessening or eliminating the frantic concerns for having shelter at night, how to conserve energy by understanding how you can pace yourself. . . .

I did mine at a days notice so no time to worry although the only thing I would and did worry about is getting a bed, or it being too pricey. The rest seemed relatively in line with regular multi day walking and / or normal backpacking. So if you have experience in those you can’t really go wrong. If they are new then yes a bit more to think about I guess. On other treks I have worried about altitude, illness, food and so on! Oh and heights and snakes ( in fact esp. heights and snakes!). Thankfully not an issue on Camino (which is a big part of why I do it!). Experience helps of course but I think after 3 or 4 days of rinse and repeat you will have all the experience you will ever need. Re the distance per day.. well my big learning was that by about day 5 ish I could walk further on the same effort.

I think as long as you download a Camino app and have a few Hotac apps and numbers, you are pretty much covered. I still worry about the bed thing tho and I need to pack light as I have poor upper body strength and it’s psychologically important to me.

I guess the folks who ‘designed’ the Camino, have done a great job. When you need a hotel room there is one there and ditto, bars and restaurants!

It does depend so much on age and life experience. I am an Aussie where over seas travel is pretty much the norm - and I had led a relatively adventurous life.
My 2007 solo European trip and Camino was my second really big adventure. However three months before leaving I was filled with unexpected and unnamed global anxiety. It felt like I would be dead even before I got on the plane. I calmed my nervous system with the help of an excellent body work practitioner. Phew!!!
I travelled through Europe for two weeks staying with friends before I arrived at SJPP - so I felt like a bit of a veteran by then. But I also considered just arriving there an achievement in itself.
When I saw a half dozen others with backpacks on the train from Bayonne to SJPP any remaining fears left. I would just follow those ahead of me.
My main Camino ‘fear’ was blisters so had I spent a lot of time getting the best shoe/ sock combo for my feet. Luckily my feet aren’t blister prone and my footwear choices were good.
Lesson - fear and anxiety can be global or specific and both have solutions.
Buen Camino

My first Camino was entirely spontaneous as a planned trip to the US was cancelled through temporary illness. I just turned up and got on with it, speaking bare tourist-Spanish. Nobody died, nothing caught fire and everyone got to Santiago.

Years later, functionally fluent in Spanish I have a different experience and can easily go where previously I couldn’t. Is it better? No. But it’s different.