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Asking for Encouragement to Continue the Camino

MainelyStina

Chronic Overpacker
Time of past OR future Camino
Camino Frances from SJPP Starting Aug 21, 2023
I could use a bit of help this morning. I am not doing great after yesterday’s incidents (if you missed it you can read my post in tye Safety forum). I feel pretty certain that my damaged umbrella (which looks like it’s been bent over someone’s knee) and my missing Sahagun certificate were not an accident. The transport company can’t find my tube. The strap on my pack was fully loosened - not the way I left it and not something that just happens naturally. Again, it could have been accidental - I don’t want to make accusations. However, at this point it’s hard to not feel a bit leery.

But I’m supposed to go climb O Cebreiro now - and all I want to do is go home. I’m a week from Santiago and it just all feels corrupted and full of disappointment. I’m not sure I knew why I was on this Camino to begin with, and now I’m even less certain. And I despise that I’m feeling this way - but somehow sleep deprivation and exhaustion conspire to make it harder to overcome.

I know the two people from yesterday are in the same town as me - staying at a different albergue. But it also means I’ll likely see them again. I’m walking with my male friend and we agreed to start later than I normally would. But I just don’t know how I’m supposed to finish this thing now? I’ve come all the way from St Jean, and I just don’t want it to be for nothing. So, please, if you can, help me out a bit this morning? I’d really appreciate it!

Thanks,
Stina

By the way, If anyone knows if or how I can get my Sahagun certificate replaced, I’d really appreciate it.

PS: Again, I don’t know if this is the right place, so please move if necessary.
 
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Stina, that seriously hard, I really feel for you. I'd love to encourage you to go on but I'm not standing in your shoes.
I'm really pleased that you have a companion and that you're in a position that you can walk on together.

Is there any possibility that you can take a rest day ? That would immediately remove the offending party from your immediate Camino, and the chance that you see them again.

If not I think you've already partly answered your own question. You would hate to let this be all for nothing. So don't let it be. Prepare as well as you can for the possibility that you will not only meet him again but that he will again be abusive. If you haven't already load 'Alert cops' to your phone and to your companions. Should you have the mischance of meeting them and they repeat their behavior immediately advise them that you are going to call the police if they don't stop. And if they continue then do so. Don't wait, don't hesitate, don't accept any abuse whatsoever. As others have said in your previous post this is precisely what the service was set up to assist with - to keep pilgrims safe.
No Pilgrim should feel unsafe on the Camino, it's a shame that you do.
But I personally feel it would be an even greater shame if you let the bastard beat you and quit now.
 
I really feel for you, Sina, - you had a nasty shock, to be sure.

In your shoes I'd probably take a rest day to process the experience, and to let those two get well ahead. No need to make what's already challenging even harder.

You won't necessarily know what the camino's about until it's over. And the awful times along the way can often be doorways into the opposite.

Pilgrims go forward, but gently, slowly, with no force. Ultreia and suseia are expressions because it's really hard to want to keep going sometimes. But one step at a time, pausing to breathe if need be.

Buen camino, peregrina. I'm glad you're not alone.
 
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I also think it would be a real pity if a couple of bad apples ruined the whole trip for you. i bet you got a bad night’s sleep last night - and the early hours are the worst for negative thoughts…

i would hit the pause button and rest up for a day or two. I think the cumulative poor sleep is a big part of the problem, and your body, mind and soul all need some TLC. Is there somewhere really interesting on your imminent route that could be a good place to stay - lots to look around, take in some local history etc? could your budget enable you to stay in hostels rather than albergues for the next couple of stops, to give you a better shot at sleep and rest - and privacy?
 
I had a bad experience on day 2 of my first ever camino that made me rethink and I nearly caught a bus to give up. I didn't- I decided to give it another day or two. I had a horrible night's sleep, someone else in dorm was rustling bags and I got up after 5am, leaving in the dark, not a great start. I found an open bar full of workmen - one of whom paid for my coffee. I stayed in a wonderfully kind albergue that night and slept well. Gradually it became a joy - and 10 years later I have will admit I have walked on pilgrim paths - camino, VF, each year as a solo woman. But someone nearly took it all away before I had a chance to figure out camino-ing for me.

Unfortunately bad stuff happens even on camino. I would find a way to get distance from those who caused your distress from an awful incident. Slow down for a few days, or outrun them. There is lots of great practical advice above on alertcops, private rooms etc. Give it a few days - then make a decision, don't let them steal the camino from you.
 
