Fast and Furious or Slow and Steady?

[jamesmcsparron]

When I have to walk to the next Albergue I usually want to get there fast. Get my heart and lungs pumping, work the leg muscles and sweat like I'm in a sauna! My wife however, likes to take it slow and have several breaks to catch her breath, spend some time absorbing the surroundings and chat to whoever wants to share a conversation.
This would seriously annoy me. Especially when other pilgrims would pass us. Pilgrims who were a good bit older than us, who were perhaps limping, or were carrying some extra weight. When they passed us I would imagine they were thinking how unfit we were, while I would be thinking, if I could just walk at the speed I wanted to, I'd leave everyone in the dust!
Of course if I'd say this to my wife she would sarcastically say that I was such a big man, who needed to prove how tough he was and to go on ahead if I felt she was slowing me down! I would then huff and stamp on at a faster pace. I'd keep looking back to see how far ahead I was getting. Then I'd wait because after mulling it over in my head I'd realise I was being childish and that we were supposed to be doing the walk together! When she caught up, she'd just walk right past, ignoring me so I'd storm off again until I was just around a corner or brow of a hill. Then I'd wait again. This would go on for days until one day as we walked together, deep in conversation, one which we were really engrossed in, I noticed her pace had speeded up. It looked like she thought it important that I heard what she was talking about so was keeping pace incase I got out of ears reach. Once I realised this I began increasing my stride and lo and behold so did she!
I'd found the accelerator pedal!
Our pace got faster. Not as fast as I'd have liked but much better. I slowed down a little and she sped up a little and we met in the middle.

 

[C clearly]

This reminds me of why I am glad that my husband is not interested in walking the Camino!

 

[J Willhaus]

Walk your walk and let her walk hers. My husband is also a pokey, smell the flowers, take a picture of everything person. Don't diminish her joy by being absorbed in your own walk.

 

[Bradypus]

My wife likes to walk long distances too -including a couple of Caminos. But she prefers shorter daily stages, advance bookings and a higher standard of accommodation than I am happy with. She also walks more slowly than I do. If I had constantly to adjust my pace to hers or vice versa then we would quickly become uncomfortable and frustrated when walking together. We are both happy to walk solo and so we walk different routes and times.

 

[André Walker]

My wife and I have a different pace of walking too, so your problem seems familiar to me.
I considered getting a divorce, but my wife didn’t think that was a good idea. So I didn’t.

 

[Barbara]

Had you considered leaving from the same place after agreeing where you would meet later? Because her Camino is not your Camino and why should she change to doing your Camino?

 

[Kanga]

I walk and my husband rides a motorbike. He goes off the Camino exploring and finding good roads he can enjoy, while I stick to the path. We get together at the end of the day. It works for us.

 

[Lexicos]

I guess walking so far and for so long with someone else, anyone else means a lot of compromise, accommodation and negotiation with a bit of self sacrifice and sympathy thrown in. If that’s too hard or too much to ask, for either party, I reckon go on and walk solo. Either way, when you reach Santiago, I’m sure you’ll have done a lot of reflection on why you chose to go with one or the other, i.e. solo or with your buddy.

Buen Camino.

 

[Dennis Pack]

I just can't imagine travelling all the way to Spain just to race from one bed to another. It would be easier and more economical to stay closer to home ... obviously (and sadly) the "place" is of little significance.
As "they" say, "It's a journey, not a destination." .... or something like that.

 

[Rick Chollett]

When I have to walk to the next Albergue I usually want to get there fast. Get my heart and lungs pumping, work the leg muscles and sweat like I'm in a sauna! My wife however, likes to take it slow and have several breaks to catch her breath, spend some time absorbing the surroundings and chat to whoever wants to share a conversation.
This would seriously annoy me. Especially when other pilgrims would pass us. Pilgrims who were a good bit older than us, who were perhaps limping, or were carrying some extra weight. When they passed us I would imagine they were thinking how unfit we were, while I would be thinking, if I could just walk at the speed I wanted to, I'd leave everyone in the dust!
Of course if I'd say this to my wife she would sarcastically say that I was such a big man, who needed to prove how tough he was and to go on ahead if I felt she was slowing me down! I would then huff and stamp on at a faster pace. I'd keep looking back to see how far ahead I was getting. Then I'd wait because after mulling it over in my head I'd realise I was being childish and that we were supposed to be doing the walk together! When she caught up, she'd just walk right past, ignoring me so I'd storm off again until I was just around a corner or brow of a hill. Then I'd wait again. This would go on for days until one day as we walked together, deep in conversation, one which she was really engrossed in, I noticed her pace had speeded up. It looked like she thought it important that I heard what she was talking about so was keeping pace incase I got out of ears reach. Once I realised this I began increasing my stride and lo and behold so did she!
I'd found the accelerator pedal!
Our pace got faster. Not as fast as I'd have liked but much better. I slowed down a little and she sped up a little and we met in the middle.

