Post Camino issues

[SoulDesire]

Hi. I hope to start my first Camino in September 2025. I was to have started in April this year but busted my foot during training.
My question to experienced members is about the degree of change and transformation that might occur as a result of the Camino experience. I have some lingering issues from a pretty dysfunctional childhood until I got married at 23. I am happily married for many years, but am concerned that a serious transformation might make me come home as a square peg in a round hole, and affect my relationship negatively.
Am I over thinking this? TIA.

 

[DoughnutANZ]

Yes

 

[thepacman]

G'day @SoulDesire. I see that you are a fellow Aussie, and so firstly let me say Buen Camino to you. You may well be overthinking it a bit, but others wiser than me can offer some words on this.

However you don't say where and how far you are walking, and this may be a determining factor. I say this because a 7 or 10 day walk is unlikely to be particularly transformational, whereas a 7 or 10 week walk might be. That said, I guess I wouldn't be setting out looking for (or hoping for or expecting) transformation, but rather just letting each day/week unfold as it does. I'm not nearly as experienced as some on this forum, but I have walked 4 Caminos now over almost 10 years, and each has been incredibly different (apart from the actual route). Geography/topography, circumstances, company, even the weather, all play a part in the experience. Some I enjoyed way more than others, but each allowed me pause to reflect on a whole range of matters, both immediate and more deep seated. In that regard each may have been transformational to some degree, and in most cases the transformation (reflection in my case) occurred a long time after the end of the actual walk.

I think that there's a lot that could be said about your question, but I won't rabbit on, but rather go back to my earlier point - don't necessarily go looking for anything, but just let the whole experience unfold in front of you, in the moment.

 

[Bradypus]

Marcel Proust started with a character dunking a piece of cake in his tea and managed to work that up into a seven volume novel over 3,000 pages long. Anything you experience might be transformative. Or not. I feel that you are overthinking this and already loading some very large expectations on to an event which is still well in your future.

 

[natefaith]

Hi @SoulDesire and thanks for sharing. I would say that if your time on the Camino helps you become a healthier person, it's a good thing. I need to find the actual description of the concept, but psychologists and Family Systems Theory experts have said that when one person becomes healthier in how they function, this health can affect the system (i.e. a marriage, family, or other group) in positive ways. The inverse is that when one person is functioning unheatlhily, this unhealthy behavior can affect the whole system.

So I'd say don't worry about coming back a square peg in a round hole. From what you shared above, you already know you're happily married, and if the Camino can help you reflect on things and become even more self-aware/ healthy internally, you may come home with a greater capacity to love, give to, and grow your marriage in healthy ways. The changes might still require some adjustment from both of you, of course, but hope you can relax and enjoy the entire journey and what will come - pre-Camino, on the Camino, and post-Camino .

Buen Camino!

 

[J Willhaus]

Our Caminos have enriched our lives and yes, we have changed quite a lot due to some Camino influences. None of this was overnight, but we were nudged along by reflecting after each experience.

We walk more now each week than we did 10 years ago. We have gotten rid of many of our material things and are quite content not to have a house and lots of furniture, etc. We volunteer regularly. I consider more carefully now whether I really need something or just want it. Just a few examples.

You'll only know how the Camino impacts you until later. Many people we meet were seeking answers to various questions and some found solutions while walking. Caminos just give you more time to slow down and think about things.

 

[HBS60]

I don’t think you are overthinking, but then again, I myself am an overthinker (“I overthink, therefore I am” as I jokingly say about myself).

You might want to look at my recent thread “Post Camino Insights” to get a sense on what it’s been like for me. I myself have plenty of trauma and it’s been a struggle to make it thought life. I finished my Camino this past September, and it’s been quite a journey since then. My Camino experiences are showing up as metaphors, helping me navigate through life.

As another poster pointed out, when we are in a system and one of us changes, that can alter the equilibrium, which might be good or not so good, depending on the dynamics. I recently got into some major conflict with a friend, which didn’t end well, but my Camino experience has helped me give it a very different perspective (we are all in our journeys and sometimes we get out of synch, some people have more trouble than others going through obstacles, some people need to move on, or sometimes I’m the one that needs to move on, etc etc) These kinds of metaphors help me a lot now that I’m back to ordinary life.

The Camino can broaden our perspectives, and upon coming home, it’s up to us how we apply those new perspectives, which can take some time to learn well. Sometimes we need to take a leap of faith and be willing to learn from the process, but I also think it’s important to be ready to take that leap of faith, since there are no guarantees. Since you are concerned about your relationship, are both of you on board with this? Is your partner supportive, not just about the Camino but about the post-Camino process? How are you preparing for the aftermath of the Camino?

I hope this helps in some way!

 

[Scott Sweeney]

Hi. I hope to start my first Camino in September 2025. I was to have started in April this year but busted my foot during training.
My question to experienced members is about the degree of change and transformation that might occur as a result of the Camino experience. I have some lingering issues from a pretty dysfunctional childhood until I got married at 23. I am happily married for many years, but am concerned that a serious transformation might make me come home as a square peg in a round hole, and affect my relationship negatively.
Am I over thinking this? TIA.