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Hi, @MainelyStina, I am sorry to read that things have not gone better for you. I know how these distressing incidents can leave you shook and with a bad feeling for a long time, particularly when you are in an unfamiliar environment out of your normal routine.

I think @VNwalking’s suggestion is a very good one. Can you take the time to hold back for a day, maybe stay someplace before O Cebreiro and see if things look better from there. There are a couple of really nice places before O Cebreiro and that will likely get you out of the “pilgrim wave” you are currently in.

Based on what you say, your uncertainty and doubt about why you are walking may have been intensified by the couple at the albergue, but not caused by them. No one can tell you how to process your camino and no one can tell you what meaning it can or will have for you. But if you decide to stop now, it certainly won’t make what came before “for nothing.” That’s up to you, but I’ve always found that this kind of decision shouldn’t be made without a bit of quiet reflection. Take time with yourself and your feelings, and I think you will know what’s the right decision for you.
 
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Hi Stina. It can be very difficult to let unpleasant experiences go and the urge to just pack up and go home can be powerful, but you have come so far, don't let these arsewipes stop you from completing your journey. As others have said, maybe take a rest day then move on. It may not seem like it now, but there is infinitely more good on the Camino and among your fellow pilgrims than bad. Try to give it a chance.

Buen Camino Peregrina!
 
Hi Stina, hang on in there, if you can. Most of us have come up against situations where things seem to conspire against us, but often we get through them and appreciate the adventure all the more for it.
From a practical point of view -
1. I agree with the advice above about taking a day out and resting up in a welcoming albergue not far on from Villafranca. Do some washing, sleep, message friends, do some stretching, eat good food...
2. Try not to dwell on the Sahagun certificate and umbrella business. Things go missing for all kinds of reasons and it can pre-occupy us with negative thoughts when we don't know why. Travellers lose stuff and pick up other stuff along the way - that's how it goes.
3. The camino will feel very different in Galicia and different again when you reach Sarria, so try and hang on until then before making a decision - and see how you take to it. I won't attempt to explain why - that's something for you to experience!
4. Have you been going to any pilgrim's blessings? Even (particularly?) if you are not doing a religious camino, it can be a powerful positive welcoming experience and put fresh wind in your sails. The one in the little church at O Cebreiro is worth seeking out. I think it sometimes starts early, at 6, whereas most combine with Mass at 7pm, so you'd need to check when you arrive.
Good luck!
 
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Hi Stina. Those bag transport companies are not gentle. Bags get knotted together, dragged apart, thrown on and off, stuff gets loose.

I know it's hard, but try to think of a positive reason why things are happening as they are.
Even if a highly unlikely reason, it can sometimes help balance things a bit.
Yes I know. It's really hard to see the good sometimes.

Some great advice here already. Like pause for a day. Or even jump forward a day.
Get some space between you and those that are causing you unhappiness.

You've come so far already.
Think of all those days and kms.
And I'm sure you've met some really great people along the way too.

You're so close now...........

And there's a better certificate waiting for you at the end
Along with an amazing sense of accomplishment.
 


Things hit harder when we are tired. Try to take a rest day, Stina, and also try to stay with you newly found friend. Perhaps step on the bus for one day and check into a nice hotel, if that is an option.

I've been thinking about those two people that you describe, and of course nothing that happened to your umbrella and your certificate was a coincidence. We are all too smart not to see that. You left without your pack, there is a backpack waiting in the hallway. What are the chances...? Just do the math. Your intuition was good, allow yourself to trust it more.
The Camino is long and you are probably not the only person on the receiving end of their affections, do report them if you can. Take your helpers with you as support. You will feel better afterwards.

So I was thinking a little bit more about those people, in my imagination they take the form of gnomes, giant gnomes by gnome standard, and one day soon, they do arrive in Santiago de Compostela. I skip the part where they are waiting in line, a bit tricky that one, but they do reach the Pilgrim's Office. A volunteer at the desk asks them why they walked the Camino, and they shout: for religious reasons of course!!

That is as far as my imagination goes. Whatever the matter with them, I would not want to walk in their shoes, not even a few steps.
 
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Glad you have a friend to walk with again. Don't know where you are having your bag sent today, but might be good to get off the same stage as this couple. Ideally get a bit behind them or maybe a bit ahead. After O'Cebrerio you have an opportunity to go to Samos which might be a good place to breathe and contemplate.