When I started I was all about going "fast and furious" until I finally realized that it wasn't enjoyable. I still had the military mindset of "get there fast" in my head. I hard a talk with myself and said, "Hey, why are you in a hurry?" Then I decided that going slower was best for me as I could talk to more people along the way. When I finally made it to Santiago I understood that (for me) the people and conversations along the way were much more rewarding than simply getting there quickly. Next time I will walk even slower!

 

[thejoker]

Your wife is enjoying her Camino at her natural pace. Lovely.
I understand your issue though as I am much faster than my wife, but I just walk ahead while my wife enjoys her photography and I enjoy my rests until she catches up. On my current Camino, I think everyone we met in St Jean, Orisson and Roncesvalles has gone long past us in terms of days, but going at the pace that we both agreed upon before starting from St Jean is perfect for us. Take the extra time to look around you at the amazing scenery as well as reflect on the wonder that the Camino is, the history, the millions that have gone before you at their own pace and especially go through the reasons why you wanted to walk the Camino initially and how they are panning out. Relax and enjoy every moment of it!

 

[wanderlustesq]

I can’t see how your approach is meeting in the middle. She’s not doing it like she prefers, e.g. slowly. She’s accommodating you.

Have you finished your Camino yet?

I hope her accommodations don’t cause tendinitis, blisters or other ailments that really cause a slow down!

 

[WayWalker]

When I have to walk to the next Albergue I usually want to get there fast. Get my heart and lungs pumping, work the leg muscles and sweat like I'm in a sauna! My wife however, likes to take it slow and have several breaks to catch her breath, spend some time absorbing the surroundings and chat to whoever wants to share a conversation.
This would seriously annoy me. Especially when other pilgrims would pass us. Pilgrims who were a good bit older than us, who were perhaps limping, or were carrying some extra weight. When they passed us I would imagine they were thinking how unfit we were, while I would be thinking, if I could just walk at the speed I wanted to, I'd leave everyone in the dust!
Of course if I'd say this to my wife she would sarcastically say that I was such a big man, who needed to prove how tough he was and to go on ahead if I felt she was slowing me down! I would then huff and stamp on at a faster pace. I'd keep looking back to see how far ahead I was getting. Then I'd wait because after mulling it over in my head I'd realise I was being childish and that we were supposed to be doing the walk together! When she caught up, she'd just walk right past, ignoring me so I'd storm off again until I was just around a corner or brow of a hill. Then I'd wait again. This would go on for days until one day as we walked together, deep in conversation, one which she was really engrossed in, I noticed her pace had speeded up. It looked like she thought it important that I heard what she was talking about so was keeping pace incase I got out of ears reach. Once I realised this I began increasing my stride and lo and behold so did she!
I'd found the accelerator pedal!
Our pace got faster. Not as fast as I'd have liked but much better. I slowed down a little and she sped up a little and we met in the middle.

I've walked 3 and heading out on the 4th in September with my husband. I used to get annoyed that he got a lot more breaks waiting for me than I did. I was ok with him going ahead to the next town and waiting but he insisted on waiting for me. Consider maybe your wife is just as annoyed with your hiking style. That said he isn't out to prove anything physically. His legs are longer and I take twice as many steps. and I'm usually not far behind. I also let him carry all the food and snacks for the day! Glad you two met in the middle. That's what it's all about.

 

[m_kher]

I slow down a lot when the terrain is hilly. When my husband and I go hiking together, we don't walk together. He stops periodically till I catch up or sometimes till he sees me coming. This form of hiking works well for us as it is very difficult to walk at someone else's speed. Needing to walk slower than your natural pace is just as tiring as trying to faster.

Anyhow, this was not an issue on the Camino as the path was mostly flat.

 

[wynrich]

This was a nice thread about a similar topic:

https://www.caminodesantiago.me/community/threads/sharing-the-camino-with-a-loved-one-five-important-lessons-learned-and-three-biggest-mistakes-when-walking-with-my-husband.75733/

This is what I posted on that thread that seems relevant to this one:

My husband and I have walked all our caminos together. He's a much faster walker than I am so, before our first camino, we assumed he'd walk ahead of me and wait for me at our stopping points. But, to our surprise, he pretty much stayed with me because there was so much to experience together and talk about along the way. Very early on our first camino I developed a severe foot problem and, to help, he carried the heavy items in our backpacks and I carried the bulky items. Even when my foot problems went away we've continued to do this -- he carries about 22 pounds and I carry about 8. This slows him down a bit and makes it easier for us to stay together. I sure can't complain!!! I'm sure that he'd prefer not to carry the extra weight but he doesn't seem to mind and says he likes that it gives him a better workout. And it does help us keep a more equal pace walking.

