Coping with Family Drama at Christmastime

[CaminoDebrita]

I had a huge "FUBAR" issue this Christmas, but I survived to tell the tale.

Here is what happened...I had plans. Not perfect plans, but routine holiday plans. I would be going down to the in-laws for Christmas eve, where we would eat, drink, and probably get too merry. I planned to be the designated driver so my husband could get too merry, and I would drive him home, relaxed and snoozing in the passenger seat.

The next day, Christmas, we would open gifts around the beautifully lit tree, drinking egg nog and coffee, and enjoying exchanging our modest but thoughtful gifts with our niece.

For the Christmas dinner, I had a big dinner planned for five guests. My friend Sally, who is probably celebrating her last Christmas, due to health issues that are really challenging. I bought a prime rib, and all the trimmings. It would be a special dinner, her last big holiday meal.

Instead....

My niece had a serious seizure on the 23rd. I was at the Portland hospital with her until 2 AM, having a frightening time of watching her unable to think, talk, or function well. Doctors were puzzled. The emergency room was slammed with problems--a two-car crash with six people seriously injured. A gal who was having terrible pain owing to her kidney failure. An older woman with a detached retina. To top it off, the street people were pouring in, trying to get opiates for "pain". It was a waiting room full of colorful personalities, and all I could do was keep my niece warm with heated blankets, and plead with them to get her into a room.

Christmas eve I was again at the hospital. I got her home at about 3 PM, then spent the day monitoring her. I did cry myself to sleep, and I did pray to Jesus for her comfort, and also for the comfort of the lady with the eye problem, and the young woman with failing kidneys. And please, Lord Jesus, give the street people comfort and warmth.

This morning we watched my niece open presents. I had cancelled the dinner for my friend, so I went to her place with gifts. I had made her a special Camino calendar, with photos I took all along the Camino de Santiago. She absolutely loved it. And we exchanged many gifts, and many hugs and kisses. Tomorrow she will go back into the hospital, and on Monday, my sister will fly to Oregon to try to take care of her daughter, my niece. And so this is Christmas.

Today I celebrate what is planned, and unplanned, what is done, and undone, and all the joy of the season.

Merry Christmas to all, and to all who plan, pray, sing, and celebrate, I appreciate you and hope you are truly happy, no matter what actually does happen, or how! It is the mystery and the joy of Christmas. Merry, Merry Christmas. With love from Oregon.

 

[Kanga]

Such a wonderful, painful but hopeful post Deb. May your niece recover fully, your friend experience grace, your husband joy and comfort, and your 2016 be full of happiness and love. And maybe a Camino?

 

[CaminoDebrita]

Such a wonderful, painful but hopeful post Deb. May your niece recover fully, your friend experience grace, your husband joy and comfort, and your 2016 be full of happiness and love. And maybe a Camino?

Oh, perhaps two Caminos

 

[William Garza]

Who you comfort
Here.
Is being watched over
There.
And when time comes for you...
Much grace and such comforts you accorded
Will be given.

You were needed, and you chose to give..instead of thinking of yourself.

You chose to hold others before you...up in the raging waters of their lives.

No greater love exists in the heart and soul of a truly great woman , than one who gives so freely of them.

Your name
whispered tonite..
In the murmur of the River of Stars over Santiago..
Is carried around from Angels lips to Angels lips
Your star shone those nites..
Your star will shine.

I hope the Angel comes Gently,
Respectfully, when your Beloved friend is ready to take hand and leave this
Most mortal of coils.
To leave for the journey home at last.

I hope your niece finds healing sure and clear of her infirmitys.
I hope your beloved hubby
Takes you in arm and holds his wondrous wife anew.

Be Blessed All of you.

 

[Christian Hiriart]

Hi CD
Life is full of challenges and would appear that you are going through one or some of them right now. As hard as this is for you, you are being an angel to others. Take conform and strength from that, hope the Camino does not have to wait too long for you...
Chris

 

[VNwalking]

Oh, my. Not at all the merry Christmas I was hoping you were having! I am sorry this happened...it's sad and so poignant. What to do sometimes, but go with the flow....? But your kindness and responsiveness made it a very deeply good one....and what goes around comes around, eventually.
You definitely deserve at least 2 Caminos!

 

[Peter Fransiscus]

I had a huge "FUBAR" issue this Christmas, but I survived to tell the tale.