I am sure the man knows you are afraid of him. He may continue to try to bully you if he has the chance. Remember the photo trick I mentioned in a post yesterday. If he continues to threaten take a photo of him then use it to report his behavior.

You are a courageous person whether you feel it or not. How dare he make you feel otherwise! And here's my advice on walking. If you are done, then you're done so then just take a cab or bus. Spend some time at Muxia, maybe to gather your thoughts. You can come back for a Compostella by saving your credential and returning another time if you regret stopping later, but don't let this couple rob you of what you really want or need. Ask yourself if they hadn't come along what you might be feeling or doing.

I'm with you no matter what you decide.
 
Don’t give in. The advice about taking a rest day (or taking the bus ahead one stage) to get off the same schedule as the “angry ones” is good advice. Following a tough stretch on one trek, I took the train ahead two stages and took a rest day. Then I went back to where I caught the train (a town I wouldn’t waste a rest day in) and started walking again. Had a new outlook and new walking friends.
Your decision, to stop or continue, but I really think you should continue. Blessings on you either way.

PS. Bullies operate from fear at a primal level. Taking his picture (as was suggested before) is a way to shift the balance of power in your favor and I would bet a very cold cerveza he will leave you alone after that. Cheers.
 
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I'm in agreement with holding back and taking a good rest day. Heck, take two if you can. Sleep in, find a lovely breakfast, journal (if that's your thing), read...whatever helps you feel safe and grounded. You'll be better equipped to make a decision in how you want to move forward with a clear head, sleep and a hopefully a calmer nervous system.

Reset and recalibrate...
 
A rest day always did it for me
 
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Perhaps consider not letting this other person affect and control your behavior, feelings, attitude, etc. You are in charge of responsible and accountable for your own actions, not this other person. By letting this person affect you the way it is happening, he wins and you lose. Overcome this other persona and seize back control of yourself. You only have to look to 'you know who,' the person you have been following your whole life for the prime example of how to live one's life. Since He has always supported you, never failing even once, why would he fail you know? Have trust, faith, and belief in Him.
 
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Oh stopping now will not help. You are so close and walking the last week or more will give you great assurance in being able to do it. Yes you can. And you will.

I gave up in Burgos in 2021 (too near Covid days) and I came home in a bad mood. Giving up is a horrible experience unless of course one must.

You'll get there and you will be sp pleased with yourself. Caminos are what they are; sometimes it just kicks one in the ass as if that what's needed.

I would hate to hear of you stopping. But then I am not in yoiur boots. But walking into Santiago will do you a power of good. Of that I am sure.

Love and Buen Camino

Liam
 
In the words of Winston Churchill during the darkest days of World War 2," We shall never, never, never give in". Keep your head up and push on, you have destiny to meet.
 
Caminos are said to offer three types of challenges. The first few days tend to be physical. The second few are often mental. The last is the spiritual challenge, or the obstacles to your why.

Your challenges have been arguably worse than others...but that doesn't have to change your response. Please do get some rest...no good decisions are made when tired.

If your friend has to move on, then (yeah, I know, sounds hard, it doesn't have to be) make a new traveling companion.

You have so got this. Yes, you do. Give yourself some love....
 
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I agree with so many here - a rest day is a good idea. When I lack sleep, when I'm stressed, that's when I get emotional and go negative. And when I get emotional and go negative, I don't always make a clear-headed decision. Stopping for a day or so would give your body and mind a chance to reset. And if you still feel that you need to go home, then you can say that you gave it the perspective needed to make that choice.

I'm in the camp of "just finish," but I'm also of the belief that the sooner we start paying attention to what we really want and need, the better our life will be. If you absolutely can't face another day, then do what you must to take care of yourself.

Sending prayers for wisdom, peace and happier days ahead.
 
A few years ago, a French airline dropped this jetlagged Canadian in Paris. At 6:00am I found myself looking for a ticket machine in the Paris underground. The idea was to transfer to a train bound for SJPDP. Long story short, I got off at the wrong stop: three robust, talented young men relieved me of all my identification and credit cards. And once I got on that southbound train, someone on the train managed to score my adapter and plugin for my almost dead phone, while I was phoning my credit card companies, etc. in the space between the train cars. I had some cash hidden away, but no longer had an identity. So the story gets worse for a while longer, but here’s what got me through after making a police report and getting a night’s rest in SJPDP. To my knowledge, St. James didn’t write much about walking, but Søren Kierkegaard (Danish philosopher) did:

“I have walked myself into my best thoughts, and I know of no thought so burdensome that one cannot walk away from it.”