 

[NancyZ]

When I have to walk to the next Albergue I usually want to get there fast. Get my heart and lungs pumping, work the leg muscles and sweat like I'm in a sauna! My wife however, likes to take it slow and have several breaks to catch her breath, spend some time absorbing the surroundings and chat to whoever wants to share a conversation.
This would seriously annoy me. Especially when other pilgrims would pass us. Pilgrims who were a good bit older than us, who were perhaps limping, or were carrying some extra weight. When they passed us I would imagine they were thinking how unfit we were, while I would be thinking, if I could just walk at the speed I wanted to, I'd leave everyone in the dust!
Of course if I'd say this to my wife she would sarcastically say that I was such a big man, who needed to prove how tough he was and to go on ahead if I felt she was slowing me down! I would then huff and stamp on at a faster pace. I'd keep looking back to see how far ahead I was getting. Then I'd wait because after mulling it over in my head I'd realise I was being childish and that we were supposed to be doing the walk together! When she caught up, she'd just walk right past, ignoring me so I'd storm off again until I was just around a corner or brow of a hill. Then I'd wait again. This would go on for days until one day as we walked together, deep in conversation, one which she was really engrossed in, I noticed her pace had speeded up. It looked like she thought it important that I heard what she was talking about so was keeping pace incase I got out of ears reach. Once I realised this I began increasing my stride and lo and behold so did she!
I'd found the accelerator pedal!
Our pace got faster. Not as fast as I'd have liked but much better. I slowed down a little and she sped up a little and we met in the middle.

When I walked with my husband we started together then we would find our own pace. When we reached a town we would wait for the other person. Sometimes we walked together sometimes not. It worked for us. Buen Camino

 

[Elle Bieling]

-- he carries about 22 pounds and I carry about 8. This slows him down a bit and makes it easier for us to stay together. I sure can't complain!!! I'm sure that he'd prefer not to carry the extra weight but he doesn't seem to mind and says he likes that it gives him a better workout. And it does help us keep a more equal pace walking.

This is me and my husband's solution as well. We usually stay together, as he refuses to let me walk alone. He is very protective that way. I don't complain because he is my best friend and we enjoy walking and talking together.

But when another interesting person comes along, he will go ahead until he realizes that he is too far away for his comfort. Ha ha. I don't mind walking alone either, so we find a good mix I guess.

The only thing I ensure is that I have a bit of food in my own pack at all times. Once he got ahead too far and I had nothing in my pack. I was HANGRY before I caught up and got some food. Never again!

 

[Marbe2]

This would seriously annoy me. Especially when other pilgrims would pass us. Pilgrims who were a good bit older than us, who were perhaps limping, or were carrying some extra weight. When they passed us I would imagine they were thinking how unfit we were, while I would be thinking, if I could just walk at the speed I wanted to, I'd leave everyone in the dust!

Did you know or discuss the differences in your walking speeds before you started? Did you try to come to some agreement..to walk alone part of the time? Why would you try and manipulate your wife into walking at a pace that could cause her injury?

I walk with my sister who is also my best friend. She is 84. I am much faster on the hills than she is. But I am perfectly fine slowing down or pausing when she gets winded. Yes, most people will pass us by, but I could care less what they think. I don’t have a need for their approval. My priority is to enjoy our walk together.

 

[dougfitz]

When I have to walk to the next Albergue I usually want to get there fast. Get my heart and lungs pumping, work the leg muscles and sweat like I'm in a sauna! My wife however, likes to take it slow and have several breaks to catch her breath, spend some time absorbing the surroundings and chat to whoever wants to share a conversation.
This would seriously annoy me. Especially when other pilgrims would pass us. Pilgrims who were a good bit older than us, who were perhaps limping, or were carrying some extra weight. When they passed us I would imagine they were thinking how unfit we were, while I would be thinking, if I could just walk at the speed I wanted to, I'd leave everyone in the dust!
Of course if I'd say this to my wife she would sarcastically say that I was such a big man, who needed to prove how tough he was and to go on ahead if I felt she was slowing me down! I would then huff and stamp on at a faster pace. I'd keep looking back to see how far ahead I was getting. Then I'd wait because after mulling it over in my head I'd realise I was being childish and that we were supposed to be doing the walk together! When she caught up, she'd just walk right past, ignoring me so I'd storm off again until I was just around a corner or brow of a hill. Then I'd wait again. This would go on for days until one day as we walked together, deep in conversation, one which she was really engrossed in, I noticed her pace had speeded up. It looked like she thought it important that I heard what she was talking about so was keeping pace incase I got out of ears reach. Once I realised this I began increasing my stride and lo and behold so did she!
I'd found the accelerator pedal!
Our pace got faster. Not as fast as I'd have liked but much better. I slowed down a little and she sped up a little and we met in the middle.