Here is what happened...I had plans. Not perfect plans, but routine holiday plans. I would be going down to the in-laws for Christmas eve, where we would eat, drink, and probably get too merry. I planned to be the designated driver so my husband could get too merry, and I would drive him home, relaxed and snoozing in the passenger seat.

The next day, Christmas, we would open gifts around the beautifully lit tree, drinking egg nog and coffee, and enjoying exchanging our modest but thoughtful gifts with our niece.

For the Christmas dinner, I had a big dinner planned for five guests. My friend Sally, who is probably celebrating her last Christmas, due to health issues that are really challenging. I bought a prime rib, and all the trimmings. It would be a special dinner, her last big holiday meal.

Instead....

My niece had a serious seizure on the 23rd. I was at the Portland hospital with her until 2 AM, having a frightening time of watching her unable to think, talk, or function well. Doctors were puzzled. The emergency room was slammed with problems--a two-car crash with six people seriously injured. A gal who was having terrible pain owing to her kidney failure. An older woman with a detached retina. To top it off, the street people were pouring in, trying to get opiates for "pain". It was a waiting room full of colorful personalities, and all I could do was keep my niece warm with heated blankets, and plead with them to get her into a room.

Christmas eve I was again at the hospital. I got her home at about 3 PM, then spent the day monitoring her. I did cry myself to sleep, and I did pray to Jesus for her comfort, and also for the comfort of the lady with the eye problem, and the young woman with failing kidneys. And please, Lord Jesus, give the street people comfort and warmth.

This morning we watched my niece open presents. I had cancelled the dinner for my friend, so I went to her place with gifts. I had made her a special Camino calendar, with photos I took all along the Camino de Santiago. She absolutely loved it. And we exchanged many gifts, and many hugs and kisses. Tomorrow she will go back into the hospital, and on Monday, my sister will fly to Oregon to try to take care of her daughter, my niece. And so this is Christmas.

Today I celebrate what is planned, and unplanned, what is done, and undone, and all the joy of the season.

Merry Christmas to all, and to all who plan, pray, sing, and celebrate, I appreciate you and hope you are truly happy, no matter what actually does happen, or how! It is the mystery and the joy of Christmas. Merry, Merry Christmas. With love from Oregon.

Wish you and your loved ones all the best and love from the Netherlands, Peter.

 

[Albertagirl]

It sounds like a very challenging Christmas, not at all what you had planned. We have been facing a similar challenge here, as my neice's mother-in-law, who was living with them, went into hospital a few days ago with a sudden and probably terminal illness. While close family have been supporting her, we have been sharing care of my neice's five children and all the Christmas preparations. Most of the burden has fallen on my sister-in-law, caring for her grandchildren and preparing to host about twenty people for Christmas. I have been reflecting on last Christmas, when my neice hosted Christmas for me and the woman who is now dying made a point of being very hospitable to me. In our living and in our dying we are so joined to one another.

 

[Stephen Nicholls]

Oh, Deb!
What a series of catastrophes!
Please .... accept a hug from England: and from many other Forum members. Know that you are loved .... and may the New Year bring you peace.

S
xx

 

[Former member 42123]

God Bless and keep you strong Deb,you are an inspiration.You have been on an even harder Camino than the one you recently returned from.I hope all the 'hugs' being sent your way from around the world will help keep your spirits up until you again walk the road to Santiago.

 

[julia-t]

May God and Saint James bless those of you who have had a difficult and challenging time these last few days.
Your posts have made me count my blessings and be thankful that my Christmas has passed smoothly.

William Garza - what a beautiful post.

Wishing you all a wonderful 2016. May you enjoy health and happiness for you and your loved ones, and hopefully time on the Camino x

 

[movinmaggie]

Deb, That was indeed an ordeal for you and your family. You seem just the kind of person that would give of herself completely in a situation like you had. May this coming new year bring your niece continued healing.

 

[movinmaggie]

Who you comfort
Here.
Is being watched over
There.
And when time comes for you...
Much grace and such comforts you accorded
Will be given.

You were needed, and you chose to give..instead of thinking of yourself.

You chose to hold others before you...up in the raging waters of their lives.

No greater love exists in the heart and soul of a truly great woman , than one who gives so freely of them.

Your name
whispered tonite..
In the murmur of the River of Stars over Santiago..
Is carried around from Angels lips to Angels lips
Your star shone those nites..
Your star will shine.