It would have been great to know about this site back then. I just wanted to thank you, Stina, for reaching out to us, for letting us walk with you. Ultreia
 
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MainelyStina said:
I’m not sure I knew why I was on this Camino to begin with, and now I’m even less certain.
Click to expand...
One thing I learned on my camino, is not to expect to understand the reasons or the impact while you are walking. That understanding tends to trickle in during the weeks/months/years that follow. What you're feeling at the moment is very temporary and transitory. What you'll feel/remember 6 months from now, and for the rest of your life is permanent. Don't miss this opportunity to create some lifetime memories and impacts due to a temporary situation.
 
Start a little later, don’t stop where everyone else does—stop at city just before or after .. people more caring and personal..slower and more personalized. I regret your disappointments. What positive can you make out of this situation ? What can you do?
 
This is such a truly amazing community! Thank you all for your wondrous efforts to lift me from a place of real darkness this morning! I was reading your comments throughout the day!

So, I’m emotional, but stubborn! My friend and I left a bit late this morning, and it seems the offending pair were likely an hour or so in front of us. I’m happy to report that I never saw them!

I successfully conquered O Cebreiro - and was absolutely joyous at the top! What a wonderful place! I love Galicia! After, I enjoyed a nice, relaxed, warm lunch and continued on.

I’m pretty well ahead of O Cebreiro now, so a fair assumption that I’ve passed them. I took a comfortable private room for the night and my plan is a short distance to Samos tomorrow. I don’t have to start walking in the dark and I can sleep in a wee bit. While it won’t give me a full rest day, it’ll give me enough time to relax and reflect - and I’ve booked a private room again.

You’re all correct that I’ve come too far to let these people have such a big impact on what I’ve been doing for the last month. I conquered the Pyrenees, I conquered the Alto del Perdon, I’ve conquered the Cruz de Ferro, I’ve conquered O Cebreiro, and I’ve conquered the rude surprise that was the Alto do Poio. There’s no reason to stop now!

I just had a wonderful communal dinner with new friends and old. And all of a sudden, I have no (few?) doubts remaining.

I honestly can’t thank you enough. Between you folks and my friends and family back home I feel utterly lifted by community. I’m not always good at reaching out, alone is my default setting, but I’m so glad I did, because it is truly what had gotten me through the last two days!

Again - a world of thanks! Santiago (and Muxia) await!
 
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MainelyStina said:
I’m not always good at reaching out, alone is my default setting, but I’m so glad I did, because it is truly what had gotten me through the last two days!
Click to expand...
Believe me when I say we’re glad you did too. You’re not the first to reach out for help ( many of us have), you won’t be the last - and, just perhaps, somewhere along the line, it’ll be you that’s helping .
I absolutely LOVE how you’re talking about the things you’ve conquered along the way. Guess you’ve now got an emotional mountain to add to the list of things you have conquered- well done!
 
Aww.. I am too late! But others seem to have done a good job
How do they say? Shit happens! Always .. everywhere ... and it just randomly happens to hit us personally sometimes.
3 years from now all that shit (sorry for explicit language) that happened to hit you now will be totally irrelevant. But the fact that you walked the Camino will not be irrelevant Trust me, trust us
But I can read you are already on the other side and need no further encouragement.
Our hearts are with you and you will walk the rest of the way for all of us
 
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When you look back on this experience, months and years from now, what you learned from overcoming the horrible people and scary experience will fortify you in future situations. The less-than things I faced on the my journey taught me a lot about what I'm capable of, and I dare say the same will be true for you too!
 
I’m not comfy giving advice because it’s very hard to put yourself in someone else’s position. But you already have so much invested in this journey. Leaving now may not be the right thing to do but only you can make the decision. And whatever you do it will be the right decision. Buen Camino
 
The thing about bullies is
1. Their behaviour can completely derail you
2. They will continue to bully people who are kind, nice and perhaps a little afraid
Best action is to stand up to them - call them out - and seek help and support from others.
Us women are trained to be compliant- still. Use your big voice and say ‘No’.
Connect to your inner healthy anger - Durga like energy. Find your inner determination. Let go of what is lost and look for what you might find out in this experience.
Don’t give these people more power by not completing your Camino. This may even be why you are here. To find your inner powerful Goddess who knows herself and her boundaries.
I cheer you on to your goal.
Buen Camino
 

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Camino Preparation Guide
The focus is on reducing the risk of failure through being well prepared. 2nd ed.
Stop this camino and find out what happens, or find out what happens if you don't
 
There is a quote that is much more eloqhuent, but this is the gist of it. "Your reaction to my action defines your personality, my reaction to your reaction defines mine." Do not let these lowlifes ruin what should be such a wonderful experience for you. Around here, we say "don't let this this crap rent space in your mind." I know this must be super unsettling, but it seems like you have a very understanding and protective family that will make sure you arrive as planned.