I have been wondering how much of this description is some combination of hyperbole and artistic licence. Of the many different ways one might walk with a close companion, what you have described would be one that I would thoroughly recommend avoiding. I am not even sure that what appears to be a quite self-centred explanation for your wife's improved pace makes the outcome appear palatable. I could only ponder whether her walking fitness had improved to the point where she was more comfortable maintaining your pace, and had nothing to do with your view that she was hanging on your every word. I hope the description you have provided of a thoroughly unpleasant and manipulative individual is more fiction than fact.

 

[Richard Smith]

My wife kills me walking up steep hills but she is slow going down due to her knees.
I like long rest stops but she gets cold if the rest is longer than 5 minutes.
I will sniff at every alternative and look at every lookout, she is patient.
It's not a problem, we walk together. I wouldn't have it any other way.

 

[David with new Kit!]

I have long legs, my wife has short legs. To hold back my inclination to disappear into the distance I let my wife set the pace and I walk behind her, single file. The pace is fine and leads to zero marital strife.

I know my place!!

On a more serious note, we normally set off at a cracking pace and then slow down. But last year on the Norte we had quite a few leg and knee issues.

One bit of advice we got on this forum was to start at the pace you would normally end your day. While hard to do in practice, when we did manage to do it we found the stages easier to walk and less stressful - Just saying.....

 

[RJM]

As someone that has never viewed walking the Camino as a competition of speed with other pilgrims, all of whom could care less about how fast you are walking BTW, I honestly feel badly for your wife for having to endure your IMO odd obsession.

 

[jamesmcsparron]

I can’t see how your approach is meeting in the middle. She’s not doing it like she prefers, e.g. slowly. She’s accommodating you.

Have you finished your Camino yet?

I hope her accommodations don’t cause tendinitis, blisters or other ailments that really cause a slow down!

We finished our Camino.

I thought we were accommodating each other by both of us adjusting our speeds?

She got blisters on both her smallest toes and one on the heel of her right foot. I got one on the ball of my left foot.

All is well though. Our tolerance for each other is stronger than before our trek!

 

[jamesmcsparron]

Did you know or discuss the differences in your walking speeds before you started? Did you try to come to some agreement..to walk alone part of the time? Why would you try and manipulate your wife into walking at a pace that could cause her injury?

I walk with my sister who is also my best friend. She is 84. I am much faster on the hills than she is. But I am perfectly fine slowing down or pausing when she gets winded. Yes, most people will pass us by, but I could care less what they think. I don’t have a need for their approval. My priority is to enjoy our walk together.

I have been wondering how much of this description is some combination of hyperbole and artistic licence. Of the many different ways one might walk with a close companion, what you have described would be one that I would thoroughly recommend avoiding. I am not even sure that what appears to be a quite self-centred explanation for your wife's improved pace makes the outcome appear palatable. I could only ponder whether her walking fitness had improved to the point where she was more comfortable maintaining your pace, and had nothing to do with your view that she was hanging on your every word. I hope the description you have provided of a thoroughly unpleasant and manipulative individual is more fiction than fact.

"Hyperbole and artistic licence"? There may be some of that alright. Why spoil a story with accuracy and truth?

 

[WayWalker]

As someone that has never viewed walking the Camino as a competition of speed with other pilgrims, all of whom could care less about how fast you are walking BTW, I honestly feel badly for your wife for having to endure your IMO odd obsession.

We have met people who are very competitive on our caminos and with something to prove physically. Interestingly it was from people older than we were! We just let them go on. Buh bye. Lol.

 

[Robo]

We have met people who are very competitive on our caminos and with something to prove physically. Interestingly it was from people older than we were! We just let them go on. Buh bye. Lol.

I came across a few on my last Camino. All about walking fast, minimal breaks, gotta get to where we are going....... For what? to sit and relax once you get there.....
I'd cruise in an hour or so later, still in plenty of time to do my washing, get a meal etc etc.

I guess we are all there for our own reasons, and to walk a Camino our own way

 

[Canche]

I prefer to walk alone and luckily don’t have a husband