Completely over thinking your walk.

 

[C clearly]

square peg in a round hole

Am I over thinking this?

In my opinion, probably yes. Certainly walking the Camino can influence our lives. However, for the vast majority of people, that is a subtle influence that does not change us from round to square or vice versa.

Come to think of it, almost anything you might devote a month to doing, full-time, will have an influence on your daily life afterward. You could ask "Will I be transformed by taking a month to walk all day at home, volunteer at a wildlife refuge, lie on a beach in the south of Spain, work as a labourer, or knit all day?" Probably in some minor ways, maybe in a major way, but it will be totally different from one person to the next, and dependent on your own personality and circumstances.

Walking all day for a month seems to me like a healthy thing to do, especially if you prepare for it by walking a lot and gain a liking for walking afterward.

 

[SoulDesire]

Hi @SoulDesire and thanks for sharing. I would say that if your time on the Camino helps you become a healthier person, it's a good thing. I need to find the actual description of the concept, but psychologists and Family Systems Theory experts have said that when one person becomes healthier in how they function, this health can affect the system (i.e. a marriage, family, or other group) in positive ways. The inverse is that when one person is functioning unheatlhily, this unhealthy behavior can affect the whole system.

So I'd say don't worry about coming back a square peg in a round hole. From what you shared above, you already know you're happily married, and if the Camino can help you reflect on things and become even more self-aware/ healthy internally, you may come home with a greater capacity to love, give to, and grow your marriage in healthy ways. The changes might still require some adjustment from both of you, of course, but hope you can relax and enjoy the entire journey and what will come - pre-Camino, on the Camino, and post-Camino .

Buen Camino!

Thank you.

 

[SoulDesire]

G'day @SoulDesire. I see that you are a fellow Aussie, and so firstly let me say Buen Camino to you. You may well be overthinking it a bit, but others wiser than me can offer some words on this.

However you don't say where and how far you are walking, and this may be a determining factor. I say this because a 7 or 10 day walk is unlikely to be particularly transformational, whereas a 7 or 10 week walk might be. That said, I guess I wouldn't be setting out looking for (or hoping for or expecting) transformation, but rather just letting each day/week unfold as it does. I'm not nearly as experienced as some on this forum, but I have walked 4 Caminos now over almost 10 years, and each has been incredibly different (apart from the actual route). Geography/topography, circumstances, company, even the weather, all play a part in the experience. Some I enjoyed way more than others, but each allowed me pause to reflect on a whole range of matters, both immediate and more deep seated. In that regard each may have been transformational to some degree, and in most cases the transformation (reflection in my case) occurred a long time after the end of the actual walk.

I think that there's a lot that could be said about your question, but I won't rabbit on, but rather go back to my earlier point - don't necessarily go looking for anything, but just let the whole experience unfold in front of you, in the moment.

Thanks for that. I am tossing between Portuguese and Frances from Pamplona. I hope to get some answers for questions about some issues I've been carrying for a long time.

 

[SoulDesire]

I don’t think you are overthinking, but then again, I myself am an overthinker (“I overthink, therefore I am” as I jokingly say about myself).

You might want to look at my recent thread “Post Camino Insights” to get a sense on what it’s been like for me. I myself have plenty of trauma and it’s been a struggle to make it thought life. I finished my Camino this past September, and it’s been quite a journey since then. My Camino experiences are showing up as metaphors, helping me navigate through life.

As another poster pointed out, when we are in a system and one of us changes, that can alter the equilibrium, which might be good or not so good, depending on the dynamics. I recently got into some major conflict with a friend, which didn’t end well, but my Camino experience has helped me give it a very different perspective (we are all in our journeys and sometimes we get out of synch, some people have more trouble than others going through obstacles, some people need to move on, or sometimes I’m the one that needs to move on, etc etc) These kinds of metaphors help me a lot now that I’m back to ordinary life.

The Camino can broaden our perspectives, and upon coming home, it’s up to us how we apply those new perspectives, which can take some time to learn well. Sometimes we need to take a leap of faith and be willing to learn from the process, but I also think it’s important to be ready to take that leap of faith, since there are no guarantees. Since you are concerned about your relationship, are both of you on board with this? Is your partner supportive, not just about the Camino but about the post-Camino process? How are you preparing for the aftermath of the Camino?

I hope this helps in some way!

Thanks for your perspective. My wife is fully suportive, and I suppose that area is not an issue. It has more to do with letting go of things that may no longer seem as important, and moving on - including friends. Not fitting in to the routines, social grous, etc that people know me for. That may be for the best, of course.

 

[trecile]

I hope to get some answers for questions about some issues I've been carrying for a long time.

Please, please, please don't put that kind of pressure on the Camino (and yourself)! I have found that many who embark on this journey with those kinds of expectations end up very disappointed.
Go with an open heart and open mind unencumbered by what you think will happen on the Camino.