Endeavor to persevere and a very Buen rest of your Camino!!!!

P.S. I had a very bad experience that made me look for the nearest plane home. Fortunately, the love and sanity of my camino family, reassured me that continuing on was the correct path. I now have 4 Compostelas.
 
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I think you should definitely take a day off to lose the 2 people that you dread seeing. Then if you see them again, take another day off.
If you still just can't go on, realize that you can always return to finish at another time. And sometimes when you're done, you're done.
 
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I tend to be hard headed, at least that's what my wife used to say...God rest her sweet soul. I encourage you to refuse to let this beat you. You were strong enough to get there you're strong enough to keep pushing forward. Speak words to yourself that point you where you ultimately want to go. Those people have issues. You can't own that nor can you allow them to live in your head.

When my wife was so sick (many times) I just had to "go through the motions" many days to get life done. I never had the option to quit or take a day off. I look back and am somehow thankful for the hardships. What I'm saying is, lean in and get moving and you will feel good about things in a bit.
 
There is a really nice albergue in a schoolhouse not far before you reach O Cebreiro.
It's called la Escuela at Laguna de Castillo. Their number is 987-684-786
It's very nice and there is a bar there. I've stayed and really liked it.
I don't really like the albergue at O Cebreiro anyway.
Why not book there for the night and let the scoundrels get ahead of you.
That way you can stop in O Cebreiro for breakfast and keep walking.
Those Brierley stages aren't written in stone - lots of very nice in-between places.
 
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Anniesantiago said:
There is a really nice albergue in a schoolhouse not far before you reach O Cebreiro.
It's called la Escuela at Laguna de Castillo.
Click to expand...
@MainelyStina has already moved on past O Cebreiro.

 
MainelyStina said:
I have no (few?) doubts remaining.
Click to expand...
Excellent news!
One thing that's certain is consequences of action. You will go from strength to strength, and those two will likely remain miserable and angry. We become what we feed. And you're becoming even stronger and more resilient.

Brava!
And buen onward camino.
 
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Hi Christina - it’s wonderful that you’re continuing on to Santiago. Best wishes for every step.

If you have time, at the Pilgrims Office in Santiago there is a lovely chapel where Mass is in English every morning (except Sunday I think, but check) at 10.30. It’s officiated by Fr. Manny who is a pilgrim and who is so warm and welcoming. Generally it’s a small group and it feels very intimate and special. The Camino Companions also officiate at the Mass and after Mass they invite pilgrims upstairs to their meeting room for morning tea - a cup of tea or coffee and biscuits - always delicious! Being upstairs with the CCs is a great experience and it’s an opportunity to reflect on your camino and share in a relaxed, small group and very supportive environment.

The whole of the Pilgrims Office complex is beautiful. As well as the buildings there are gorgeous gardens and a shrine where you can leave a small item which might have become meaningful for you on your journey.

When you receive your compostela you might ask the staff member/volunteer who serves you if there are any American volunteers serving … there’s a possibility that one of our Forum members, Kasee (Katherine) might be there when you arrive. It would be great to say “hi” to a fellow Forum member.

May the rest of your camino and Santiago be an absolute joy for you.

Cheers from Oz -
Jenny
 
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Anniesantiago said:
There is a really nice albergue in a schoolhouse not far before you reach O Cebreiro.
It's called la Escuela at Laguna de Castillo.
Click to expand...

Even though the OP has moved on, I still recommend this sweet little albergue to all pilgrims. I have a great memory of staying in late October a few years back, on a verrrrry wet and muddy day. But all was made right with a tasty communal dinner (with local caldo), a big cozy fire in the bar, and good dorm facilities. Got to see the farmer bring his moo cows in from the pasture, too.

Makes for a nice mini-hike into O Cebreiro for sunrise and breakfast the next morning.
 
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