I hope the Angel comes Gently,
Respectfully, when your Beloved friend is ready to take hand and leave this
Most mortal of coils.
To leave for the journey home at last.

I hope your niece finds healing sure and clear of her infirmitys.
I hope your beloved hubby
Takes you in arm and holds his wondrous wife anew.

Be Blessed All of you.

William, a very beautiful and touching post. God love this forum.

 

[ERICAST]

I had a huge "FUBAR" issue this Christmas, but I survived to tell the tale.

Here is what happened...I had plans. Not perfect plans, but routine holiday plans. I would be going down to the in-laws for Christmas eve, where we would eat, drink, and probably get too merry. I planned to be the designated driver so my husband could get too merry, and I would drive him home, relaxed and snoozing in the passenger seat.

The next day, Christmas, we would open gifts around the beautifully lit tree, drinking egg nog and coffee, and enjoying exchanging our modest but thoughtful gifts with our niece.

For the Christmas dinner, I had a big dinner planned for five guests. My friend Sally, who is probably celebrating her last Christmas, due to health issues that are really challenging. I bought a prime rib, and all the trimmings. It would be a special dinner, her last big holiday meal.

Instead....

My niece had a serious seizure on the 23rd. I was at the Portland hospital with her until 2 AM, having a frightening time of watching her unable to think, talk, or function well. Doctors were puzzled. The emergency room was slammed with problems--a two-car crash with six people seriously injured. A gal who was having terrible pain owing to her kidney failure. An older woman with a detached retina. To top it off, the street people were pouring in, trying to get opiates for "pain". It was a waiting room full of colorful personalities, and all I could do was keep my niece warm with heated blankets, and plead with them to get her into a room.

Christmas eve I was again at the hospital. I got her home at about 3 PM, then spent the day monitoring her. I did cry myself to sleep, and I did pray to Jesus for her comfort, and also for the comfort of the lady with the eye problem, and the young woman with failing kidneys. And please, Lord Jesus, give the street people comfort and warmth.

This morning we watched my niece open presents. I had cancelled the dinner for my friend, so I went to her place with gifts. I had made her a special Camino calendar, with photos I took all along the Camino de Santiago. She absolutely loved it. And we exchanged many gifts, and many hugs and kisses. Tomorrow she will go back into the hospital, and on Monday, my sister will fly to Oregon to try to take care of her daughter, my niece. And so this is Christmas.

Today I celebrate what is planned, and unplanned, what is done, and undone, and all the joy of the season.

Merry Christmas to all, and to all who plan, pray, sing, and celebrate, I appreciate you and hope you are truly happy, no matter what actually does happen, or how! It is the mystery and the joy of Christmas. Merry, Merry Christmas. With love from Oregon.

Thank you, thank you, thank you. Life is full of surprises or perhaps just life itself. So much like the parable of our Caminos; blisters, strains, fractures and assaults. May those of us who walk find the grace to live our Caminos daily wherever our path leads us. Merry Christmas and Love sent to all

 

[zzotte]

You see God is right it's all about LOVE for whatever you did was with your heart, God Bless you

Zzotte

 

[Anniesantiago]

Big hugs and love to you, Deb.
And Merry Christmas!
I've come to the conclusion if I wake up alive, it's a magnificent day!

 

[CaminoDebrita]

Big hugs and love to you, Deb.
And Merry Christmas!
I've come to the conclusion if I wake up alive, it's a magnificent day!

Hallelujah that, Portland girl!

I was crying in church this morning---the sermon just moved something in me, and I turned to my husband and he looked at me and I felt the time was right to tell hm that...
my plans for the year include a pilgrimage from mid March to mid April. I've been trying to avoid it, but I just feel that the silent practice is the Way for me.

 

[Rebekah Scott]

God bless you for being there for so many.
This Christmas, I was not the one "being there" for others.
I love being the one who steps up, the cavalry trooper riding over the hilltop for the last-minute rescue! It's gratifying, and fun. Until I am the one who needs rescuing.
This Christmas, someone else was there for me, when all my fine plans went wrong, and I was facing a Hell Week that just happened to coincide with Christmas.
I cried out in my trouble, and the Lord heard me, and I ended up in Santiago, singing carols and feasting, celebrating the finest Christmas in recent memory.
There still is some Hell to pay. It is humbling, being on the receiving end of the Helping Hand.