 

[Jajabo]

Hi. I hope to start my first Camino in September 2025. I was to have started in April this year but busted my foot during training.
My question to experienced members is about the degree of change and transformation that might occur as a result of the Camino experience. I have some lingering issues from a pretty dysfunctional childhood until I got married at 23. I am happily married for many years, but am concerned that a serious transformation might make me come home as a square peg in a round hole, and affect my relationship negatively.
Am I over thinking this? TIA.

Hi there, I’m not an experienced peregrina. In fact, I’ll be doing it for the first time next year, but I am a psychotherapist and would recommend that, if at all possible, you’d consider seeing someone to address the lingering issues before you go, someone you’ll return to after your experiences in your journey. I imagine walking this long Camino could stir up feelings and thoughts about sensitive issues. Coming back and processing it with someone you trust can ease the adjustment and give you the necessary support to the new behaviors you may decide to implement. Just a thought here and I hope it helps.

 

[SoulDesire]

Thanks, but I am fortunately not in that place right now.

 

[Dani7]

My question to experienced members is about the degree of change and transformation that might occur as a result of the Camino experience. I

With but one camino experience to date, and reading thousands of posts since being on this forum…what I’ve observed is that our uniqueness will guide us to the changes we may need or even seek. Our perceptions are what creates our realities. Yet it is an open spirit, eyes and hearts wide open that can truly invite change, no matter where we are.

Let the days unfold on your camino…one sunrise at a time, one foot forward then another…one perfect moment with nature…this is the best kind of change…natural, unforced and true.

I get a sense that you are already changing, buen camino

 

[trecile]

Let the days unfold, one sunrise at a time, one foot forward then another…one perfect moment with nature…this is where we grow.

But also be aware that not every day will be sunshine and roses! There will be challenges along the way, both external and internal.

 

[Dani7]

But also be aware that not every day will be sunshine and roses! There will be challenges along the way, both external and internal.

I agree. Letting go of things I cannot change makes those days bearable. Even though I may use some strong internal language

 

[Lexicos]

Hi. I hope to start my first Camino in September 2025. I was to have started in April this year but busted my foot during training.
My question to experienced members is about the degree of change and transformation that might occur as a result of the Camino experience. I have some lingering issues from a pretty dysfunctional childhood until I got married at 23. I am happily married for many years, but am concerned that a serious transformation might make me come home as a square peg in a round hole, and affect my relationship negatively.
Am I over thinking this? TIA.

Maybe yes, only you know the answer to that. Basically it’s a long walk through beautiful places with a bunch of good people. Yes, of course you reflect a bit when you’re walking solo, but then what’s wrong with that? In our busy and crowded city lives we don’t get much quiet time to ourselves and to reflect. Chances are you’ll simply enjoy the hike as many of us do and it will add a lovely chapter to your life. I can’t really see what harm that can do, no matter what has come before or in the past. My opinion: don’t be afraid. It’s just a great way to get fit and see some great places. That’s all.
Buen Camino.

 

[Robo]

Am I over thinking this? TIA.

I think you probably are.
You will often hear the advice, that there is one thing NOT to take on a Camino.
And that is 'expectations'.
Just go, walk, relax, be open........

I walked my first Camino, partly to find answers.
Then I realised when I started walking, that I didn't even know what the question was!

Was that journey everything I had hoped?
Yes x 10.......
But everyone's experience is different.

I now walk with zero expectations.
And every Camino is magical in some way or another.

 

[Roland49]

Am I over thinking this? TIA.

Maybe!

You will change or not.
It's part of the possibilities and decisions you will make while on the way.

You will grow! If you let it happen.

I changed drastically in the years after I returned from the CF. I got calmer and way more reflected.
I let go things that didn't make me happy and take in things that do make me happy.

Buen Camino and happy planning!

 

[TravellingMan22]

Maybe yes, only you know the answer to that. Basically it’s a long walk through beautiful places with a bunch of good people. Yes, of course you reflect a bit when you’re walking solo, but then what’s wrong with that? In our busy and crowded city lives we don’t get much quiet time to ourselves and to reflect. Chances are you’ll simply enjoy the hike as many of us do and it will add a lovely chapter to your life. I can’t really see what harm that can do, no matter what has come before or in the past. My opinion: don’t be afraid. It’s just a great way to get fit and see some great places. That’s all.
Buen Camino.

Yes I agree with all that. It’s a lovely walk! File it in the memory bank as soon as you get home and move on to the next thing, which may be another Camino of course or may not! It’s the enjoyment, that’s the main thing. It may lead you to do more travelling and more exercising, or maybe enjoy a broader life with more interests, or even moce to Europe, but don’t expect internal change! It’s just hiking, eating and drinking amongst a lucky group of like minded folks.

 

[trecile]

We are closing the thread because the OP has indicated that he does not wish to go deeper into his personal details. We’re leaving it up for others who may benefit from some of the good responses in this thread.